Hope Almost Lost

One night, mamma decides to bring over her new boyfriend and his friends over for a party. Where was I? I was told to stay in my room. But what if I had to use the bathroom? I just had to hold it. Speaking of going to the bathroom, mamma says she's getting me a prosthetic penis to wear, for Christmas. I mean, there's a tube to help you pee like a man and it's silicone to feel like the real thing. It grosses her out when she walks in the bathroom and sees me sitting down to pee. She says I need a prosthetic to get used to the fact that I will have my own penis after the surgery. Yippie. I won't like it, but yet I'll be forced to wear it. For now, when we go out in public or going to school, mamma never let's me leave the house unless I have a rolled up sock in the front of my underpants. She says that men have bulges. True, but I'm not a guy. I may look like one, but that's it.

Oh, did I ever mention that she took me out back and beat me with a switch, every time I got a period? Yep, she did, til I was old enough to get hormone therapy. And here was my sex talk. I didn't get one. I had to figure it out at school. Not that way. Who would have sex with a woman who looks like a man? I'm still a virgin and I actually had to listen to anyone at school with the experience. Since mamma enrolled me as a boy, I had to use the boys bathroom, which had it's advantages. I'm straight and I've seen enough penises to have a preference. I wanna lose my virginity to a big guy with a very big dick. But not with anyone in school. Not when a lot of the students think I'm a dude or a freak.

Anyways, back to the party. I snuck out of my room to see what was going on. Music was playing and some people were sitting at the kitchen table drinking, smoking and playing poker. The others were sitting in the living room smoking, drinking and shooting the breeze. I think mamma was too high or in her room getting it with her new man, to realize that I was walking around the house.  I step outside, just on the porch, just to get away from the smoke and there he was.  Standing tall, broad shoulders and built like a lumberjack. A little pudgy, wearing a muscle shirt, dirty blue jeans and work boots. Hmmm, that is just the type of man I like. A hardworking man, probably construction.

He looks over at me, smoking a cigarette, with those brown eyes, nearly bald, those lips and beard stubbles on his chin. Damn, that's sexy and we're the only two on the front porch. "What's your name, sweetheart?" Huh? Either he's gay or he could tell I'm a woman with all these manly hormone shots running through me. I just stared at him, eyes wide open, til he spoke again. "You always dress like a man?" I had to ask. "How  can you tell?" I have the voice mixed between a boy and a girl. "No Adam's apple and you don't have a bulge." That's right and I remember taking the sock out of my pants, thank goodness. He continues to talk to me. "So, you're not a girly girl or something?" I shake my head. If only he could hear my thoughts.