Chasing after feeling
folder
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,536
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,536
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I hold all rights to the story. It's work of fiction. All resemblances to real life people are accidentals.
Chapter 2: Overindulging
Chasing after feeling
---------------
Thank you to all of you who have read the first chapter of the story and still came to read the second one. May it go on and on so long that the story ends. ;) This chapter touches a bit different themes but we still haven't reacted the real turning point of the story. I'm not quite sure how long it takes to get there so just.. please bear with me 'til then. Have a good reading (if author doesn't spoil it to you..)!
--------------
Chapter 2: Overindulging
Next day when he stands up after last class the world blurs momentarily and he have to lean on his chair. When the world comes in focus again he quickly looks around to check if anyone saw what happened. No one seems to pay any mind and he relaxes. Though, really he shouldn’t have even worried. From the start of the first semester he has been alone. He has tried at first but there just wasn’t anyone he felt comfortable with. He could talk to them sometimes before lesson started but it was just small talk – they didn’t click. When the lesson started he could as well have been air for all the attention they paid him. Story of his life… Well, still, he didn’t eat anything yesterday… Or the day before that for that matter. The day before that… Did he eat? He couldn’t say. That wouldn’t do. If he fainted after lecture someone was pound to notice it and ask questions. He had nothing in his flat so store it is.
In bread section the smell of fresh bread overwhelms him. He feels like he’s going to puke – he’s so empty. Nevertheless he have to eat so took first packed of bread that touches his hand looking away and hurries onward. Then he stops. What if emptiness is just lack of food? Realistically he knows it’s not just that – he has tried it earlier and it didn’t help but what if he just didn’t eat enough? Something like desperate hope stirring in him he grabs another packet of bread and hurries on.
At home he stacks his groceries on his little dining table meant for two – They didn’t all even fit on it there was so much of it! He left pastries and sweets in the bag and put that on the other chair and went to put one and half liter Fanta-bottle he got in the fridge getting butter from there at the same time – the only thing that was in there. Then he started to make sandwiches for himself. Just something easy but still tasty: Bread – butter – mayonnaise – some salt – salad – slice of turkey – slice of cheese – bread. Five of these later he realizes how many he has done – what did he think? Well he can eat the rest later. He cleans the table leaving just breads, milk, class, spoon and ham pie he bought from store. He almost puts it in fridge but then he remembers he was supposed to eat more than he has ever eaten before and leaves it on the table.
He sits down and starts to eat. After couple first of reluctant bites hunger wakes and he realizes he is ravenous. He crams rest of the first sandwich and second one in his mouth as quickly as he can swallow and reacts for third. After eating about half of it he realizes he is full. Usually he would stop at this point but now he pushes on. He eats rest of the third sandwich and fourth one more slowly taking sips of milk in between bites. After that he have to take break. He is just so stuffed. He push up the hem of his shirt being sure that his stomach have to be huge but to his disappointment – huh? He’s disappointed? – It’s still almost completely flat. Just a little protrusion is visible. Even that though is new to him because he has always been extremely thin. He touches it mildly intrigued and it’s fairly hard to touch. And now in addition to wanting to fill the emptiness he wants to see how big a protrusion he can make and that thrills him because he doesn’t want that much nowadays. So he opens the button of his jeans and pushes on.
After fifth sandwich he switches to pie. It’s quite big a pie – about 30 cm in diameter. He eats it slowly but steadily sometimes stopping to rub his engorged stomach. About two thirds through it he has to stop. He feel like if he eats one bite more he is going to throw it all up. He stands up slowly holding to his stomach and carries the rest of the pie to the fridge taking Fanta from there at the same go – even though at the moment he doesn’t feel like ever drinking it but Fanta is good for stomach, right..? He grabs the pack with sweets on his way past it and heads slowly and quite painfully – he’s so full! – to his bedroom where he collapses on his bed after setting bag and bottle on his bedside table thinking maybe he can get something in himself if he is lying down. He slowly gets rid of his shirt and jeans and then just lies there a moment staring blearily to the ceiling. ‘I don’t feel so empty now’ was his last conscious thought before he falls asleep with a hand on his engorged stomach and glimmer of happiness in his heart.
He wakes up slowly still feeling very full and groaning puts a hand on his stomach. It is still distinctly distended. Still feeling bleary he checks the time. It’s four o’clock. Classes will start in… wait a second what day is it? It took longer than normal to realize that it’s Friday – well, actually early Saturday morning now – so he doesn’t have to worry about lessons until Monday. His hand moves on his stomach. A lot of time to eat – to keep the emptiness away. His eyes catch the bag on the table and smiling he reacts for it. Hi didn’t feel like getting up yet so this is perfect. After couple bite of chocolate though he feels the persistent need to go to the toilet so he forces himself up. Standing up he doesn’t feel so good about what he have been doing. His head is clearer than last night and he can feel the pull of his still full stomach towards floor. Is he going to make himself fat in addition to being ugly and stupid? But people have told him that he should put on some weight and that was before this last year’s almost total lack of hunger and because of that severe lack of eating. He is being unreasonable – he is average-looking and perfectly capable of same brain functions as anyone else. ‘So why doesn’t anyone want to be my friend’ childish voice asks from the back of his brain. He pushes it brutally aside as he steps out of his bathroom and goes back to his bedroom to the sweets and pastries that are waiting for him.
He wakes up to the cramps of his stomach. He wraps his hands around his stomach and turns to his side in a fetal position in an attempt to ease the cramps. Doing so his eyes focus on the myriad candy wraps and pastry boxes and bags on his bedside table and floor. No wonder his stomach is protesting - It isn’t used to the amount of food he has been pushing inside it. He catches a sight of the clock. It’s six o’clock. Morning or evening? A look to the window shows light filtering through shades. Evening then – sun sets on his side of building. He has been asleep… 12 hours? 13? 11? He has no idea when he fell asleep last night. No – this morning. His inner clock is getting confused. He has to go back to school day after tomorrow. He has to right his sleeping schedule before that. But how is he supposed to sleep tonight when he have slept whole day away? Moaning he sits upright. Well, he’ll worry about that later. Now is good time to get some homework done.
Next time he glances at clock when he have finished the assignments given to him. It’s almost eleven o’clock. Time to sleep. He haven’t put any more clothes on so all he need to do is lie down on a bed and shut his eyes. After some time has passed he opens his eyes again. This isn’t going to work. Though in some way he is very tired he just isn’t sleepy. What if… noooooo he couldn’t possibly do it… Or could he? Just so that he could sleep and get his sleeping schedule back in order. His hand drifts without his conscious command to his almost-back-to-flat –stomach. It would have plenty of time to revert back to normal even if he binged one last time to be able to sleep. Yes. That will work. With that thought he heads to kitchen to make few sandwiches and snatches the rest of the pie to eat them all in bed.
On Sunday he doesn’t eat anything just digesting the food from last two days’ binge. Mostly drowsing the day away he can’t help but feel the emptiness inside him growing bigger and bigger as the time goes by. Emptiness wasn’t a new feeling but before then he couldn’t have pointed out what he was lacking. Had he given corporeal form to his misery?
---------------
Thank you to all of you who have read the first chapter of the story and still came to read the second one. May it go on and on so long that the story ends. ;) This chapter touches a bit different themes but we still haven't reacted the real turning point of the story. I'm not quite sure how long it takes to get there so just.. please bear with me 'til then. Have a good reading (if author doesn't spoil it to you..)!
--------------
Chapter 2: Overindulging
Next day when he stands up after last class the world blurs momentarily and he have to lean on his chair. When the world comes in focus again he quickly looks around to check if anyone saw what happened. No one seems to pay any mind and he relaxes. Though, really he shouldn’t have even worried. From the start of the first semester he has been alone. He has tried at first but there just wasn’t anyone he felt comfortable with. He could talk to them sometimes before lesson started but it was just small talk – they didn’t click. When the lesson started he could as well have been air for all the attention they paid him. Story of his life… Well, still, he didn’t eat anything yesterday… Or the day before that for that matter. The day before that… Did he eat? He couldn’t say. That wouldn’t do. If he fainted after lecture someone was pound to notice it and ask questions. He had nothing in his flat so store it is.
In bread section the smell of fresh bread overwhelms him. He feels like he’s going to puke – he’s so empty. Nevertheless he have to eat so took first packed of bread that touches his hand looking away and hurries onward. Then he stops. What if emptiness is just lack of food? Realistically he knows it’s not just that – he has tried it earlier and it didn’t help but what if he just didn’t eat enough? Something like desperate hope stirring in him he grabs another packet of bread and hurries on.
At home he stacks his groceries on his little dining table meant for two – They didn’t all even fit on it there was so much of it! He left pastries and sweets in the bag and put that on the other chair and went to put one and half liter Fanta-bottle he got in the fridge getting butter from there at the same time – the only thing that was in there. Then he started to make sandwiches for himself. Just something easy but still tasty: Bread – butter – mayonnaise – some salt – salad – slice of turkey – slice of cheese – bread. Five of these later he realizes how many he has done – what did he think? Well he can eat the rest later. He cleans the table leaving just breads, milk, class, spoon and ham pie he bought from store. He almost puts it in fridge but then he remembers he was supposed to eat more than he has ever eaten before and leaves it on the table.
He sits down and starts to eat. After couple first of reluctant bites hunger wakes and he realizes he is ravenous. He crams rest of the first sandwich and second one in his mouth as quickly as he can swallow and reacts for third. After eating about half of it he realizes he is full. Usually he would stop at this point but now he pushes on. He eats rest of the third sandwich and fourth one more slowly taking sips of milk in between bites. After that he have to take break. He is just so stuffed. He push up the hem of his shirt being sure that his stomach have to be huge but to his disappointment – huh? He’s disappointed? – It’s still almost completely flat. Just a little protrusion is visible. Even that though is new to him because he has always been extremely thin. He touches it mildly intrigued and it’s fairly hard to touch. And now in addition to wanting to fill the emptiness he wants to see how big a protrusion he can make and that thrills him because he doesn’t want that much nowadays. So he opens the button of his jeans and pushes on.
After fifth sandwich he switches to pie. It’s quite big a pie – about 30 cm in diameter. He eats it slowly but steadily sometimes stopping to rub his engorged stomach. About two thirds through it he has to stop. He feel like if he eats one bite more he is going to throw it all up. He stands up slowly holding to his stomach and carries the rest of the pie to the fridge taking Fanta from there at the same go – even though at the moment he doesn’t feel like ever drinking it but Fanta is good for stomach, right..? He grabs the pack with sweets on his way past it and heads slowly and quite painfully – he’s so full! – to his bedroom where he collapses on his bed after setting bag and bottle on his bedside table thinking maybe he can get something in himself if he is lying down. He slowly gets rid of his shirt and jeans and then just lies there a moment staring blearily to the ceiling. ‘I don’t feel so empty now’ was his last conscious thought before he falls asleep with a hand on his engorged stomach and glimmer of happiness in his heart.
He wakes up slowly still feeling very full and groaning puts a hand on his stomach. It is still distinctly distended. Still feeling bleary he checks the time. It’s four o’clock. Classes will start in… wait a second what day is it? It took longer than normal to realize that it’s Friday – well, actually early Saturday morning now – so he doesn’t have to worry about lessons until Monday. His hand moves on his stomach. A lot of time to eat – to keep the emptiness away. His eyes catch the bag on the table and smiling he reacts for it. Hi didn’t feel like getting up yet so this is perfect. After couple bite of chocolate though he feels the persistent need to go to the toilet so he forces himself up. Standing up he doesn’t feel so good about what he have been doing. His head is clearer than last night and he can feel the pull of his still full stomach towards floor. Is he going to make himself fat in addition to being ugly and stupid? But people have told him that he should put on some weight and that was before this last year’s almost total lack of hunger and because of that severe lack of eating. He is being unreasonable – he is average-looking and perfectly capable of same brain functions as anyone else. ‘So why doesn’t anyone want to be my friend’ childish voice asks from the back of his brain. He pushes it brutally aside as he steps out of his bathroom and goes back to his bedroom to the sweets and pastries that are waiting for him.
He wakes up to the cramps of his stomach. He wraps his hands around his stomach and turns to his side in a fetal position in an attempt to ease the cramps. Doing so his eyes focus on the myriad candy wraps and pastry boxes and bags on his bedside table and floor. No wonder his stomach is protesting - It isn’t used to the amount of food he has been pushing inside it. He catches a sight of the clock. It’s six o’clock. Morning or evening? A look to the window shows light filtering through shades. Evening then – sun sets on his side of building. He has been asleep… 12 hours? 13? 11? He has no idea when he fell asleep last night. No – this morning. His inner clock is getting confused. He has to go back to school day after tomorrow. He has to right his sleeping schedule before that. But how is he supposed to sleep tonight when he have slept whole day away? Moaning he sits upright. Well, he’ll worry about that later. Now is good time to get some homework done.
Next time he glances at clock when he have finished the assignments given to him. It’s almost eleven o’clock. Time to sleep. He haven’t put any more clothes on so all he need to do is lie down on a bed and shut his eyes. After some time has passed he opens his eyes again. This isn’t going to work. Though in some way he is very tired he just isn’t sleepy. What if… noooooo he couldn’t possibly do it… Or could he? Just so that he could sleep and get his sleeping schedule back in order. His hand drifts without his conscious command to his almost-back-to-flat –stomach. It would have plenty of time to revert back to normal even if he binged one last time to be able to sleep. Yes. That will work. With that thought he heads to kitchen to make few sandwiches and snatches the rest of the pie to eat them all in bed.
On Sunday he doesn’t eat anything just digesting the food from last two days’ binge. Mostly drowsing the day away he can’t help but feel the emptiness inside him growing bigger and bigger as the time goes by. Emptiness wasn’t a new feeling but before then he couldn’t have pointed out what he was lacking. Had he given corporeal form to his misery?