Praying to the Porcelain God

 

Black faded to gray.  Then white.  No, porcelain.  What happened again?  Oh yeah.  Puking, headaches, imagining things, passing out; all probable symptoms of a hangover.  And another reason to give Zeph a sound kick in the rear.  Nik slowly pulled his upper body off the wet floor, the taste of vomit lingering in his mouth.  Wait a minute.  Wet?  Had his toilet overflowed?  As his dark eyes moved about the room, Nik realized there was a much bigger problem.



His bathroom wasn’t this white, and the toilet was missing.  He was knee-deep in what appeared to be a circular based fountain, which was smack-dab in the middle of a round room elaborately designed in gold and white.  There was not a single piece of furniture and the roof was made of glass, allowing the afternoon light to filter in.  



Porcelain.  Marble.  Glass.  Gold.  Being alone in the unfamiliar room was starting to weird him out a little.  ‘Time to get out of here.'  But the moment Nik stepped from the fountain, someone walked through an archway he’d overlooked.  It was a young man with shockingly fiery locks and electric blue eyes.  Silence reigned as they stared at each other.  



Before either of them spoke, a voice called from somewhere, getting louder as the speaker neared, “-ore?  Fiore?  Don’t listen to old Toov, the fountain room does not need to be cleaned.”  An older male came bustling into the room dressed in flowing white robes, “He knows I just had it done last hour by Galen.”



The man had long wavy white hair and was probably somewhere in his early fifties, if Nik had to take a guess.  He seemed the type of person who aged well, for he looked in good health and wasn‘t unattractive.  The boy glanced nervously at Nik then back at the man, “Dedicate Qaiom-”  



“Oh.”  Whoever this Qai person was, he’d finally noticed the presence of another person.  A wet, half-naked one at that.  His pale blue eyes were fixed on Nik and he’d raised a hand to his mouth in a gesture of surprise.  “Oh dear.  That’s the second one this week.  What ever does it mean this time?”



Second?



“No matter,” with a shake of his head the man continued as if the situation weren’t strange.  “Hello young man, as Novice Fiore has said I am Dedicate Qaiom.  I am pleased to welcome you to Porcellana.”  Qaiom was being.  .  .  .very polite.  Nik couldn’t sense any falsity in his voice and the man’s smile actually reached his eyes.  Is this the part where Alice would pipe in with ‘Curiouser and curiouser’? “Fiore, please run along ahead of us and notify the others.  He’ll be needing a warm meal, and ask Halef to prepare the Moonflower room.”  With a quick bow, the boy was off.  



But there wasn’t a moment of peace as another person ran into the room.  He was dressed like a prince, his black hair and cream-colored outfit both adorned in gold.  He seemed quite distressed.  “Qaiom, I’m going to go crazy!  Can’t you get everyone to leave me alone and stop treating me like this?”  



A picture of patience and understanding, Qaiom clasped his hands together and gave the boy a smile that had meaning behind it.  “Master Sky, I’m sorry they annoy you so.  They’re just doing as they’ve been told.  Please calm yourself.  Perhaps you’d like to join our guest and have some tea to settle your nerves.”  



Sky took one look at Nik, gaze darting from head to toe, and stopped at his crotch.  “Oh my, BOXERS!”  He ran forward and bunched some of the fabric in his hands, amber eyes flashing as he stared and clung to Nik like a lifeline, “Where are you from?!  Did you just get here?  AMERICA!  You know that place?  Do you speak English?!”



“Whoa, relax!  Yeah yeah, I do.”  Their bodies were pressed together, Sky a full head shorter than him.  His hair smelled flowery and sweet, it’s scent wrapping around Nik.  Whatever this weird place was, at least he wasn’t alone.  









Sky and Nik were seated at a small table that could easily fit four, but only seated the two of them.  There were always people around; bringing them dishes, taking away empty plates, refilling their glasses.  It was annoying to the pair of modern-age boys who had only ever been waited on this much by their mothers.  When they were toddlers.  



Qaiom had done some weird chanting and miraculously made Nik’s boxer as fresh, dry and warm as if they’d come straight from the dryer.  Then attendants had swarmed in, two guiding his arms into the sleeves of a long robe while others slid slippers onto his feet- as if he couldn’t dress himself!  “Is this what you were complaining to that guy about?”



“Qaiom.  And yes, they do this all the time.”  At first Nik had been uneasy about eating, but once Sky said it was safe he’d begun to take a bite of his food here and there.  “I wish they would go away.  I’ve discovered that they’re very loyal -some to Qaiom and some to the Council- so we’ll have to wait until we’re alone to talk more.  If that ever happens.”



The sound of a fork clanging against china sounded out, “I’m suddenly not hungry anymore.  In fact, I couldn’t eat another bite.  Shall we retire for the evening?”  Nik spoke loudly, wiggling his eyebrow suggestively at the end and drawing a soft laugh from the other boy.  



“Yes please.”









Eventually they were guided to a room with a giant flower painted on the doors, which were opened for them by another novice.  Nik all but chased the unwanted company out before shutting them in and basking in the first truly peaceful moment they’d had.  He turned around just as Sky jumped onto the gigantic bed and didn’t hesitate to join in.  “So, how did you get here?”  



Flopping onto his back, Nik groaned before he let out a chuckle.  “I blame alcohol.  And the fact that my best friend is an idiot.  I was ‘praying to the porcelain god’ giving him all my yummy tummy juices and bits.  Then I got sucked down the John and ended up here."  



Cricket cricket.  He glanced over to find Sky looking at him funny.



“What?”



“Normally, I would laugh.  But you don’t understand half of what you just said.  You think this place is weird?  I KNOW it is!!”  The boy sat up on his knees, hugging a pillow to his chest, “These crazy people think I‘ve been chosen.  I‘m to join the Porcelain God‘s harem.  There is some ceremony, it‘s their way of paying tribute.”  



“You’re joking, right?  The Porcelain God?  What kind of crap is that?”  Nik wanted to laugh but Sky looked pretty upset.  Was he serious?  Wait, what had Qai-guy called this place?  Porcellana?



“No!  It’s serious to these people!!  He’s their deity and like good little humans they give him offerings.  I guess he has a thing for males and has this huge harem, in his palace in the sky.  Their council claims that I’ve been sent as a chosen one and I’m to be his next gift!”  Sky looked very distressed now.  



“Hey, calm down.  It’ll be okay.”  Nik sat up and comfortingly squeezed the boy‘s shoulder.  Then something peculiar happened.  They started to glow.  No, he was glowing.  The two boys gasped as the light only grew brighter.  



“Nik!  What’s happening?  You’re starting to fade.  Don’t leave me!!”









Ugh, stupid stomach feeling again! If this was what it was like every time for all those Startrek and Stargate people, Nik sure felt sorry for them.  A second after his eyes opened, he knew should have been clicking his heels like hell.  ‘Cause this wasn’t home.  ‘Where’s Sky?!'  It’s crazy how fast you can become attached to someone when you’re the only two people in a bizarre place that make sense to each other.  



“It’s about time you got here.”  Nik jerked around towards the deep voice behind him.  There stood a man with golden blond hair pulled back from his handsome face and baby blue eyes.  Tan flesh stretched over lean muscles, the majority covered by a white tshirt and snug blue jeans.  He looked like a casual American guy, somewhere in his late-twenties.  A good looking one.   



“I’ve only been waiting a handful of decades!  Good thing I’ll never grow any older.  Hahaha!  I guess it’s my fault for waiting so long to call you.  And may I say your looking quite fine.”  The mystery man grinned slyly and let out another laugh.  



Nik glanced down at where his boxers should be, “WHY AM I NAKED?”  He immediately tried to cover his private parts, managing to stutter out in a flustered manner, “Wait, what?  Who are you?  Why am I here?”  If he could have, Nik would’ve pointed an accusing finger to accompany his glare.  



“Slow down with the questions, boy-o.  And here, have a cloud.”  A white bit of fluff was pulled away from a nearby cloud and sent his way.  As he arranged the fluff in place (and surprisingly it stayed put) it dawned on Nik that they certainly weren‘t on the ground anymore.  Sky had said something about a ‘palace in the sky.'  



“Sorry ‘bout that.  Whenever I beam someone up here, they end up naked.  I can’t seem to get the spell to recognize their clothes or something.  But it’s not like you were wearing much anyways- it was me who dried your skivvies.  Pretty lil’ Qai asked me to.  I’d so do that if he was a little younger.  Anyways!



“I’m Jonathon, aka the Porcelain God.  No need to bow or anything.  And as to why you’re here; I summoned you!  I’ve been thinking of retiring from all this god business.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the boys, but I’d like to get out of the spotlight some.  You’re my replacement.”  



“Come again?”  The Porcelain God actually existed.  And his name was.  .  .  .Jon?  “YOU brought me here, through my toilet?!  I’m supposed to replace you?  As what, the potty god?!  You don’t even look very godly, JON.”  Nik was starting to get angry.



“Down tiger,”  the lunkhead seemed totally unfazed.  He was still grinning and cheery.  “I did a spell to summon ‘a phoenix among princes'  and you’re what was sent.  So you’re cool in my books.”  Nik’s face went crimson as his fists clenched, but Jon kept on rambling, “You’ll be their new God.  I’ll teach you some tricks and make sure you’re strong enough to protect them, and in return you get to receive tribute.”  



“A PHOENIX?  Why did you have to phrase it like that?!”  Brainless jerk!!  



“Because a phoenix describes somebody or something that is beautiful or unique: a supremely beautiful, rare, or unique person or thing.  A phoenix among princes!  Sounds good to me.  Why does it matter, you’re here now.”  The last bit was said with a nonchalant shrug.  



“It matters because my name is Phoenix Atwood, you moron!  Your sucky spell took the words you used literally and brought me here!!”  Usually Nik would blame his mom for giving him such a ridiculous name, but in this case he didn’t feel like it.  “If you’re going to go about summoning people, you should be more careful!”



“Huh, I should make a note of that.  But come on; you get to be a god!  You can have this palace, since I’m moving.  And I even pre-summoned your first companion, someone from your world so you won’t feel so lonely!  Oh.  You don’t have a problem with guys, right?  They always offer me males ‘cause they know it’s what I like,”  Jon winked cheekily before laughing some more.  



“You mean SKY?!  It’s also your fault that he’s stuck here?”  Sky would be the first to join his harem.  .  .  .Train-of-thought track change!  Nik narrowed his eyes, “Who are you really, Jon?  You’re dressed like a guy from the twenty-first century in my neck of the universe.  I’d think more along the lines of a Zeus-character when it comes to someone who calls himself ‘the Porcelain God.’”



Jon actually colored a little and let out a sheepish chortle, “Funny story, actually.  I’m a sorcerer from another world.  I screwed up while doing a spell and accidentally ended up here.  These fine people didn’t have a deity and I had no job, no boyfriend, an over-expectant father and.  .  .  .didn’t know how to go back.  So I stayed!”



Who put a leash on idiots like this?  Were they just allowed to go about playing games that greatly influenced people’s lives?  “But now I’ve got it all figured out!  Sorry about abruptly bringing you up here.  You only have to wait ‘til the eve of the fall equinox in five days.  That’s when I’ll go POOF, you get all that jazz and Sky as your lover-boy!



“Anyways, I need to be going!”  The dog stretched his arms, muscles flexing, including the ones on his face as he smiled, “I’ve booked a relaxing massage at my spa, since there isn’t anything pressing going on.  And they help me go to sleep.  You can keep an eye on things down there, right?  I’ll send you back, and tomorrow we’ll talk more about how this all works.”



“Wait a minute!  You’re going to THE SPA?  What spa?!  That does not fly, man.  Let’s do this now- AH!  No, make the glowing stop!  Be gone strange stomach feeling!  We’re not done yet!  Jon!  JON!”  But the so called ‘god'  only cheerily waved a hand and turned away.  The light got brighter and brighter until Nik couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.  



He only knew when it stopped because Sky’s voice was suddenly there, “OH MY GOD, NIK!  I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK!”  The shorter male practically knocked him over with his embrace.  A niggle in Nik’s mind niggled about as he felt the fabric of Sky’s robe rub up against the length of his body.   “Um.  .  .  .”



He opened his eyes to see a faint flush dusted across Sky‘s face.  Awkwardly, the other boy backed away, eyes averted as he held out a bundle of black, “Oh yeah, erm, I have your boxers.  You can have them back now.”



“So that‘s what happened to them!”  Nik grabbed them with delight, “When I got up there I had to borrow this.  .  .  .cloud.”  That was the niggle.  The cloud had decided not to come along for the beam-me-down-Jonny trip.  Leaving a very naked Phoenix.   



 

A/N; It's been a while since I tried putting up a new story, so be gentle please. Forgive any errors, I'm still not used to the changed way of uploading stuff here. I have the first four chapters already written, and I am honestly not sure when I will finish this. If you don't like waiting for updates, this might not be the fic for you. I'm somewhat interested in having a beta. Thanks for reading!!