the silent screams of my life
folder
Original - Misc › Non-Fiction/True Stories/Autobiographical
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
5
Views:
2,339
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Non-Fiction/True Stories/Autobiographical
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
5
Views:
2,339
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
this is a true story/ nonfiction, this is a work of nonfiction; permission has been obtained where possible;
the silent screams of my life continued
I can still remember my world just drifting from me, everyday feeling less and less like there was any point.
I look back at it now and it seems impossible to believe but I stayed with him, because he said he loved and no one else ever would, and because I was scared he would tell everyone it was me, he said no one else would understand they would just think I was the slut.
Everyday he asked to see me, and everyday I went, I was like a robot, and this went for a lot longer then it should have, my6 breaking point came about 8 weeks later. I woke up and it was still dark outside all I could feel was this crushing pain in my stomach, I ran to the toilet my eyes barely open. The pain got more tense as I held my stomach, I looked down notice blood down my legs and on the floor. I don’t think I fully understood but I do now. I sat there for hours clenching my stomach as more blood ran from me, to scared to call for help, all I could think of was cleaning up before my parents woke. I was lucky my bedroom was downstairs.
After about 3hours I struggled to my feet, flushing the toilet as if it was nothing, I ran into the kitchen and scrubbed my legs with a wet cloth, tears falling down my cheeks, I knew inside what had just happened, I felt the dark emptiness. I gathered my bedding and nightclothes and put them in the washer which was in the garage, I sat on the cold concrete floor watching my sheets spin around. I don’t think id ever felt more alone.
This sense of duty came over me the next morning that made me need to tell him, if nothing else he should know. I text him to see if he would meet me, I got no reply so I went to school as normal, that day I don’t think I took anything in, I just remember been sat in class looking of into the distance, how could I focus?.
At the end of school I set off to walk home, suddenly feeling a tap on my shoulder, all my senses shivering with the contact, I turn around and its him, he puts his arm around me and leads me off, masterfully as ever.
I can barely raise my voice above a whisper as I tell him what happened the night before, he looks at me, a look I will never forget as he got angry “your only saying this so I wont leave you, trying to use me and keep me, your just a fucking slut!”.
My heart shattered “a slut” me?, this was not my choice none of it, I just wanted to feel loved, I didn’t ask him to rape me, I didn’t ask to get pregnant or to lose his baby, I was 14!
He turned away and walked off, and all I could do was fall to my knees and cry, that day I just in the middle of the school field for what felt like hours and cried, my heart breaking as my body went cold and numb, my tears dried up and I just felt empty, I felt nothing.
How could I do this, how could I continue, I felt alone and useless and empty! I just I couldn’t, what would happen would tomorrow bring, I didn’t care, I didn’t want to know, I just wanted to stop, I wanted it all to stop!
I look back at it now and it seems impossible to believe but I stayed with him, because he said he loved and no one else ever would, and because I was scared he would tell everyone it was me, he said no one else would understand they would just think I was the slut.
Everyday he asked to see me, and everyday I went, I was like a robot, and this went for a lot longer then it should have, my6 breaking point came about 8 weeks later. I woke up and it was still dark outside all I could feel was this crushing pain in my stomach, I ran to the toilet my eyes barely open. The pain got more tense as I held my stomach, I looked down notice blood down my legs and on the floor. I don’t think I fully understood but I do now. I sat there for hours clenching my stomach as more blood ran from me, to scared to call for help, all I could think of was cleaning up before my parents woke. I was lucky my bedroom was downstairs.
After about 3hours I struggled to my feet, flushing the toilet as if it was nothing, I ran into the kitchen and scrubbed my legs with a wet cloth, tears falling down my cheeks, I knew inside what had just happened, I felt the dark emptiness. I gathered my bedding and nightclothes and put them in the washer which was in the garage, I sat on the cold concrete floor watching my sheets spin around. I don’t think id ever felt more alone.
This sense of duty came over me the next morning that made me need to tell him, if nothing else he should know. I text him to see if he would meet me, I got no reply so I went to school as normal, that day I don’t think I took anything in, I just remember been sat in class looking of into the distance, how could I focus?.
At the end of school I set off to walk home, suddenly feeling a tap on my shoulder, all my senses shivering with the contact, I turn around and its him, he puts his arm around me and leads me off, masterfully as ever.
I can barely raise my voice above a whisper as I tell him what happened the night before, he looks at me, a look I will never forget as he got angry “your only saying this so I wont leave you, trying to use me and keep me, your just a fucking slut!”.
My heart shattered “a slut” me?, this was not my choice none of it, I just wanted to feel loved, I didn’t ask him to rape me, I didn’t ask to get pregnant or to lose his baby, I was 14!
He turned away and walked off, and all I could do was fall to my knees and cry, that day I just in the middle of the school field for what felt like hours and cried, my heart breaking as my body went cold and numb, my tears dried up and I just felt empty, I felt nothing.
How could I do this, how could I continue, I felt alone and useless and empty! I just I couldn’t, what would happen would tomorrow bring, I didn’t care, I didn’t want to know, I just wanted to stop, I wanted it all to stop!