Diary Numbers
folder
Original - Misc › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,531
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,531
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This story is fiction. Any relation to any person is purely coincidental. I own this story/narrative.
100708
Allo again. Got another one for yall. Once again, this is all mine.
Warnings: serious depression, suicidal thoughts.
~100708 (2010, June 8th)~
Are you happy for me now, Mama? Now that I'm lying on the floor dead? Are you proud to know that it's by your doing that I'm dead? By all those nasty words you've said about me right to my face. By all those looks of loathing, pity, disappointment, and anger you sent my way. By everything you do when I'm around.
I bet you don't know how much those words and looks hurt me. How much they broke my already shattered self esteem down even more. How they killed me.
Sure, you didn't run the razor down my wrists, but you certainly helped a great deal. You helped me hate myself. Helped me feel like a disappointment when all I wanted was to be myself. Helped me feel like I'm worthless and not your daughter.
Yes, I could block out most of the words, most of the glares; but not all of them. Over time, they've just grown too much to bear. At least I can thank you for a few things.
Thank you for giving me a chance at life, however difficult and unwanted my birth may have been. No matter how many troubles I've been forced to go through, I can at least thank you for the gift of life. Maybe I'm not strong enough; I didn't learn from my troubles and become stronger. I just couldn't. It was too much; too hard.
Thank you for the times you were actually a mother to me. I'll cherish them always.
Thank you for everything; the good and the bad. The good things I'll always remember and keep dear to me. The bad things I'll remember as the things that set me free.
Yes, I'm free now. Thank you for that, Mother. Thank you for giving me the final push to let go. I'm finally defying gravity. Really and truly defying gravity. (1)
I'm sorry I messed up your life. I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect daughter; I couldn't be, I wanted to be myself and I'm sorry that trying to be myself disappointed you. I'm sorry I've stained your floors with my blood. I'm sorry it took me 18 years to do this. I'm sorry you've had to wait for me to leave; I'm just not leaving the way the world planned.
I finally have my wings. And they're not bloody and broken like I'd thought they'd be. They're quite white actually; white and completely beautiful.
The one thing I can't thank you for.
I'd like to say something else but, honestly, my hands are slowing down and I'm getting cold. But you'll finally be free from me. I won't bother you anymore.
May you be happier without me. Goodbye.
(1)-concept taken from the song "Defying Gravity" from the musical Wicked. I don't own any of that, just borrowed the idea from the song and twisted it.
So that's that. Comment or not, it's up to you.
Warnings: serious depression, suicidal thoughts.
~100708 (2010, June 8th)~
Are you happy for me now, Mama? Now that I'm lying on the floor dead? Are you proud to know that it's by your doing that I'm dead? By all those nasty words you've said about me right to my face. By all those looks of loathing, pity, disappointment, and anger you sent my way. By everything you do when I'm around.
I bet you don't know how much those words and looks hurt me. How much they broke my already shattered self esteem down even more. How they killed me.
Sure, you didn't run the razor down my wrists, but you certainly helped a great deal. You helped me hate myself. Helped me feel like a disappointment when all I wanted was to be myself. Helped me feel like I'm worthless and not your daughter.
Yes, I could block out most of the words, most of the glares; but not all of them. Over time, they've just grown too much to bear. At least I can thank you for a few things.
Thank you for giving me a chance at life, however difficult and unwanted my birth may have been. No matter how many troubles I've been forced to go through, I can at least thank you for the gift of life. Maybe I'm not strong enough; I didn't learn from my troubles and become stronger. I just couldn't. It was too much; too hard.
Thank you for the times you were actually a mother to me. I'll cherish them always.
Thank you for everything; the good and the bad. The good things I'll always remember and keep dear to me. The bad things I'll remember as the things that set me free.
Yes, I'm free now. Thank you for that, Mother. Thank you for giving me the final push to let go. I'm finally defying gravity. Really and truly defying gravity. (1)
I'm sorry I messed up your life. I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect daughter; I couldn't be, I wanted to be myself and I'm sorry that trying to be myself disappointed you. I'm sorry I've stained your floors with my blood. I'm sorry it took me 18 years to do this. I'm sorry you've had to wait for me to leave; I'm just not leaving the way the world planned.
I finally have my wings. And they're not bloody and broken like I'd thought they'd be. They're quite white actually; white and completely beautiful.
The one thing I can't thank you for.
I'd like to say something else but, honestly, my hands are slowing down and I'm getting cold. But you'll finally be free from me. I won't bother you anymore.
May you be happier without me. Goodbye.
(1)-concept taken from the song "Defying Gravity" from the musical Wicked. I don't own any of that, just borrowed the idea from the song and twisted it.
So that's that. Comment or not, it's up to you.