Dividing Damien

*...*=thoughts

*****

Tom was assigned to feed Damien on the three days a week he as allowed to eat. He was ordered to be careful not to pull any of the stitches out and all Damien was allowed to eat was soup to try to keep the wound from becoming infected. Tom was very careful and patient which Damien appreciated. On the second day of feeding Tom asked, “Does this kind of thing happen often to you?”

Damien could talk but he couldn’t move his mouth too much without a lot of pain so he was left mumbling out, “Yeah b-but this is th-the worst one yet.”

“Man, I wish we could all get out of here. This life isn’t what we’re supposed to have. I mean… I’m only 14 and I already view the world as being a place full evil people, a place of only pain. I don’t remember too much about my life before here but I remember most teens I knew had at least a little hope about the world.”

“Yeah… well w-we’re stuck here.”

Tom sighed, “I know. You full?”

“As f-full as I’m g-gonna get.”

“Alright, well I’ll see you in two days.”

***

It took a month for the wound on his face to heal enough to have the stitches taken out. The doctor recommended he have another week’s worth of rest after that but Frank didn’t listen. As soon as the stitches were out there was another man waiting for him. His life continued on this way for two more years. The 18 year old Damien had quite the scar on his face still and many other scars on his body to go with it.

The latest man to use him hadn’t chained him to the wall but had just bent him over a table holding his hands behind him. When the man left Damien grabbed the little knife he left behind and went back over to his bed and stuck it under the mattress and then he lay down. When one of the boys came in to check on him he said he needed a rag to clean off and the boy left to go get it.

In the few minutes the boy was gone Damien grabbed the knife and cut deep vertical lines in both of his arms. The blood came freely and Damien smiled. He might finally be able to escape this hell. He had already lost consciousness when the boy came back in the room so he didn’t hear the scream the boy let out or Frank coming into the room and yelling.

***

Damien woke up with his arms and head throbbing in unison. He was too disoriented to see the fist coming towards his face. The impact and pain from that brought him out of his daze in time to hear Frank say, “Don’t ever try that again! Next time I’ll make sure when you wake up you’re in a lot more pain than you are right now.” Damien cringed as the door closed and then he started to cry and when he tried to wipe his tears away he realized his arms were chained down to the bed.

From that day on he was chained to his bed when the men weren’t there. He felt dead inside and just wished his body would have followed suit when he wanted it to. He didn’t know how much time passed after that because none of the other boys dared to talk to him and Frank stopped putting two weeks between each visit from the men. He heard chaos out in the hall but figured someone had tried to kill themselves again.

He didn’t even look over when the door opened. He heard voices talking and turned his head. He saw two cops standing there and he feared Frank had finally decided to let two men go at him at once. One of the cops approached him and said in a kind, calm voice, “Do you know where he keeps the keys?”

“N-no. He just alw-ways has th-them w-when he g-gets here.” Damien looked up and saw two more cops come in the room and he started to shake. There were too many of them. He couldn’t handle that many. “P-p-please n-no.”

The cop closest to him turned around and said something to the other cops who nodded and left the room. “Please no what?”

“I-I c-can’t handle th-that m-many at once.”

The cop’s eyes bulged before he said, “We’re not here for that. We’re here to free all of you, find you homes and arrest the man who owns this place.”

It was Damien’s turn to have his eyes bulge. Was this man really telling the truth? Would he be freed from this hell? “H-how d-did you f-find us?”

“One of the boys from here was found by me beaten badly in an alleyway about a month ago. He told us Frank’s name and as much as he could about this place and we found it tonight.” He looked over his shoulder as one of the cops returned pulling Frank behind him. “Just a moment, I have to find the keys.”

Damien watched as the cop stood up and grabbed Frank by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall. This surprised Damien but also made him feel a malicious sort of joy when he saw the way Frank cringed in pain. “Where are the keys?”

“I don’t know.”

The cop slammed him against the wall even harder this time and backhanded him across his face, “Bullshit. Now where are the goddamn keys?”

Frank let out a yelp of pain and then said, “In my pocket.”

The cop reached down and pulled out the keys. “Good, now I think it’s time you go down to the station and meet with my captain and if you even think of using that police brutality bullshit, think about the fact that every good person and every good judge in this city wants to beat you like I just have. It won’t get you very far.”

After Frank was led from the room the cop turned back to Damien who had a slight smile on his face for the first time in a very, very long time. The cop unlocked the manacles around his wrists and said, “I see you liked that.” Damien nodded and the cop smiled, “Good, I figured he deserved a little roughing up, the bastard.”

Damien wanted to trust this man but his instinct was to curl up in the corner as soon as he was unchained. When the man tried to reach for him he started to shake his head and mumble. He had finally snapped inside and didn’t care about showing weakness anymore. He just wanted out and away from everyone. He wanted a safe little room for just him and no one else. No visitors or anything.

***

Phil felt his heart clench as the boy crawled away from him and started to shake and mumble. Tom hadn’t been this bad but then again Tom hadn’t spent who knows how many years in a room like this one. Phil had seen the rooms the performers stayed in and they weren’t near this bad. One of his best friends came in and took the keys from him and whispered in his ear that they had found another kid in another room like this one.

When his friend left he sighed and looked at the boy. “Shh, it’s alright. I won’t touch you. Just calm down and tell me your name.”

The boy looked at him with wide eyes and then nodded slightly before he said, “D-damien.”

Phil smiled slightly and said, “Hi Damien, I’m Phil. Do you want some clothes?” when Damien nodded Phil said, “Just a minute alright? I’ll be right back okay?” Damien silently nodded again before Phil left to find some clothes. One of the cops had gone back to the station and gathered up some clothes from the people there who were willing to give their clothes to these poor boys. The had been surprised when even the people in the temporary cells at the station had offered up clothes when they heard what was going on. Phil picked through them until he found a nice warm sweater and a pair of sweat pants. The room Damien was kept in was very cold, this whole place was cold.

When he came back in the room Damien cringed away from him again so he spoke in a calm, soft voice, “It’s just me, Phil again. I’ve got some clothes for you.” Damien studied him for a minute to make sure it really was the same guy and then nodded. He handed the clothes to the boy who put them on slowly and cringed a few times. “Are you hurt?” He got another nod in response and then said, “Can you walk?” Another nod. “Then come with me. We’re taking all of you to the hospital to make sure you’re alright then we’ll find places for you to live. Alright?”

Damien slowly approached him and then stood up on shaky legs. He tried to run when Phil wrapped a gentle, but supportive arm around his waist. Phil held him close and said, “Hey, it’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you okay? I just don’t want to see you fall over.” Damien nodded stiffly but didn’t relax as they walked out of the room. Phil looked down and saw that Damien was barefoot and then turned to the cop who was carrying the box of clothes. “Are there any shoes in there?”

“No one gave any but we got some of the slippers we give to homeless people when they come in.”

Phil grabbed a pair of the slippers and then turned back to Damien and said, “If you lift your feet I’ll put these on for you alright?” He got another stiff nod and put a slipper on each foot as Damien picked it up. He stood up again and said, “You can come with me in my squad car since you’re not too badly hurt right now. Is that alright with you?”

Damien nodded and let Phil lead him to his car. Phil put him in the passenger’s seat and the moved around to the drivers seat. He looked over and saw the way Damien was watching the snow fall almost with the wonder of a little kid. “How long have you been in there Damien?”

“W-what y-year is it-t?”

“2007.”

“W-what d-day and m-month?”

“January 20th.”

“I’m t-twenty now and I w-was sold t-to F-frank when-n I w-was s-seven.”

“13 years?! Holy shit. Well you’re free now, I promise you that much.” Phil couldn’t imagine spending 13 years in a place like that. It made him shudder to think about all the things the young man had been through. He was covered in scars and much thinner than a 20 year old man should be.

When they got to the hospital Phil helped Damien out of the car and into the hospital where they saw some of the other boys were already there. One of the younger boys walked up to Damien with tear filled eyes and said, “You’re alive?” Damien nodded and then jumped when the little boy hugged him. “I thought you were dead. Last time I saw you… you tried to die, but you’re alive.”

Damien recognized the little boy as the one who had been assigned to look after him after he attempted to commit suicide. He felt an urge to protect those younger boys now that he was no longer chained up. He crouched down and wiped the little boy’s tears away. “It’s okay, I’m-m alive. D-don’t w-worry about-t me, alright-t?” The little boy nodded and hugged him tight before he was led by another officer to an examination room.

Damien stood up again and Phil gave him a comforting smile and decided it was best not to ask him about what the boy had been talking about, not right now. He led Damien over to the doctor who was deciding which boys needed to be seen first. When the doctor looked at Damien he put him towards the top of the list. It had only been two days before that the last man had visited Damien and he was still badly bruised and a few cuts were still bleeding. One on his back was still bleeding enough that it had bled through the shirt.

Phil saw that and looked at the doctor. “How long does he have to wait?”

“Not long. He’s at the top of the list.” Phil nodded and stood by Damien until another doctor came.

Damien gave him a panicked look when the woman started to lead him away. “It’s alright Damien, she’s a doctor. She’ll be nice to you, won’t you?” He gave the woman a meaningful look.

She nodded and looked at Damien, “Of course I will. It’s my job to be nice to patients.” Damien looked at Phil once more and then followed the woman into an examination room. That was the last Phil saw of Damien for a while because he was so busy with the case.

***

The doctor examined him with gentle hands and gave him shots to thoroughly numb his back before she cleaned and stitched up the worst of his wounds. She looked at him and decided to ask rather than just running the rape kit. “Have you been raped?”

Damien nodded but didn’t say a word. He didn’t want to talk about it. He wanted to be alone, or with that cop Phil, but not here. He wanted a hug but he didn’t want anyone near him. He wanted someone to comfort him but he cringed from every touch, even the gentle, professional touches of the doctor.

“Alright, well rest here and once you’ve healed enough we’ll let the cops find a place for you to live.” The doctor left after that and Damien let himself cry. He wanted out of his life but he doubted he’d be able to find something to kill himself with in a hospital. Wouldn’t do him much good since the doctors would be right there to save him. *Just be good until you get out of here, then kill yourself. It will be so much easier to just be dead. You know it, they all know it. Just see the way they look at you with such pity. They know you’d be better off dead too.*

Damien had tried to fight off this voice in the past but he couldn’t anymore because he agreed with it. He stayed in the hospital and talked to the therapist the state had provided but he never told about the urge he felt and he never told about his past attempt to kill himself. No matter how much he talked to the therapist, he still wanted to die. Nothing the man said made him feel any better.

He was put on antidepressants that weren’t really working but he didn’t tell anyone that either. He was let out of the hospital after a week and into an apartment owned by a kind old lady who was letting any of the boys stay there for free until they got their feet under them. She checked on each of the young men staying there every day. That was how Damien was found the second time he tried to end his life. The landlady let herself in when he hadn’t answered and she found him on the ground in his bathroom with three empty bottles of pills next to him.

She quickly rushed from the room and dialed 911. Once she knew the ambulance was on the way she went back into the bathroom and checked his pulse. It was weak and erratic but it was still there. She started to cry when she looked down at his open and empty looking eyes. She had feared something like this would happen that’s why she had made it part of her daily schedule to check on each of the young men and now she was glad she had.

When the paramedics showed up they rushed him out to the ambulance and to the hospital where they pumped his stomach and set him up on an IV. He came to a few times but he was so delirious he couldn’t really figure out where he was. When he finally came to again a day later he realized he had once again failed to end his life and started to sob not knowing his therapist was in the room with him. He jumped when he felt a gentle hand on his arm. He looked over and saw the concerned look on his therapist’s face and felt a little tinge of guilt for what he had done. This man had spent hours and hours already trying to help him and he had gone and tried to kill himself.

He wiped his eyes dry as his therapist said, “Damien, I won’t ask why you did it. That would be stupid of me but I will tell you that if you try to do it again there’s nothing I can do to keep them from putting you in the state hospital. I know you don’t want that because you’d be locked in a room all over again so just please work with me, alright?”

Damien nodded and started to cry again. Between sobs he said, “S-sorry… j-just d-didn’t… w-want t-to… f-feel… anymore.”

His therapist, Jonas, pulled him into a hug and held him while he sobbed. “It’s okay Damien. Just let it out. I know you’ve worked for so long to hide everything but you don’t have to anymore. No one expects you to be strong and emotionless. Just let it all out alright?”

Damien nodded and continued to cry. When he finally calmed down he pulled back from Jonas and dried his eyes. They talked for hours after that and Damien finally opened up completely to Jonas. He told him about the voice he heard when he was really depressed, how he had tried to kill himself once before and how the antidepressants only seemed to make him feel worse.