What We Are

When I was 14 (and the twins were the same age) I had little interest in girls. I didn’t think much of them or about them. They were there in my mind and in my reality but I viewed them as little more than just a part of the world. They were moderately interesting and certain girls were fairly good friends but that’s really all I thought of them.



I didn’t think of them in sexual or romantic terms. I didn’t have fantasies of my ‘hot’ female teachers or really consider the possibility of holding onto a girl, hugging them, kissing them. It wasn’t that it didn’t appeal to me I just didn’t think about it.



To be fair, I didn’t think of boys much either. I didn’t think of hot or pretty boys and they didn’t make their ways into my dreams at night, with or without clothing. I didn’t give the boys in the gym locker room passing, secret glances or think of them much in their gym clothes.



I wasn’t a terribly social person. I was Felix, moderately shy, fairly good student, kid who flew below the radar. I liked it that way. I had a few friends with whom I chatted with during lunch period and after school but no one really made it to my house for general good times or to my birthday parties. The problem was the twins.



The twins consumed most of my time and my life. They were part of a unit we shared, a pretty exclusive unit. Sure I conversed with outsiders in my spare time, maybe met up with a few for a school project or some such thing, but the twins were different. They shared everything about me and with me. Really I didn’t have much space in my time or my life for other friends or other people. The thing was, I was comfortable with this. I needed little else when I had the twins.



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The day after The Kiss (well series of kisses that never went further than simple, albeit awkward, kisses) Ryan and Remmy spoke very little to each other. They didn’t speak much to each other anyway simply because they didn’t need to so this was perhaps why no one really noticed. For Remmy and Ryan though the silence was more significant and thicker. It was a tangible thing that stretched between them, reminding them that something fundamental had changed between them.



The night after The Kiss was quiet and each boy undressed and changed into their pajamas with forced normalcy. Without speaking or exchanging glances, Remmy climbed to the top bunk and Ryan was left alone on the futon, feeling rather empty without his brother by his side. They stayed awake, both aware of the fact that neither was sleeping, for hours before Ryan finally said something.



“Rem,” he spoke into the very early morning darkness. “Come here.”



For a long moment nothing happened. Then Ryan heard his brother shuffling around, tossing off his coverings and climbing down the ladder. He let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding and smiled when his brother slid into the bed next to him. There was a distance between them but eventually Remmy moved over so their shoulders were touching and hooked his ankle over his brother’s under the comforter.



Ryan knew things were going to be okay.



From there things progressed. The progressed slowly but that was okay with both brothers who knew they were embarking on something terrifying and strange and somehow very wrong. For a very long time they only kissed. They kissed under cover of night on the few nights when Felix wasn’t there (because he was almost always there, on the top bunk or sharing with one of the twins or they were at his house with his bunk bed, bought especially because of the twins and their tendency to sleep at his house) and that was all they did. They didn’t speak about it or what they were doing. They simply let it happen and maybe that was what kept them sane and what kept them there, still doing it.



Remmy was the rational one of the pair and he knew they should talk about this, about what they were doing, at least to each other. He knew it was a secret thing, the feelings (because there were certainly feelings) and the kissing and everything. He just didn’t want it to be a secret between them, between brothers, between twins. They never kept anything secret and keeping this so secret seemed wrong, more wrong than what they were doing.



One night things changed. Ryan was leaning over Remmy kissing him gently. Their kisses were far less awkward now, which made sense because they had been practicing quite a bit. Their kisses were comfortable and familiar now and it scared both brothers a little bit, though they did not admit it. Ryan was kissing his brother, threading his fingers through his brother’s hair when he shifted a bit, leaning into his brother more. His crotch brushed against Remmy’s thigh and Ryan let out a soft gasp.



He was not a stranger to arousal. He had experienced erections before but they were always caused by not-really-there dreams that he couldn’t remember, never by something tangible like this. This thing between Remmy and Ryan had always lacked a sexual component. It was about comfort and familiarity and having someone who knew you inside and out. It was about care and love and connection. Maybe it still was.



Ryan experimentally rubbed his crotch ever so slightly against Remmy’s leg. He situated himself more on top of his brother, brought his leg between Remmy’s leg and ground down, just a bit. Remmy let out a gasp that Ryan swallowed and he realized that Remmy was hard too. He was shocked and scared, but that was normal for him when they did this. Whenever anything changed, when something new happened it was always shocking and terrifying.



Ryan pulled back from the kiss and looked at his brother, just barely making out Remmy’s outline in the dark. “Rem,” he breathed and his voice sounded strange to his ears. He sounded out of breath, scared and excited and desperate. “Rem… can I,” he asked softly, knowing his brother would know what he meant. He waited, holding his breath and then Remmy nodded. Ryan let out a sigh of relief and brought his lips down to cover his brother’s. He ground their hips together and gasped from the friction. Remmy did too.



Ryan experimented for the next few minutes, finding a good angle to rock against his twin. He thrust against his twin, desperate and wanting some form of release, wanting that friction and that feeling and wanting the little sounds that he and Remmy made into each other’s mouths. Remmy thrust back, lifting his hips off the mattress and rocking together with his brother. They started going faster, harder and they couldn’t kiss anymore. They pressed their foreheads together, rutting against each other in perfect harmony, sharing their breath and their soft little sounds.



Ryan though that this was really perfection.



Remmy came first, suddenly throwing off the rhythm they had and gripping Ryan tightly. His nails dug into Ryan’s back through his shirt and his eyes slid shut. He bucked up against his brother, once then twice and he came. He collapsed on the bed, his brother still rocking against him, only a few short thrusts behind. Ryan’s orgasm hit him hard and really it was like nothing he ever felt before. White hot pleasure was coursing through every inch of him and he was almost unaware of who he was.



Ryan’s arms holding him up buckled and his fell onto his brother with a soft ‘oomph’ from Remmy. He rolled off after a moment, breathing hard and a little out of it. Remmy’s chest was heaving but he managed to find his brother’s hand with his and squeeze, just enough to let his twin know he was there.



Ryan did nothing for a long moment. Then he squeezed back. In the darkness Remmy smiled.