Savior

Kenta

Today was going to shit. It had already gone to hell, and things were getting impossibly worse. Ryuu had locked himself in his dressing room and wasn’t letting anyone in. It was our second day on set shooting the band’s new promotional video and it seemed that anything and everything that could possibly go wrong was. I stood outside, leaning against the wall next to the door waiting for the latest tantrum to run its course. I’d never seen Ryuu this moody and even Sora was confused. It was almost like Ryuu was inventing reasons to stay in his dressing room.

“Fuck this.” Taking out my key I opened the door to the room. I blinked a few times surprised that it was completely dark. “Ryuu?”

There was no answer and a little rush of apprehension had my skin crawling. “Damn it Ryuu, what the hell is wrong with you? Everyone is waiting on you so we can wrap up shooting.”

“I don’t care.” I couldn’t pin point exactly where his voice had come from and reaching over I flipped the light switch. Nothing.

“Fuck. What the hell did you do to the light?”

“Just go out.”

I scowled hearing the tremor in his voice. “Are you crying?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Just go out!” I jumped surprised to hear him scream at me like that. It wasn’t like Ryuu at all. Something was really wrong and I wasn’t leaving until I figured out what it was.

“Shut the fuck up.” I slammed to door behind me, giving myself a moment until my eyes adjusted to the dim light. I could hear a soft sound that I instantly recognized as Ryuu crying. Fuck it all to hell. I was going to beat him. Why the fucking hell was he crying anyway? He’d been the one who’d thrown the hissy fit when the stylist had accidentally burned him with the iron. I spotted him huddled up on the small love seat that occupied one wall. Walking over to the dressing table I flipped the light on and turned to face him. He wouldn’t look at me. Tears were streaming down his face. His make-up was ruined and it looked like he’d ripped the hairpiece out too.

“Ryuu . . .” I kept my voice low, trying to get him calmed down. It hurt me more than I felt it should to see him like this. Standing in front of him I reached down to touch his arm and got my hand batted away.

“Don’t touch me! Just don’t fucking touch me.” He was sobbing now, the sound piercing me. Fuck. It should not hurt this much to see him upset. It should not make me want to pull him close and do whatever I could to see that brilliant smile again. “Why are you here? Why don’t you just leave?”

“It’s my job to take care of you Ryuu.”

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Ryuu was suddenly on his feet, his face inches from mine. “I am not just a fucking job!”

I caught his wrist as he went to leave and shoved him back down on the sofa. I could feel his pulse racing under my fingertips as I stared down at him. “You are going to fucking calm down and tell me what the fuck is wrong or so help me you will not be finishing this PV. I’ll send everyone home and cancel the shoot.”

“N-no don’t . . . I . . . I’m sorry.” His voice sounded so small and hollow, so unlike the Ryuu I knew. Letting go of his wrist I sat down next to him. I didn’t say anything, just waiting. It took several minutes but I finally heard him take a deep breath.

“I . . . it’s my fault. I can’t even look at him without thinking that it was my fault. I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut. He must hate me. Reiko is upset with me anyway. She yelled at me at the hospital and hasn’t really talked to me since. I didn’t mean-“

“Ryuu . . . it’s not your fault.” I sighed and leaned forward resting my arms on my knees, hanging my head. This again? “Akira has other issues too, we all know that. None of us realized he wasn’t eating.”

I felt him shift next to me, his voice barely audible. “He told me he wanted to look good for the shoot. Everyone must think I’m an egomaniacal insensitive jerk. Even the fans are going to hate me now.”

I wasn’t sure what egomaniacal meant, but it didn’t sound good. “The fans don’t hate you Ryuu. And no one thinks you are like that. We all failed Akira.”

Soft hair brushed my cheek as Ryuu laid his head over on my shoulder. The subtle scent of hairspray and his expensive cologne surrounded me. “I hate it. He’s always been so small anyway, and now he’s just skin and bones. Every time I look at him I get this sick feeling. He could have died Kenta and it would have been my fault. I know he’s doing better now but . . . he’s lost so much weight. His outfit doesn’t even fit anymore. Why do I have to be so stupid?”

“Ryuu,” I was careful to keep any trace of anger out of my voice. He was still blaming himself for Akira’s anorexia? I’d thought we’d discussed this while Akira was in the hospital, though it seemed Ryuu was still feeling like it was his fault. “It was his choice. It’s not like you were taking food away from him.”

There was a loud sigh and the warmth was suddenly gone. “I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that he acted on something I said.” There was a long silence. “Kenta, I’m sorry. Um . . . can you please tell everyone I’ll be out in a few minutes to finish the filming.”

“Sure Ryuu.” I got to my feet and headed for the door. Opening it I turned back to him, but he was already at the mirror trying to fix his hair. I sighed and shut the door behind me. It was just like him to blame himself for something like this. Silly twit.

I tracked down the director and had a few words with him. Ryuu had to be handled delicately when he was in this kind of a mood. His self esteem was so fragile it was almost pathetic and it made me wonder why that was the case. The guy had everything. Wealth, fame, looks, girls, and guys, literally throwing themselves at him so why was his self esteem shit? It didn’t make any sense to me.

I sat off to the side as they finished wrapping up shooting. Ryuu was his usual smiling, happy, confident self. Watching and listening to him sing always gave me chills. There was just something about his voice, the emotion he could put into it that got to me every time. I’d been a fan of their music before I’d ever met them in person. Knowing Ryuu and the other boys hadn’t changed that, if anything I was even more of a fan now because I knew just how fucking hard they worked.

“You guys looked great.” I handed Hasu a bottle of water and a towel, I had a Coke waiting for the other three. I got three smiles and a grimace. Ryuu wasn’t happy. Go figure. I followed them out to the van after they’d changed. Reiko was waiting. Akira immediately went to her and I heard Ryuu sigh. I frowned looking over at him. That had been happening a lot lately. Was he jealous or something? Reiko was pretty hot. A bit too aggressive for my tastes, but that didn’t seem to faze Akira. I bumped Ryuu's arm with my elbow to get his attention.

“What’s wrong?”

He shrugged, not looking up at me. “Just tired I guess. Sorry about earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I opened the van door for him and waited until the other two had climbed in before getting in myself. Akira was headed out with Reiko. If anyone could whip that boy into shape it would be her. She wouldn’t be above force feeding him if she had to.

We dropped Sora and Hasu off at their places and drove back across town to the gated apartment complex that Ryuu called home. He hesitated before getting out. Soft grey eyes staring at me for a moment.
“You want to come up?”

“Nah, I gotta get home and change. It’s my night to work at the restaurant.”

“Yeah, of course. Sorry. See you later then.”

I watched him leave wondering why I had the odd sensation that my heart was dropping through my gut.


Ryuu

The apartment was cold and dark. And empty, very empty. I tried not to think about how things had gone at the studio. Kenta probably thought I was a complete idiot. Everyone else did too. Not that I blamed them. I’d acted just like a spoiled rich brat not getting his way. Throwing a stupid tantrum was not going to help Akira at all. It was just my own self pity and insecurity.

Without bothering to turn on any lights I headed straight for my room. Stripping, not even bothering to put my clothes in the hamper, I slid under the covers. I was too tired, physically and emotionally to bother with a shower. Filming was tiring anyway and I worn myself out being all emotional and stupid. Clutching at the pillow I buried my face against it. No matter what anyone said it was my fault Akira had quit eating. It had been my insistence that everyone look good for the filming that had started it. I was sure of it. I knew how sensitive he could be when it came to his appearance. Some friend I was.

Sighing, I forced myself not to think about it. The filming was over. Akira had already gained a couple of pounds back since leaving the hospital two weeks ago. Reiko would take good care of him. Better than I ever did or could.

I woke sometime later. The green glow from the clock on the nightstand barely illuminated the side of the bed. It was just after three in the morning. I sat up looking around wondering what had woke me. I was too tired to bother getting up and snuggled back down into the covers. I’d no sooner closed my eyes than I felt the bed move. Terror surged through me, freezing me in place.

“You little slut.”

I gasped, hearing the familiar voice, one I’d hoped to never in my life to hear again. I scrambled back, grasping for the sheets.

“You thought you could get rid of me didn’t you?”

I slammed into the head board and glanced around frantic for a way to get away. The light seemed wrong and I couldn’t breathe. It was suddenly hard to move.

“D-don’t touch me!”

“Oh, I’m going to do a lot more than touch you.” His voice was like liquid terror pouring over me, seeping into me until all that existed was those dark eyes and grasping hands. I tried to get away, to get out of the bed, but he grabbed my arm yanking me back down. That incredible strength that I had once relied on was now turned against me. The first hit stunned me and I was roughly flipped over and pinned to the bed.

“No!”

I gasped as my back hit the floor. I blinked a few times staring up at the ceiling. The room was bright with sunlight. Taking a few deep breaths I laid my head back closing my eyes. It was just a nightmare, but it had felt so real. I could still feel those fingers grabbing for me, feel the fist hitting me. I shuddered and slowly sat up feeling sick. Grasping for the bed I pulled myself up. I was shaking, barely able to keep a grip on the sheets. How could a stupid dream scare me that bad? Running a trembling hand through my hair, I forced myself not to think about it, about him. Staggering to my feet I made it into the bathroom, grabbing my phone on the way.


Kenta

“Who the fuck . . .” I groaned feeling around for my phone. I blinked a few times trying to focus on the display. “Six in the fucking morning. You better have a damn good reason Ryuu . . . Hey whats-“

“Kenta?” I sat up, any tiredness forgotten at the breathless panicked voice. I’d never heard him sound like that before and it sent a chill through me. “Can you come over please?”

“Yeah sure. It’ll take me about thirty minutes to get there.”

“O-okay, just let yourself in.”

“Alright, I’m on my way.”

I got there in twenty minutes. The doorman nodded as he let me into the lobby. Taking the elevator to the sixth floor I got out my key. I was nervous for some reason. Ryuu had sounded so upset and . . . scared. That was the only thing I could think. He’d sounded terrified on the phone. Opening the door I let myself in, making sure to take my shoes off. The apartment was almost eerily silent.

“Ryuu?” I checked each room as I walked down the hall. He wasn’t in the office or the studio that left the bedroom. Opening the door, I blinked a few times at how bright the room was with the sunlight streaming in. The bed was a mess, the sheets mostly on the floor, but no Ryuu. Where the hell was he?

“Kenta?” The soft, almost hesitant voice startled me. Turning I spotted him standing in the bathroom wrapped in a sheet. He’d been crying, that much was obvious from the blood shot eyes. I started toward him, stopping as he looked down, his whole posture changing as he almost seemed to crumple in on himself.

“I’m sorry for calling you so early . . . I . . . just had a bad dream is all.”

Must have been one hell of a bad dream, I thought to myself, to get him this upset. “Well, it’s over now. I’m here so I might as well make you some breakfast. Why don’t you come in the kitchen with me and you can tell me about this dream.”

He nodded slowly still not looking at me. When he made no move to follow me I walked toward him. I reached for his arm thinking it would comfort him; instead he flinched, cowering almost as if he expected me to hit him. I narrowed my eyes. One fucking hell of a nightmare apparently. Slowly I grasped his wrist and pulled him toward me, not meeting any resistance.

“Ryuu . . . why don’t you-“ I grunted in surprise as he suddenly grabbed me, his arms wrapped tight around my chest as he buried his face against my neck. He was entirely too warm and I suddenly realized . . . completely naked. Fuck. That shouldn’t matter. Ryuu was upset. Ignoring the feel of the slender, toned frame pressed up against me I patted his head. “Hey, it’s alright. It was just a dream.”

“Yeah . . . just a dream.” I shivered feeling his lips move against my neck. What the fuck was wrong with me? “I’m sorry for calling you so early . . .”

“Well . . . it’s not really in my job description so I guess I’ll have to charge you extra.”

That got a soft laugh and he stepped back. I found myself staring into blue grey eyes and before I’d even thought about it, I reached up to brush the blonde hair out of his face. “You really need to cut your hair.”

That got my hand smacked and an offended look. “I can’t cut it! The fans love my hair!”

That set off a whole outburst about people not understanding fashion or what it meant to be a visual band. At least I’d got his mind off the dream and whatever else was upsetting him. I chuckled shaking my head as I left him in the bedroom so he could get dressed. Breakfast was going to be simple. I was too fucking tired to make a big fancy breakfast. Going to bed at two in the morning only to get woke up four hours later was not that fun.

I set his plate on the table and sat down to wait on him. When he finally came out I was shocked at how different he looked. He looked every bit the rock star he was, though the timid smile kind of shattered the image. He’d spiked his hair and braided some of the longer strands. Dark eyeliner made the light colored eyes stand out even more. He was wearing his black leather pants that the girls always raved about. I’d had to stop more than one grabby fan from trying to touch him when he wore them. The white button up shirt had yet to be buttoned, showing off the flat stomach and toned chest. I’d give Ito one thing, he was good at looking good. I pointed to the plate.

“Made yer breakfast.”

“Oh, thanks. You didn’t have to do that.”

I shrugged and stood up. “Well, for once there was food in the fridge. You goin’ out today.”

“Yeah, I’ve got to meet with one of the producers. I actually forgot to tell you, but . . . I kind of need you to go with me. There is going to be a small press conference later too.”

“Nakamara already told me.” In fact I had Ryuu’s schedule for the next month. Ryuu wasn’t exactly forgetful, he just got busy. “Today just started a little early is all.”

Ryuu’s eyes flicked up for a second as he sat down. “Yeah, sorry about that. Haven’t had one of those nightmares in months.”

I didn’t say anything. If he wanted to talk he would. Going to the fridge I found his juice and got him a can out. He was picking at his food as I set the can down next to his plate.

“Am I that bad a cook?”

“Oh. No! No, it’s just . . . I’m sorry for making you get up so early. I know you worked last night too.”

“Do me a favor and quit fucking apologizing and eat. Next time I’ll just tell you to fuck off.” I smiled at him to show I was kidding and he grinned back at me.

“Yeah right. You like the money too much.”

“Fuck yeah.”