Life, Together

I think she learned fairly quickly that she didn’t have to be afraid of what I would think, or any of that. And we even talked about going out to walk together, even when she’s a wolf – in case you’re wondering, she knows how to use the facilities, that’s not an issue, she’s as fastidious as you or me, to my relief. But you know, the companionship, and the outdoors, together – these are things I think we both desired. It was complicated by local law enforcement, who will typically stop and lecture anyone who is seen walking a dog, or a “dog”, without a leash. I didn’t feel comfortable putting a leash on my wife…! But we found a solution: she would wear a harness with a leash attached, and if anyone came to lecture us, I could simply pick up the loop of it. It worked.

But after about a year, and a reasonably happy year I might add, I just had to face it. I wasn’t comfortable in certain respects, lying beside a werewolf, at full moon, in bed – I mean… Okay, how can I best explain this?

On the one hand, it’s my wife. If she asks and I accept, or I ask and she accepts, naturally, we should be able to engage in… intimate activities with no trouble, right? But on the other hand, it’s a very big wolf. It’s a little… well, the thought of being intimate with an animal is disgusting. So there’s a conflict, as I lie there in bed next to her around the full moon, being both drawn to her just because I love my wife and think she’s sexy, and repelled by my revulsion toward my desire for her!

I figured this couldn’t possibly be healthy, so I sought out an advisor I thought I could trust, a rabbi I could trust to be completely reasonable, to have achieved some greater wisdom through experience than younger rabbis, and of course to be more comfortable discussing matters of the marriage bed than younger rabbis. And the man I sought out was a man with the unlikely name of Shane Ferguson. Don’t laugh! His father had a nasty prank befall him at Ellis Island. Unfortunately, said Dad died before his son was born, so his son was named after him. Anyway. I called up Rabbi Ferguson and asked to speak with him. See, this old guy knows everyone in town, many people from out of town, right? He was the rabbi who officially named me, too, I knew him and he knew me.

So I went to him and I sat across from him, in his living room – he’s terribly old, now, physically weak, and always tired because his heart is slowly giving out, but his mind is sharp. And I explained that I was having trouble phrasing my questions to him because they would sound ridiculous.

He assured me he had heard a lot of crazy things in life, and I knew that was the truth, so I just laid it out for him, straight and straightforward, you know? And he looked at me and just crossed his legs, looked at me for a while.

Eventually, he said, “Well, it’s clearly bothering you. You understand, I have to ask this – have you been, ah, evaluated recently?”

I shook my head. “No, but if I were crazy, my life would be falling apart. My work is coming along all right, I’m as happy as a man can be with my wife in every other respect, I love her very much. And you see I’m here, well-dressed, well-groomed, and talking sense. I am not… hallucinating this!”

He shrugged. “Well, why don’t you crack open the Book? There’s a copy right there on the table, you know.” He told me to flip it open to a certain chapter.

“So,” he said, “You read it and tell me what it says.”

So I read it.

.וְאִישׁ אֲשֶׁר יִתֵּן שְׁכָבְתּוֹ בִּבְהֵמָה, מוֹת יוּמָת; וְאֶת הַבְּהֵמָה תַּהֲרֹגוּ

I turned back to him. “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying, apart from the execution bit. Is she not an animal when she’s transformed?”

To that he shrugged. “You know what בְּהֵמָה means, right? It means a domesticated animal. Now, would you say your wife is a domesticated animal, when she’s in the shape of a wolf?”

I stared at him.

“Well?”

“No. Of course not.”

“So? Nu, what’s the problem?”

“Rabbi, are you joking? That’s just wordplay!”

He smiled, and shook his head. “That’s such a harsh word, ‘just’. You know from spending twelve years of yeshiva schooling already that a lot of Talmudic opinion revolves around ‘just wordplay’.”

He was right. Shit.

He then told me to flip back a couple of chapters and read from another verse.

.וּבְכָל בְּהֵמָה לֹא תִתֵּן שְׁכָבְתְּךָ לְטָמְאָה בָהּ

“Okay, I think I can see where you’re going with this. Again, the category בְּהֵמָה does not include wolves. But we already established this.”

“Well,” he said, “it says ‘and taint yourself therewith’. The predator animals are considered to be intrinsically tainted by death because of their association with death, correct?”

I nodded.

“Well,” he said, “has your wife ever actually killed someone?”

“What? Uh, I don’t know, but I wouldn’t think so.”

“The reason I ask that,” he said, “is that all of us, these days, bear the taint of death because we can’t be washed clean of it. So assuming she’s not a murderer, and you told me she won’t hunt for herself, she should have no additional uncleanliness other than just the residual state we all have from entering hospitals and the like.”

I pondered that, but it still left me with one major question. “That explains why I should… feel free, if we’re in the mood, from a religious point of view. But what about a personal one? Remember I brought that up, the aesthetic issue?”

He thought about it for a while, and then said, “Look, does your wife just happen to be a werewolf, or do you just happen to have a werewolf as your wife?”

“What?”

“Which one takes priority?”

“She’s my wife first, a werewolf second.”

“Ah, then, maybe you should think of her as your wife, then?”

I thanked him and then I left. I was unsettled. He had basically said I should…! But at the same time, she was my wife, and our prenup said… And I certainly didn’t want a divorce. Oh god.

I went home.

And for the first time… for the first time I worked up the courage to ask my wife if I could see her change. I knew she could change any time, and was only forced into it a few nights a month, during the day too, in the winter… but I wanted to see it.

“Sit down, then,” she said. She removed her suit, and of course I watched, and she smiled as my eyes ran over her. Then she was nude, and she closed her eyes, and… it was remarkably smooth, although slightly horrifying. Her hair spread very fast, her breasts receded, her face became narrower and longer, her hips and spine shifted, and she fell on all fours… completely a wolf. Over in less than a second.

I caught my breath, and I shrugged. “Does it hurt?”

She cocked her head, then changed back, throwing herself into an upright position as she did so. “Not exactly hurt. I can’t explain what it’s like.”

We discussed inconsequential things, then I excused myself to prepare supper for us. As I worked, chopping up vegetables, she joined me, having pulled on a pair of jeans and a loose shirt. I felt I owed her an explanation, because I felt like seeing her change was somehow seeing her even more naked than seeing her naked… right? Do you understand?

So I started to tell her, a little haltingly, about the problem I’d had. And she listened, reddening a little even as I blushed. She asked me if I’d somehow resolved the problem, and I said yes. I told her I’d asked Rabbi Ferguson for help, and told her about his explanation.

She burst out laughing. “You pervert!” But she hugged me, and just told me I should have brought it up with her earlier. And she was right, there.

So to stop her, I just kissed her.

The full moon was just a week away, and that week passed, and once more I found myself lying in bed next to a hundred and forty pounds of predator, who just happens to be my wif—no! My wife, who happens to be a 140-lb wolf. She Is my wife first, I reminded myself.

My eyes teared up a little, and she turned her head to look at me. I put my arms around her and drew her closer and just wept into her fur. It was distressing to have to think like this, but it was also slightly distressing to realize that I could overcome it.

Some day, maybe she could sleep at my side as my wife during the full moon, too.

Not tonight, no. But some day.