Embracing a new life

Chapter 2: In denial

“You want some tea, too?” River asked as he hung the kettle over the fire. “I’ve bought two new sorts this morning.” He went over to one of the many shelves in the room, the only one that was not filled with books, to retrieve cups.

“No,” his lover answered calmly. He sat in one of the armchairs and stared into the flames. “I am still sated by last night’s drink; I need no substitute.”

Andreji kept his voice even, but River could hear the silent reproval in his words. “Spare me the topic,” he retorted therefore in what he hoped to be a finalising tone. He busied himself with preparing the tea and was glad for once that Andreji remained silent. There were times when the older man’s lack of words upset him, but if the alternative was talking about drinking the blood of a living and breathing person, silence truly was golden.

Granted, Andreji had early in their ‘relationship’ made a point of showing River that drinking blood did not equal killing and inflicting pain. He had taken the young man that had not even yet been his fledgling at the time to a woman one night that had seemed to donate her blood to Andreji out of her own free will. She had even claimed that she liked the vampire for his gentleman-like behaviour and his qualities in bed. At the time, the idea of knowingly bedding a bloodsucker had sounded ludicrous to River. That had changed not long after.

River sat down next to Andreji and looked up at the proud and very handsome man. Yes, he was special. Andreji was intelligent, decisive, educated, and experienced. He paid attention to what River needed even though many vampires seemed to regard their fledglings as something that had to be bent to their will. Whenever River thought he had crossed an invisible line, Andreji had never reacted the way he had feared. There was a temper somewhere deep inside the man, River had caught a glimpse of it once, but usually, his master was in perfect control of it. Sometimes he was that much in control of himself that River was not sure what was going on inside the man. He knew that there were things Andreji was not telling him.

Only one and a half months ago, they had visited a huge vampire convention at which vampires from all over the world had met. Until then River had thought of Andreji as a loner that held loose contact with his mother clan in Scotland but preferred to keep his independence otherwise. During the convention that the other members of the clan had visited for the first time in centuries, however, Andreji suddenly had proved to be one of the fifteen most influential people of the whole vampire society. River was not the only one taken by surprise. Andreji’s own Maker, Demyan, had not known about the position his fledgling held due to his clan’s isolation from their kind.

Andreji was secretive. River had long before that incident decided to always expect the unexpected from his master.

Yet, that was positively thrilling, was it not? When River had first met Andreji – still perfectly devoid of any notion that something might be ‘wrong’ with him – Andreji had bristled with self-confidence and dry humour and had flirted heavily with the younger man. It had not taken him long to turn River’s head. After having had to realise that Andreji was not quite what he had seemed, River had found the man changed – still with a dark, dry humour, but closed up. It had taken a while to move past his reserve, but during the process, River had fallen for him again. He knew that a part of his attraction to his master was caused by a special ‘natural’ (or so Andreji claimed) chemistry between master and fledgling. The older man had explained to him that on most humans the vampire saliva acted as a sedative, on the few people that were suited to become a vampire it worked as a sort of aphrodisiac. Nonetheless, River felt deep inside that there was more between the two of them than mere physical attraction. He loved Andreji. Even if it had taken his master a while to agree to a serious relationship and Andreji would probably rather bite off his tongue than ever speak of ‘love’ himself.

So, River drew himself out of his reverie, he was happy being the lover of a bloodsucker, and he had drunken his master’s blood several times in the last fifteen months. Granted. Yet that did not mean he was comfortable with the idea of drinking the blood of an innocent human! Admittedly, he had known that Andreji’s blood would slowly turn his body into that of a vampire. But his mind had not changed. Oh, he knew he would have to do the unavoidable eventually. Just not yet. Not yet.

River lifted the cup to his mouth. He needed to taste something good, something un-bloody. Instinctively, he jerked and dropped the cup as he felt the hot drink on his lips. A second later, he jumped up as he felt the fluid burn his legs. Cursing his stupidity and feeling embarrassed in front of Andreji, he looked at the mess he had created.

“Go into the bathroom and let cool water flow over your burns. I will take care of this,” Andreji’s measured voice wrenched him out of his stupor. The older man leisurely shut his book and looked neutrally at his fledgling. River hurriedly did as is he had suggested.

When he came back a few minutes later, securing the belt of his bathrobe, the tea puddle had disappeared and a new cup of tea stood on the mantle of the fireplace.

“Will you be alright or do you need salve for the burns?” Andreji asked, looking up from the pages he had gone back to reading.

“It was nothing. I don’t think I really burnt myself; I was just surprised.” River took the book out of Andreji’s hands, carefully watching the man’s reaction, and climbed on his lap.

“‘Inattentive’ would be the more appropriate term in my perception,” Andreji retorted.

“I was just thinking about you. That’s hardly a crime, is it?” River fended him off.

Andreji’s eyes narrowed appraisingly. “Were you?” There was a smug smile in his face that clearly said he had a different opinion.

River wiped it away by pressing his lips on Andreji’s mouth.

Darkness surrounded River as he opened his eyes. It was pretty hot and sticky under the bedcovers, and a warm, naked body rested beside him. He let his fingertips run along Andreji’s belly, a few hairs tickling them. When they reached the area below, a tight grip settle around River’s wrist and removed his hand.

River chuckled - he knew that Andreji disliked this kind of assaults when he was still half asleep – and climbed out of bed. He pushed the curtain away that divided his small sleeping chamber from the library cum sitting area and groped his way through the dark past yet another curtain and a wooden door to the bathroom. There he knew where to find oil lamps, candles, and matches to make light.

Everything was a bit old fashioned down here, under the earth, in the labyrinth of tunnels in which the inner circle of the Scottish clan lived and that was only accessible through a single entrance that led out to a rock cliff at the Scottish east coast. That might have been practical dwellings a few hundred years ago, since they were good to defend against intruders, but these days they were unsuitable. At least River thought so. Most of the clan members in contrast held on to their old home.

Fortunately, the convention at New Year’s Eve had not only held revelations concerning Andreji’s past and role in the vampire society but had also brought the clan a new leader that was finally setting some long needed changes into action. That was what River had meant when he had told his cousin of organisational changes in their ‘community’ and of the renovation of their home. Demyan had not only given the clan members more rights concerning the participation in decision making processes and slackened many of the rules but had also given in to the call for more comfort in their underground residence. With the help of a dummy house that stood over their tunnels, and whose chimneys had already been used as an outlet for the smoke of their fireplaces for ages, they would finally make electricity and connections to the internet available. Some of the public rooms would be adjusted in their sizes and furnishings to the new structure of the clan, and generally, everyone was free to bring a new flair into their private chambers with new furniture and decoration.

That way, River thought, it would be easier to assess people as well. As a not even yet fully turned fledgling, he did not feel like a completely accepted member of the clan. Many people simply ignored his presence. That made him feel insecure and unsafe. He could not even say if they behaved like that due to his age, his not being a vampire yet, or something else. Since Andreji had proven to have lied to people about his age and social status, some of them were cautious around River’s master. The uneasy atmosphere after the downfall of the old leader was still clearly tangible. The renovation gave the clan a task, something that they had to work on together. Perhaps that renewed some trust. In any case, people were forced to behave in some way in this new situation. They had to decide if they participated or not. If they did not, they were giving away their influential power and things were decided over their heads. Few chose that path. If they participated, their behaviour and their statements gave River the opportunity to get a better picture of them.

A knock on the door. “Are you going to finish any time soon or should I start planning a second bathroom? I have a meeting with Demyan in half an hour.”

River quickly dried himself and was out of the door two minutes later, tiptoeing to his room with hunched up shoulders to find warm clothing. At least Andreji had kindled a fire in the fireplace, he noticed in passing.

Amused eyes watched him.

River accompanied Eriko to the station early Sunday afternoon, wearing sunglasses. Damn sunlight, but he could not let her down. He would not. Let her down. Or concede that his days in the sun were over.

“Still having a headache?” Eriko asked him concernedly as they stepped out of the cab. “Perhaps you should let a doctor check them,” she suggested.

“Perhaps,” River evaded the topic and seized her bag.

Due to the thick traffic, they had only five minutes left until the train would depart when they stood on the platform to say their good-byes. Eriko pulled her cousin into a tight hug. “You know that you can call me any time if you need someone to talk to, don’t you?”

River lay transfixed in her arms, hardly hearing her words. The scratching noises of feet on the concrete floor, the tangling voices of people saying good bye and hello, the rustling of clothes, the rattling of wheeled suitcases, the droning of the engines, and the cooing of the doves that fought for a crumb on the floor all mingled into an ambient noise level over which he heard but one sound. A dull beat. In fact, there were two of them. The second almost like an echo of the first. They formed a soothing rhythm. Well, it might have been soothing, had River not realised what it had to be. It was a heartbeat. He heard Eriko’s heart pump blood through her body.

“River?”

Eriko’s perfume lay heavily in River’s nostrils. It almost overwhelmed him. Yet, underneath, there was a second flavour. Something that, as he concentrated on it, made his stomach churn. It gave him the impulse to abruptly let go of the young woman.

“Are you all right?”

“Not really,” River had the mind not to lie since the answer was obvious. “I guess I really need to let myself be checked through. Anyway,” he quickly opened the train door for Eriko, “All the best for you and the little one. Say hello to Hayashi for me.” He forced something that distantly resembled a smile onto his face.

Eriko boarded the train and took the bag that River handed her. “I will. And you call me when you know what’s up with you, is that clear?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing. You’ve got other things to worry about right now.”

The whistle heralded the departure of the train.

“Have a nice trip,” River waved to Eriko, already stepping backwards as if he could not get away from her soon enough.

She smiled, and then she disappeared in the long row of wagons that filed out of the station. River inhaled deeply, relieved. And mortified.