Blue Something: prologue 1

A warn summer evening. The warm breeze, flowing between the leafs of the trees.

I one semi-large detached house, a goblin was finishing his choirs.

The floor was swept, windows cleaned, he got finally rid of all the dust and he was just finishing the dishes.

His tiny red eyes sparkled with joy. Sure, the events of the day had made him a little nervous, but he knew that things never really get out of hand. That old bastard can take care of him self and hey, if he is lucky, there will be no-one to make a mess.



"Hey, Fipkus!"

Thous words shattered all his hopes. He ran fast to the hall.

There he stood in the door.

Covered in black and red blood, stinking of sewers, peaces of ripped fake-skin hanging from his face. His artificial arm was sadly hanging from his real arm.



"Couldn\'t you stay hiding a bit longer?" the goblin asked sarcastically.

"Hey, you know I hate the sewers and I doubt I can show my self like this anywhere else" the person replied wile removing his artificial skin. Under the pealed-off white skin, green scaly skin was visible. After a wile, long pointy ears were revealed. Fipkus never understood how he hid them. After removing the skin from the front of his face, a large ugly scar was revealed, a scar that gone hew way from the right eye across the face to the left cheek. Not that it was the only scar, but it was the most visible one.

He removed his green contact lenses, and revealed his yellow eyes.





"How could you bee so stupid?" Fipkus complained wile trying to unlock the handcuffs, only a absolute idiot would try to jump out of a window with bars on it"

"I thought I can make it" the assassin answered smiling.

The lock opened.

"Thanks, it looks like I have another pair for the collection"

He started undressing. It made him small problems, since he had only one arm.

"Damn, I liked this suit so much, how em I supposed the wash all that blood from it?"

"You? As long as I remember, It was always me who did this sort of things around here!" the goblin screamed furiously, his creamy yellow skin turning red and his short white hair standing up in anger.

"Pst, love, not hate."

This made him even more angry. "If you are so found of it, why did you allow them to beat you up that much!?"

"I\'m a assassin, not a warrior. I kill people, not fight them"

"You know exactly what I mean."

By the time, the green-skin was undressed and continued pealing off the fake skin from his morbidly-skinny body.



"The clients said, that no opposing witness shall speak before the court. I got them all, except for one. I knew one important witness was still out there, but I was not able to find out who It was. Time was running out and my last chance to successfully fulfill the order was to do it right into the court-room. I was waiting for the right moment. But she was already starting and I had no other choice. And they noticed my move."

"Here you go" said the goblin, fetching him a bottle of mineral watter.

"Thanks"

"Oh, and Sekele..."

"Yes?"

"Do you expect me top clean up this whole mess you made?"

"Yes I do."





Sekele woke up. He sat on the bed. His injuries were completely healed.

He stood up and went to the window. He gazed upon the beautiful scenery while the breeze gently struck his face.

"I just love a good sunrise" he said "it gives you hope, it shows that all the good things are just beginning."

Fipkus entered the room. The lite made his hair look like cooper. He stood next to Sekele, gazing into the distance "man, that is one great sunset."

"Damn"

"Ask me."

"What?"

"Not what!"

"How does the process go?"

"It seems that Johnny will be free because of lack of evidence, congratulation, you helped another pig escape the justice."

"Its not the first time."

"But thats not what I wanted you to ask me."

"So what did you want me to ask you?"

"You know what."

"Aha. How long?"

"Two days."

"Damn, no wonder I\'m so hungry."



Sekele set off bravely to the kitchen. Upon entering the room the stood face to face with the refrigerator. He knew what to do. The gates of icy hell opened wide.

He stared in the cold dead eyes of the served heads of his victims. The last few days were stressing. He even had problems disposing of the bodies.

Sure, he could have dumped them into the river or the sewers, but that would be just wasting. There are so many things you can do with a body. It provides food, it provides quality material for clothings and furniture, and you just can\'t forget all thous artistic possibilities it provides to you.

Sekele looked them deep into the eyes and said "we\'re out of milk"

"Don\'t worry, I already made a list so..."

"... I can go shopping"

"No, you can\'t go shopping, they are looking for you!"

"I was masked"

"No mask can hide your long nose."

"All skrets have long noses"

"But there are not much one-armed skrets out there"

"Who cares?"

"They are looking for a green-skinned, long-nosed, one-armed demon. You could just go out there with a \'arrest me\' sign on your neck."

"They won\'t even think it\'s me."

"Why not?"

"Because everyone knows that no assassin is stupid enough to go out shopping when everyone is after him."



Sekele quickly dressed. Black socks, fancy black shoes, blue pants and a really gay looking pink T-shirt.

"And no assassin is stupid enough to go out shopping when everyone is after him dressed like this" he added while attaching a artificial arm, this one without fake flesh and skin.



The ride in the buss went peacefully. Sekele was happily gazing trough the window on the evening sky, wile everybody else was gazing at him.



Meanwhile, back home.

"Idiot, that guy lacks common sense" grumbled while standing behind the stove.

"He just goes for the kill and leaves me out of the whole fun."

After a while he started thinking "Hm, I think I should do something. There is so much human in the fridge, the ice-box and the smoking room. There is also some vegetables left. I think I make some human sup."

He took a pot and filled it with watter. Then he putted the pot on the stove, for the watter to boil, and he started searching for a knife to cut the onions.

Suddenly the windows broke open.



Discount shopping.

Sekele was checking his to-buy list.

"Hmm, vegetables, milk, tea, bread, yogurt, tinned fish, toilet paper, toilet cleaner..." he kept on reading the list "well, there is a lot to do!"



Home

A group of thugs entered the room "were is the Skret?" one of them screamed "I don\'t know" yelled Fipkus, more irritated than scared "don\'t make a fool out of me twerp!" the thug was raging "I really don\'t know were he is" Fipkus answered "that bastard never tells"

"Then let us leave a massage" said the boss-thug, the other thugs started pulling out their guns.



Discount shop

Sekele was facing one of the greatest dilemmas of his life.

Wheat bread, durum bread, spelt bread, emmer bread, rye bread, barley bread, corn bread, potato bread, oat bread, rice bread, sweetbread, French bread, Tin Vienna Bread, Pre-sliced bread, nut bread, cereal grain, flatbread...

Sekele\'s mind was browsing at the speed 1238 km/h

"Which one to choose?"



Real world

The writer became pissed off with the writing, and started browsing the internet for yaoi, yuri and hentai overly



Sometime later, at Sekele\'s and Fipkus\'s house.

His brain was all over the room. He was laing in a bloody puddle on the floor. His head shattered into peaces, he didn\'t even know what hit him.

Fipkus was smirking, the mobsters were shocked. "FIRE!" the thugs started shooting wildly at the creamy-yellow goblin. The twerp spin the knife, deflecting despite any laws of logic all the bullets.

"This is madness"

"THIS IS KITCHEN!"



Back to reality

The author is seriously contemplating suicide.



SHOPPING

Sekele was staring at the vegetables, wile the rest of the customers was staring at him.

"Hey you stooges" Sekele cried "never seen a guy buying broccoli before?"

He turned around to see some potatoes, just to see the Wanted signs with his face on it on the walls.

"Damn" he said "thats one ugly son of a bitch"



Home sweet home

The man was lying dying on the floor.

The kick that set him to the ground has broken his ribcage. The broken ribs pierced his lungs and now he was suffocating on his own blood.

Meanwhile, Fipkus continued his rampage.

With a sinning blade he charged a goon, chopping his both hands of. The second one didn\'t react quick enough and ended with a spliced skull. The third was luckier, he shot and he hit.

Fipkus dropped the knife. The goon prepared for a second shot but the goblin kicked the gun from his hand. He quickly grabbed a nearby rum-bottle and broke it over the mobsters head.



at the shop

"Sir, sir!" the skřet was was calling the clerk "could you help me here?"

"How may I help you sir?"

"What is the difference between English and India tea?"

"?"

"I mean, the English do bring the tea from India, do they? Then what the hell is the difference? Do they mix the tea differently? Or do they use different fermentations? Or is it just another result of the British colonial tradition that claims everything as their own?"

"..."



A bullet hit Fipkus\'s shoulder. The warrior remained in control. He grabbed a pot from the stove and spilled boiling watter in the attackers face. THe goblin warrior than grabbed his gun and shot him in the face.

Three times the gun shot. Three times the bullet found its spot. Then it was kicked of his hands. That guy came back to himself. He stank of rum, his ayes were glowing wit hatred, his head was bleeding, his face was full of rage.

Fipkus lit a match.



"Hmm, tuna"



The thug was screaming, he was running around in flames. Fipkus took a broom and started bashing him furiously.



The skřet assassin was on his way home. He sang a happy song when suddenly two strangers confronted him.

"Hello, we are from TV Random, the randomest exclamations ever, do you have a message for our viewers?"

"Having a penis is GREAT!"



The man was lying on the floor among his dead colleagues. He was seriously burned and heavily beaten. He was breathing.

"OK man" the pale goblin said "It is time for YOU giving ME some answers!"



Sekele was walking down the street. It was night. He couldn\'t wait to be home again. But then, he saw the greatest temptation of his life

LATE NIGHT PINGPONG



The guy run out of the house in tears

Fipkus finally knew the meaning of this incident.

He looked around himself and felt horrible.

He will have to clean this mess up.



3rd round, Sekele is winning.



The author went to make some tea.



He was finally home.

Sekele was sitting at the couch wile Fipkus sat next to him. They were tallking.

"So basically old Ross didn\'t want to pay and also wanted to get rid of a witness, so he sent his goons to get you."

"So it was good I went shopping"

"Actually, yes" answered Fipkus. His injuries were healing.

"And what did you do with that guy who told you this?"

"Originally I wanted to slaughter him and put him on the pile to the others, but he started whining and peed his pants. That repulsed me so much that I let him run."

"You know Fipkus, I think we should pay a little visit to mr. Ross"

"Which one?"

"Both"



Meanwhile detective Yun was watching tv. She hoped thet Random TV, the most stupid TV show ever will cheer her up.

"Having a penis is GREAT!"

She almost spit out her coffee.