Unwanted

How could move forward?...

A week had passed, life goes on, it didnt stop just for him to feel better or to erase what happened to him...when everytime he looks at himself in a mirror....all the time..he saw that man´s face...

Three....he broke three mirrors by now....

His taller friend saved the last two from his grasp the last time he losses his mind, and wanted to stamp the object against the opposite wall....screaming....shivering....blaming someone between sobs...

He´s a good friend...everytime he needs someone, he was there...he didnt need his words....and the taller boy understand...and just give him company...

He was visiting some psichiastrist now...they forced him...at the begining he just sat there...without talking...two longer hours...and she didnt pressure him either...just sit there at his side....she didnt look at him with pity in her eyes, just like the rest of all....well except from his friend...Then she asked things...and then he asked her aswell...she likes baseball, and so the conversations get another level, complicity, they were like friends after that...They played outside once in a while...He enjoys her company...

He was ready...and they talked about it...it hurts...cause she told him that it wasnt his fault...but he felt the other way....if he didnt look like he does, or walk the way he walks, or wears those clothes they made him to wear....

...if he didnt born...

...maybe...just maybe....that man wouldnt touch him....

She said so many things....his friend said them too....

-...it wasnt your fault....

...but then, who´s fault is?....


********************


He atented to his life twice, he wasnt thinking...he was taking a shower....all relaxed for the first time in weeks....but then, he noticed blood....inside his tights....he remained mute....and slowly raised his eyes....

he was there....sneered at him....

he screamed....but not sound came out....he was desperated....he tried to run away....

Someone was screaming at him....

"wake up"....

"it´s just a nightmare"....."please wake up"....

He runs....he wanted the pain to go away....the memories to erase....the dirty feeling to dissapear....

It was two times he slides the little knife across his wirts...

Now the apartment doesnt have any metal thing or mirrors, and his tall friend keep an eye on him the entire time now, he came to pick him up, he came to make him dinner, or lunch....sometimes he slept there too...in the same bed....cause many times he needed to shake him until he woke up from his nightmares...

He thought that his friend was doing too much some times, and he asked...those black eyes stared at him and a warm smile formed in those lips...

-...i love you...

he said....and he believed him....

but he loves someone else....someone who wasnt there right now....someone who was so far away....and who didnt know anything....


***************


-He would be coming back....this days....


he remained silent....finding th stars outside so interesting...

-Come on....i would bring you home....

a warm hand squeeze his gently....and he followed....with a thousand of thoughts in his head...Do he want to meet his lover any time soon?....Would his boyfriend love him still...after...?...

The taller boy acompanied him until they reached the door, he stared at him....

-..you didnt stay tonight?....

-I have an enterview....but i would be here before you get to bed ok?...

-ok...

a kiss was planted in his messy hair...and the taller one...said goodbye...if he didnt love his boyfriend...he would be sure he can....love him....just the way those black eyes asking him....but riht now he didnt even know how to face himself...She said that he needs only time....time and good friends....just like him....


He opened the door...


tbc