Second Chances

SECOND CHANCES

Chapter 2

Late morning dawned gray and overcast matching my mood when I woke up. I crawled slowly out of the bed only wishing I could climb back in pulling the covers over my head to shut out the world around me. I persevered, knowing that Kim, Bruce and Mara would be here in an hour.

I made my way into the bathroom doing my morning absolutions on automatic stripping down and showering without any thought to my actions. When does the hollow feeling go away? When do I stop feeling numb inside? When do I get the pieces of my heart back so I can start putting them back together? All of these questions made their circuit through my head as I dressed and made my way downstairs to eat something.

I made it to the kitchen without coming to a profound epiphany in regards to the questions that still were racing through my head. I guess like the common question of the meaning of life, these were just never meant for us mere mortals to know.

Finally making it into the kitchen, I willed myself not to look out towards Brett’s house as I grabbed the cereal and made myself a bowl taking it into the dining room.

Mom was sitting down looking over some papers and looked up at me when I sat down, “How are you this morning?” she asked with a tiny smile and a concerned look in her eyes.

“Taking it a step at a time.” I told her returning her smile. Mom patted my hand and turned back to her papers letting me eat my cereal in peace. That’s the cool thing about mom; she knows that if I need to say something I will. She doesn’t hassle me about it.

The doorbell rang as I going to the kitchen to wash out my bowl so I made a detour answering the door. Bruce, Kim and Mara stood on the other side smiling at me in way of greeting and that caused my spirits to lift just at the sight.

“Come on in guys, I just need to put this up. Go on into the living room be there in a sec.” I told them opening the door wider letting them through then resuming my path to the kitchen.

They were scattered around the living room furniture sitting quietly lost in their own thoughts as I came into the room. I tentatively curled myself into my favorite chair and joined the silence not wanting to be the first to speak. I didn’t know what to say to them; technically, I have kept this secret from two of my good friends Bruce and Kim as well, but they didn’t seem to upset about it. I just met Mara tonight but she is starting to hold some of my trust and admiration especially since our conversation on the deck last night.

“I just want to tell you personally that I will be there for whatever happens when school starts.” Bruce said starting out the conversation.

“We all will, I will be going to school there at the end of this break so you can count me into the equation as well.” Mara said reaching over squeezing my hand.

“Thanks guys. You don’t know how much this means to me to have your support.” I told them breathing a sigh of relief. I know Kim told me that they would stand behind me last night, but having them say it to me here and now made me relax a little more.

“I guess I will know how people take me being gay tomorrow at school, until then, I am going to try not to worry myself sick over it.” I said to them with a feeling of false braveness. I think they could see through it but they didn’t call me on it. I guess they wanted me to have my moment, even if it was a mirage.

We spent the rest of the day just hanging out and watching movies until it grew dark and they needed to head home and get ready for school the next morning. After saying our goodbyes, I kissed my mother goodnight and went to my room knowing I had a long tormented night ahead of me.

I spent my night as predicted, tossing and turning with nightmares about kids taunting me thrown in the mix. By the time I got up the next morning, I looked like I felt – like I had been through the proverbial ringer.

By the time I made it down to the kitchen for breakfast my stomach was churning rapidly, sweat was forming a thin sheen on my body, and my hands shook.

I tried not to be scared of what others might think of me and be glad that I no longer have anything to hide so I can be myself. Elizabeth Stanton’s words say it best when she said, “The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.”

I didn’t want to be dead inside from continuously hiding myself from others. Now that it out in the open I will deal with it. I just thank whatever deity is listening that I didn’t have to do it alone.

Mom was driving me to school this morning knowing I didn’t have a ride, since I doubted Brett was willing to take me. Sure enough, his car was gone when we walked out. I stared briefly at the empty space and remember the time when he got his license and I was the first one he took out in his car.

Shaking loose the memory, I got in the car and watched the world whiz by as mom drove. Pulling up at the school you could feel the melancholy of the students wishing the break was longer, it vibrated in the air along with the excitement of the seniors that it was just one day closer to graduation.

“Call me if it gets to the point of being physical. I will come and get you ok?” Mom said smiling at me trying to put up a brave front behind scared eyes.

“I promise. I will call you when I get home.” I said in parting taking a deep breath and exiting the car.

I immediately spotted Bruce, Kim and Mara hanging around the front and they waved me over to them. Putting on a smile, I walked over to them stopping briefly to wave goodbye to my mom.

“We were afraid you might have stayed home today.” Mara said giving me a hug.

“I almost did, but I knew I couldn’t put this off any longer. I might as well get this over with.” I told her running a still shaky hand through my tousled hair. I was not motivated to spike it this morning so it had; the ‘just out of bed’ look today.

Kim and I broke off from the group after the first bell rang and headed to our homeroom. Kim and I shared the first three periods and we had the same lunch with Bruce then I had the next two periods with Bruce and the last period without them unless Mara by chance ends up there. I also had majority of the same classes as Brett and the last two with Curtis and Mark. This will make for a very interesting day unfortunately not the good kind of interesting.

The first 3 periods flew by without a major incident; Brett just ignored me in the classes that we shared so I started to relax a little. By the time lunch rolled around, my hand finally stopped shaking.

Turns out Mara ended up with a locker near Bruce and I, I was between Bruce and Brett and Mara got the locker on the other side of Bruce. Kim was always at Bruce’s locker because hers was down another hall so she kept her books in Bruce’s locker. At lunchtime, we didn’t have to wait on anybody, just meet up and head to lunch.

The trouble began at lunch; I really thought my day was going to go well until that moment. The moment when I walked into the cafeteria, Curtis and Mark loudly announced to the room that I was the school fag.

I felt mortification slam into me and stop me in my tracks. I felt my friends tense up and the anger flow. “Don’t stoop to their level, let’s just get our food and ignore them.” I told them hoping most people would take it as a joke and leave it alone.

I felt the weight of their stares as I made my way through the line, but I kept my head high and pretended that it didn’t faze me. On the inside, I shook in fear and mortification that my secret was now out to the school.

After grabbing our food, we made our way to our usual table sitting down only to have some of my so-called friends get up and mutter something to effect of not wanting to sit with any queers.

“Did they have to announce it to the whole school?” Kim said angrily stabbing at her salad.

“They are just doing what comes natural to them, being first class asses!” Bruce said glaring at the two in question a few tables away.

I heard Curtis and Mark snickering loudly and shouting out names in my direction. The stomach churning and the shaky hand came back full force but I was determined to make it through the day.

The room seemed to grow quiet all of a sudden, looking up I knew why. Brett was walking toward our table with his lunch. I think we all might have looked at him with anticipation, thinking that maybe he had time to think and cool down from the other night. To my horror, I saw him veer off and sit down next to Curtis and Mark.

I looked over at the table and noticed Curtis smirking at me before turning to talk to Brett. Brett never looked over at me; he acted as though I didn’t exist.

The noise in the cafeteria rose to a new level at the juicy gossip they all got to witness. Brett Hightower turned his back on his gay best friend Adam Grey.

Brett sat at that table laughing and joking with the same two assholes that made my high school life hell. That hurt so bad, I guess he really doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.

“I can’t believe him!” Bruce exclaimed slamming his fist down onto the table. “How can he do this to you? He is suppose to be your best friend, someone who is suppose to be there for you no matter what.”

How do you answer that? I couldn’t, so I remained just as silent as Kim and Mara. We all seem to loose our appetites so we threw out our trash and made our way out of the cafeteria each reflecting on what just transpired.

The rest of the day got worse, more people got in on the taunting especially since everyone knew Brett turned his back me. I made it through it with only the verbal whips of the tongue. Thank heavens there wasn’t anything of the physical nature. Sticks and stones…

The rest of January and half of February passed much the same way that day did. If the taunts started to die down, Curtis and Mark always made sure to stir the pot again.

Bruce, Kim and Mara were my rocks during this time; they were true to their word and stuck by me through it all.


**~**~**~**

I remember the day clearly, as if it were yesterday. After school, I had to talk to my Science teacher about the possibility of one of my research papers being eligible for a national competition of some sorts. When I finished up with her, I remember glancing outside at the darkening sky thinking that we were in for a severe storm.

I walked to my locker excited about the plans I had with my friends in an hour needing the promise of fun after another trying week. The halls were almost empty, with a few students and faculty hurriedly walking the hallways trying to finish what they need to do so they can leave for the weekend.

Gathering what I need from my locker, I made my way outside to make my way to Mara’s car. I passed through the breezeway that connected the gym to the rest of the school and was immediate grabbed and picked up from behind. Before I could scream a large hand clamped down around my mouth and my aggressor’s other arm squeezed my chest tightly.

I could tell that my attacker was male, just from the look of his hands and arms. I heard the laughter from my attacker vibrating in his chest as he hauled up and against it. I was dragged backwards squirming and kicking to the field in the rear of the school, terrified at the thought that no one would think to look for my body behind the school for a long time.

He removed his hand from my mouth, but it was replaced immediately by duck tape and then I was thrown roughly to the ground. I lay there briefly stunned from the impact, someone kneeled down in the rapidly dampening ground and shoved me onto my stomach grabbing my arms and taping them behind my back.


After I was able to focus, I looked up and noticed that I was surrounded by a several jocks of the various sports, but the main cast of characters was none other than Curtis, Mark and Brett. “Brett wouldn’t let them hurt me would he?” I asked myself feeling a lead weight drop in my stomach at my situation.

Mark bent down grabbing me by my restrained arms and yanked me to my feet. I began yelling into the tape regardless if someone was able to hear me or not. “Shut the fuck up fag!” Mark yelled backhanding me back down. He picked me back up, the rest gathered in a circle, and they began tossing me back and forth between them taunting me with any name they could think of. What hurt the most was the fact that Brett stood out of the circle and watched with a cold smile pasted on his face.

After a moment of watching them torment me, he turned and walked away, “Just scare him. I’ve got to go; I have to get ready for my date.” With those words, he disappeared around the building taking my last thread of hope that he would come around.

“Please let this be all that they do to me.” I thought not caring if they saw the tears flow from my eyes.

What felt like an eternity later, they all began to disperse, leaving me with Curtis and Mark. They shoved me back down, Mark bent down, and I felt my hands break free from their bonds and the tape ripping skin off my lips when he yanked it off. “It is finally over.” I thought to myself in relief.

“Wait a second Mark; I don’t think he really learned his lesson.” Curtis says grinning evilly down at me. My fear levels escalated to an all time high at those words. Before I could even move, I felt a hard kick to my stomach knocking the breath from my body on impact. The kicks and punches didn’t seem to ever stop; they came in rapid succession all over my body. I felt those fists and shoes hit my soft flesh, feeling each bruise beginning to form. I even heard something break with a sickening crack that caused me to have a hard time breathing. The only thing I could do was tuck myself into a fetal position covering my head with my arms.

“This is what you will get everyday I see you in my school you fucking faggot!” Curtis yelled with a final kick to the back of my head.

His foot caught some of my fingers that were cradling my head and I felt some break upon impact. I screamed in renewed torment, adding to the existing pain that resonated through my body. The air was filled with my cries of pain and grief as Curtis and Mark left.

I don’t know how much time passed. When I could move, I rolled myself onto my back trying to evaluate the damage that had been done to my beaten and broken body. My whole body felt like a huge bruise, it hurt to blink.

Looking up at the sky, I saw lightening streaking across black clouds and I heard thunder rumble in the air causing the ground to vibrate in response. Tears continued to run down my face and the skies felt my pain and cried with me. The rain mixed with my tears of agony and defeat cleansing the blood off my broken form, leaving behind tremors of cold that caused my body to convulse, adding to my pain.

The rain fell harder in its anguish, the lightening sought the ground in retribution and the thunder grew more violent in its reverberation – but through it all I heard someone screaming my name. I wanted to answer, to have someone help me stop the pain, but the pain ruled my body and it did not let me speak. I closed my eyes hoping whoever called would find me. I let the darkness begin to lure me in its arms of promised relief.

“What the hell happened to you?” Bruce yelled snapping me away from those comforting arms of sleep.

“…” I couldn’t get the words out of my blue trembling lips. I wanted to tell him of the betrayal of my best friend and the beating I took from Curtis and Mark. The words just would not come through my struggling breaths.

“Oh God!” Mara shouted in distress as she squatted down on the other side of me.

“Call 911!” Bruce said snapping Mara out of her shock. I watched Mara through rain and tear streaked eyes pull out her cell phone with shaky hands fumbling through the dialing sequence.

“I am sorry for not being there Adam. Mara and I were worried when you didn’t show up at the car, but when she saw Curtis and Mark coming from the back of the school with blood on their clothes we knew they did something to you. I am feeling bad that I didn’t get here sooner.” Bruce said quickly looking down at me trying to find a place on my body he could touch without causing me pain.

“Just hold on, the ambulance will be here in a minute.” Mara said hanging up her cell phone gently brushing the hair out of my face. “Oh damn! Let me call you mom and have her meet us at Mercy.” Mara said pulling out her cell phone again.

I couldn’t wait to see my mom; something about moms making things better warmed me a little inside. In the distance I heard the wail of a siren blend into the music the storm was making - bringing with it hope.

I must have passed out in relief because the next thing I knew I was being rushed inside the ambulance with paramedics yelling questions. Who they were questioning I wasn’t sure all I could think about was the sound of the rain drumming its beat on the ambulance. It was soothing, yet frightening at the same time.

“Don’t you dare die on me!” Bruce was saying with a panicked voice that seemed far away, like he was on the far side of a large room and walking farther away.


**~**~**~**


I awoke with my head pounding fiercely and my mom holding my hand pleading for me to wake up. I opened my eyes only to find out that everything looked like I was looking through a distorted lens. I tried turning my head in the direction of my mothers voice but tiny explosions went off in my head behind my eyes. I groaned in extreme pain at the movement – at any movement. I closed my eyes again, my body felt like it was on fire, and my ribs hurt so bad that it caused me to take very shallow breaths.

“Mom?” I croaked out through a dry scratchy throat. “I hurt.”

“I know baby. The doctor said that he won’t be able to give you any pain medication yet. He wants to make sure there isn’t anything more serious happening to you before he does. I am just glad you are awake now.” Mom said sobbing softly in relief.

“Your Uncle Brandon is here. He is asleep in the chair on your other side. Those two boys were arrested yesterday but they are out on bail so your Uncle Brandon has one of his security team on the door. You don’t have to worry about them trying to get you here. You just get better soon sweetie.”

I didn’t get a chance to respond before a nurse came in and started to poke, prod and fuss over me. All I could do was groan in response wishing I was sleeping again. During the tortured nurse experience, my Uncle Brandon woke up and rushed over to my bed.

“Adam, I am glad you are awake!” he said gently placing his hand in mine.

“Thanks for coming Uncle Brandon.” I croaked out. Not able to turn my head or open my eyes without causing myself some more pain, I squeezed his hand.

“Glad to see you are awake Adam.” said a voice coming from the other side of the room. My automatic response was to turn my head in that direction which of course caused more of those wonderful tiny explosions to go off. My head began to pound harder with a renewed effort. I groaned loudly as the blood pounded in my ears and I gasped for breath.

“Take small shallow breathes, you have two broken ribs and one punctured your lung causing it to collapse, we had to put a chest tube in. The pain and blurry vision you are experiencing is from a severe concussion. You also have a broken finger on your left hand and have deep severe bruising covering majority of your body. It’s going to take time, but you are going to heal just fine.” The doctor said to me. His voice was the type that offered soothing comfort just by the sound of it.

“Thanks Dr…” I said trailing off not knowing his name.

“Oh, sorry. I get caught up in telling you what was wrong, I forgot to introduce myself.” The doctor said chuckling softly. “My name is Dr. Grant and if you need something don’t hesitate to call. I will check on you later this evening so try to get some rest.”

I heard footsteps walking away and the door softly closing before I drifted off in an uneasy sleep.

When I awoke, I could see a little better but my head was still hammering. I heard several voices in the room having a whispered conversation. I slowly turned my head in that direction to see mom, Uncle Brandon, Bruce and Kim.

“Hey guys.” I said after clearing my throat. “It’s good to see you.”

Bruce and Kim raced to my bed each smiling brightly. “Glad to see you awake Adam. We were beginning to think that you were going to be lazy and sleep the day away.” Bruce said jokingly.

“Don’t worry; I will get to take plenty of naps when you leave.” I told him smiling. I didn't want to attempt laughing because of the pain it would cause my ribs and head.
“I was so worried about you!” Kim said softly smiling down at me with a gentle smile. “What happened yesterday? Bruce and Mara only told me what happened after they found you.”

Everyone gathered around my bed wanting to know the answer as well. I slowly told them what occurred. When I told them about Brett all I could feel was numb inside. I don’t think I will ever understand why and that doesn’t help me when I feel so betrayed.

“Thank God you are going to be ok. What are you going to do about school?” Kim asked frowning at the thought of me having to go back.

“Maybe you should think about graduating early and coming to live with me. You wanted to attend Worthington University anyways; you will just start this spring instead of this fall.” Uncle Brandon said before I could answer. “Your mother and I talked about it and wanted to give you that option.”

“You know that Bruce and I are planning to attend there as well. You can go early and scope out all the great coffee houses.” Kim said smiling excitedly at the thought of coffee.

Kim is a coffee addict. We have to monitor how much caffeine she inhales or else she will bounce off walls for several days straight. I remember the time she first tried a double espresso, she drank four of them that day. By the time, we could get her to sleep - 3 days later - we needed to drink one. It was a good thing it was summer time, I think the school might have thought she was on some illegal drugs otherwise. Now, without her knowing, we try to substitute her coffees for decaf when we can, it helps a lot!

“I don’t want to feel like I am running away, but I don’t want to go back either.” I told them still unsure of what to do. I really would like to get away from here. I think that if it was just Curtis, Mark and their friends I could take a few more months of this, it would be hard, but I could do it. The memories of Brett and what he did - my supposed best friend, the guy who said that he would always be there for me – now that, I have to get away from. That pain from those memories and the memories of us as friends hurts the most.

I explained to them what I was thinking and feeling. After reaching my decision, we talked about what was needed to be done for my early graduation and early entrance into college. My Uncle Brandon had to become my guardian because I am still a minor and I get to live with him. I don’t think the university wants me a 15-year-old living in a dorm filled with young adults that could corrupt my impressionable mind. Please! I am so glad that I don’t have to live in a dorm; I rather live with my Uncle Brandon than with a stranger. I know that it is good to meet new people and learn to get along with a stranger living with you, but I will get plenty of chances to meet people in classes and just around campus.

A detective showed up wanting to get a statement from me and to let me know what was happening with my case. I repeated my version of what happened to him and then he told me a long list of things they were charging Curtis and Mark with and what they were going to charge the boys that were there in the beginning. I didn’t feel bad when I told him about Brett being one of them, I was still feeling numb inside.

I began to get tired and drifted off before I could warn anyone. I guess they were ok with it because no one attempted to wake me, I figured that they knew my body needed to rest to heal.

The next few days were much of the same with a few variations. My mom arranged with the school for them to send someone over to the hospital to give me the tests I needed to challenge my classes for credit. I guess they were being this helpful because I got hurt on school grounds and didn’t want any problems out of us. I was just glad that I was getting this over with and not have to go back.

There was someone here with me; I guess they came up with a schedule of some sorts. I was never alone except for when the doctor had to examine me or when they removed my chest tube.

By the time I was to be released, I was breathing better but still shallowly because of my ribs, and my head didn’t hurt so badly. I still had ugly looking bruises all over me and a splint on my left middle finger from the break.

Mom, Uncle Brandon, Bruce, Kim and Mara were all in my room the day I was to be released. I didn’t understand why they show up, but I was just happy to be leaving.

“I have packed up your room and it is being shipped to Bayside as we speak. I will be going with you and Brandon to help you get settled in at his house. We knew you didn’t want to go home yet because of Brett, so we went ahead with moving your stuff for you.” Mom said to me explaining.
“We figured we would all go to breakfast so you can say goodbye to your friends and then head out.” Mom said as the nurse helped me into the wheel chair.

“Sounds good to me. Thanks for doing this mom. I know you weren’t expecting me to leave so soon.” I told her knowing how she must be feeling. I was feeling the same way. I am going to miss her a lot.

Breakfast went well; I felt loved sitting there among my family and friends, the same ones that have helped me through some tough times in my life. I have a warm feeling that these will be the same ones that will be there for me years from now. I have heard how hard it is to find good solid friends; I have found mine and hope to add more later down the road.

Beginning a new chapter in my life is exciting and scary. I am dragging a lot of baggage with me into this beginning of a new chapter of my life. I just hope I can let some of it go before it drowns me.

Looking out the window as the scenery changes, I ponder what new and exciting things might happen. I have finally understood that road of life has many bumps, twists and turns. It doesn’t matter how fast I go, just that I get to the end happy with the things I have accomplished and with the least amount of psychological damage.