Keerento

A/N So, this has taking, hmmm, damn well forever to update. I am just stuck between one or two plotlines where this could go, so I finally just picked one and we'll see where it leads us. This chapter ain't that great,lots of mistakes and all, and I'm just putting it up. Might be due to my concussion at the moment, but either way, I'm putting the damn chapter up in all it's suckiness. I said I would finish all my stories, and this one is not going to defeat me, ha.

Chatpter 1 - Losing Icha

“No. You have to slice here and here or you lose most of meat, dummy,” he said, stopping the small hand before it sliced into the fish in front of her. They were only a couple miles from the protection of the grotto, but that didn’t mean shit when it came to safety, as usual. The midget was watching his every move as he cut into his own fish with a knife He tried to do it slowly so that she could see clearly enough to imitate it properly. Which she did, her small tongue sticking out as she concentrated on copying him exactly. He was constantly surprised at how skilled her babyish hands could actually be, although he was more surprised that she was still with him after a whole damn year.

It wasn’t as though he hadn’t intended to get rid of her. Hell, as soon as the snowstorm had passed, he’d wrapped her up in an extra fur and carried her right over to the nearest outpost to toss into the first lap who expressed interest. He would have just tossed her back where he found her, but she’d pulled her ‘I’m cute and blue eyed’ crap again and he’d started to feel low enough that he’d made the extra effort to find her someone that would feed her, at least. And then he’d done possibly the stupidest, most out of character thing he’d ever done in his life. One of the taverns had a couple who said they’d take the kid, and he’d handed her over, even though the little squirt started wailing fit to wake the dead as he walked away. But just as he was stepping out the door, he’d heard a heavy slap and a thud as they’d knocked the kid to the floor.

And that’s when stupidity reared its ugly head. Because being knocked to the ground was a good thing. Learning that the world was a nasty place, that you needed to toughen up if you wanted to make it, if you didn’t want to get killed before you even had a chance to live…that was a good thing. But looking back at her briefly, seeing the look of utter and complete shocked betrayal on that stupid, cute, chubby cheeked face, he’d walked back, picked her up, and taken her right back to the grotto.

He was a fucking idiot.

He had no desire for company, or for some stupid, useless, helpless little kid to hang around and bug the shit out of him all day. But he just hadn’t been able to leave her there.

He still wasn’t even sure why he’d done it. He kept telling himself every day that he was just going to drop her off somewhere and walk away. Every damn day he swore he’d do it, and then she’d wake up, smile that ridiculously joyful smile at him and run around laughing and jumping and hanging on his every word, not to mention his arms and leg and braid and every other body part she could get her hands on. And he’d fold like wet paper.

He was a fucking idiot.

Telling himself that he was simply going to teach the midget to learn how to survive on her own a little, he scoffed at himself. Right, and he was going to take her back to the outpost later in the afternoon, too. The only damn good thing about the whole mess was more a case of something not being quite so bad anymore. He hadn’t at first realized that she was young enough she’d need help figuring out when to take a piss, or where to go to do it, for that matter. That had been an interesting few months.
He wasn’t entirely sure how women did that sort of shit, so at the moment when he got up in the morning and stood in a good spot to pee, she stood next to him and did her business as well. He was sure that wouldn’t go over so well when she was grown, but like he cared. Worked fine for them now, didn’t it? And so far, although he would rather cut out his tongue than say this aloud to anyone, it wasn’t entirely bad having her around. A little dicey at times, especially as she still wasn’t all that great about shutting the hell up when it counted, although she was getting there. She really was a smart little thing.

“C’mon, we gotta get back and get the fire going for the fish.” She jumped up and smiled happily, handing him the fish she’d cut for him to wrap it. He tied it on his back and she held her hands up for him to tuck her into her sling and against his chest as she held onto his neck in the now familiar hold for him to pick up speed. He inhaled and caught her scent, light and innocent and babyish.

Not that he really cared, of course.

He built speed slowly. If anyone had mentioned that he used to take off at a blinding dash as soon as he started, he would have denied it. He certainly wasn’t altering his movement, or anything else, due to the new burden in his life. He was building speed slowly because it was easier. He was using a knife to clean fish and dress animals, instead of his claws, because he didn’t get as much blood under his nails and on his arms. Not because the little one could only use a knife. Certainly not.

As he approached the spot where he usually had to leap, he felt the kid’s hands tighten around his shirt and smiled proudly. She really was an observant little flitter. Within a few seconds they were going to be within sight of home, or at least the trees and bushes that obscured home from anyone else. And kept everyone out, as well. The Neegenai bushes below were almost impervious to edged weapons, and they would knock out any humans who came near them, while the Kurenai trees that shot up toward the sky were equally as repellant to Kuren. For whatever reason, half-bloods such as himself seemed to be unbothered by it…or at least that’s what he thought, considering that he was the only half-blood he knew of anywhere nearby, and certainly the only one who knew about the damn place.

The girl, however, was starting to recognize the trees and other growth around the forest before she even saw the telltale Kurenai breaking the skyline. He leapt up to the lowest branch, about 20 feet in the air, and continued up and over the brush below so the little one wouldn’t be harmed, before dropping into his refuge. So far, the child had learned very quickly not to go near the hot springs that dominated the little clearing, although he could see her checking it out periodically. Fear didn’t seem to be in her makeup, it seemed, so he was pretty sure she’d need to fall in it once again to keep her out for a while. Maybe he should start teaching her how to swim…

“Hey Icha, go fill up the water basin.”

“Sure hell will!”

He shook his head at the small piping voice from just above his knee. The way she tried to inject curse words into almost every phrase… He needed to work on that. Wouldn’t do to have her curse in such a screwball way when she got older. She’d need to get better at it. But at least getting the water kept her away from the fire. She seemed absolutely fascinated with the damn stuff ever since their first fire, almost as though she’d never seen one before, as weird as that felt. And still, she seemed very fond of almost catching her hair or clothes on fire, or pitching in face first and foregoing the catching on fire part entirely. At least with her tiny bucket and the water, it took her a good ten minutes to fill up the stone basin he’d carved out of the rocks at the side of the house. He was pretty proud of the damn thing, actually, as it connected to the inside of the kitchen. Fortunately, the underground stream that came up just next to the house wasn’t very deep, so the midget wouldn’t get into too much trouble if she fell in. Or at least she hadn’t yet. He was finding it pretty damn amazing how much mischief one tiny being could discover when his back was turned.

Not that he turned his back that often. She’d already been the victim of someone losing track of her, and been luckier than anyone deserved that he’d found her before another predator had. He wouldn’t make the same mistake; he wasn’t that stupid. Helpless things that weren’t protected or watched every moment didn’t live long here. So he rarely let her out of his sight, and never once they left the grotto. After the first few weeks, he’d finally given into the fact that she was likely going to be staying with him a while and made her the sling. He could wear it over his back when they were safe, or move it to the front when things got dicey. She’d almost been gutted on his back when a Shak had dropped on them from above, so he tended to have her ‘round front more often than not.

He kept an ear on the little one as she pranced back and forth with the water and grunted his approval as she came over and squatted next to him to watch as he finished skewering the fish and waiting for them to grill.

“Ro?”

He grunted again and the toddler took it as the response it was. “I get poin’y ears?”

“Pony ears? Why the hell would you get pony ears?” She giggled and shook her head.

“No! Pn’y ears! Pon’y ears!”

Wasn’t that what he’d just said? When he just looked at her, she stood up and reached for the sides of his head, patting the tips of his ears.

“Oh, pointy ears?” She nodded, smiling. “No, you won’t. You’re human, Icha, not Kuren.” Her blue eyes drooped a little bit, and he was very worried that she was going to start crying, which was just too much. He hated the wailing , annoying sound of crying.
And if he were honest, the sight of those pretty blue eyes growing teary twisted him a little inside. Which was so stupid he didn’t even want to think about it, but honestly, how had the Icha got through life without getting kidnapped for those eyes? He really wondered if she must be some nobleman’s git. That was the only way he could conceive of for her to be as trusting as she was and not have been taken for food or pleasure. You just didn’t stay that way for too long around here. He’d kept his ears open for information or rumors regarding a lost child, too, but he hadn’t heard a word. It was very odd.

And as much as he didn’t want her around, as much as he was sure he should get rid of her as soon as possible, he was finding the thought more and more unpleasant. His instincts practically shouted at him to keep her. Which meant that it was her family’s loss: she was his now. The last time his instincts had screamed at him, it had been telling him not to trust the old woman who had ended up knocking his ass out and arranging to sell him to an interested Kuren. He’d gotten away and killed them both, but he didn’t ignore that inner sense ever again. He was keeping the Icha.

Getting things done was going to become more of a bitch, though. Hunting so far involved finding something completely helpless so that she wouldn’t be in danger hanging onto him as he made the kill. With some extra effort, it was working for them now, but it wouldn’t be enough as she started to get older. Actually, it wasn’t going to be so great for him, either, before too long. He had gone through a hell of a lot of food stores to make up for the drop in hunting, and the time he had to take to gather or trade for plant stuffs was eating into his ability to get enough meat to survive. He was much more of a carnivore, even with his human blood, but he remembered his father eating vegetables and fruits daily when he could get them, so he’d figured a human child would likely need the same. So far, the little one was so small that he’d been able to hide her under his cloak when he went to the trading posts, wrapping her in a shirt to hide her scent from those around them that might have enough Kuren to make a difference, but she’d be too big for that some day as well, he imagined. Would she be big enough to leave at home, or would he have to find some other way to hide her when he traded? Shit, he was gong to have to think of someway to deal with it.

Laying on the only pallet that night with her tucked up against his side, he was still running things around in his head. He needed to stop procrastinating and make some real changes to his way of doing things, changes that would last longer than a few months. Feeling her sigh softly against his side, a tiny hand reaching up to pull his arm over her like a blanket, he smiled slightly, accepting it. He was going to be raising a human.
Life was truly a fucked up thing.

###

Two days later, he looked at the small hidden cellar he’d dug. He’d dredged his memory and made it as similar as he could to the one his parents had made for him every time they’d moved to a new location. There’s been quite a few of them, as he recalled. Cross blood matings weren’t looked favorably on by most people, and most especially by his mother’s relatives. They didn’t have the luxury of building a permanent home.

But they’d never found somewhere as safe as he had.

He didn’t have to bother gesturing the little Icha over; she’d been helping him dig out the damn thing every step of the way. He simply pointed down into it.

“I’ve got to get us some meat today, Icha. This is where you’ll be staying.” She looked into the darker depths of the little burrow, lacking the grin that usually accompanied a new experience. She looked back up at him dubiously.

“Ro not staying?”

“No, Ro has to hunt. I need to take down something big that’ll last for a while, but it’s too dangerous for you to come, got it? I’ll be back later this afternoon, so I need you to stay down here, out of sight, until I get back. Anything big comes around, you stay quiet and don’t say a word; and don’t come out until I do. If I don’t come back, you stay ‘til it’s morning again before you come out. Understand?”

Her little lower lip trembled briefly and Ro fought the urge to give her a hug. They had to do this sometime. Just because he hadn’t let her out of his sight in almost a year didn’t mean that this was any less necessary. It was just…very, very difficult. He sighed as she refused to respond.

“Icha, when I put you here, unless there’s trouble, you stay until I come back, understand?” She looked up at him solemnly, finally nodding after examining his face.

“I stay ‘til Ro come back.”

“Right. Okay, now we’re gonna try this. You crawl in and I’ll close the entrance. Remember, anything comes and tries to get in, you stay real quiet and hide in the back, got it? And if something makes it all the way into the den, you go out the back and pull the stick. And then hide yourself. I’ll find you.”

Icha frowned. “I not sposed to touch stick?”

“Good memory. You’re inside the den, don’t EVER touch the stick, that’s right. But if you’ve gotta run away, then get out and THEN pull the stick. Only pull the stick if you’re outside.”

“Out and pull stick.”

“Right. Now I’m going away, so you crawl inside, and I’d better find you inside when I get back! Got it!” As usual, he tried to sound very firm and menacing, and as she’d done from the first damn day, she ignored it, patting his hand even as she moped, crawling down inside. He waited until he heard her reach the middle and then carefully lowered the top. It blended perfectly with the ground around it. He sighed as she started to sing to herself.

“Icha, no singing! You can’t sing to yourself in there!”

There was a moment of silence.

“Talk?”

“No, no talking to yourself either!” He paused, thinking. “Or yelling. Understand?”

Another silence.

“Clap?”

“No! No clapping or whistling or stomping or anything like that! No being loud! You’ve gotta be quiet!”

“I be quiet.” Came a loud whisper from inside the den.

He sighed to himself. “Sweetheart, don’t whisper either. It’s too loud.”

“No whisper,” she whispered back, and then, finally, the silence lasted.

“I’m going now. I’ll be back soon.” He walked away and hid behind a tree, watching. This was the first time in the entire year that she’d been by herself and while she was actually very good about following orders, he still wasn’t sure if she was old enough to follow them when he wasn’t there. He stayed for quite a while, checking to see if the little one obeyed him, and finally sighed in relief as no noise emerged from the hidey hole. Now he could go hunt and she was as safe as he could make her without a partner to help him.

Blue eyes watched him slip out from behind the tree and leave the area. Small, chubby fingers drew odd shapes and squiggles in the dirt as the little girl waited, and a soft, cheerful humming slowly grew in volume. Humming was quiet, not like singing. And Ro never said she couldn’t hum.

###

Ro grumbled to himself as he stomped through the bushes to the grotto. It had taken a hell of a lot longer than he’d hoped to find something decent sized to take down. Dressing the meat to carry back had taken still longer, and now it was late afternoon and he was anxious to see how the bug was doing. He’d left water and food with her, but she’d been alone for hours now. Not that he’d had any choice about it, really. He couldn’t leave her alone inside the forest, not even for a few minutes. It was far too easy to be eaten or kidnapped out there. He just truly hated the idea of her all alone, anywhere, right now. She was so damn small.

Walking through the barrier of the Neegenai, the first time he’d done so since he’d acquired Icha, he started calling her name softly.

“Icha, I’m back. You can come out now.”

There was no sound from the little hole and he wondered if she’d fallen asleep. It was the right time of day for it, even if such a thing was rare these days.

“Icha, time to wake up.” He put the meat on the rocks next to the hot springs and walked quickly over to the concealed door into the ground, picking it up carefully. Peering down, he called her again. “Icha, c’mon now, time to get out.”

The only sound he heard was the water of the little stream out the back of his house and a cold feeling settled into his gut. “Icha, answer me!”

With still no response, he put his torso down the hole entirely, looking quickly around. He couldn’t get in; he’d made it deliberately difficult for something larger to enter just so that Icha would have a chance to escape if she needed. But, the stick wasn’t pulled. She hadn’t yanked the stick, and he didn’t smell anyone else there.

He sprinted around the house to the back entrance and found it standing wide open, with Icha’s scent emerging, thank the Gods. But what had she been doing?? He called her name quietly as he tried to follow the scent. She had gone inside the house, and he found one the knife he’d made for her missing, although the woolen cloak that he’d traded for was still hanging high on a peg. He went back out, found the scent again leading towards the Neegenai and he sighed in relief. She must have gone to find him, but the Neegenai would have stopped her. No wonder she hadn’t answered, though. They would have knocked her out almost immediately, although he was impressed that she’d tried. Usually they were so repellant that humans didn’t even want to come anywhere near them.

Stepping carefully, he entered the bushes, looking down for her body as he slid through, frowning as her scent continued on. The farther he moved into the bush, however, the more worried he became. She shouldn’t have been able to come this far. The bushes should have stopped her cold. Yet, her scent continued straight through as though she wasn’t even slowed by them! What the hell was going on?!

As he emerged from the bushes, still following her scent, Ro started to panic. He didn’t know how she’d made it out, and he didn’t care. She was out in the forest! Alone! The scent wasn’t fresh, either, at least an hour or two old. She’d been outside the grotto for this long? Rapidly tracking her, he shoved down the pain. If he thought about what could happen to her, he wouldn’t be able to move, and he needed every last ounce of concentration he had right now. He used everything; every subtle smell of Icha and the scent of cut greenery where she’d passed, every faint impression in the ground, every miniscule detail that would help him move faster and find her. He had to get to her!

Her path wove all over the place and he found himself backtracking a number of times because one leap alone was enough to pass over her trail. As much as it complicated finding her, the winding trail was actually comforting. At least he knew she wasn’t being lured away or chased yet: the path would have been a lot more direct if that were the case. After thirty minutes of searching, he still hadn’t found her, but to his amazement nothing seemed to have crossed her path and started tracking her as well. Maybe she was all right. Maybe she was unharmed. He tried not to let himself hope, but as the minutes ticked by and her trail continued to remain free of pursuit, that grew harder. Wishing he could call for her without alerting anything in the vicinity, he pushed himself as hard as he could.

Another half hour passed, and he paused a moment as he recognized the place as the little clearing where he’d first found Icha. After that first storm had passed, he’d come back here to search for her family. She was so small, he had been positive that they must have been killed somewhere nearby. She couldn’t get into the deep part of the forest otherwise. She’d been too small to say what had happened, just crying rather pitifully for her parents the first few nights. When he’d said he didn’t know where they were and hadn’t a fucking clue how to find them, she’d shut up pretty quickly and latched onto him like a little leech for weeks, and then that was the extent of her mourning, as best he could tell.

He started tracking again, and her trail led straight to a grove of Kurenai he’d seen before. A very small grove, it was only unusual in it’s regularity. The damn things grew so close they were more like on giant tree than not, with one large gap where one of the trees had rotted , obviously hit by lightening at one time, and fallen over, leaving a wide gap that he could easily fit through. He’d never bothered using it, because Kuren could get through the gap well enough to grab something inside. Looking at her tracks, the only thing he was relieved to see was that hers were the only tracks going in, so if she’d hid, nothing had found her as far as he could tell. She’d still be in there.

“Hey, Icha, come out of there, right now!” He didn’t hear a sound. Not a thing, once the birds and insects shut down at his yell. In fact, he would usually be able to hear her breathing, come to think of it, and he heard…nothing. “Icha?” he asked tentatively?

With no response, he stepped in. Maybe there was a sink hole, or a tunnel leading out from there? A burrow? As he walked in, all he saw was a carpet of the blood red Kurenai leaves covering the small, shaded circle within the trees, Icha’s path shuffling the leaves to the middle of the circle and then it simply stopped. He looked around, searching for where she’d jumped to, or fell, or a change in the leaves that might indicate that she’d fallen or been dragged, Gods forbid, but he couldn’t find a thing. Her scent just stopped. Her trail just stopped. He leapt up to to the nearest tree, his claws coming out in his agitation and hanging off the bark as he scented the air. Could something have flown in and carried the little one off? She was small enough. But her scent wasn’t in the air anywhere, nor was anything else. He was terrified that she might be eaten, or taken, but he couldn’t figure out how! Nothing else’s scent or tracks were in the area. And everything that he could detect led to this one spot and no farther. Actually, that wasn’t entirely true. As he continued to try and look for any faint traces of something, anything, he realized that he could see older marks. Some moss that had been kicked off, a few pieces of bark from the old fallen tree that had been knocked over, but in such away that indicated a trail. A trail leaving the center of the tree. In fact, looking back inside, he could see that Icha’s trail went straight over the remains of an older one that also seem to start at the center of the circle and head out towards the gap. Was it hers? Had she come from this very spot? He’d been wondering where in the hells she came from, was it…here? What the hell was she? He wondered a moment, considering any number of creatures he’d heard stories of, from the Ha-sa to the Mugroht, and couldn’t think of a single one that had the ability to disappear as thoroughly as this, at least not without a hell of a lot more training and ability that one could get after less than 5 years of age. Where the hell was she?

Three days later, he finally paused for a moment in his searching, giving in into his body’s desire for sleep as he made his way back to his house and collapsed, hands clenching a moment at the silence of his rooms. Dammit. Dammit all to the 7 hells and back again. He couldn’t find her. There was no sign of where she was, not a trace other than that stupid fucking trail that simply ended in the middle of a circle of lame trees that he would swear were taunting him, the bastards. Not a thing. He flung his arm over his eyes, and in spite of his frustration and a deep seated need to howl, he passed out almost before his arm started moving.

#####


He looked around and found himself in a field of knee high green and purple flowers. They made him want to sneeze. Icha. Where was Icha? He needed to find her, before someone else did. He needed to find her, dammit!

“Icha! Icha, where are you! Come out! Come out right now or I swear I’ll beat your little ass! Don’t think I won’t!”

Memory of the day flooded his mind as though it had never left and he fell to his knees. His little Icha was gone. Gone. Something had taken his little one away. He was never going to see her again. He gave in and howled miserably as he pounded the flowers to purple paste with his fists. Why? Why had something had to happen to Icha? Why the hell hadn’t she stayed inside the burrow like she was supposed to?! Dammit to fucking everlasting hell, why? He sliced out with his claws at the remaining flowers around him, shredding them into confettied bits of purple.

“C’mon! At least give me something kill, dammit ” A sharp flash popped behind him, and he grinned fiercely, looking forward to shredding something to bits. He really wanted to feel blood, whether it was someone elses’s or his own, he didn’t really care at this point. He turned around and his mouth fell open

“Icha?” he asked, staring at the small girl in front of him, dressed in some clothing that was more purple than the brightest flower he’d ever seen.

“Ro!!” she beamed at him as she ran over and flung her arms around his legs.

“Icha, you’re all right?” She nodded happily and he scowled down at her, grabbing her shoulders. “You scared me to death, running out of the grotto like that! What were you thinking!”

Icha’s lower lip trembled slightly. “Went to help. Ro was yelling and hurt, so Icha went to help!”

Icha…” He could see that happening. He’d seen her try to chase of ants attacking a caterpillar, for the love of God. If she had really thought she heard him in trouble… How could he get mad at her for being brave and loyal? “Thank you for the help.”

Chubby cheeks smiled slowly before her lower lip started trembling again.“You went away.”

“I was coming back.” Ro felt his entire chest clutching at the look on her face. She was right, he should have found some way to take her with him.

“Why not back yet? I’m waited and waited, but you didn’t come.”

“Icha…” God, it hurt.

“Mommy and Daddy won’t listen.”

“Mommy and Daddy?” What was this?

“They keep crying and crying and they won’t call me Icha and they won’t tell me where you are!”

“I-“ What was she talking about? ”Where are they?”

“Old home.” She reached up to pat his leg in a conciliatory fashion before she wrapped her arms around his leg again tightly. “Come back now?” she pleaded.

He stared down at her and felt his throat grow tight. “Icha, I’m right here.”

“No!” Icha let him go and stomped her foot. “Not the flower place! The flower place always goes away; Ro come back home with Icha!”

“The flower place?” Ro looked around, suddenly noticing a lack of…something. Shadows. There were no shadows here. Where the hell was this?

“I- I don’t know how to get out of here,” he said carefully, crouching and pulling an arm around her shoulders. Where the hell were they? What was going on?

“Wake up.” Icha smiled up at him. “Wake up with me?”

“Icha…”

“Wake up with me?” At Ro’s helpless look, Icha’s eyes filled with tears. “I want Ro! I want Ro!!” She stomped her foot again, pulling out of his arms as she started to pitch a fit. “Ro! I want Ro! I don’t like it here! I want Ro!”

“Icha! Icha, stop it! Icha! Oh, don’t cry, baby.” Icha was sobbing his name over and over again and he finally sat down and put her on his lap, rubbing her back helplessly until she finally stopped crying, cuddled against him with forlorn little hiccups.

“Poor baby. It’s all right. We’ll wake up together, all right? We’ll both wake up and this will never have happened.”


####

Ro opened his eyes, reaching out automatically for the small body that always rested next to him. His fingers touching cold furs, still able to smell her fading scent on the blankets, he inhaled sharply. He could still feel the soft weight of her in his arms from the dream. He ignored the hard knot in his stomach as he pushed himself up and ground his teeth, heading out to hunt. Stupid fucking brain, just had to fuck him over and make him think she was searching for him. Even if she was, no way a dumbass dream was going to tell him anything. Fuck. Leaping up the Kurenai as though she was still on his back, he headed to the trading post. He could check the taverns in case anyone had heard anything about a new red-haired prize being found. If a part of him had a little hope that maybe she was still alive and happy somewhere, that was his business and no one else’s.