All Those Unfortunate to be Born Female
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,576
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,576
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
2
Plan in Motion
Stage one of ‘The Perfect Man Does Exist’ plan…The local café.
Just down the street from her apartment, it was the perfect place to start. Previously she had only gone there to read and get a cup of coffee, but apparently, it was also a great hunting ground for singles.
She glided, or so she attempted to before she almost tripped over a stool, that she swears even to this day was not there before. She skidded to a halt, avoiding landing on top of an elderly-looking gentleman. The man looked a bit startled but no harm was done so he let her of easy.
Shakily, she made her way to her usual seat. She sat down, already a cup of coffee in front of her, her usual. She took a small sip of her bitter-tasting coffee and looked at the other occupants of the café over the rim of her cup. Robert, the owner, was behind the counter, smirking at her as he wiped the coffee machine. He made it a habit of teasing her, delighting in her blushes and saying that he needed at least one virginal presence in his life. She wished she could add him to one of her potentials, but the man was as gay as a spring day, but lord did he have a great butt.
Her eyes slid over a woman with foxy, librarian futures. The woman’s eyes were sharp, outlined by a pair of blue Ben Franklin glasses, certainly put her plain, black rims to shame. ‘Oh my god.’ Elm gawked, ‘she looks just like, no it can’t be’ she leaned in and squinted her eyes. ‘Ashley?…wait, wait. No, no it isn’t her.’ Elm breathed in a huge sigh of relief.
She continued to scout her eyes moving discreetly from one patron to another, ‘No, you can tell that he has some anger management issues. That one is older than my father…Now, what do we have here?’ Elm’s eyes widened. ‘Well, if that isn’t something I would want under my skirt… Note to self: consider wearing skirts. Oh no, he glanced over here. Avert eyes, avert eyes! Don’t fidget you idiot…Oh he’s looking over here again. Abort plan, abort plan!’
Quickly paying, she took her book and dashed out of the door. She failed to see the man’s smirk. ‘Smooth Elm. Real smooth.’ She berated herself. ‘If you panic from just a glance how are you suppose to entice them in. Now amount of sexiness and tits will help when you don’t know how to use them.’ She sighed in resignation. ‘I need help’
And so, Elm walked to her empty home with her head bowed. A little desperation sure could go a long way…as two pints of ice cream disappeared that night. Where they went, well Elm would say to her thighs.
Author’s Note
I, personally, prefer cookies to help me through my pain. And those who say that they don’t turn to food to help them through some tough times, well I really don’t know what could be wrong with you.
Stage one of ‘The Perfect Man Does Exist’ plan…The local café.
Just down the street from her apartment, it was the perfect place to start. Previously she had only gone there to read and get a cup of coffee, but apparently, it was also a great hunting ground for singles.
She glided, or so she attempted to before she almost tripped over a stool, that she swears even to this day was not there before. She skidded to a halt, avoiding landing on top of an elderly-looking gentleman. The man looked a bit startled but no harm was done so he let her of easy.
Shakily, she made her way to her usual seat. She sat down, already a cup of coffee in front of her, her usual. She took a small sip of her bitter-tasting coffee and looked at the other occupants of the café over the rim of her cup. Robert, the owner, was behind the counter, smirking at her as he wiped the coffee machine. He made it a habit of teasing her, delighting in her blushes and saying that he needed at least one virginal presence in his life. She wished she could add him to one of her potentials, but the man was as gay as a spring day, but lord did he have a great butt.
Her eyes slid over a woman with foxy, librarian futures. The woman’s eyes were sharp, outlined by a pair of blue Ben Franklin glasses, certainly put her plain, black rims to shame. ‘Oh my god.’ Elm gawked, ‘she looks just like, no it can’t be’ she leaned in and squinted her eyes. ‘Ashley?…wait, wait. No, no it isn’t her.’ Elm breathed in a huge sigh of relief.
She continued to scout her eyes moving discreetly from one patron to another, ‘No, you can tell that he has some anger management issues. That one is older than my father…Now, what do we have here?’ Elm’s eyes widened. ‘Well, if that isn’t something I would want under my skirt… Note to self: consider wearing skirts. Oh no, he glanced over here. Avert eyes, avert eyes! Don’t fidget you idiot…Oh he’s looking over here again. Abort plan, abort plan!’
Quickly paying, she took her book and dashed out of the door. She failed to see the man’s smirk. ‘Smooth Elm. Real smooth.’ She berated herself. ‘If you panic from just a glance how are you suppose to entice them in. Now amount of sexiness and tits will help when you don’t know how to use them.’ She sighed in resignation. ‘I need help’
And so, Elm walked to her empty home with her head bowed. A little desperation sure could go a long way…as two pints of ice cream disappeared that night. Where they went, well Elm would say to her thighs.
Author’s Note
I, personally, prefer cookies to help me through my pain. And those who say that they don’t turn to food to help them through some tough times, well I really don’t know what could be wrong with you.