Grasping

A/N: Thank you to everyone who rated/reviewed.

This chapter might jump around a bit, and I apologize, but it's basically here to set the stage for the rest of the story.

Chapter Two

Rennie’s walk from her hated enemy’s car toward the door felt a bit like a traveler’s first few steps off of an airplane after a twenty-four hour nonstop flight. Rennie had been, under not completely welcome circumstances, more intimate with the girl than she had been with anyone, but somehow just looking at Melina gave her a sick feeling in her stomach, and turned her limbs into cooked spaghetti.

Hoping to overcome her dizziness, Rennie headed straight to her bedroom and threw herself onto her bed.

She told herself that it would be okay. Melina was a senior this year. In a few months, she graduate and Rennie would never have to think about Saturday again.

When her parents called to check on her, she informed them that she wasn’t feeling up to par, and planned to take a nap before starting on her homework. But even as she buried herself deep in covers and curled up in fetus position on her bed, she did not feel the slightest bit warmer than she would standing outside without a coat.

I didn’t ask for it, she thought. Even if I did want it.

After tossing and turning in bed for a long while, Rennie made her way to her desk and turned on her laptop computer. The moment it was finished booting up, the noisy IM screen popped up with a message from Hannah.

Hannah: did u see those nasty pictures the skank put on her blog?

As guilty as it made her feel, Rennie put up an away message, indicating that she was studying, but decided against her better judgment to type the url of Melina’s private blog into her search bar. A photograph came up of Melina from the shoulders up, hopefully wearing a tube top, though the picture left such details to the imagination. Melina had a way of exposing just enough to arouse the imagination, but not enough to get her account deleted. Melina’s posts were never more than a sentence or two long, typically revolving around who had pissed her off lately, what boys seemed interested in her, and which classes she was bound to fail. Disappointed, Rennie clicked the “x” at the corner of her computer screen and returned to her pitiful position on her bed.

Rennie had met Melina through involvement in theater. Hannah was head of costumes crew, and had begged Rennie to join. It hadn’t taken Hannah’s crewmembers long to realize that Rennie had no idea how to sew, and to resent her being on the crew. Hoping to avoid too much grief, Rennie had become the gopher, the person who helped out with whatever needed to be done. More often than not, she was needed in makeup.

It had started innocently enough. Whenever Rennie was having a bad day, or looked tired or stressed, Melina would talk her through it, occasionally giving her an encouraging hug. Despite Hannah’s repetitive warnings about the girl’s looseness and overall nasty personality, Rennie had been quite taken in by Melina’s kindness and apparent interest in what Rennie had to say.

On opening night of Wizard of Oz, Rennie went into the bathroom to check her lipstick, and by some strange twist of fate found herself alone with Melina, who looked nothing like her usual self.

The girl’s dark, wavy hair, deprived of its usual spray and abuse, looked simple, natural, and soft to the touch. Melina’s eye makeup and lips were dark against her pale, freckled skin but the effect looked too mature, almost sexy to be considered trashy. But there was no way Rennie could have looked at another woman like that.

Melina was leaning toward the mirror, applying lipstick when Rennie walked in.

“Hi,” Melina said enthusiastically.

“Hi,” Rennie said, fishing through her purse for a tube of lipstick. “Where is everybody?”

Melina shrugged. “I dunno. After everyone’s done stressing out and fighting the week before show, most of them usually go off and have sex and leave the work to about five people.” Melina put her lipstick back into her purse and turned to get a better look at Rennie. “It’s a really good system.”

Rennie shook her head. “I don’t understand high school kids,” she confessed, tossing her lipstick back into her purse.

“I don’t suppose you would,” Melina said, smiling. “but I think that’s what I like about you.”

Rennie’s heart jumped, though she could not identify the cause. “Is there really nothing more to me than my inability to socialize?” she asked weakly.

Melina gasped. “I didn’t mean that at all,” she said.

“You really scare me sometimes,” Rennie said.

The moment the words escaped her lips, Rennie felt as if a giant had thrown her into a jar and was now violently shaking it, lunging her against each wall for his mere amusement. Melina looked taken aback, but maintained her uncomfortably close distance. “Are you going to give me a reason?”

Rennie felt sick. “You always tell me how cute I look, how nicely I dress, how sweet I am, but when anyone else is around you can’t be bothered to speak to me. I don’t understand what you want. If you wanted to be my friend, you’d at least talk to me. And if you don’t, then why are you like this?”

Melina sighed. “You don’t want to be called naïve, darling, but you fail miserably at proving yourself otherwise.”

Rennie opened her mouth to speak, but Melina took her by surprised and caged Rennie’s words in a kiss. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, Rennie somehow felt anything but victimized. Without thinking, she drew herself closer to the older girl and allowed Melina to continue for a moment or two before Rennie came to her senses and pulled away in horror.

If Rennie had stood her ground and fled when she had the chance, the traumatic events of that Saturday night would never have taken place. But as she reread each and every diary entry starting from the unexpected and not fully welcome first kiss up to that Saturday, Rennie became increasingly aware of just how much of a hand her own actions had in her misfortune.

For a few weeks after the kiss, Melina had avoided Rennie altogether. In Physics, Rennie would periodically catch Melina staring at her during labs, but no words were exchanged. After enduring about a month of this, Rennie had finally gotten fed up and stopped the girl after class.

“Melina,” Rennie said almost inaudibly as Melina made her way out the door.

Getting no response, Rennie spoke louder. “Melina!”

Irritated, Melina turned around. “What?” she snapped.

“What is going on here?” Rennie asked.

“Nothing,” Melina said simply. “I offered, you declined.”

“B…but,” Rennie protested. “That’s hardly fair,” she said. “You can’t expect to basically shove me against a wall and start kissing me and not have me freaked out.”

Before the conversation could progress much further, Rennie felt a hand tugging at her sleeve. “Rennie, come on,” Hannah snapped, giving Melina an evil glare.

Melina smiled cruelly at Rennie, daring her to finish her thought in front of poor, oblivious Hannah who had no idea that the girl she had lost many love interests to was now, in a twisted way, trying for Hannah’s best friend.

Once in Hannah’s car, the frizzy haired girl rattled off questions. “Okay…so why were you talking to Melina?”

A lump formed in Rennie’s stomach. It would have been so easy to tell the truth. The version of the truth that would make Rennie the victim and Melina the unfeeling monster who pushed her against a wall and forced her into a kiss. Perhaps less deserving girls had suffered worse fates, but Rennie was positive that Hannah had a different opinion to offer.

“I…I don’t know,” Rennie said, shaking as she spoke. “It was weird; she just sort of came up to me and started talking to me. I think I need a shower right about now.”

Hannah cringed. “She’s probably trying to pick you up or something. God…that girl is nasty. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did hit on you. It would be just like her to do something like that to me.”

Rennie was taken aback. “What does this have to do with you?”

“Well, she obviously hates me!” Hannah snapped. “Why else would she always be stealing my boyfriends? You’re the ONE person who doesn’t like her better than me, and now she’s got to take even you away.”

“Isn’t it possible that there’s someone out there who actually finds me attractive?” Rennie asked, almost insulted.

Hannah groaned. “I’m not saying nobody finds you attractive," she ranted. "What I’m saying is that she’s obviously hitting on you as some kind of plot to get back at me for whatever reason she has for hating me.”

Rennie shook her head knowing, as usual, there would be no reasoning with Hannah. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess you’re right.”

“I mean,” Hannah huffed. “If you want to be friends with her, that’s fine but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

A passing wave of anger overtook Rennie. Who gave Hannah the authority to give Rennie permission to be Melina’s friend?

Rennie made it her goal to avoid Melina, if not for Hannah’s sake, for her own. Rennie wasn’t a lesbian, and she certainly wasn’t the type of girl who kissed other girls for attention. This plan had worked like a charm for quite some time. Melina and Rennie passed each other in the hallway as strangers. Other than an occasional dirty glance or two, they went about their separate lives. Melina picked up a scraggly looking boyfriend Rennie assumed came from the boyfriend pound and was going to be shot soon for space if no one took him home soon. Much to Rennie’s distaste, Melina picked up the obnoxious habit of bringing him to every crew meeting, sitting on his lap, fondling his hair. For an unknown reason, Rennie could not stand too much of it.

On closing night of The Miser, Rennie politely declined every party invitation she received. Her reluctant acceptance of the last party invitation had cost her quite a bit.

Rennie continued to stare at her blank computer screen, wishing she could somehow make everything and everyone disappear. If she thought too hard about what happened, or what it could have meant, she was going to go mad. Resolving not to let it get the better of her, she carefully opened her aged European History textbook, careful not to disturb the front two pages that were beginning to fall out. Carefully moving her laptop out of the way, Rennie opened her thick spiral full of notes and started on a clean page for chapter seventeen. Examining the page count of this chapter, Rennie figured it would take her about a week without bathroom breaks, meals, or sleep to finish reading, let alone taking notes. With a sigh, she concentrated her efforts on her assignment.

After about five minutes of laborious focus, Rennie’s pen dropped onto her paper, leaving a delightful scrawl in the margin of her page. Rennie’s free hands cupped her face as the onset of tears began to form.

Wiping her eyes on her sleeve, Rennie began absently searching for the pen. I can’t give in to this, she thought. But her typical dedication to her studies felt like little more than a cover up to the slip up of her impeccable moral standards. Perhaps this was an overstatement, but Rennie was not used to accepting mediocrity from herself, in any area. And what she had done was not a gray area.

Making her way into her bathroom, Rennie examined her sobbing figure in the mirror. She still wore the same lopsided pigtails and slightly oversized, completely shapeless clothing that had made up her look since eighth grade. Today, she was wearing a bulky, oatmeal colored tank top and shapeless lavender corduroys. Rennie’s ownership of breasts, hips, a waist, a gender for that matter was left completely up to the imagination. It scared, and in some small way intrigued Rennie that someone as sexually ravenous as Melina had seen something in her. Hannah would have said that Melina was interested purely in sex, and didn’t care who it came from.

As if undressing a stranger, Rennie took a deep, shaky breath as she pulled her large turtleneck over her head, and undid her belt, letting her huge corduroy pants fall to the floor. If Rennie weren’t as rational as she claimed to be, she would have sworn that her reflection was laughing at her choice of undergarments. Rennie wore the same white sports bras she had worn in middle school, a size or two larger, with plain white Haines Her Ways. It was probably a good thing Melina hadn’t undressed her that night.

Rennie examined the slender figure in the mirror with a critical eye, hoping to make a definite decision as to whether or not she was worth looking at. Her breasts were small, but perky and decently shaped. Though weighing 120 pounds was counterproductive to growing breasts, it did do her a nice favor in providing her with a flat stomach that wouldn’t embarrass her at the swimming pool. If Rennie ever went swimming, much less dreamed of wearing anything but a one piece. After removing the remainder of her clothing, Rennie felt as if she didn’t recognize herself. Fully clothed, she managed to prevent sick minded males from watching the slight sway of her hips, or examining her figure.

It wasn’t that Rennie considered her figure to be abnormally fabulous, but she didn’t want to give anyone the chance to judge it, for better or worse. She didn’t need criticism any more than she needed offers.

Yet somehow, somehow Melina had seen her slender, pigtailed figure hidden beneath layers of fabric and wanted to seduce it. Or, at least to give it reason to consider reciprocating. In her mind, Rennie felt herself return to the kitchen area where she had first been propositioned.

Melina was dressed nicely that day, as she had been when they first kissed. Her unruly black hair was thoroughly brushed and pulled back in a topknot, making her intricate eye makeup more visible. She wore a reasonably fitted navy blue blouse and decent slacks over her high-heeled black boots. Rennie could have died happy seeing those boots thrown into a garbage receptacle, but she supposed Melina had put forth enough effort for the evening.

After a month or two of no communication, Rennie noticed Melina approaching. Figuring there was someone fascinating standing behind her, Rennie continued to sip at her Dr. Pepper, trying not to take much notice of the girl who never failed to make her feel incredibly awkward.

When Melina finally stopped, she delivered the fakest smile ever made. “Hi, Rennie,” she said sweetly. “I haven’t talked to you in a while.”

Wonder why that is, Rennie thought. Shifting her weight from one foot to another, Rennie mumbled, “Um…yeah.”

Quickly checking the younger girl out, Melina nodded with approval. “So, how have you been lately?”

Rennie’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “Are you drunk?”

“You still didn’t answer my question,” Melina pouted.

Rennie’s expression stiffened. “I’ve been great,” she said flatly. “How about you?”

Melina shook her head. “I’ve been good I guess,” she moved closer to rest a hand on Rennie’s shoulder, making the younger girl tremble. “You’re a little shaky now, aren’t you?”

Not wanting to directly challenge Melina’s touch, she tried simply backing away to discourage it. “I think you can understand that,” Rennie snapped.

Melina shook her head cynically. “Maybe…” she said softly. Finally, her expression turned serious. “Look, Rennie. I realize I probably freaked you out pretty bad last week, and I realized you deserve at least an explanation.”

It was about time. “Alright,” Rennie said, her arms crossed at her chest. “Shoot.”

Melina shook her head, and locked her hand around the younger girl’s wrist. “You know, I’d really rather we had this conversation someplace a bit more private.”

Rennie withdrew her hand. “No,” she said firmly.

Inching a bit closer, Melina dropped her voice barely above a whisper. “Come on,” she pleaded.

“What exactly is it that you have to tell me that can’t be said out here?” Rennie demanded. Melina was standing awfully close. Close enough to touch, maybe to…Stay rational, stay rational, stay rational.

Melina acted as if she were truly pondering the question. “Well,” she said musingly. “I guess if you don’t want to hear what I have to say, I’ll leave you alone.”

Melina didn’t get very far. “Wait,” Rennie pleaded. “Alright,” she sighed. “But if you try any…”

“It will be alright,” Melina insisted.

Rennie knew that it was stupid to let Melina get her alone. But first off, as strange as Melina was, she wasn’t a boy. Second, no matter what Rennie’s rational mind said, nothing could defer her from craving a few moments of Melina’s time.

Nevertheless, Rennie felt her skin turn cold when Melina shut the bedroom door, and took a seat by Rennie on the bed. “I’ve missed talking to you,” Melina said softly.

“Then why did you stop talking to me and get a boyfriend?” Rennie asked.

Melina shook her head. “It was stupid of me,” she admitted. “You know, I’ve wanted to get to know you for a while, and I’ll admit I got a bit carried away. But when you freaked out and avoided eye contact with me for weeks I sort of assumed you wanted me to leave you alone.” She turned to look Rennie directly in the eye. “Was I right?”

Rennie looked at the ground, feeling indescribably vulnerable. One of Rennie’s prime weaknesses was her inability not to truthfully answer a direct answer.

“Yes,” Rennie said. “But I…”

“You what?” Melina asked softly.

Rennie withheld her urge to bawl. “I don’t even get it,” she said weakly. “I like boys. I’ve always liked boys, but…”

“But what?” Melina asked, slowly making her way toward the door. “There are plenty of other things I could be doing right now. Either you want me or you don’t.”

Flustered, Rennie looked down at the quilted comforter on the bed, her eyes tracing the pattern to avoid meeting Melina’s. When she could not look away any longer, she felt a wave of physical nausea coming on. Only Melina could give her sexual urges she didn’t know she was capable of experiencing, and make her feel sick at the same time. The part of her that wanted Melina to leave did not have a vote that counted.

The obvious irritation in her expression and body language did not prevent Melina from making sure to position herself close enough to Rennie that they were partially touching. Feeling Melina’s hand barely brush against hers, Rennie took the opportunity to take it, silently giving her consent.

Taking the hint, Rennie felt Melina move a frizzy strand of reddish blonde hair out of Rennie’s face, barely stroking Rennie’s cheek in the process.

It was not in Rennie’s nature to allow anyone to take advantage of her. She typically used this conviction to avoid intimate situations altogether. But she wanted the dark haired, freckled girl seated beside her in a way she never believed she would want another human being. In the moment, all thoughts of her obligation to please her parents, of her womanhood which seemed to make her the automatic property of the male race, disappeared.

Rennie knew perfectly well that Melina expected Rennie to be nervous and ignorant. Defiantly, Rennie surprised Melina by claiming the night’s first kiss herself.

It was faint and awkward, leaving Rennie feeling a bit inadequate. But Melina seemed delighted by the mere attempt, and took the opportunity to engage Rennie in a series of rougher, more intense kisses. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, Rennie instinctively wrapped her arms around the older girl to facilitate it. Melina savored her ability to claim Rennie’s firsts. Everything was new to the younger girl, things that had been dull and overdone for Melina at Rennie’s age.

Rennie sighed as Melina started to kiss her neck and shoulders. Sensing the younger girl’s nervousness, Melina did her best to kiss and touch Rennie under her clothing rather than exposing her quite yet. Once Rennie started to relax a bit, dizzied by the attention and the soft fragrance of Melina’s expensive perfume, she felt Melina’s hands stroke her stomach and start to move southward.

Rennie quickly shot into a sitting position. “Hey!” she shrieked.

Melina gently guided Rennie back onto the bed. “Shhh. It’s alright.”

“I can’t,” Rennie argued. “This isn’t…”

Before Rennie could get another word in, Melina undid Rennie’s jeans just enough to maneuver her hand between the girl’s legs. Despite herself, Rennie started to feel wet. She had never touched herself or been touched down there, and had no idea what to expect. Despite her incapability of heeding Rennie’s disapproval, Melina slid two fingers inside the sophomore and started to massage her sensitive areas. Even if the younger girl went home in tears, Melina did not want to be forgotten.

Rennie felt Melina’s free hand cover her mouth as her breathing became heavier. Rennie wasn’t sure what to do besides let Melina finish. She understood that she needed to keep quiet, but it became more and more difficult as pleasure built between her legs.

Sensing that Rennie was close, Melina began massaging Rennie’s clit with her thumb as she pushed her fingers farther inside Rennie.

As Melina worked faster, Rennie involuntarily shouted as an almost painful, overwhelming surge of pleasure overtook her body, negating her notice of anything else. Her entire body felt on fire, and she had never previously imagined it was possible to feel this good. Instinctively, she held Melina closer to her as the climax drew out. Rennie felt oddly disappointed as it started to fade and the reality of what had just happened started to hit her. Rennie could not speak to or even look at Melina, still dizzy from the experience, as well as from the murky confusion she was feeling.