Love and broken hearts
folder
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
6
Views:
15,144
Reviews:
232
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
6
Views:
15,144
Reviews:
232
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
chapter 2.
A/N: betad by koira: 5.27.08
Chapter 2.
Chapter 2.
Kim:
I sit on the ground, looking up to the sky, playing with the moist grass under my fingers. It's already past midnight, but it's not even dark yet. The sky is almost purple; coloured by the last light of the sun, the sun that would soon after rise back up, never really setting; June has always been my favourite month for this reason.
I still can't quite believe what I saw; Joni and Marko... But on the other hand, it makes perfect sense.
I've never really liked Joni, and I know just how much that guy loathes me; the disgust in his eyes has always been clear whenever he looks in my direction. And Joni is right; I have feelings for Jesse, I've had feelings for him from the first day that I ever laid my eyes on him. But I can’t understand how Joni could cheat on Jesse. Why would anyone go to another, when they already have such perfection at their side?
Finally I decide to return to the cabin, hoping that the others are already sleeping. I have no wish to meet with Joni or Marko again. I walk towards the front door, heading to the warm bed that will be waiting, but feeling sure that I won't get any sleep this night.
Walking past the lake, I hear something and stop, looking between the cabin and the lake. Knowing I wouldn’t sleep, the choice is easy and so I decide to walk closer to see what caused the noise I heard, well, not really a noise; sounds of the water splashing really. I see him there; Jesse. The warm purple light caresses his beautiful face and figure. Jesse splashes some water on his face, then leans back, wetting his hair, unaware of his secret admirer. Watching him makes my legs feel like jelly; I have to take some support from the birch trunk beside me.
Jesse's hands move on his naked upper body, his eyes close, breathing in the fresh air of the restful summer night.
I can see the smile that plays on his lips; he is looking at the sky now. To me, it is like watching some perfect piece of art, something not quite from this world. He looks like an angel, an angel that has come down from heaven to play in the silent and warm night, enjoying the beauty of the earth. Jesse is beautiful; outside as well as in. How could Joni cheat on him? I’ll never know.
If the impossible would happen, if Jesse were mine, I would always cherish him, treat him like the treasure that he truly is. But Joni is right; he is just an impossible dream. How could an ugly thing like myself ever touch a beauty like Jesse?
In my dreams Jesse wants me, but it will always be just that; a dream. I'm a friend, never a lover. Losing weight, I have tried, I've tried desperately and then grew tired, my family never gives me enough support to succeed, or perhaps that's just an excuse that I give to myself?
Most of my life is spent in dreams of what will never truly happen; dreaming that one day, I could become to look as handsome as Joni is, dreaming that Jesse would see me, see me really for the first time and that he would tell me that he loved me, that he always has. But reality is never as kind as it is in dreams, I know that it isn't, I've learned that a long time ago.
Finally Jesse turns around, sensing the eyes on him, he smiles to me, making my heart beat wildly in my chest.
“Where were you Kim? I was beginning to worry about you.” He asks looking at me with curiosity. 'Joni cheats on you, he cheats, but I love you Jesse.' My heart is screaming, but I fail to voice my thoughts, remembering the cold words of Joni.
“I went for a walk.” I tell him instead and walk closer to the shore. “You're up late, thought you would be sleeping already. Isn't the water freezing this late at night?” I ask then.
“Well you know me; it's such a beautiful night and I would hate missing it completely by sleeping through it. And the water really isn't that cold, come and try it yourself.” Jesse grins.
“Well, I don't know...” I hesitate. “I think I'll pass.” I tell him then, I really don't want Jesse to see me dressed in swimming trunks, I'm too ashamed of my body.
I watch how Jesse swims for a while and then slowly returns towards the shore. “Would you hand me my towel, it's over there, on that rock.” Jesse asks smiling at me. I realize that he is stark naked and I turn my eyes away, blushing. I fear that if I were to look, I won’t be able to help the urge to touch. I give him the towel.
“One could think that you've never seen another man naked before.” Jesse grins, drying himself up.
“I've never seen you.” I could almost hit myself for saying it out loud. When he smiles, I curse myself for blushing again.
“Well, it might be better that you didn't see all of me; the cold water doesn't always flatter some parts of the male body, as I think you know.” Jesse laughs softly.
”Will you stay up with me? We could make a fire to the grill and cook something? Or are you feeling tired already?” Jesse asks, dressing his clothes back on.
“No, I'm not tired at all.” I answer, perhaps a little too quickly. Could I be any more transparent? At times I want to touch Jesse so much that I think I could die. 'An impossible dream, Jesse is just an impossible dream.' I remind myself when I notice that my mind had once again wandered off to thinking what it would be like to kiss him, to make love to him. I want him and I don’t know how to stop wanting.
I sit in front of the fire; Jesse hands me a beer can and sits next to me. I look at him secretly as he’s gazing up to the sky.
“It's just so beautiful." He sighs, his voice almost a whisper. For a moment he stares into the flames, silently before he turns his face to me and he smiles; gentle, soothing. My heart is still pounding furiously as I look at him, in this light, in this night, he’s even more beautiful; the warm light of the fire dancing on his face, shining in his eyes. “I wish that the summer would never end.” He says as he looks around.
“Yes... Although I don't think that the winter would be so bad in the end, if only you had someone to keep you warm.” Did I just say that out loud? 'Desperate... disgusting... ugly fat...' My own pitiful ego started whispering inside my head.
“How's your love life by the way, have you met anyone interesting?” Jesse asks
“I have feelings for this one guy, but I could never have him.” I answer with a quiet voice.
”Why? You never know unless you try.” He encourages and nudges playfully at my side.
“I just know that it wouldn't work, he's way off my team. He is beautiful, thin and as for myself... Well, I am what I am; an overweight pig.” I tell him, staring at the beer can in my hand.
“Kim... You shouldn't think so little of yourself. You're really not that bad to look at... And I'm not just saying this because I’ve been drinking, or because I'm your friend.” He touches my cheek and suddenly I fear to breathe. “You're a pretty cute guy Kim, so you're slightly overweight, but what of that? You're one of the sweetest guys I know and I think that whoever you end up with in the end, will be lucky to have you.” He smiles and removes his hand, immediately leaving me to miss the warmth of his touch. 'Why are you tormenting me so? Why do you touch and smile the way you do? If you knew, if I told you now, would you still remember what you just said, or would you run away?' I look into his blue eyes, wanting to kiss him, wanting it more than I've ever wanted anything in my life... But Jesse fails to see it; can he not read it in my eyes?
”So how's things with you and Joni?” I ask finally, my voice almost sticking to my throat. Jesse is silent for a while looking at me and then towards the fire.
“We're doing fine, Joni is... He's perfect, I love him.” He answers and there’s that smile again, this time it only annoys me though, knowing who it’s for. I would like to grasp his shoulders and shake him to reality. 'Joni is not perfect, Jesse, he does not deserve you!' My heart screams, but still I stay silent. I swallow the disappointment, I swallow the hurt. How could I tell him and watch his heart break before my very eyes? But how can I not tell him and watch from the side as Joni would hold him in his arms, whispering new sweet lies to his ear?
“At times though...” Jesse starts carefully. I look at him in confusion, with hope. “This is probably just silly...” Jesse shakes his head and sighs. “He wants it, like, all the time, or that's what it feels like to me, it's... I just can't keep up with him, nothing seems to be enough... at times it can be pretty pressing. I want to be a good boyfriend, but I just, I feel like I can never be enough…” Jesse admits. He lifts the beer can up to his lips and drinks.
“It's not stupid Jesse; I understand completely what you're saying.” I whisper, I must fight with myself; should I tell him or not?
TBC.
Chapter 2.
Kim:
I sit on the ground, looking up to the sky, playing with the moist grass under my fingers. It's already past midnight, but it's not even dark yet. The sky is almost purple; coloured by the last light of the sun, the sun that would soon after rise back up, never really setting; June has always been my favourite month for this reason.
I still can't quite believe what I saw; Joni and Marko... But on the other hand, it makes perfect sense.
I've never really liked Joni, and I know just how much that guy loathes me; the disgust in his eyes has always been clear whenever he looks in my direction. And Joni is right; I have feelings for Jesse, I've had feelings for him from the first day that I ever laid my eyes on him. But I can’t understand how Joni could cheat on Jesse. Why would anyone go to another, when they already have such perfection at their side?
Finally I decide to return to the cabin, hoping that the others are already sleeping. I have no wish to meet with Joni or Marko again. I walk towards the front door, heading to the warm bed that will be waiting, but feeling sure that I won't get any sleep this night.
Walking past the lake, I hear something and stop, looking between the cabin and the lake. Knowing I wouldn’t sleep, the choice is easy and so I decide to walk closer to see what caused the noise I heard, well, not really a noise; sounds of the water splashing really. I see him there; Jesse. The warm purple light caresses his beautiful face and figure. Jesse splashes some water on his face, then leans back, wetting his hair, unaware of his secret admirer. Watching him makes my legs feel like jelly; I have to take some support from the birch trunk beside me.
Jesse's hands move on his naked upper body, his eyes close, breathing in the fresh air of the restful summer night.
I can see the smile that plays on his lips; he is looking at the sky now. To me, it is like watching some perfect piece of art, something not quite from this world. He looks like an angel, an angel that has come down from heaven to play in the silent and warm night, enjoying the beauty of the earth. Jesse is beautiful; outside as well as in. How could Joni cheat on him? I’ll never know.
If the impossible would happen, if Jesse were mine, I would always cherish him, treat him like the treasure that he truly is. But Joni is right; he is just an impossible dream. How could an ugly thing like myself ever touch a beauty like Jesse?
In my dreams Jesse wants me, but it will always be just that; a dream. I'm a friend, never a lover. Losing weight, I have tried, I've tried desperately and then grew tired, my family never gives me enough support to succeed, or perhaps that's just an excuse that I give to myself?
Most of my life is spent in dreams of what will never truly happen; dreaming that one day, I could become to look as handsome as Joni is, dreaming that Jesse would see me, see me really for the first time and that he would tell me that he loved me, that he always has. But reality is never as kind as it is in dreams, I know that it isn't, I've learned that a long time ago.
Finally Jesse turns around, sensing the eyes on him, he smiles to me, making my heart beat wildly in my chest.
“Where were you Kim? I was beginning to worry about you.” He asks looking at me with curiosity. 'Joni cheats on you, he cheats, but I love you Jesse.' My heart is screaming, but I fail to voice my thoughts, remembering the cold words of Joni.
“I went for a walk.” I tell him instead and walk closer to the shore. “You're up late, thought you would be sleeping already. Isn't the water freezing this late at night?” I ask then.
“Well you know me; it's such a beautiful night and I would hate missing it completely by sleeping through it. And the water really isn't that cold, come and try it yourself.” Jesse grins.
“Well, I don't know...” I hesitate. “I think I'll pass.” I tell him then, I really don't want Jesse to see me dressed in swimming trunks, I'm too ashamed of my body.
I watch how Jesse swims for a while and then slowly returns towards the shore. “Would you hand me my towel, it's over there, on that rock.” Jesse asks smiling at me. I realize that he is stark naked and I turn my eyes away, blushing. I fear that if I were to look, I won’t be able to help the urge to touch. I give him the towel.
“One could think that you've never seen another man naked before.” Jesse grins, drying himself up.
“I've never seen you.” I could almost hit myself for saying it out loud. When he smiles, I curse myself for blushing again.
“Well, it might be better that you didn't see all of me; the cold water doesn't always flatter some parts of the male body, as I think you know.” Jesse laughs softly.
”Will you stay up with me? We could make a fire to the grill and cook something? Or are you feeling tired already?” Jesse asks, dressing his clothes back on.
“No, I'm not tired at all.” I answer, perhaps a little too quickly. Could I be any more transparent? At times I want to touch Jesse so much that I think I could die. 'An impossible dream, Jesse is just an impossible dream.' I remind myself when I notice that my mind had once again wandered off to thinking what it would be like to kiss him, to make love to him. I want him and I don’t know how to stop wanting.
I sit in front of the fire; Jesse hands me a beer can and sits next to me. I look at him secretly as he’s gazing up to the sky.
“It's just so beautiful." He sighs, his voice almost a whisper. For a moment he stares into the flames, silently before he turns his face to me and he smiles; gentle, soothing. My heart is still pounding furiously as I look at him, in this light, in this night, he’s even more beautiful; the warm light of the fire dancing on his face, shining in his eyes. “I wish that the summer would never end.” He says as he looks around.
“Yes... Although I don't think that the winter would be so bad in the end, if only you had someone to keep you warm.” Did I just say that out loud? 'Desperate... disgusting... ugly fat...' My own pitiful ego started whispering inside my head.
“How's your love life by the way, have you met anyone interesting?” Jesse asks
“I have feelings for this one guy, but I could never have him.” I answer with a quiet voice.
”Why? You never know unless you try.” He encourages and nudges playfully at my side.
“I just know that it wouldn't work, he's way off my team. He is beautiful, thin and as for myself... Well, I am what I am; an overweight pig.” I tell him, staring at the beer can in my hand.
“Kim... You shouldn't think so little of yourself. You're really not that bad to look at... And I'm not just saying this because I’ve been drinking, or because I'm your friend.” He touches my cheek and suddenly I fear to breathe. “You're a pretty cute guy Kim, so you're slightly overweight, but what of that? You're one of the sweetest guys I know and I think that whoever you end up with in the end, will be lucky to have you.” He smiles and removes his hand, immediately leaving me to miss the warmth of his touch. 'Why are you tormenting me so? Why do you touch and smile the way you do? If you knew, if I told you now, would you still remember what you just said, or would you run away?' I look into his blue eyes, wanting to kiss him, wanting it more than I've ever wanted anything in my life... But Jesse fails to see it; can he not read it in my eyes?
”So how's things with you and Joni?” I ask finally, my voice almost sticking to my throat. Jesse is silent for a while looking at me and then towards the fire.
“We're doing fine, Joni is... He's perfect, I love him.” He answers and there’s that smile again, this time it only annoys me though, knowing who it’s for. I would like to grasp his shoulders and shake him to reality. 'Joni is not perfect, Jesse, he does not deserve you!' My heart screams, but still I stay silent. I swallow the disappointment, I swallow the hurt. How could I tell him and watch his heart break before my very eyes? But how can I not tell him and watch from the side as Joni would hold him in his arms, whispering new sweet lies to his ear?
“At times though...” Jesse starts carefully. I look at him in confusion, with hope. “This is probably just silly...” Jesse shakes his head and sighs. “He wants it, like, all the time, or that's what it feels like to me, it's... I just can't keep up with him, nothing seems to be enough... at times it can be pretty pressing. I want to be a good boyfriend, but I just, I feel like I can never be enough…” Jesse admits. He lifts the beer can up to his lips and drinks.
“It's not stupid Jesse; I understand completely what you're saying.” I whisper, I must fight with myself; should I tell him or not?
TBC.