Hope Will Find You

It wasn’t like Blake to be late, but even a bike as small as hers couldn’t weave through city traffic some days. By the time she had gotten to work and parked her bike, fixed her hair again and grabbed her purse she was fifteen minutes behind the clock. “Morning Danni, I know im late, I swear, coffee on Sunday if you let it slide!” Danielle shot her a look.

“Not a problem, but make it next week, Im inviting Chris!”

“Alright, I’ll see you then!” Blake yelled back to her as she rounded the corner to the locker room.

She got dressed, the regular deep blue shirt and pants of her nurses uniform. She looked in the mirror and balked at how stick-thin the dark blue baggy clothes made her look. She left the locker room and headed over to the desk where Christy was busy taking calls and jotting down messages. “What’s my assignment today babe?” Blake leaned casually over the desk and messed with Christy’s pens.

“Here, I’m busy!” Christy tossed a bundle of papers her way.

“Oh great! Not the babies again!”

For the last few weeks she had been assigned to new-born babies. A room full of screaming babies, with hungry mouths and sometimes dirty diapers. At least she didn’t
have the night shift today, her night shift was never assigned until last minute anyway. She hurried down the hall towards the infant ward and signed in with Joel. They talked for a minute before Blake took over and Joel left for the day. Joel pulled graveyard since a couple of months ago, so Blake didn’t see much of him anymore. She had that shift from nine am until two. Then she left the infants up to Benny. Bianca was the best baby-sitter in the place; the kids never cried when she was in there with them. Blake walked off for a smoke break.

Blake was out the back side door of the locker room and on her second cigarette by the time she realized she was spacing out. She hadn’t remembered lighting her second cigarette, she hadn’t even remembered lighting her first. She stared out over the third story balcony and watched the people below go about their business. She leaned back into the wall and closed her eyes, trying for a moment to relax before returning to work.

Her thoughts almost instantly caught onto her dreams, but more commonly they caught onto thoughts of the little blonde. Whimsy. Whimsy was small, her face was pale as the sunny side of a cloud, and her hair was flaxen and fine. She had a bone structure that made her willowy even though she couldn’t have been more than five foot three. She was so thin that she was boyish, but she never wore pants. Whenever Blake saw her she was in a skirt, it was never too short, but never long enough to cover her knees. And Whimsy had fine thin legs. Blake was mesmerized by her, but she was only a dream.

“Blake!” a voice woke her from her musings.

“Hmm?” she opened her eyes and looked up to see a very annoyed Steven standing over her, and was surprised to find that she was sitting on the ground.

“You should go home, I’ve been trying to get you up for the last five minutes.”

“You’re shittin’ me!”

“No, babe, I’m not, come on get up, I’m getting you home.”

“I don’t need to go home, Steve.”

“Yes you do Blake, you definitely do. I’ll tell Danni your goin’ on home, she’ll tell Mr. T.”

“I can’t go home I have a shift at three.”

“Hun, it’s already four.” Steven looked worried, Blake jumped to her feet.

“What the hell?!” she almost screamed “Your fuckin’ with me Steve, tell me you’re fuckin’ with me?” the tail end of her confusion was mixed with a degree of desperation.

“I’m sorry Blake, I’m not.” He looked her in the eye, “I’m gonna’ get you home, come on, go on and change.”

Blake stood up, trembling. She got dizzy and lost her balance, Steven had to catch her before she
pitched over a bench in the locker room.

“Steady baby.”

“I’m alright.”

“Honestly, Blake, no your not, I’ve never seen you this way before.”

Steven loaded Blake’s bike into the back of his truck and drove her home. By the time they got there she was stable enough to walk herself up the stairs, but Steven went up with her just in case. The second she got up stairs she changed and collapsed into bed. Steven left about a half hour later, when he was finally sure she would be alright.

The next few days ran together for Blake. Between what seemed to be fever dreams, and conversations with Whimsy, she couldn’t really decipher what was reality from what was not. She didn’t eat, and she could only remember a few times that she was conscious enough to get out of bed. If her friends came by to check on her, which they did, she didn’t even know it. They all supposed she was just dead sick.

“Whimsy?” Blake questioned the silence.

“Yea?”

“Where are you?”

“I have no idea.”

“Neither do I.” Blake fell back into a sleep so deep she didn’t dream, she just floated in the dark.
One day though, she actually found the strength to make it out of bed. She went to the shower and stood under the hot running water for what seemed like forever. She promised her self she would not fall back asleep, she had been out for at least two days. She called Chris.

“Hello?” Christy answered the phone.

“Hi” Blake whispered lethargically into the phone.

“Oh, Blake its you, how are you feeling?”

“I guess I’m better, I don’t quite remember the last few days.”

“You were out for three days, I should hope your coming back on Monday”

“What day is it?” It was worse than she thought.

“Its Saturday.”

“Well, I’m headed back to bed, I’ve got a splitting headache, and I need to get some real sleep.”

“Well, hope you’re better soon.”

“I will be, thanks.”

The second she hung up with Chris she climbed back into bed and tried to fall back to sleep. Then, out of a seeming nowhere the memories of the last few nights came rushing back. Whimsy, sitting next to her on the bed, talking to her. Whimsy crying on her shoulder, telling her how thankful she was to have her as a friend. Following Whimsy across the street and walking to the bench and sitting together, both watching the people and cars go by. Whimsy in her little white skirt standing on the side walk. Whimsy. Always Whimsy.

Blake cringed at a realization that hit her like a ton of bricks. She was in love. She was in love with a dream, a dream. She couldn’t hardly believe her own heart, she was in love with a dream. There was nothing else to it, the last few days had been dream after
dream about this little blonde girl. She was in love with a dream. An untouchable wraith or her own imagining.

Blake was in shock, her Whimsy, her dream mystery, was not a mystery any longer. She was much, much more than that now, she was the subject of affection that Blake had never had. She had never fallen in love, no matter how many boys she dated, no matter how many times she tried. Now it was finally her turn to find love, and she had found it in an apparition. How cruel fate could be.
Blake, above all else was not an emotional girl, she was always on top of things, and she never dropped the ball. But, this. This hit harder than anything else she had ever known, and she felt the blow full on. She fell into sobs, she wept for love, she wept for fate, and most of all she wept for an untouchable lover, one she would pine away for until the day she died. She wept her self into a troubled sleep.
She walked the street, instead of standing on the corner, she walked. She found the bench where she had watched the people with Whimsy and sat. She watched the people and she thought to her self. She thought of Whimsy, her soft smile, and her pealing bell laughter. She thought so much that she could almost see Whimsy sitting next to her, but she was not there. She cried in her dreams, and tears soaked her pillow in her sleep. She sobbed for hours, searching for her wraith of love.

When Blake woke next she was well rested, but still in a state of disbelief. She stuck her hand out of the covers and felt around for her bedside table, but it wasn’t there. She quickly yanked the covers down away from her face and sat up, she was upside down on the bed. She flung herself face first back into the pillows and swallowed a yawn.

Blake couldn’t go back to sleep if she tried, she was too afraid. She didn’t want to see Whimsy again and know that she was not real. She stood up out of bed and trudged into the hall. The clock on the wall in the kitchen read seven am. “Damn”, Blake hissed under her breath. It was Monday. She decided the best thing to do was to call in sick and let them know where she had been for the last few days. The phone rang out once and then almost did again before anyone even picked up.

“Hello,” the voice on the other end said. The voice’s lackluster tone made Blake want to hang up.

“Hey”, she tried to be up beat, “there a chance you could get me to the T?”

“Yes, I sure can”, the voice gained a little bit of spunk at the last second. Blake waited for the boss, this was going to be hell. Just then there were a few pops on the other end of the line, voices came through but were intelligible. She cringed, waiting for it.

“Paiden!” Blake jumped.

“t, I mean, Mr. T”, He was angry, “let me just say something, I-”.

He cut her off, “I know”, his tone was soft, “Steven told me what happened.”

“Bu-”, he cut her off again.

“No, it’s okay, I don’t want to hear it, ill see you here tomorrow, bright and early, you have a new assignment.” The phone click-popped and he was gone.