Devil May Love

Gaibriel’s eyes were closed, but he didn't need to see to know what was about to happen. His father hadn't taken the buckle off this time... this one was going to hurt. Opening his eyes slowly, his father came into view, standing over him, belt dangling loosely in his left hand. The buckle was tapping eerily against the leg of the coffee table.

"You think you're too good to go to public school like everyone else," his father spat.

Gaibriel’s eyes dropped. So that’s what this was about. Gaibriel passed all his classes with straight A’s and barely put forth any effort. The work simply wasn't challenging to him. Gaibriel had looked it up on the Internet and found a nearby private school with classes designed especially for gifted students. Knowing better than to ask his father, he had approached his mother instead. She was supposed to try to make it look like he hadn't asked... she never was good at things like that. He should have known better from the beginning.

"It's not that I'm too good. I'm too smart." Gaibriel's voice was quite and small. It was safer that way.

“Pride is a sin. You think you're so smart that you could have your mother lie to me? That I'm so stupid I wouldn't notice it? That I'd spend money to feed into your pride?"

Gaibriel didn't say anything. This was also safer. He would get hit no matter what and it was best not add fuel to the fire.

"Stand up."

Gaibriel did, turning to face away from his father. The first few blows hurt, and then it just stopped hurting. Even when he fell over, his shoulder catching the corner of the coffee table, the pain seemed far away and little more than an annoyance. Gaibriel was crying, but not so much from physical pain. It was expected of him. When the blows stopped, his father was breathing a little heavier than usual. Gaibriel could hear his mother crying in the kitchen. She would feel like this was her fault.

"Up to your room. Do your homework. When you're done, back down here and eat supper. Then straight to bed and lights out. I don't want to see or hear you any more than I have to."

In silence, Gaibriel did as he was told. Once up the stairs, he took a detour to the bathroom. Pulling his sleeve up, he could see the dark bruise forming there already. Taking a rag from under the sink, he wet it in cold water, washing his face first, and then laying the rag over his shoulder. After a few moments, he removed the rag, wrung it out and placed it on the towel rack.

Back in his room, he sat at the desk, opening his Literature book. Homework today was to read from pages 233 to 252 and write a summary on it. Shakespeare again. Gaibriel didn’t mind. He liked Shakespeare.

He was just finishing up the last pages of reading when his mother knocked softly on the door. He didn't answer. She always came up to his room after a beating. Just as he expected, the door creaked open a few seconds later.

"Gaibriel... Are you okay," her voice was also quiet, but her's was natural, not a survival instinct. Gaibriel nodded, not looking up from his work. He could hear the bed springs groan as she sat on the foot of his bed. "I tried, Gaibriel. I tried to talk to him about it. He didn't believe me. I'm sorry...."

Closing his book, Gaibriel finally turned to face her. "It's fine. I shouldn't have asked you to do it in the first place. It's my fault."

She didn’t reply to this. She probably agreed with him. It was never his father's fault, no matter what happened. And weary of taking the blame all these years, she no longer fought to keep the blame from sometimes shifting to her son. It wasn't that she didn’t care anymore... she was just weary. Gaibriel knew this and he didn’t mind so much.

"You should finish supper before he gets mad." Gaibriel reopened his book, signaling the end of their discussion. His mother took then hint and left, closing the door again behind her. Gaibriel had long since given up convincing her to stand up to his father. She had given up a long time ago and nothing short of a miracle would ever give her hope again.

After that, the night was pretty uneventful. Supper was silent and Gaibriel was back in his room within twenty minutes. He sat in bed, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for the rest of the house to settle down. He heard his parent's bedroom door close and waited a few more minutes.

When he was pretty sure it was safe, he got out of bed fully dressed. Pushing his window open, he threw a leg over the sill, then the other one and dropped down on the porch roof. Hanging from it, he dropped again, landing silently on the ground below. Brushing himself off, he started walking, not really going anywhere specific. He wandered like this quite often. Despite the huge risk he was taking, it was worth it to get out once in a while... to breathe... to be able to look up at the huge black sky and remember that life wasn't contained just within the walls of his unhappy home... and that even if he'd never get to live that life, he could at least breathe freely once in a while. It didn’t make up for it or make it any easier to handle... just kept him sane.

He'd reached the city limits sign quicker than usual, or at least it seemed that way. Usually this was where he’d turn and head back home. 'I'm not ready yet,' he thought to himself, looking up at the sign. Stuffing his hands in his pockets and wishing not for the first time that he had thought to bring a jacket, Gaibriel continued walking.

He wished sometimes that he could be someone else... Or that he could go back and change the past. If he could just make it so that... Gaibriel stopped himself. It was useless thinking thoughts like that. It didn’t change anything and wouldn't make it any easier for him to deal with. He just didn’t understand why he couldn't be happy... He overheard people in school talking about the new television show that was all the rage. And the new hit single by the current hottest band. He tried not to think of it and tried not to overhear these things. They made him sad. He wasn't allowed to watch TV, or listen to the radio. The only television in the entire house was in his parent's room. There was also one in the living room, but it was there for looks and did not work. Gaibriel was also not allowed to have friends at school. His father was convinced that Gaibriel had been born in sin and was therefore weak to all kinds of temptation. He could almost hear his father's vow to keep his bastard soul in God’s hands.

Gaibriel swallowed hard, trying not to cry. He could see a park ahead of him. It was dark and empty and his feet were starting to hurt. He could sit there and rest for a while, then go back home. Maybe even cry a little. No one knew him here and it seemed like no one was around anyway. Speeding up just a little, Gaibriel headed for the swing set in the middle of the park.

He sat down, wincing at the coldness of the hard plastic seats. The chains were like ice as well, so Gaibriel settled for wrapping his arms around the chains and folded his hands in his lap. His arms would be a bit chilly, but his shirt took out most of the cold. He sat looking up at the sky, past the rusted bar of the swing set.

Looking up, he frowned at the dark clouds. Usually the sky comforted him... Tonight it just made him feel small and insignificant. His life was never going to change... He would live under his father’s tyranny until one of them died. And then...

Gaibriel started to cry.