Love and Betrayal Sucks

As the days rolled on by, I began picking out which college I wanted to apply to. Always, in the back of my mind, was this girl that I never knew. Thoughts like that made me want to get to know her even more. I guess I always had the hope that she would notice me, not just as the girl across the hall that stops by to talk more often than she should.
I've never really distinguished myself as bi before, and I don't think I can for a long time. Sure, I might've kissed more girls than I have guys, but there has always been a doubt in my mind. Every so often, a girl appears in my life that seems special. This girl was very different. I would catch myself staring into her eyes during classes I should be paying attention in, to be able to get accepted into the college of my choice.
It really isn't a well-known fact that I was into girls. Only the girls that I have gone out with and some close friends knew. On my 18th birthday, my girlfriend at the time, Ally, took me back to her abandoned house.

***

We stumbled into her cluttered bathroom, shared only with her younger sister. Luckily we managed to get through the doorway and over to the shower.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" she groaned as I struggled to take her clothes off. Now that was a task. Her pants just seemed to have a never-ending amount of buttons and zippers on them, and I could tell she was getting very annoyed with her choice of clothing that night. I reached out blindly to find the handle to turn on her shower. I didn't know if it was hot or cold, I don't think it ever really mattered, we weren't exactly focused on the water temperature. She pinned me against the wall, directly under the showerhead. Ally began to plant soft kisses all the way down my body until I stopped her at my waist. I wasn't going to let her take all the glory tonight. She smiled at me and I smiled back.
Instead, she reached down to... resolve some unresolved sexual tension. All of a sudden, our hearts stopped at the exact same moment that we heard a very unwelcome voice.

"Hey Ally! What are you doing in there?"

Mary, Ally's younger sister, had come home early from a movie with her boyfriend Tom.

"Oh shit!" We both managed to say at the same time, because we knew that if Mary found out what was going on, no one in the entire world wouldn't know about us.

"I'm taking a fucking shower you brat, can't you come back to bother me later?"


We were very lucky that night. Tom got sick of the yelling and screaming going back and forth between the two sisters, so he invited Mary to a party he knew about that night. They ran off to go party, while we got dressed and left the bathroom.


***


"Rachael. Rachael. Do you know the answer or not?" All of a sudden I was brought back to the real world. Mr. Jacobson gave me a detention that day for spacing out in class. It's not like it had been my fault in the first place. After class, that girl ran after me to congradulate me on getting a detention. I mumbled something incoherent and walked away to my next class.
Did you ever know someone that was just looked so... amazing... that you couldn't even describe them, they were just -that- amazing? That's how I felt about this girl. She was my friend, but I felt something more, and I hoped she did too. One day, I must've taken it a little too far with the subtle hints. By that time, my heart melted every time I saw her. I was standing around by her locker one afternoon and told her that I wished she would just love me like I loved her. I never thought anything of it again until two days later. I mean, I'm the most sarcastic person I know.
The next morning after I had jokingly told her that, there was a buzz going around the school that I was going out with someone. Of course, at the time I wasn't, so I had no clue what was going on. I ignored it for the rest of the day and when I saw the girl in Mr. Jacobson's class, she just seemed to look past me, and not notice I existed. Once again, I thought nothing of it. It happened sometimes, especially if she was having a bad day. It was still just a bit odd though.
Finally, the next day before lunch, I was informed by a good friend of the rumor that had been going around.

I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't breathe. I had just been stabbed in the back by someone I never could've expected to do so.

I thought about skipping the rest of the day to go home and throw up. In the end I stuck it out through the rest of the day, but I skipped lunch to sit around outside with my best friend and rant to him. He was just as shocked as I was to find out what was going on.


***

"Um. Hey Rachael. I was just wondering if something was true or not...." Megan seemed a little worried as she went on and on about how that girl that I had "loved" so much, had freaked out and told all her friends that I asked her out and that I said I loved her.


***

I can't possibly believe how many people in my high school asked me if it was true. I denied everything, because it wasn't true. Everyone that had ever been my friend believed my story. Anyone I told my story to practically believed me.
That girl. How could someone so beautiful do something so stupid and cold?

Before that day ended, I walked up to her to talk to her about it.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Do you think it's cute to make things up about people like that? Ugh. What the fuck is your problem? If I -ever- said anything like that, it was a joke. A fucking joke! Can you handle that?"

Her reaction to what I said was almost priceless. When I finished my short, yet sweet rant to her, she began to walk away. As she did that, she turned her head and said two simple words with practically no emotion whatsoever.

"I'm sorry."

I stood there, utterly shocked at how indifferent she was acting.

I almost couldn't handle everyone bothering me about this girl. It was driving me crazy. I didn't even want to go back to school because of how sick that made me feel.


I still can't forgive what she did to me that week. I think certain people still won't let the idea that I asked her out go. After that little "incident", I never spoke to her again. I heard she ended up moving after senior year was over. I was happy that I would never have to see someone like that again.

Still. I appreciate what she did for me. Worse things could've happened. By that time, I was about ready to tell her that I actually liked her. I saved myself from an even greater fall.


So I thank you for making me realize how much I hate what you did to me, wherever you are.