Another Journey Begins

Tara pulled herself up on the bar in Justin\'s home gym once more. Her arms were aching and weak, and she was quickly becoming frustrated with her own inability. She pulled harder and harder until her chin finally touched the bar. Then she dropped herself back onto the floor and curled up into a ball, rubbing her arms softly.

\"That was good,\" Justin said as he dropped down onto his haunches in front of her.

\"No it wasn\'t,\" Tara sighed. \"It was only the third pull up.\"

\"Rome was not built in a day.\"

\"I\'m not trying to build an empire.\"

\"What are you trying to do then?\"

Tara looked up into his dark eyes sadly. She didn\'t know how to respond. She wasn\'t entirely sure what she was trying to accomplish. All she did know was that she couldn\'t sit idle any longer. She had to find a way to get her emotions under control. Justin watched her as she contemplated his answer, and she was beginning to realize that he expected an answer to his question before they would go further.

\"I don\'t know for sure,\" she finally shrugged. \"I just know I need to do something.\"

He nodded and took on a pondering expression of his own. While he didn\'t seem to share his musings as easily as Sven, Tara knew he had them, and they were likely to be profound. She watched him and waited for whatever insight he might have.

\"I think physical activity is an excellent idea,\" he started. \"But I question whether you really should be learning how to fight.\"

Alarmed, Tara sat up straight, prepared to convince him that she needed the training.

\"You have to train me! You promised,\" she insisted. \"I need to do this, Justin!\"

\"Why?\"

\"I need to hit something!\"

\"Why?\"

\"I need to hit something!\" she finally shouted. \"I need to beat the shot out of something, destroy it! Mangle it!\"

\"And this will help?\"

\"Yes!\" she seethed. \"The pain inside is too much. I need to let it out before it burns me up!\"

Justin studied her face carefully as she spoke, and again she waited anxiously. He had to agree to train her. He\'d already promised her and she needed this. After a moment more, he nodded and led her to the weight bench.

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Sven smiled at Justin as he came into the den that afternoon dressed in a clean white tee shirt and pair of running shorts. The dark haired man had just showered and his damp hair hung loose about his shoulders. Sven always loved to run his fingers through his mate\'s hair, but he thought Tara might be somewhere nearby, so he stayed put in the couch. Justin took a seat next to him and smiled.

\"She is taking a long, hot bath,\" he whispered before ghosting his lips over his blonde lover\'s.

Sven immediately buried both hands in Justin\'s hair and sighed. The dark haired man pulled him into his arms and they sat quietly for a few minutes.

\"We do not need to worry about her alone in a bathtub?\"

\"Not anymore. She is definitely determined to accomplish something.\"

\"What?\"

\"I am not even sure she knows. But she is suddenly consumed with purpose.\"

\"How did her first day go?\"

\"It was rough,\" Justin sighed into Sven\'s neck. \"She needs to build up more strength.\"

\"These things take time.\"

\"So I have told her, but she is frustrated already.\"

\"Maybe we should hold off on the training then.\"

\"I thought that at first, too,\" Justin said as he pulled back and looked into Sven\'s eyes. \"But she panicked when I suggested it. Demanded that I keep my word.\"

\"I bet many have not done so in her life.\"

\"Yes, I got that impression.\"

Sven suddenly ran his hands down Justin\'s back, eliciting a sharp gasp of pleasure from his lover.

\"How much time do we have, do you think?\" he asked innocently when Justin recovered his composure.

\"Not enough for that.\"

\"Pity,\" the blonde smirked as he pulled Justin\'s shorts down and knelt before him. \"I had better make this fast then, hmm?\"

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Tara finished towel drying her now-long blonde hair and sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. How could she pretend to be someone else when she couldn\'t seem to get past her own reflection? She leaned in closer and regarded the women in the mirror critically. The hair. It had to go. But who would she become? Tara stared for a while, willing the answer to appear to her, but none came. She leaned back again and grunted. Well, that answer would evolve in time, she decided. She donned her terry cloth robe and left her bathroom.

Checking the stairs for any nearby activity and finding none, Tara crossed the hallway and slipped into Sven\'s room. Curiously enough, the bedroom looked unchanged as the day they moved in many months ago. Tara just shook her head and went to the bathroom. There was something going on between those two, she thought and not for the first time. But it wasn\'t her business. And they didn\'t seem to want to share it with her, so she wouldn\'t question them.

The bathroom appeared to be used, though it was very clean. Sven was apparently meticulous with everything. In the bathroom, Tara found Sven\'s grooming kit. He and Justin both sported long hair, usually tied back into neat ponytails. But they were both clean-shaven. Inside the kit, Tara found a small pair of scissors. Well, it would take her a little longer, but they would work. She also pulled out Sven\'s electric razor. Looking into the mirror, Tara smirked for the first time in months. It was high time to get ride of some unpleasant memories.

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\"What are we having for dinner tonight, my love?\" Justin asked as he crunched on an apple at the kitchen table.

\"Well, since we are training her, I thought we should start teaching her how to eat to optimize her strength.\"

Justin\'s smile suddenly turned downward as he frowned deeply. That meant he wouldn\'t be seeing Sven\'s fancier cooking talents for a while.

\"Do not worry so much,\" the Scandinavian man smiled gently. \"I will make sure your pallet does not suffer.\"

\"How?\"

\"Well, I have a miso soup starter with a baby green salad. Then, while I am serving steamed chicken, brown rice and vegetables, I have also made sure that there will be a side sauce made from ginger and orange zest that could be drizzled over everything.\"

\"That doesn\'t sound too terrible,\" Justin admitted, though not without a pout.

\"And for dessert, I have made a parfait.\"

\"How is that healthy eating?\"

\"I could forgo that course, if you like.\"

\"I did not meant that,\" Justin exclaimed. \"I was merely asking.\"

Sven\'s deep chuckle filled the room as he stirred the soup.

\"I made the dessert with sugar free gelatin and fat free whipped cream\"

\"Sounds divine,\" Justin said dryly.

\"I think you will like it,\" the blonde man laughed. \"I will experiment with more foods as we go. I want her to get as much energy as she can, but we need to keep things flavorful.\"

A rustling sound came from the other room, followed by noise from the television. Tara was finally downstairs and the sounds indicated she\'s found another wrestling program.

\"Well, dinner is almost ready,\" Sven said.

\"I will set the table.\"

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About a half hour later, Sven stepped into the den to let Tara know dinner was on the table and stopped short with his mouth hanging open. She was avidly watching the end of another wrestling show in Spanish and didn\'t hear him step into the room.

\"Sweet one?\" he asked softly.

She turned to look at him uncertainly but held his gaze. He knew then that Justin was right. She was determined to accomplish something, and they wouldn\'t be able to talk her out of it.

\"Your hair,\" he gestured as he sat on the end of the couch he and Justin shared earlier. \"You have decided to get rid of it?\"

Tara watched him for a moment before answering and he made his body language as non-threatening as possible. She was an adult and had a right to cut her hair as she pleased. He also remembered her outburst about making her own decisions. He didn\'t want to make her feel like she needed to do things to spite them.

\"I had to,\" she finally said. \"I couldn\'t stand to see her anymore.\"

\"Her?\"

\"Me. Her,\" she shrugged. \"You know. It was your idea, really.\"

\"My idea?\" he asked carefully.

\"To pretend to be someone else for a while.\"

Ah, so she HAD been listening to his ramblings that day. He didn\'t know if he had been getting through to her and was grasping at straws by that point.

\"So, who are you then?\"

\"Not sure yet,\" she said then bit her nail for a moment. \"But not her anymore. Maybe later on, but not now.\"

Sven nodded sagely. He understood her need to get out of herself for a little while. It likely tied into her need to learn how to defend herself. She wanted to make sure that when and if she did return to her old life, she wouldn\'t be anyone\'s victim ever again.

\"Well, I can see you have thought this through.\"

\"It\'s not that bad, is it?\" she wrinkled her nose as she ran a hand over the blonde stubble she\'d left atop her head.

\"It works very well for Sinead O\'Connor,\" he smiled. \"And I always thought your face was pretty enough to stand on its own.\"

Tara smiled at him just as Justin came though the door.

\"Are you coming to . . .\" he stopped in mid sentence.

\"Tara has made some changes, Justin.\"

\"Not Tara,\" the small women sighed.

\"Who, then?\" Justin asked, confused.

\"She is not sure yet,\" Sven replied for her. \"I will call her \'sweet one\' like I used to.\"

\"Uh, ok,\" Justin said. He couldn\'t seem to take his eyes off of Tara\'s baldhead. \"I have ladled the soup out.\"

\"Great! I\'m starved.\" Tara clicked off the television and trotted into the kitchen.

\"Um.\"

\"Do not worry, Justin,\" Sven assured him as he rose from the couch. She needed to do this.\"

\"Why is she not Tara anymore?\"

\"That is my doing,\" the blonde man sighed. \"I told her last week that if she couldn\'t take the pain she should pretend to be someone who could for a while. I think this might be part of why she wants us to train her.\"

\"Well,\" Justin murmured as he and Sven walked slowly to the kitchen, \"if it helps, then I am okay with it.\"