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Chapter 2

I\'m an only child. Which I can imagine is a little strange for some people to comprehend growing up. The only immediate family you can talk to is roughly 25-30 years older than you. It doesn\'t always make for stimulating conversation. I thought my refuge could be just to make friends in high school. Apparently my personality was oil to everyone else\'s water. I wasn\'t completely friendless growing up, but I just didn\'t have any friendships that endured the test of time.
College wasn\'t much different except for the air of pretentiousness. And the chance to be among those with similar interests and aspirations. Wait a minute. What were those interests and aspirations? Ah, so that\'s why I didn\'t make many friends in college either.


<Maigrrrl> and she just left you sitting there?
<Ann37> Yeah. I pretty much sat on a stool for hours. That was my big night.
<Maigrrrl> why did you go again?
<Ann37> I\'m not sure. I\'m still trying to figure that out.
<Maigrrrl> you should have at least attempted to find a guy

Oh boy. Here we go again. Mai is always trying to get me to find a guy.

<Ann37> not in that way
<Maigrrrl> what way then?
<Ann37> I don\'t know, but not that way
<Maigrrrl> have you even been with a guy?

Yow! Mai is usually forward and types before she thinks, but even that shocked me.

<Ann37> Mai! Come on! That\'s private!
<Maigrrrl> so none, huh?

Ugh. I don\'t even talk to Paula about sex that often, but I better type something to shut Mai up.

<Ann37> Fine, I\'ll spill. Two guys
<Maigrrrl> at the same time?

I would have killed her if I wasn\'t laughing so hard.

<Ann37> LOL. No. Two different guys. Two separate occasions. Even two separate states. Happy?
<Maigrrrl> hee hee. Yes! Mad at me?

Maybe a little bit.

<Ann37> No. Let\'s talk about something else.

It\'s always fun talking to Mai. She\'s an aspiring writer who lives in New York, so even when she\'s offline, she\'s staring at a computer screen, typing away. If you can live with her frankness and vulgarity, she\'s really easy to talk to.

<Maigrrrl> I think I better go. I have an article to write
<Ann37> Well, OK. Bye
<Maigrrrl> Bye

I still needed an online chatting fix, so I headed over to indiemusic.chat again. That\'s more like it! There were about fifteen people there. Maybe now I can engage in a more comfortable conversation.

<GoOdChArLoTtErUlZ> Fuck you man!
<slipknotdude> goodcharlot fuckin sucks

Oh boy.

<Ann37> Hi guys
<GoOdChArLoTtErUlZ> blow me fucker
<slipknotdude> you\'d liek that wouldnt you

I could point out that both Slipknot and Good Charlotte suck. Nor are they what anyone would call \"indie\". But I decided it best to dodge that conversation and maybe instant message someone a little quieter, a better speller and who doesn\'t think alternating caps is cool. Scanning the list, underdog seemed the best bet.

<Ann37> Hey what\'s up?
<underdog> Oh, hi. not much
<Ann37> So how about those losers arguing about Good Charlotte?
<underdog> actually I kinda like Good Charlotte

Oops.

<Ann37> Sorry
<underdog> No prob. I like a lot of stuff though
<Ann37> Like what?
<underdog> A.C. Newman, Coheed and Cambria, Eric Burdon, Pixies
<Ann37> Cool. So what brings you by the chat room?
<underdog> kinda takin\' a break from work
<Ann37> what work would that be?
<underdog> music critic for a local paper

This person was sounding cooler by the minute.

<Ann37> That sounds like the coolest job ever! I just work as a grocery store bagger.
<underdog> You mean \"paper or plastic\"?
<Ann37> No no no. I never say that. It just sounds too pathetic. I just say \"What bags would you like?\"
<underdog> Nice

I hated to do it but I had to know.

<Ann37> So...asl?
<underdog> excuse me?
<Ann37> asl - age/sex/location
<underdog> oh, sorry. 24/male/California. And you?
<Ann37> 23/female/Ohio
<underdog> cool
<Ann37> eh, not really
<underdog> so what else do you do besides bag groceries?

Crap. I don\'t do anything else. What am I supposed to say?

<underdog> Whoops, I really gotta go. Deadline and all.

Whew.

<Ann37> Will you be back here?
<underdog> Yeah, I\'ll be around. See ya
<Ann37> Bye

Mr. underdog left, so I decided to see if the rest of the chat room crowd had cooled down.

<slipknotdude> hey any girl wanna cyber?

Maybe I\'ll call it an early night.
Underdog, huh? I\'ll definitely remember that.


\"Do you want me to beg?\" Paula dragged off of her cigarette. \"Do you want me to grovel? Should I get down on my knees?\"
\"No. No. Just...forget it, OK?\"
Paula and I were standing outside the grocery store on our lunch break, both not exactly comfortable with the other\'s company.
\"I can\'t forget it Ann. I know I let you down.\"
\"You made me sit for five hours on a barstool while you got drunk and I had to drive you home.\"
\"When you put it that way...\"
\"I said just forget it.\"
\"Come on Ann. What can I do to make it up to you?\"
Give me your first born. Let me pull off your fingernails with rusty pliers. \"Buy me lunch.\"


The store-owned deli that\'s next door to our workplace is pretty cramped, a little grimy and ridiculously overpriced. But we get an employee discount. We sat in a far corner with our turkey clubs. I waited for her to start the conversation.
\"I got a lot of work done this weekend.\"
\"Hmm...\" I had just took a big bite out of my sandwich. Which is just as well since I probably would have said the same thing anyway.
\"Yeah. I finished my new mailer and I\'m going to send it to every lousy place I can think of.\"
\"Through the mail?\"
\"Yes. As implied by the word \'mailer\'.\"
\"You could probably get more exposure by sending your stuff around online.\"
\"I\'ll do it my own way, thanks.\"
\"I could help you. Even Ian could...\"
\"I don\'t think so.\"
\"Why are you being so stubborn about it?\"
Paula picked large chunks of bread off of her sandwich. \"Let\'s talk about something else please.\"
I rolled my eyes. \"Fine. I kinda made a new online friend.\"
\"Yeah? How did you meet this person?\"
\"Through indiemusic.chat. He\'s called underdog and he seems really nice.\"
\"Underdog? Like the cartoon?\"
\"I don\'t know. I only talked to him for a few minutes. He\'s a music critic.\"
\"Everyone\'s a music critic. You mean a professional music critic?\"
\"Semi-professional. He works at a local paper in California.\"
\"Huh. No wonder you like him already. He could get you free promo CDs. Too bad he lives so far away.\"
\"Yeah. Too bad.\" I finished off my lunch and we both headed back to work.


\"So what do you have planned for this weekend, Ann?\"
Paula really deserved the glare I gave her.
\"Hey! Why that look?\"
\"You know I never \'plan\' anything.\"
\"How about we go somewhere where YOU decide? I won\'t say no to whatever you choose.\"
Very intriguing. I can\'t stay mad at her from an offer like that. But I honestly couldn\'t think of anywhere I wanted to go. \"That\'s nice of you, Paula. But I don\'t want to go anywhere.\"
\"You\'re not getting off that easy.\" A customer pushed her cartload of groceries down our aisle, forcing Paula to halt our conversation short. \"We\'ll talk about this later.\" She grinned plastically at the customer. \"Hi, how are you today?\"


Paula and I are anomalies at our grocery store. Most everyone that works here are either older lower-middle class people who couldn\'t get a real job or bratty teenagers working summer jobs that their parents forced upon them. Almost nobody was our age, which is why every chance we could, we would try to pair off as register worker and bagger. I didn\'t especially want to be talking to anyone else if I could help it. Of course, when it\'s busy, which is just about all the time, you don\'t have time to talk.


\"Miss Hunt. If you have time to talk, then perhaps you could come over here and talk to me.\"
Great. My boss is trying to be funny. \"Yes Mr. Heller?\" Ironically, we were standing next to the frozen foods section.
\"Grace, you\'ve been working here for almost a year now.\"
I nodded.
\"I\'m just letting you know that your annual evaluation is coming up.\" He handed me a pale yellow form. \"You\'ll need to fill this out and we\'ll go over your performance in three weeks.\"
\"Um. OK. Is that all, sir?\"
He was already walking away. \"Yes. Now get back to work, please.\"


The next day, Paula was still trying to get me to go do something with her. Somewhere of my choosing. I was hoping it would just blow over, but not half an hour after I got off of work, she gave me a call. I reluctantly picked up my cell phone, seeing her phone number flash across the screen.
\"Hello Paula.\" I likely sounded impatient to her.
\"You like pool don\'t you?\"
\"What?\"
\"We could go to a pool hall. But it\'s totally up to you. I don\'t want to influence your decision.\"
I let out one of the biggest sighs I could muster. \"Fine, Paula. Pool. We\'ll go Saturday night.\"
\"Only if you want to.\"
\"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. I\'ll see you tomorrow.\"
\"Bye.\"
\"Bye.\"
I needed to talk to someone, anyone. Preferably online of course. I checked my friend list on AOL, but no one was online. Isn\'t that always the way?
There\'s always indiemusic.chat. I had been going there more frequently, hoping to catch underdog, with no luck.
And I know what you\'re thinking. I\'m just looking for some cool guys to meet...friends, cool friends to meet online. Oh, come on. You know what I meant.
Opening the chat room window, I was surprised to find underdog was there. Not only that, but he was the only one there.

<Ann37> Well, look who\'s back!
<underdog> Ann, I was hoping I\'d see you tonight! I actually have a free night.
<Ann37> Cool! So...where do we start?
<underdog> Well, I\'m assuming your name is Ann
<Ann37> Lucky guess. Though before you tell me your name, why underdog? You like that cartoon?
<underdog> That\'s not exactly it. I chose it for its true meaning. The person you don\'t expect to win.
<Ann37> Ah, man. You actually put some thought into yours. I\'m just not very creative.
<underdog> Oh I\'m sure you are in your own way.
<Ann37> Well...

My cell phone rang incessantly as if trying to garner all the attention in the room. For once, I could see it wasn\'t Paula. It was much worse. My parents. Do I dare answer it? Crap.

<Ann37> Hold on, underdog. I have a phone call.
<underdog> no prob

My parents live in Seattle, Washington. Which in turn is where I grew up. Needless to say, I don\'t visit them much. Nor do we talk much either.
\"Gracie!\" My mother\'s eardrum splitting voice blared over the line. \"How are you doing, sweetie?\"
\"Just fine, mom. What did you want?\"
\"I just wanted to talk to my only daughter, who I never get to see.\"
\"There\'s really nothing to tell, mother. I still work at Heller\'s Grocery. I\'m still single. I\'m still online all the time. Speaking of which, I was in the middle of chatting with someone. Can I call you back?\"
\"Don\'t you think I know you by now, Gracie? You don\'t ever call back. And I was hoping I could convince you into coming home soon.\"
Dammit. I was hoping we could sidestep this conversation for once. \"Why?\"
\"What do you mean \'Why\'? We only see you once a year at Christmas and even then it\'s like pulling teeth trying to get you all the way out here.\"
Where\'s my pen? \"I don\'t know, mom. We\'ll see. Besides, it\'s the summer.\"
\"Just think about it for once. Do you want to talk to your father?\"
\"Not really.\"
\"OK, honey. I\'ll let you chat with your friend then. Bye bye.\"
\"Bye mom.\" I couldn\'t shut off my phone quick enough.

<Ann37> OK, I\'m back
<underdog> welcome back! Who was that?
<Ann37> no one important


The next few days were spent pretty much working and chatting with underdog, who I\'ve now come to know as Bryan. We chat on AOL now, since indiemusic.chat has been overrun by dumb-ass teenagers. Practically everything we talk about is music, which is fine by me. I don\'t know what else I could possibly talk about at length. It\'s very comforting talking to Bryan, like I\'m talking to a long lost friend that I\'ve recently caught up with. However, we never talk well into the might because he needs time to work.
By Friday night, I started to feel like I was neglecting my other online friends so I tried to contact Max.

<Ann37> Max?

A few minutes passed before he answered.

<NarusStud> Ann! seems like forever since we\'ve spoken
<Ann37> It\'s only been a week, silly
<NarusStud> but I\'m online almost every night. where have you been? what\'s happened?
<Ann37> well...I\'ve kinda made a new online friend
<NarusStud> cool
<Ann37> yeah, he\'s pretty cool. A music critic from California.
<NarusStud> ah
<Ann37> yeah, I\'ve been talking to him for three days straight
<NarusStud> oh
<Ann37> something wrong?
<NarusStud> no. I don\'t know. he sounds cool
<Ann37> You don\'t seem very talkative
<NarusStud> how was last weekend? didn\'t you go out drinking with your friend?

Why is he changing the subject? Oh well.

<Ann37> don\'t ask

Suddenly a message from underdog appeared over my current window.

<underdog> you there Ann?

Not only that, but my cell phone rang as well. No doubt Paula. I decided to answer the phone first.
\"Hello?\"
\"Ann, how\'s my favorite introvert doing?\"
\"I\'m OK.\"
\"Good. You still up for pool tomorrow?\"
\"I guess I...\"

<underdog> Ann?
<NarusStud> did something happen, Ann?

\"Ann?\"
It\'s hard enough trying to keep two conversations going at once. But three puts you on the verge of your brain exploding.
\"Sorry, I got distracted, Paula. Just pick me up at eight. I won\'t complain.\"
\"Cool! You mind if Ian comes along?\"
\"I...I guess not.\"
\"Great! See you at eight!\"
\"OK. Bye.\"
I clicked the phone off, wondering what just happened. Paula doesn\'t ever hang out with her brother. Why would she bring him along? I snapped back to the present when I heard my computer beeping at me. Bryan and Max were still trying to get my attention.

<underdog> Aren\'t you there, Ann?
<NarusStud> Ann? Hello?

At that moment, I didn\'t really feel like chatting, so I just turned off AOL messenger. I\'ll just tell them my computer crashed or something.


When Saturday finally came, I didn\'t feel much different than the day before. I just sat around and listened to CDs, one right after the other. I can\'t really explain why I didn\'t want to chat with anyone. My friend had guilted me into going out again, but I felt more indifferent than anything. As if going out to a pool hall was just something else that had to be done.
I finally heard a car pull into the street next to my apartment. But when I looked out my window, I didn\'t recognize the car. It was certainly nicer than anything Paula could afford. I guess Ian\'s driving.
I had worn my usual duds, jeans and a T-shirt. There\'s no need to dress up anyway. I headed down the stairwell and out my front door, noticing several passers-by staring at the very out-of-place red Corvette in the neighborhood.
Wait a second. Corvettes are two-seaters. I steadily walked up to the car and the door swung open. Only one person was inside. Ian.
\"Hey, Ann. Paula said she couldn\'t make it. So it\'s just you and me tonight.\"