No Secrets

Shateera

Terra Jacobs lye in bed staring up at the ceiling dazed as she contemplated her previous actions. Tears were withheld inside as she flashed back to the past night. A sigh escaped her lips as she felt a pain sear between her legs, verifying that that night was, indeed, real. She hadn't been dreaming, she was no longer a virgin.

'Was it worth it?' she questioned herself harshly. Thinking back, she realized her emotions had her twisted and confused.

It had been worth it because she was now physically closer to him and she had gotten to see him genuinely happy. Knowing she had caused him that moment of happiness had sent her into deep ecstacy...

But, it wasn't worth it because she had lost a part of herself in wanting to please him and be whatever it was that he wanted in a girl. She knew she shouldn't have had to feel like she had to compromise herself for him to feel like she had a part of him.

Letting another sigh escape her small pink lips, she rested her small arms ontop of her stomach. She just wanted to forget him now. He had gotten moody after answering his cellphone, and by the way he was addressing the person he was on the phone with, she had been led to believe it was a girl, probably another girlfriend, that he was speaking to. So, she was left in question, who, or what, was she?

She had gotten out of his bed, hoping to get dressed and leave without a word to or from him as he had been clearly deeply engrossed in his phone conversation. When she had went to open his door, she had found him already in front of her.

'Damn he moves fast,' she had thought staring up at him surprised.

"I didn't tell you that you could go anywhere," he had said after tossing his cellphone over onto his bed.

"Yea, well, I don't care," she had said as she moved past him and proceeded in walking out his room.

He could call whatever girl he wanted and do whatever he wanted with her after she left. She had just need to get out. Besides, she was a game and nothing more; she should have established that by now. She had to move on; he wouldn't change. Not for her. This had brought emotional pain surging inside her fullthrottle but nothing could be done so she had to accept the fact.

"Girl, you better watch who you're talking to," he had said behind her, grabbing a hold of her arm. He tightly pressed against it drawing a scream from her small lips in response.

"What?" she had asked him icily despite her pain.

"Don't ask me what," he'd told her meeting the glare in her eyes. She looked away and fought tears when he released her arm.

The look in his eyes had been cold and uncaring, mocking her tauntingly, telling her she was weak. 'Get out of this and get over it,' her subconscious screamed at her but she couldn't move a muscle. She couldn't move until he was finished tearing her heart into pieces.

Tears fell down her cheeks at the recent memory. It wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it. But she cared about him deep inside. 'It's just too bad,' she thought, 'he doesn't feel the same.' She closed her eyes and awaited sleep as to will some of the pain away.