Unforgivables

The sun was just coming up yet it was shinning through my window. It was an early August morning meaning if the sun was just coming up it was probably six. Slowly, lazily, I forced myself to stand and walk to my closet. I had such an unusual frame for a guy that most of the close I had hung lose on me most likely making me look even skinnier then I was. To spite countless hours of shopping all my clothes had turned out that way. Jenna had made it her mission in life to find clothes for me and not once had we found something that fit me correctly.

The door to my room swung open just as I pulled on my shirt and Annabell came walking in as if she had been up for hours. “Good morning Kit.” I didn’t answer her. “You better hurry up and get downstairs. My aunt and uncle are showing up today if you forgot and dad says everything needs to be ready.”

There were voices all around me, making hearing hard, but I gave her a nod and she went on her way. Truth be told I had no desire to meet her aunt or uncle or whatever form of cousins they were bringing with them. It meant more people in the house and that was not something I enjoyed having. That and they were strangers to me. I didn’t do well around strangers. Strangers asked questions about you, where you were from, how old you were, and other things. I didn’t like talking; the McKinney’s appreciated that. Their family members would not understand that.

“Kit!” Marcus yelled at me from downstairs and I winced inwardly at such a loud voice. Marcus had the loudest voice. Even when he was just talking it overpowered me to a point where I had to close my eyes to listen sometimes. “Get down here! We have things to do!”

Like the good child I was I went downstairs and sat at the table with them to eat. The mornings were usually filled with Annabell talking to Jenna, Marcus yelling at her for talking about some random guy, and Jenna telling Marcus to be quiet because Annabell was an eighteen-year-old girl and could like boys if she wanted to. I tended to leave the table early because of all the commotion. It wasn’t their fault. They knew I didn’t like to talk, I had told them that, however they didn’t know why I couldn’t be around them when they spoke so quickly or loudly. They wouldn’t understand that.

“Hey Kit.” Marcus stopped me from going out the door. “If you are going to head out there so early would you mind taking Shadow for a morning ride?” I shook my head. “Good. He hasn’t been out in a while so be careful with him. Take him out to the east trail. He likes that best.” I went to leave again but Marcus said my name. “No more then an hour. We have things to do.\"

I walked out to the stall and up to Shadow, who seemed to already be waiting for me. Horses were a wonderful animal. You didn’t even have to talk and they already understood. Grabbing the saddle I opened the door and proceeded to get Shadow ready. It had been a long time since I had ridden Shadow so it would be a little awkward for both of us in the beginning. However I had never taken Shadow, or any other horse, for a ride in the east. I didn’t even know what was over east.

Leading Shadow out of the barn I looked to the west, where I usually took the horses, and then turned. My heart began to race as I realized the east was where the river was. I didn’t want to go over there. The path didn’t lead down directly by the river but if Shadow decided to get a mind of his own then that could lead to us going to the river. Horses could stray if they wanted to and they usually strayed to water.

“Well?” Marcus walked up and pat Shadow on the back. “You gonna get going?” I nodded and got onto Shadow. “Now remember, you have to be back in an hour because I don’t know when they are going to show up. Got that?” I nodded again. “Alright then. You’re set.”

The path was mostly strait. There were a few turns but it wasn’t like it was any inconvenience to Shadow. The horse was just prancing along like it was nobodies business and that suited me just fine. The less I had to work at controlling him the easier it would be for the both of us. As we made it down to a narrower portion of the path Shadow began to stray slightly and I tightened my hold on the reins to keep him in the designated area.

“No.” I pulled to keep him on the trail and not to the left. “Shadow…no.”

He wouldn’t listen though. It wasn’t like I could do anything against a horse besides pull on the reins or run for my life. Neither of which was going to work for me. The horse wasn’t responding to rein pulling and if I just left him Marcus would beat me to a living pulp. My body began to tremble as I heard the water running over the rocks. What could I do? I’d tried telling the horse to stop and that hadn’t worked. What else could I do?

“Stop…” I leaned down and rest my head against the back of his neck with my eyes clamped tightly shut. “Please…please not there…” I felt Shadow stop but I was afraid to open my eyes. I was afraid he had stopped at the river and when I opened my eyes I would be sitting on the bank. “Take me home…please take me home Shadow.”

The horse whinnied and I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the ground below me. There were rocks below the horse’s feet meaning there was water very close to where I was. Slowly I lifted my head and my grip on the reins tightened as I saw the river not five feet away from where I was. Memories came rushing back to me and I felt myself grow nauseous.

“Run away little boy…” a voice I had never heard before whispered in my ear. “Run away and hide just like you want to. Go on and run.”

Horses can sense things so the moment that voice spoke to me Shadow was freaking out. I tried to get him to calm down but he would have nothing of it. The voices were getting more persistent and Shadow was making so much of a fuss I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing or trying to do. The next thing I knew Shadow bucked and I fell off the back of him strait into water that had somehow gotten right below us.

As fast as humanly possible I was up and had run several meters from the river before stopping. I baked against a tree and hugged myself as the cool water sank below my clothes and onto my skin. Warm summer afternoons cooled by the fresh flow of water. That was what it reminded me of. I felt something bump my arm and I jumped to see Shadow standing there.

The horse was bowing his head like he had done something wrong. I gave him a pat on his neck and climbed back onto him again. We started back to the trail and back to our home. I had only been gone for at least forty-five minutes so I had time to make it back to the house and avoid getting yelled at for being a second to late. Not like any of them yelled at me for anything even when I knew I deserved it. That was the problem with them knowing about my past. They thought if they yelled at me I would but hurt in someway and kill myself. I was too strong for that.

When we made it to the field I saw a car in the driveway of our house. I knew I had only been gone for at least an hour, just like instructed, so that couldn’t be their family already. Then again maybe this aunt and uncle were very high on getting places early. There were people like that. People who liked to get things done quickly so there was more of the day to spend. I didn’t see how you could get everything done and then still find things to do.

Taking Shadow into the barn I took the saddle and reins off him and let him back into his stall. I put everything back where it was supposed to go and stood there a moment wondering if I really wanted to go inside. There was always the option that I could just sit with the horses until Marcus got mad and came looking for me but that seemed like a waste of time. However my distaste in meeting new people was really keeping me from going inside that house.

“Kit.” Annabell came running in and stopped. “Kit you’re all wet. Did you go swimming or something?” she didn’t even give me time to answer that. “Of course you would go without me. I ask you to go all those times and then you just go without me. Well, come on and follow me. Aunt Kim and Uncle Mike are inside and I want you to meet them.”

Silently I followed her into the house and she quickly threw a kitchen towel at me so I could dry off as best I could for a moment. I could hear them talking in the living room from where Annabell and I stood. Mike was equally as loud as Marcus and with Jenna and Kim laughing it did not help my situation at all. For the time being I would have to attempt to block out other noises so I could focus enough.

Annabell literally pulled me into the room and I stood there slightly uncomfortable with my head lowered. “Kit your wet.” Marcus told me like I hadn’t realized it. “What on Earth happened?”

“He went swimming.” Annabell answered.

“I fell.” I muttered hoping they could hear me. Most guys in this family seemed to be loud, the few of them that I had met, and Marcus always told me to speak up if I was saying something. It was rare that I spoke in actual full sentences so him yelling at me for talking to low was not helping me communicate more.

I heard Marcus sigh and I knew he was going to talk to me about it later. That is what that sigh meant. I’d heard it before. “Well, nothing we can do about that now. Kit this is my sister Kim, my brother-in-law Mike, their daughters Hannah and Megan, and their son Nicholas. You guys this is Kit.”

“Kit?” I heard one of the girls ask. “I’ve never heard a name like that before.” It was Megan. Clearly she was the more brash of the two. That and she was younger meaning she had no care to what she said. “What kind of name is that anyway?”

“Megan!” Kim snapped at her. “It is very nice to meet you Kit. We’ve heard very wonderful things about you and it is nice to finally put a face to you.”

I gave her a small nod and forced myself to think. “It’s nice to meet you to.”

A loud laugh came from who I could only presume to be Mike. “A quiet one he is. Well Kit, you best learn to speak up. It’s not that right for boys of your age to go around with their head lowered and all.”

“As opposed to walking around with your mouth always open?” I heard from a male voice not nearly as loud or deep as either Mike or Marcus’s. I let my eyes wander and found that the voice had come from Nicholas.

“Nicholas!” Kim hissed at him. “Don’t be uncouth around your aunt and uncle.”

A sly smirk only crossed Nicholas’s lips and he leaned back in the chair. Jenna stood and smiled at everyone. “Well, you must all be thirsty after your drive here. I’ll get some drinks for us all.” She set a hand on my shoulder. “Would you like to come help me Kit?”

I gave her a small nod and followed her into the kitchen. She pulled out nine glasses and grabbed some lemonade from the fridge. I watched her, knowing she only asked me into the kitchen because she noticed my discomfort with being out there.

“You can go if you want to.” Jenna told me. “I know you can’t be comfortable around them. They are a little different then what we are used to around here and I realize that all of them are a little more talkative then you are used to. I’ll let you go to your room if you want.”

“Hey aunt Jenna.” we both looked over to see Nicholas standing there. Again I felt uneasiness come over me as he gave me a small smile. “I hear you have some cool horses on this farm of yours.”

Jenna smiled. “That we do Nicholas.” She looked back at me. “Could you maybe go show him Kit? They don’t have that many horses where he is from. Do they Nicholas.”

“No they don’t.” Nicholas answered. “Would you mind Kit?”

I felt my stomach heave as I slowly nodded my head. Jenna gave my shoulder and affectionate squeeze but no matter how hard she hugged me she would not make the feeling in my gut to away. I walked towards the door and looked back to make sure Nicholas was following me, he was. It wasn’t a long walk to the barn. The barn was a little bit away from the house but it wasn’t like it was hundreds upon hundreds of yards away. Still, it wasn’t like Nicholas couldn’t have shown himself there. You really can’t miss a giant red barn in the middle of a field.

“Don’t worry.” Nicholas told me as we walked over there. “Aunt Jenna told me you don’t like to talk so I shouldn’t ask questions. Which of course only sparks my curiosity. Still, I’ll be a good boy and not ask you anything you don’t want to tell me.”

Sliding the barn door open I allowed Nicholas inside first. He seemed incredibly amazed by it. Never in my life had I seen someone so amazed by a barn and a few horses. Even I hadn’t been that amazed when I had first seen it.

“Every time I come here I’m still in awe.” Nicholas chuckled. “It’s silly, I guess, that a nineteen-year-old would be so amazed by something as simple as a barn and a few horses.” He looked back at me and I felt myself grown uneasy again. “Can I ask your real name? Would you tell me that?”

For a moment I didn’t answer. It was a simple question, what my real name was. However when I had told people my name before I had seen the look of shock on their faces. It was like they had committed some horrible sin by just asking my name. Like it hurt me to say my real name after the fire. “Christopher. Christopher Brown.”

“Christopher Brown huh?” Nicholas asked and pet Shadow as the horse peeked its head out. “Well, I am very pleased to meet you Christopher Brown.” He gave me that smile again. Showing off teeth that were so white they shouldn’t have even existed. “Maybe you and I can get to know each other better while I’m here. I’m very interested in learning about you Christopher.”


A/N: And we all love each other again! Yet again we come to this...Review if you want. Clearly I will keep writing because I can. You can send me hate mail all you want and I think I may write more just to piss you off. If you like it that\'s cool to. Much love.
I was going to quote Edgar Allan Poe right here but I am drawing a blank so make something witty up yourselves will you?