Band of Rusty Gold
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
10
Views:
2,055
Reviews:
13
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
10
Views:
2,055
Reviews:
13
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Chapter 2
An MST brought to you by the Gay Shagging Cats.
*Orlando, Dominic and Sean test the door. It\'s well and truly locked.*
Orli: Dammit. We actually can\'t leave.
Dom: How long do you think Lij\'ll leave us in here?
Orli: Well, you did refuse to give him-
Dom: A while then. Bastard.
Sean: Guys?
Orli: Stupid arse, Dom. Why couldn\'t you just-
Sean: Uh..s?
s?
Orli: What?
Sean: *pointing* There\'s *another* bastard chapter.
Dom: *faints clean away*
//Wow i didn\'t think anyone was reading this. Thanks for the reviews :). //
The Tossers Who Gave Her The Reviews ( :-) ): S\'okay! *smile*
//To answer all ur questions. Yes the LOTR guys r in it but later please bare with me, //
Fangirls: Yay!!
Orli: *starts undressing*
Fangirls: Squeeee!!!
//The character Ally is actually based on me and my future coz i\'m a beauty therapist going on to be a make - up artist,//
Sean: Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Red Alert! Big Fat Mary Sue!! Pah.
Orli: She\'s going to fall for me, you know. After all, I *am* the prettiest. *nods to VSD*
Sean: Beauty Therapist? What, she does their blusher on the couch? *nods to Nisi*
//But i don\'t smoke lol//
Orli: Nope. Not me. I always smoke pot before I write. Lol\'s for looooosers.
//or drink.//
Orli: Fuck, I\'m leaving.
//If you have any other questions then please tell them coz i\'ll answer anything.//
Sean: Anything?!
Orli: *raising hand* Oh, oh! I have a question!! Pick me! Pick me! *nods to Shrek* (Godammit, something original to come. Pwomise!)
Sean: *thwacks Orli with a grey fluffly glove*
//Again thanks for reading. Here\'s chapter 2!//
Sean: No, no. Thank *you*.
Orli: *fanning Dom with his...yeah*
Dom: Ooooh....oooooh.....OH! SHIT!
Orli: With us?
Dom: Uh-huh.
//Chapter 2: A new woman//
Dom: Fuck.
Orli: Thank God. No more Ally?
//\"So ... a free lady once again\"
\"Yep, you know what? I think it\'s taught me a lesson\" //
Sean: No, sadly it didn\'t. You\'re still writing this crap.
//\"What? getting hitched and divorced before you can say get me to the church on time\"//
Orli: QUESTION MARK ANYONE?
//Ally nodded to the half cast lady sat in front of her//
Sean: She had had a tragic accident with a bus and broken her top half. Signatures adorned her cast like so many stars in the night sk - Kill. Me. Now.
Orli: You\'ve been reading too much of this shit.
Lij: *climbs through window* Hey you guys.
Dom: I\'m gonna fuckin kill you!!!!
Lij: Wha?
Dom: Locking us in here. You bastard!!
Lij: Wasn\'t me. Look, I brought snacks. *produces squashed bag of Lays* What\'re we doing?
Dom: Suffering. *grabs Lij and pulls him down behind the theatre seats.*
FIVE MINUTES PASS...SLOWLY AND NOISILY
Dom: *emerging with a bedraggled, panting Lij* Aaaaah..
Lij: *grinning like an idiot* Meh. Fuh. Heeheeheehee.
Orli: *pouts at Sean* I could\'ve done with a good shag before this.
Sean: *manly growling* Laterrrrrrrr.
// \"Yea I shouldn\'t fall in love too easily,
I should of listened to mum” she shook her head and took a long and thoughtful sip of
black coffee from her mug.//
Sean: Not half cast coffee?
Lij: What\'s going on?
Dom: Brief synopsis? Um, she got divorced, she can\'t write for shit, she\'s very pretty and perfect and at some point, it appears she\'s going to be falling in love with one of us guys.
*All look at Orli*
Orli: *nods smugly* Oh yeah...Gettin\' some tonight... *makes rude hand gesture*
Dom: It\'s. A. Girl.
Orli: I\'m not picky. Just pretty.
//Shalini smirked as she stared at her friend, she all ways knew Ally to be so courageous
about her feelings.//
Dom: Yes, Ally was very brave, stupendously smart and beautiful. In fact, Shalini, or Shal as she liked to be called, fancied her rotten.
Lij: *bats eyelashes* Oh, Ally. You\'re soooo vewwy cowageous! I wuv you sooo much.
Sean: *whacks Lij about the back of the head* That\'s for shagging my man.
//She had known Ally since secondary school, both like peas in a pod;//
Sean: Green and icky. *nods to SugaryLime*
Lij: This is so confusing. So now they\'re identical twins?
Authors: Stealing our idea!!
//always hanging out, attending detentions,//
Dom: Yeah, I remember at my school, detentions were always optional.
//playing hard to get with the boys.//
All: *speechless*
//But most
importantly, they’ve all ways been there for each other.//
Orli: Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be switching tense. Please fasten your seatbelts.
Sean: No warning. None at all. *shakes head in disbelief*
//Shalini was like Ally but with
long, thick, black curly hair and wide set, dark brown eyes and only a few inches shorter
then Ally. //
Dom: So...nothing like Ally at all, then.
Sean: She just keeps misleading us and hoping we won\'t notice.
//Occupation: a director for short films.//
Lij: Likes: walks in the rain and pina coladas. Dislikes: Ally.
//“You know Ally, you don’t surprise me ... Are you going to continuing working in the
theatre with that dog around”//
All: HUH?
Lij: What the fuck?
Sean: Is she talking about Bup-pup? *nods to Defiled Blue Yonder*
// she spoke making the last few words sound with disgust.//
Lij: Once more with feeling; WHAT THE FUCK?
Dom: *sits with his head in his hands, shaking* I can\'t take it any more. How much more of this shit is there?
Sean: *looks at Aff.net* Three more chapters and counting.
Dom: *plots suicide*
//Ally squinted her eyes and looked up in thought//
Orli: This took some considerable skill on her part.
// “Erm ... no ... My agent is still trying to
book somewhere for me”.
\"Cool, but as long as it\'s round here, I don\'t want to lose my best friend\" Shalini gave a
light laugh. Being sarcastic was the humours side of her.//
Orli: SAR-CASM. *nods to Crow T Robot*
Dom: *pulling out dictionary*
Lij: Where were you keeping that?
Dom: *big wide grin* Sarcasm. (särkzm) n. 1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound. 2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule. Nope, nothing here about stupidly inane remarks.
// Ally rolled her eyes “You know
i wouldn’t Shal” she grinned, taking another sip from the steaming mug.//
Orli: She cursed as she burnt her tongue. It hung limply from her mouth like a big, pink, fluffy, windchapped, angry slu - Kill. Me. Now.
Sean: Little did she know her good friend \'Shal\' had swapped her black coffee for a big, steaming mug of horse shit.
~***~
//Ally sighed it had been a long time since she had a bed to herself.//
Dom: She was the town bike. Everyone got a ride. There was nobody left.
// Now back in her old
apartment she owned before wondering of with Jason, she was just glad that she hadn’t
moved out of it.//
Lij: She stayed there even though she was married. No wonder Jason left the bitch.
Dom: Wondering of? Of what?
// But just thinking of her ex made her skin crawl, how could he not love
her when he told her he did, even married her, but by the time it was their first night as
husband and wife, he didn’t want to know and only came to her when he felt aroused,
drunk or when the press was about catching clips of the new blockbuster musical at the
theatre.//
Dom: This guy is so very, very gay dot com.
Orli: Let\'s see...how *could* he not love
her when he told her he did, even married her, but by the time it was their first night as
husband and wife, he didn’t want to know and only came to her when he felt aroused,
drunk or when the press was about catching clips of the new blockbuster musical at the
theatre QUESTION MARK.
Sean: Let me count the ways //“ //“Bastard”//
Orli: Ha! That showed him!
// she whispered to herself as she remembered the years they had spent
together as a couple, having fun, laughing together, sharing intimate moments together. //
Sean: 2,135, 2\'136...
Dom: Stop any time you want Sean.
Sean: 3\'476...
Lij: Intimate moments?
Orli: HAVING SEKS! DIRTY, MARY SUE SEKS!
Lij: *blushes*
Sean: 6\'784...
//“All a bloody waste” She didn’t cry,//
Dom: Which wasn\'t a waste of breath. Then she went on to not cry, \"bastard!\" Further insults she did not yell, not throwing things at the wall while she didn\'t stomp about her apartment.
// only when she was alone in her honeymoon sweet,//
Orli: The Happy Couple Mint Humbug. Bless.
Sean: 1\'234\'907...
Lij: Aren\'t you bored yet?
Dom: Seriously, Sean. Any time at all.
Sean: *grinning* 1\'780\'563....
//but that was a month ago. She’s a new women now//
Dom: After being assimilated into the Borg Collective, she was all women.
// and she wouldn’t make the same
mistake again. Why did she bother with men anyway?. Ally sat thinking//
Dom: This took a great deal of effort, again, and some length of time. Fortunately, her new strength of power helped in this.
// staring up at the
ceiling as she thought back to when she was younger and she smirked when she
remembered the better days without them.//
Lij: I feel like we\'re missing something here.
Dom: Punctuation?
Orli: A plot?
Sean: 2\'675\'530....*pauses to take a deep breath before he passes out*
~***~
//She woke the next morning feeling a lot more better,//
Lij: Or a lot bettererer.
Dom: She felt a lot greater too. But hey, she was great.
// her once punctured heart was fixed
and was up and running as normal,//
Orli: She\'d used her \'Town Bike Puncture Repair Kit (tm)\' to patch herself up. Messy work, needed doing.
// she trudged slowly down the stair case of her
maisonette. Turning into the kitchen//
Dom: That\'s a fecking neat trick. Now I wanta see her turn into a bathroom!
Sean: 3\'567\'985.. *thunk as he passes out*
Orli: *bends down to revive Sean*
FIVE MORE NOISY MINUTES LATER
Lij: Dude, isn\'t mouth to mouth supposed to involve...y\'know...mouths?
Sean: PLEH!
Orli: YAH!
Sean: Don\'t fucking STOP!
TEN NOISY MINUTES LATER (during which Lij and Dom ate an entire bag of crushed Lays, got laid and..er...dug an escape tunnel out)
Sean: *incoherent puddle with a, ahem, \"smug smile\"*
// she picked up the envelopes that laid, speared
across the ivory coloured carpet at the door.//
Dom: The postman was a vicious Zulu bastard with a good aim.
// She switched the kettle on as she leaned
back against the counter and looked at the envelopes, Bills, tax, bumph and useless
leaflets about the county council and the new restaurant that has recently opened up in
town.//
Orli: Ladies and gentlemen, you\'ll notice the fasten seatbelt sign is now lit. Prepare to switch tense once again. Thank you. Oh. Too late.
Sean: Y\'know, someone put a LOT of work into those leaflets and useless bumph.
//She turned round when she heard the click of the ready boiled kettle,//
All: *impressed* OOOOOH...
Sean: Ee, modern technology, eh lads? In\'t it marvellous?
//placing the letters
and leaflets to the side she poured herself a mug of tea. Her accustomed wake-up call.//
Orli: Most people use an alarm clock, but she preferred the gentle clicking of the kettle. Aaah. Soothing.
Lij: Yesterday, coffee and horse-shit. Today, tea. Tomorrow; THE WORLD!
//She took a sip and brought it over to the pine, like table//
Dom: It was, like, pine and stuff. Like, freaky man!
Lij: Like, that is SOOO, like, cool and stuff.
Orli: I love you. You\'re, like, so gorgeous and, like...wow. *flips hair*
Sean: *staring at Orli*
// grabbing the packet of
Mayfair’s on the way over, she slipped into her seat and pulled out a cigarette, she knew
she should quit, but every time she tried she would suddenly suffer from the strain of
her job and start up smoking again, but the grey, smothering smoke seemed to soothe
her nerves.//
Orli: TRY BREATHING. It might help with that smothering smoke.
Lij: Weird. Cigarette smoke is usually known for being bright purple.
Dom: *snickers* Um, only the fags you smoke, Lij.
Lij: *turning into fangirl again* Heh. You said faaaaag.
Sean: The finest Lol money could buy.
Orli: *looks to see how much is left* Oh, sweet Jesus.
//The blaring noise of the phone, made her jump, she groaned as she let it ring, who
would ring her at this time in the morning.//
Dom: Her English teacher? If, in fact, she ever had one?
Orli: That creepy guy from apartment 53?
Sean: Captain Grammar?
Lij: Captain Gramm - oh.
// She let it ring until there was the beep of the
answering machine, only looking at it she suddenly realised.//
Sean: Clutching her heart she stared at the machine in shock. \"So THAT\'S what it does. Well, blow me...\"
Lij: *wiggles eyebrows* Um, okay...If you insist.
//\"Al pick up! It\'s Amanda ...\"//
Orli: Who\'s talking? *looks around* Who is that?
Dom: \'Who\'s Amanda?\' Ally mouthed.
//Ally swiftly ran//
Sean: As opposed to what? Running slowly? Sluggishly?
// to the phone which was attached to the white, tiled wall, her pink, silky
dressing gown//
Orli: \"Damned static electricity,\" she said, batting the phone away from her dressing gown.
// clinging to her slim body making her curves stand out, //
Lij: *starts humming* Bwa-wa-boom-shikka-boom.
Orli: What the fuck\'s that?
Lij: Porn music.
Orli: Aaaaaand you\'d know that how?
Dom: *points* EEEEEEW!!!! Lij watches Het porn! UGH UGH UGH!! *spits*
//she grabbed her
cancer stick out of her mouth.//
Lij: *taking out a pack of cigs* Cancer stick, anyone?
//“Have you found a job!” she said quickly down the phone, her brown eyes wide with
excitement, she shoved her tousled brown hair our of her face.//
Dom: The tousled brown hair, having been cursed by the cold, biting, January wind, had come back with a vengeance. It now controlled her ability to use question marks. Which was non-existent.
// The excited, high-spirit
soon dropped into an annoyed but puzzled look.//
Orli: With a quiet \'sploosh!\'
//“What do you mean no one will take me?//
Sean: I already counted the reasons why. And I\'m not going back and starting over again.
Orli: Aw, is diddums gonna get all upset? Is diddums gonna CWYYYY?
//... there must be a job in a salon somewhere in
the world or a production company!”//
Lij: *whinging* In spaaaaace!
Dom: Yep. Salons are from earth, production companies are from Venus.
// She breathed raggedly, looking at the burning
cigarette in her hand she shoved it in her mouth,//
Sean: And immediately realised her mistake as her tongue caught fire.
// as she felt the stress start to build up.//
Orli: Don\'t know about you guys, but my own personal stress is past my eyeballs.
Lij: Actually, the only thing I got building up is excitement that we\'re nearly done.
Dom: There are more chapters.
Lij: *looks at Dom\'s hastily scrawled suicide plot and makes notes*
//\"Sorry Ally but I\'ve rung up every where ... but I guess you can look, I’m so-”//
Sean: If I had an agent like this, I\'d sack her arse.
Orli: Just her arse, Sean?
Sean: Meh. I\'d prefer yours.
Orli: *preens*
Lij: Why the hell do make-up artists NEED agents anyway? *shrugs* Just a thought.
//“Save it” she said placing the phone back on the hook, completely cutting her agent off.//
Dom: From her life. With nary a goodbye.
//She took a long drag of her cigarette before aggressively stumping it out in the ash filled
tray and blew out the smothering smoke,//
Sean: That damned smothering smoke again. Bastard gets everywhere.
// before heading off back upstairs to get ready
for a day of job hunting on the net. //
Lij: \'Cause you can\'t go on the net in your jim-jams. You never know WHO might be watching.
Dom: *blushing* Um...yeah... *fidgets*
Sean: I like this girl. She\'s so aggressive in everything she does. Even job-hunting. She\'s a real go-getter.
Orli: I could have sworn in the previous chapter she was a successful make-up artist with great hopes for the future. Now we find out she\'s an unemployed bum who smokes, drinks coffee and hates her friends. I\'m so disillusioned.
FIC: .....
Sean: *whispers* That it?
Dom: *looking round warily* Um, yeah. Think so.
Orli: Shall we?
Lij: Sneak out...through the escape tunnel.
Dom: And send someone else in for the next chapter?
Lij: Who can we trick?
Sean: Craig\'s a sucker for blow-jobs. Orli, you can be the bait.
Orli: But-
Dom: I second that.
Orli: But-
Lij: Third that motion and it\'s carried!
Orli: *crying*
Sean: There, there. You\'re still the prettiest.
*Sean, Lij and Dom tie Orli to his chair (insert own Kink joke here) and sneak out through the tunnel, shouting Craig\'s name*
*Orlando, Dominic and Sean test the door. It\'s well and truly locked.*
Orli: Dammit. We actually can\'t leave.
Dom: How long do you think Lij\'ll leave us in here?
Orli: Well, you did refuse to give him-
Dom: A while then. Bastard.
Sean: Guys?
Orli: Stupid arse, Dom. Why couldn\'t you just-
Sean: Uh..s?
s?
Orli: What?
Sean: *pointing* There\'s *another* bastard chapter.
Dom: *faints clean away*
//Wow i didn\'t think anyone was reading this. Thanks for the reviews :). //
The Tossers Who Gave Her The Reviews ( :-) ): S\'okay! *smile*
//To answer all ur questions. Yes the LOTR guys r in it but later please bare with me, //
Fangirls: Yay!!
Orli: *starts undressing*
Fangirls: Squeeee!!!
//The character Ally is actually based on me and my future coz i\'m a beauty therapist going on to be a make - up artist,//
Sean: Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Red Alert! Big Fat Mary Sue!! Pah.
Orli: She\'s going to fall for me, you know. After all, I *am* the prettiest. *nods to VSD*
Sean: Beauty Therapist? What, she does their blusher on the couch? *nods to Nisi*
//But i don\'t smoke lol//
Orli: Nope. Not me. I always smoke pot before I write. Lol\'s for looooosers.
//or drink.//
Orli: Fuck, I\'m leaving.
//If you have any other questions then please tell them coz i\'ll answer anything.//
Sean: Anything?!
Orli: *raising hand* Oh, oh! I have a question!! Pick me! Pick me! *nods to Shrek* (Godammit, something original to come. Pwomise!)
Sean: *thwacks Orli with a grey fluffly glove*
//Again thanks for reading. Here\'s chapter 2!//
Sean: No, no. Thank *you*.
Orli: *fanning Dom with his...yeah*
Dom: Ooooh....oooooh.....OH! SHIT!
Orli: With us?
Dom: Uh-huh.
//Chapter 2: A new woman//
Dom: Fuck.
Orli: Thank God. No more Ally?
//\"So ... a free lady once again\"
\"Yep, you know what? I think it\'s taught me a lesson\" //
Sean: No, sadly it didn\'t. You\'re still writing this crap.
//\"What? getting hitched and divorced before you can say get me to the church on time\"//
Orli: QUESTION MARK ANYONE?
//Ally nodded to the half cast lady sat in front of her//
Sean: She had had a tragic accident with a bus and broken her top half. Signatures adorned her cast like so many stars in the night sk - Kill. Me. Now.
Orli: You\'ve been reading too much of this shit.
Lij: *climbs through window* Hey you guys.
Dom: I\'m gonna fuckin kill you!!!!
Lij: Wha?
Dom: Locking us in here. You bastard!!
Lij: Wasn\'t me. Look, I brought snacks. *produces squashed bag of Lays* What\'re we doing?
Dom: Suffering. *grabs Lij and pulls him down behind the theatre seats.*
FIVE MINUTES PASS...SLOWLY AND NOISILY
Dom: *emerging with a bedraggled, panting Lij* Aaaaah..
Lij: *grinning like an idiot* Meh. Fuh. Heeheeheehee.
Orli: *pouts at Sean* I could\'ve done with a good shag before this.
Sean: *manly growling* Laterrrrrrrr.
// \"Yea I shouldn\'t fall in love too easily,
I should of listened to mum” she shook her head and took a long and thoughtful sip of
black coffee from her mug.//
Sean: Not half cast coffee?
Lij: What\'s going on?
Dom: Brief synopsis? Um, she got divorced, she can\'t write for shit, she\'s very pretty and perfect and at some point, it appears she\'s going to be falling in love with one of us guys.
*All look at Orli*
Orli: *nods smugly* Oh yeah...Gettin\' some tonight... *makes rude hand gesture*
Dom: It\'s. A. Girl.
Orli: I\'m not picky. Just pretty.
//Shalini smirked as she stared at her friend, she all ways knew Ally to be so courageous
about her feelings.//
Dom: Yes, Ally was very brave, stupendously smart and beautiful. In fact, Shalini, or Shal as she liked to be called, fancied her rotten.
Lij: *bats eyelashes* Oh, Ally. You\'re soooo vewwy cowageous! I wuv you sooo much.
Sean: *whacks Lij about the back of the head* That\'s for shagging my man.
//She had known Ally since secondary school, both like peas in a pod;//
Sean: Green and icky. *nods to SugaryLime*
Lij: This is so confusing. So now they\'re identical twins?
Authors: Stealing our idea!!
//always hanging out, attending detentions,//
Dom: Yeah, I remember at my school, detentions were always optional.
//playing hard to get with the boys.//
All: *speechless*
//But most
importantly, they’ve all ways been there for each other.//
Orli: Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be switching tense. Please fasten your seatbelts.
Sean: No warning. None at all. *shakes head in disbelief*
//Shalini was like Ally but with
long, thick, black curly hair and wide set, dark brown eyes and only a few inches shorter
then Ally. //
Dom: So...nothing like Ally at all, then.
Sean: She just keeps misleading us and hoping we won\'t notice.
//Occupation: a director for short films.//
Lij: Likes: walks in the rain and pina coladas. Dislikes: Ally.
//“You know Ally, you don’t surprise me ... Are you going to continuing working in the
theatre with that dog around”//
All: HUH?
Lij: What the fuck?
Sean: Is she talking about Bup-pup? *nods to Defiled Blue Yonder*
// she spoke making the last few words sound with disgust.//
Lij: Once more with feeling; WHAT THE FUCK?
Dom: *sits with his head in his hands, shaking* I can\'t take it any more. How much more of this shit is there?
Sean: *looks at Aff.net* Three more chapters and counting.
Dom: *plots suicide*
//Ally squinted her eyes and looked up in thought//
Orli: This took some considerable skill on her part.
// “Erm ... no ... My agent is still trying to
book somewhere for me”.
\"Cool, but as long as it\'s round here, I don\'t want to lose my best friend\" Shalini gave a
light laugh. Being sarcastic was the humours side of her.//
Orli: SAR-CASM. *nods to Crow T Robot*
Dom: *pulling out dictionary*
Lij: Where were you keeping that?
Dom: *big wide grin* Sarcasm. (särkzm) n. 1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound. 2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule. Nope, nothing here about stupidly inane remarks.
// Ally rolled her eyes “You know
i wouldn’t Shal” she grinned, taking another sip from the steaming mug.//
Orli: She cursed as she burnt her tongue. It hung limply from her mouth like a big, pink, fluffy, windchapped, angry slu - Kill. Me. Now.
Sean: Little did she know her good friend \'Shal\' had swapped her black coffee for a big, steaming mug of horse shit.
~***~
//Ally sighed it had been a long time since she had a bed to herself.//
Dom: She was the town bike. Everyone got a ride. There was nobody left.
// Now back in her old
apartment she owned before wondering of with Jason, she was just glad that she hadn’t
moved out of it.//
Lij: She stayed there even though she was married. No wonder Jason left the bitch.
Dom: Wondering of? Of what?
// But just thinking of her ex made her skin crawl, how could he not love
her when he told her he did, even married her, but by the time it was their first night as
husband and wife, he didn’t want to know and only came to her when he felt aroused,
drunk or when the press was about catching clips of the new blockbuster musical at the
theatre.//
Dom: This guy is so very, very gay dot com.
Orli: Let\'s see...how *could* he not love
her when he told her he did, even married her, but by the time it was their first night as
husband and wife, he didn’t want to know and only came to her when he felt aroused,
drunk or when the press was about catching clips of the new blockbuster musical at the
theatre QUESTION MARK.
Sean: Let me count the ways //“ //“Bastard”//
Orli: Ha! That showed him!
// she whispered to herself as she remembered the years they had spent
together as a couple, having fun, laughing together, sharing intimate moments together. //
Sean: 2,135, 2\'136...
Dom: Stop any time you want Sean.
Sean: 3\'476...
Lij: Intimate moments?
Orli: HAVING SEKS! DIRTY, MARY SUE SEKS!
Lij: *blushes*
Sean: 6\'784...
//“All a bloody waste” She didn’t cry,//
Dom: Which wasn\'t a waste of breath. Then she went on to not cry, \"bastard!\" Further insults she did not yell, not throwing things at the wall while she didn\'t stomp about her apartment.
// only when she was alone in her honeymoon sweet,//
Orli: The Happy Couple Mint Humbug. Bless.
Sean: 1\'234\'907...
Lij: Aren\'t you bored yet?
Dom: Seriously, Sean. Any time at all.
Sean: *grinning* 1\'780\'563....
//but that was a month ago. She’s a new women now//
Dom: After being assimilated into the Borg Collective, she was all women.
// and she wouldn’t make the same
mistake again. Why did she bother with men anyway?. Ally sat thinking//
Dom: This took a great deal of effort, again, and some length of time. Fortunately, her new strength of power helped in this.
// staring up at the
ceiling as she thought back to when she was younger and she smirked when she
remembered the better days without them.//
Lij: I feel like we\'re missing something here.
Dom: Punctuation?
Orli: A plot?
Sean: 2\'675\'530....*pauses to take a deep breath before he passes out*
~***~
//She woke the next morning feeling a lot more better,//
Lij: Or a lot bettererer.
Dom: She felt a lot greater too. But hey, she was great.
// her once punctured heart was fixed
and was up and running as normal,//
Orli: She\'d used her \'Town Bike Puncture Repair Kit (tm)\' to patch herself up. Messy work, needed doing.
// she trudged slowly down the stair case of her
maisonette. Turning into the kitchen//
Dom: That\'s a fecking neat trick. Now I wanta see her turn into a bathroom!
Sean: 3\'567\'985.. *thunk as he passes out*
Orli: *bends down to revive Sean*
FIVE MORE NOISY MINUTES LATER
Lij: Dude, isn\'t mouth to mouth supposed to involve...y\'know...mouths?
Sean: PLEH!
Orli: YAH!
Sean: Don\'t fucking STOP!
TEN NOISY MINUTES LATER (during which Lij and Dom ate an entire bag of crushed Lays, got laid and..er...dug an escape tunnel out)
Sean: *incoherent puddle with a, ahem, \"smug smile\"*
// she picked up the envelopes that laid, speared
across the ivory coloured carpet at the door.//
Dom: The postman was a vicious Zulu bastard with a good aim.
// She switched the kettle on as she leaned
back against the counter and looked at the envelopes, Bills, tax, bumph and useless
leaflets about the county council and the new restaurant that has recently opened up in
town.//
Orli: Ladies and gentlemen, you\'ll notice the fasten seatbelt sign is now lit. Prepare to switch tense once again. Thank you. Oh. Too late.
Sean: Y\'know, someone put a LOT of work into those leaflets and useless bumph.
//She turned round when she heard the click of the ready boiled kettle,//
All: *impressed* OOOOOH...
Sean: Ee, modern technology, eh lads? In\'t it marvellous?
//placing the letters
and leaflets to the side she poured herself a mug of tea. Her accustomed wake-up call.//
Orli: Most people use an alarm clock, but she preferred the gentle clicking of the kettle. Aaah. Soothing.
Lij: Yesterday, coffee and horse-shit. Today, tea. Tomorrow; THE WORLD!
//She took a sip and brought it over to the pine, like table//
Dom: It was, like, pine and stuff. Like, freaky man!
Lij: Like, that is SOOO, like, cool and stuff.
Orli: I love you. You\'re, like, so gorgeous and, like...wow. *flips hair*
Sean: *staring at Orli*
// grabbing the packet of
Mayfair’s on the way over, she slipped into her seat and pulled out a cigarette, she knew
she should quit, but every time she tried she would suddenly suffer from the strain of
her job and start up smoking again, but the grey, smothering smoke seemed to soothe
her nerves.//
Orli: TRY BREATHING. It might help with that smothering smoke.
Lij: Weird. Cigarette smoke is usually known for being bright purple.
Dom: *snickers* Um, only the fags you smoke, Lij.
Lij: *turning into fangirl again* Heh. You said faaaaag.
Sean: The finest Lol money could buy.
Orli: *looks to see how much is left* Oh, sweet Jesus.
//The blaring noise of the phone, made her jump, she groaned as she let it ring, who
would ring her at this time in the morning.//
Dom: Her English teacher? If, in fact, she ever had one?
Orli: That creepy guy from apartment 53?
Sean: Captain Grammar?
Lij: Captain Gramm - oh.
// She let it ring until there was the beep of the
answering machine, only looking at it she suddenly realised.//
Sean: Clutching her heart she stared at the machine in shock. \"So THAT\'S what it does. Well, blow me...\"
Lij: *wiggles eyebrows* Um, okay...If you insist.
//\"Al pick up! It\'s Amanda ...\"//
Orli: Who\'s talking? *looks around* Who is that?
Dom: \'Who\'s Amanda?\' Ally mouthed.
//Ally swiftly ran//
Sean: As opposed to what? Running slowly? Sluggishly?
// to the phone which was attached to the white, tiled wall, her pink, silky
dressing gown//
Orli: \"Damned static electricity,\" she said, batting the phone away from her dressing gown.
// clinging to her slim body making her curves stand out, //
Lij: *starts humming* Bwa-wa-boom-shikka-boom.
Orli: What the fuck\'s that?
Lij: Porn music.
Orli: Aaaaaand you\'d know that how?
Dom: *points* EEEEEEW!!!! Lij watches Het porn! UGH UGH UGH!! *spits*
//she grabbed her
cancer stick out of her mouth.//
Lij: *taking out a pack of cigs* Cancer stick, anyone?
//“Have you found a job!” she said quickly down the phone, her brown eyes wide with
excitement, she shoved her tousled brown hair our of her face.//
Dom: The tousled brown hair, having been cursed by the cold, biting, January wind, had come back with a vengeance. It now controlled her ability to use question marks. Which was non-existent.
// The excited, high-spirit
soon dropped into an annoyed but puzzled look.//
Orli: With a quiet \'sploosh!\'
//“What do you mean no one will take me?//
Sean: I already counted the reasons why. And I\'m not going back and starting over again.
Orli: Aw, is diddums gonna get all upset? Is diddums gonna CWYYYY?
//... there must be a job in a salon somewhere in
the world or a production company!”//
Lij: *whinging* In spaaaaace!
Dom: Yep. Salons are from earth, production companies are from Venus.
// She breathed raggedly, looking at the burning
cigarette in her hand she shoved it in her mouth,//
Sean: And immediately realised her mistake as her tongue caught fire.
// as she felt the stress start to build up.//
Orli: Don\'t know about you guys, but my own personal stress is past my eyeballs.
Lij: Actually, the only thing I got building up is excitement that we\'re nearly done.
Dom: There are more chapters.
Lij: *looks at Dom\'s hastily scrawled suicide plot and makes notes*
//\"Sorry Ally but I\'ve rung up every where ... but I guess you can look, I’m so-”//
Sean: If I had an agent like this, I\'d sack her arse.
Orli: Just her arse, Sean?
Sean: Meh. I\'d prefer yours.
Orli: *preens*
Lij: Why the hell do make-up artists NEED agents anyway? *shrugs* Just a thought.
//“Save it” she said placing the phone back on the hook, completely cutting her agent off.//
Dom: From her life. With nary a goodbye.
//She took a long drag of her cigarette before aggressively stumping it out in the ash filled
tray and blew out the smothering smoke,//
Sean: That damned smothering smoke again. Bastard gets everywhere.
// before heading off back upstairs to get ready
for a day of job hunting on the net. //
Lij: \'Cause you can\'t go on the net in your jim-jams. You never know WHO might be watching.
Dom: *blushing* Um...yeah... *fidgets*
Sean: I like this girl. She\'s so aggressive in everything she does. Even job-hunting. She\'s a real go-getter.
Orli: I could have sworn in the previous chapter she was a successful make-up artist with great hopes for the future. Now we find out she\'s an unemployed bum who smokes, drinks coffee and hates her friends. I\'m so disillusioned.
FIC: .....
Sean: *whispers* That it?
Dom: *looking round warily* Um, yeah. Think so.
Orli: Shall we?
Lij: Sneak out...through the escape tunnel.
Dom: And send someone else in for the next chapter?
Lij: Who can we trick?
Sean: Craig\'s a sucker for blow-jobs. Orli, you can be the bait.
Orli: But-
Dom: I second that.
Orli: But-
Lij: Third that motion and it\'s carried!
Orli: *crying*
Sean: There, there. You\'re still the prettiest.
*Sean, Lij and Dom tie Orli to his chair (insert own Kink joke here) and sneak out through the tunnel, shouting Craig\'s name*