Broken Dreams

Sitting down in his desk chair he tried thinking about what he was going to get his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. It had been over a year since he’d last seen Liz and his friends had set him up with this great girl. He didn’t really feel like getting her hopes up, but things were going fine so he just wouldn’t mess with it.
It still felt odd having anyone else but her as a close companion, but he doubted anyone would ever be able to fill her place anyway. It wasn’t like he was that close to Sophia anyway, but he still liked to think he was happy. Even if his definition of happy had dwindled somewhat in the last year. Now he was happy if he could go through a day without getting depressed just thinking about her.
Getting back onto the topic of Valentine’s Day gifts, he thought about what Sophia might want. He didn’t really even know what Sophia liked to be quite honest. He wasn’t really sure if he was a good boyfriend, but if she was happy it didn’t really matter, right? He figured he would probably just get her some flowers, a necklace, and some chocolate and she would be fine.
Moving out of his chair he walked over to the shelves andked ked at a picture of him and Liz at a party just staring at each other and smiling. He didn’t really remember who had taken the picture, but he remembered that moment. She had just told him he was a dork and he had said, “Yeah, but I’m your dork, so there!” and they both just turned and smiled at each other.
Letting the pain slip back into his heart, he left the room and picked up his cell phone. It was definitely time to call someone before he was on the bed just staring again, or worse. Dialing his friend James’s number he put the phone up to his ear.
James picked up and said, “Yo, what’s up?” and then he heard laughing in the background.
“Nothin, man. You wanna do somethin?” Russ was beginning to feel better about life already.
“Yeah, sure. We’re at the club right now. Just meet us there.” Without even botheringsay say bye, James just hung up.
Picking his jacket up off his couch, Russ walked to the garage door and got in his car. Starting the engine he pulled the car out and headed towards his friends’ favorite club, Ice Fire. Since he had moved about 2 weeks after she had died, he lived farther from the club now and it took a little longer to get there.
Stopping at a light he saw a blonde walking on the sidewalk headed toward a Starbuck’s Coffee place. If he didn’t know better, he’d say that was Liz, but he did know better. Turning left he got a better look at the blonde and his heart stopped. The blonde chick didn’st lst look exactly like Liz from behind, but also from the front too.
Taking a sharp right to park in a vacant spot, he got out of the car. Walking up to the woman, he stopped her in the middle of a conversation on her cell phone by saying, “Is it really you?” Not only that, but he took her by the shoulders too.
“Rick, I’m going to have to call you back.” The blonde put her cell phone in her purse and her next words were, “I was wondering when I’d run into you. It’s been a while, Russ.” She didn’t even seem surprised that he had approached her like he had.
He scratched his head and said, “Liz, it can’t be you. You died. I was there, I know.” He felt so confused and it almost hurt to see her again.
“Look, I’m headed into Starbuck’s. You can join me if you want an explanation.” Having said that, she just walked by him and into the coffee house leaving him more confused than ever.
He turned and walked in her direction into the coffee place and went down and sat at a table in the corner. She walked toward him a few minutes later with hot coffee in her hands and she sat down. Looking into her face again, he knew it just had to be Liz and that this really was no illusion.
“I need your help,” and that was all she said. She said that one thing alr already he knew he’d give it to her.
“My help with what?” This was turning out quite odd.
“I was sent back to help you catch my killer. That’s why you’re seeing me now. I only have a month to do it in.” She took a sip from her coffee and then looked him directly in the eyes.
“Liz, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to help you. I mean, I have a girlfriend and you just come back.” He didn’t know what he was saying and it ditelitely didn’t feel right. He was trying to push her away and he really didn’t even want that.
“Oh, well, ummm….I guess I can just go back to where I was then. I didn’t mean to bother you or anything.” Getting out of her seat she started walking towards the door and then he did something he should have a long time ago, he stopped her.
“How do you expect to just come back here after abandoning me and get help? You broke my heart, Liz. You think I’m just going to be willing to let you go again?” She was frustrating to him, yet he still loved her so much.
“No, Russ, you were just the first person I wanted to see when I came back. I know asking you for help was brave, but you’re the only one I trust with this. However much I hurt you I’m sorry, but I do still love you. And I knew you had a girlfriend, I’ve seen her.” She just sat back down and bowed her head. Now it was her turn to be sad.
“I’ll help you, but it has to be kept secret. I mean, people would freak if they saw you Liz. They’d think I’d gone crazy and had someone get a lot of surgery done to look like you.” He wasn’t serious about the last part and he could tell she knew by the way she was smiling. He had missed that smile so much.
“You don’t have to worry about people seeing me. When they see me with you, they will see a different face. I don’t know how that’s going to work with your girlfriend though. I guess I’ll just keep a very low profile.” She had everything figured out, obviously. This was definitely going to get him into more than one mess.


She had missed his face so much. The way he smiled, the way his eyes held hers, just everything. She didn’t know how she would let go of him again, but she did know it would have to happen regardless of whether she wanted it to or not.
Standing up from her chair, she started walking towards the door and turned back to make sure he was coming too. It seemed they had reached a point of agreement and now she felt tired. For some reason coming back made huch uch more tired than she had ever felt being alive. She just wanted to go home and sleep.
“Do you mind if I go home with you, or will Sophia be there?” She turned and asked him once they had reached his SUV. She already knew that Sophia would be out of town for a week visiting her relatives and was due back the 14th. She just didn’t know if he felt comfortable taking her back to his place.
“That’s fine, we can hang out there. I just have to call James and tell him I’m not comi He He took his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and pushed a few button before she saw him put it up to his ear. “Hey James, I won’t be coming. I have to go pick something up for Sophia and then I’m going to head over to work.(pause) Yeah, I’ll call you guys tomorrow and we’ll hang. Later.” He hung up the phone, put it back in his pocket and got in the car.
Sliding into her own seat, she put on her seatbelt and looked over at him. She wanted to touch him so much, but somehow she didn’t know if it would be right. So she just reclined her seat and closed her eyes knowing that he was looking at her. She felt the car start moving and it seemed like seconds before they were at his house.
Getting out of the car, she looked at the gorgeous house in front of her and just walked right in like she had been there several times. Without even asking where anything was she walked over to the cabinets, pulled out a glass and a bottle of vodka and poured herself a glass.
“You seem to know your way around.” So he had noticed that she knew where everything was.
“Yeah, not to sound creepy or anything, but I’ve been watching you. When you miss someone as much as I missed you, you want to be as close as possible to them. That’s how I knew about Sophia.” She turned toward him and looked at him again. She really didn’t know how she would even get through this without touching him. So, she did the next irrational thing.
She set her glass down on the counter, walked over to him, and hugged him. It seemed at first that he didn’t know how to react and then she felt his arms go around her. This felt like home to her. This is what she missed most about anything in her life.
“I missed you so much. More than you know,” he said into her hair. He squeezed her tighter against his chest as if he would never let her go. She knew what that felt like.
Then, with much reluctance, she pulled away from him, went back to her place by the counter and picked up her glass. “Do you have somewhere I can sleep, Russ?” She took a huge gulp from her vodka, looked at it, and just downed the rest. She hadn’t had any since before she’d died.
“Yeah, ummm….you can sleep in the guest room if that’s alright with you.” He started walking towards the stairs. Somehow she knew he’d be reluctant to let her sleep in his bed. So she just followed him up the stairs and into a large guest roomed decked in mostly green, blue and silver.
“Thanks, I definitely appreciate everything you’re helping me with. One more thing, do you have a t-shirt I can wear to bed?” He looked at her for a moment and then turned and walked to his room where he walked to the closet and came out with the shirt she’d given him when she came back from Vegas the first year she’d known him. She was surprised he still had it.
“Here, it’s a little old, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.” andeanded her the shirt and showed her back to her room.
“Umm….it feels odd saying this, but can you turn your back so I can change?” She still felt odd being in this house, and she knew she couldn’t act the same way she had when she was alive. So he turned his back and she took off all of her clothes and slipped the shirt on over her head.
“Thanks, you can look now.” Turning back around she saw his eyes roam over her body in the flimsy white t-shirt and the lust shining in them. She knew she be putting all thoughts of love and sex out of both his and her mind, but it felt so right to her.
“Well, I’m sure you want to go to sleep now,” he said to her turning to leave. “I think I’m going to go to bed too.” With that, he closed the door and she was alone. Well, she knew it was better that way. Yet, somehow she knew it was just the beginning of a long night.