Heaven Far Away

Interlude Three - Shade of Blue (Bakusui Eiji)

“You can stay here for the night if you want.”

It was the offer that I gave Kazuya seconds before I left the room. The maid’s frantic words and knockings woke me thoroughly, and the news further served as a bucket of ice water sending chills down my spine. In the elevator, I watched my own reflection. It’s been almost ten years since something this big has hit this club. Even if I am in no way affiliated with the owner of Opiate by blood, it has been twenty something years since my first day working here. As the sole trainer, there appeared to be some sort of special privilege that circled me in as a senior staff member. Stepping out of the elevator on the fifty-fifth floor, it was Ren whom I saw first. The kid stood outside of the owner’s office with a mildly distressed expression on his face.

“Yo.” I greeted him casually, with a hand still in my pocket. Yes, I understand that a client had passed away in the club, but since it’s already spilt milk, what was the use in running around like a headless chicken?

“Ah.” For once, the kid didn’t even address me by some disrespectful title. “Chitose is in there.” He jabbed his thumb towards the owner’s door. “I think he’s getting scolded for what happened. Should you intervene and help him?”

Scolded? I almost wanted to laugh. It’d be a surprise if the owner wasn’t the one getting scolded.

“What happened?”

“Chitose-san had this client, Mukai or something like that? Long story short, he wanted BDSM and in the middle of it, he had a heart attack and died.”

“Mukai? BDSM?”

“Yeah.”

“Impo…” I started to dismiss Ren’s report before everything clicked and I couldn’t help but look at the closed doors again. At length, I could only smile and turned around for the elevators again. “Tell Chitose thank you for me. And don’t worry, he’ll be fine. The owner won’t do anything to him.” In the elevator, my finger paused and hesitated. It hovered above the B1 button before finally pressing on it with determination. In the mirrored doors, I saw my own reflection.

A man in his forties, but still a slave to the secrets of yesterday.

Mukai is a name that I know well. BDSM is a technique that was like breathing for me. For Mukai to have died in the hands of Chitose during BDSM is a plate of revenge served cold. That number one, I couldn’t help but note again, is truly the scariest one in this club. Chitose is the complete opposite of the former number one and yet, I cannot say that Chitose is not fit for this role.

When I first entered the club as a host, I was merely the age of nineteen. I did not come into this club of my own volition, but whatever gambling problems I had drove me to Konbayoshi’s door. Back then, it was not Konbayoshi Takahiro; it was Konbayoshi Atsushi; the uncle of the current owner whom even I had to bend my knees for. Konbayoshi Atsushi did not stutter when he said that he would pay back my debts, but in return, I will have to work for him. This much I expected and agreed to.

As a starting host, the club was a new experience for me. I saw beautiful faces and beautiful bodies, but they were nothing more than a shell that held no true beauty on the inside. The number one at the time was a small boy whose large eyes smiled at each passing person. I cannot even recall his name as of this moment. Then there was another number one because the former fell out of favour. I paid them no mind. In the first decade that I worked in Opiate, from the bottom to the top, I climbed my way up. In that first decade, I saw the life and death of three number one hosts only to be greeted by Konbayoshi Atsushi’s careless attitude towards all of them. Towards the end of the first decade, I heard that Konbayoshi Atsushi had picked up a beautiful boy for his own sake. I’ve never seen this beautiful boy for he was hidden away in Konbayoshi Atsushi’s family estate.

But then, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and I dare say true beauty came in the form of the fourth number one.

It was an autumn afternoon when I was called into the owner’s office. Having been promoted to the trainer status not long ago, I was still getting used to the new responsibilities and powers that this position gave me. In the middle of the room, basking in the rays of a dying sun, he stood with his head bowed.

“Eiji, he is to mark your transition to a trainer status.” Konbayoshi Atsushi addressed me and it was a sign for me to draw closer. When I stood beside the young one, I couldn’t help but glance downwards. I saw shoulder length light brown hair and a slender jaw line. “This is Ichiaki Koki. I trust that you will turn him into a proper host within no time.”

“Of course, owner.”

Ichiaki Koki finally stirred. He turned and bowed to me deeply before looking up. “It’s nice to meet you, Bakusui-sama. I will work hard.” He had a pair of pale blue eyes that threatened to turn white, but it was his smile that I will always remember him by.

“Yes.” Momentarily stunned, I find that I couldn’t utter anything more than that word.

“Koki is certainly a fine specimen to have been discovered.” Konbayoshi Atsushi’s voice cut in. When I looked back again, his lips were turned into a half smirk. “I almost wanted to take him into my estate rather than show him to Opiate. However, since I have myself another beauty, I suppose it’s only fair that I share.”

It was the first time that I’ve heard him speak of the rumoured boy that Konbayoshi Atsushi had supposedly picked up.

Back then, as my first assignment, as a trainer, I was sure that I was unprepared. Koki and I used to sit in my room for hours without being able to find a conversation topic. He sat in a sofa chair with his hands on his lap and a curious smile on his lips. His pale blue eyes looked cold to the touch but the smile was so warm when it reached his eyes. “Bakusui-sama looks nervous~” Oh, he even has the nerve to tease me.

“Is that so?”

“You’re frowning like this.” He pursed his lips and tried to imitate me. I laughed and his lips lifted in a grin as well. “Bakusui-sama shouldn’t frown so much, they will leave wrinkles.”

“A man shouldn’t be worried about wrinkles.” He talked as if I were a girl. “Why are you in this club?”

“My family owed Konbayoshi-sama money, and I was the substitute.” He was still smiling and I could not understand that. If I were sold by my family to some man as a substitute, I would certainly wonder whether I meant anything to my family at all. I was still deep in thought, so when Koki was in front of me and leaned over me, I flinched back with a startle.

“What is it?”

“Bakusui-sama is frowning again.” This time, I felt his fingers on the furrow of my eyebrows and unconsciously my facial muscles relaxed as his digits traced the curve of my eyebrow. In the close proximity that was the distance between my face and his face, our gaze caught each other and his fingers stopped. At that moment, it must have been something else other than my brain moving my body. I reached up and cupped the back of his neck to draw him closer. The young one’s lips tasted as sweet as his smiles and I wondered deep within my own self whether a line was going to be crossed. Recovering from the initial shock, Koki was compliant to my demands.

His pale blue eyes forever were engraved into my brain.

I knew that this was an inappropriate start to my new post, but the smiles during training cannot be concluded as the affection of teacher and student. Koki’s light laughter and smile filled the hours of my days. When I would return from a late night rendez-vous with a client, it would be Koki’s face to greet me at the door. Slowly, steadily, he moved from being trained to a full fledged host.

The bitterness on my tongue was not just a little when a client would brush back his hair; I watched the light brown tresses pass through another man’s fingers and forced myself to turn away. I cannot let my own insignificant feelings hinder Koki’s advances. We both knew that there were debts to be paid in full, money to be returned. So I smiled at him and he smiled back at me; I often wondered if Koki felt the same whenever he passed by a client and I. In the hallways, he greeted me as Bakusui-sama, introduced me as his trainer; behind closed doors, we embraced each other with the strength that a pair of long lost lovers would exhibit. Maybe the only consolation is in knowing that he was mine first, before anyone else could touch him. And at the end of the day, it is back into my arms that he will return.

At night, I liked to lie awake and trace the colourful tattoos that ran from his left ankle up to his left hip. It was a single branch that diverged with blossoming sakura running the length of his leg. “What is this for?”

“When we were trying to return owner-sama’s money, we consulted many loan sharks. They weren’t all friendly people as you can see.” Koki laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. His hair has grown longer, now wrapping around the circumference of his arm. “A particular group of loan sharks took the liberty of marking me to show my parents.”

‘How can you still smile and tell me that?”

“Because, it’s already in the past, even if I cried, it cannot change the past.” He shifted and touched my eyebrows again; it was to remind me that I was frowning once again. “And I have you now, don’t I? You taught me to be proud of everything that I am, so how can I not smile?”

So how can I not love you?

For four years, our relationship continued like so. I did not care whether other hosts or staff members knew. I did not care whether the owner knew. I did my job and Koki serviced the clients with no change. There can be no faults found in our work ethics, so why should anyone complain about what we do on our days off?

I thought that if we could work hard to maintain our relationship like this, then one day, we will see the light at the end of the tunnel and pay off all our debts. Together, we could leave this place and start anew. Those years of bliss blinded my eyes and clouded my brain; I should have known that nothing would follow the ideal route. So on a summer afternoon of the fourth year, I wished that the world could have ended that day.

“Let’s go on a date tomorrow, okay?”

“Where?”

“Amusement park!”

“….”

“Oh come on!”

“How old do you think I am?” Koki pouted and turned away from me, and I could only sigh and give in. “Fine, fine, amusement park.”

“Promise me!”

“I promise you.”

“That’s not enough.”

“Then what do you want?”

He looked at me for a moment before he grinned and held out his hand towards me. “Give me your cell phone.”

“Why?” But I still reached for it and handed it to him regardless.

“Pinky swear!”

“Again, how old do you think I am?”

“Eiji~!” There was something about how he said my name. How he would drag on the last syllable of my name that I couldn’t help but smile at. So stepping closer to him, I wrapped my pinky around his and he smiled happily. “Ah, wait, wait!” With his other hand, Koki held out the phone and took a picture of our linked pinkies. “Ta da, evidence~! Now you cannot say no!”

Like I would be able to either way.

“Who’s your client tonight?”

“Mukai-san.”

“The owner’s business partner?”

“I hear that they’ve been friends for a long time now as well.”

“In that case, work hard.”

“I will.” He nodded and handed the phone back to me. “He rented out the specialty room tonight, so I won’t be back until the morning. Sorry, Eiji.”

“It’s okay.” I should never have said that. If I had objected, would he still have gone? “We’ll see each other tomorrow. Besides, I need to get extra sleep just so I can put up with you at the amusement park tomorrow.”

Those twelve hours, I practically slept away. I went to bed early, I remembered that I wanted to wake up early and prepare for the day so Koki could get some nap time in before we leave. I remember being reluctant but could not refuse the hopeful look in Koki’s eyes. Then I remember the knocking on the door that jolted me awake. The light that fought hard to sneak through the curtains spoke to me of the time and I grabbed my bathrobe before going to answer the door.

“Bakusui-san, quick… down in the specialty room….”

My blood froze at those words alone and I pushed past him to head for the elevator. The trip down took longer than I remembered possible and when I got to the room, there was already a small crowd of people. There was the club security, a younger version of Konbayoshi Atsushi –whom I later learnt is Konbayoshi Takahiro-, Konbayoshi Atsushi himself, the client –who looked a little too relaxed while smoking his cigarette-, and a small blonde.

They blocked my view of the bed, but from their expressions, I could tell that it was not good news. Teeth against teeth, I pushed past the security guards and drew myself closer. On the bed, Koki lay in a pool of dried blood, eyes wide open starring up at us. The acid that threatened to come out of my throat churned my stomach.

“I cannot say that I expected this.” Konbayoshi Atsushi was speaking to Mukai as if there was no dead corpse lying in front of him.

“He was a very pretty creature, I thought that I would do him the favour and extend his tattoo for him.” True to his words, following where the sakura branch ended on his left hip, it looked like Mukai had cut a diagonal line up ‘till Koki’s right shoulder. The circular cuts on Koki’s skin must have been meant to be sakura petals.

My head still could not wrap around the idea that this was Koki in front of me.

“But there still exists the truth that someone died in this club.”

Mukai smiled and looked over at Koki with seeming apathy, this bastard who hid beneath a layer of suit and a gentleman’s grin. “Atsushi-kun, I just remembered, I received a text this morning informing me that the newest edition has arrived. You mentioned that you were interested in it, no? Shall we arrange a time to take a look at it?”

Newest edition of a book, as I later found out, was what glazed over Koki’s death.

“Of course, whenever Soujiro-san is able.” Konbayoshi Atsushi returned his eyes on Koki before offering a small shake of his head. “It’s unfortunate; he had such great beauty as well. Who knew that a heart attack could grip someone so young as well?”

The bodies of many in this room jolted at such a conclusion, the small blonde’s head snapped towards Konbayoshi Atsushi, unable to have controlled that reaction, I knew it well. My fists clenched and I wondered if I used all my force, will a punch kill Konbayoshi Atsushi?

“Come Chitose-chan.” Konbayoshi Atsushi’s hand reached for the small blonde and his fingers threaded through his golden hair in a death grip before shoving his face to a centimetre’s distance away from Koki’s lifeless one. “Take a good look at him. They tell me that his beauty could rival yours, what do you think, mmm?”

“What nonsense, Atsushi-kun.” Mukai laughed and shook his head. “If you didn’t express your displeasure of me playing with your Chitose-chan, I certainly wouldn’t have turned to this host for entertainment.”

“Oh, is that so?” Atsushi then tugged Chitose back up to his feet and looked at his stunned eyes. “Does this mean Koki’s death is your fault then? How should I punish you for this deed?”

I wondered if this is how it felt to be stoned. I knew they were speaking around me, knew the situation, knew the outcome, but I could not even find the energy to speak. When they all brushed by me to leave, I worked against them. Besides the edge of the bed, I knelt down and looked into Koki’s eyes. In that frozen last moment, I saw the despair and fear in his eyes. The tear tracks on his face spoke of the pain he must have suffered.

Why?

Out of the corner of my eyes, I was aware of someone’s lingering gaze on me. Turning, it was the first time that I saw Chitose. At the threshold, in between the beads, he looked back at me with such fear that I could only look away. Every inch of Koki was cold to the touch; no matter the trail of my lips or my own tears, they could not warm up his lifeless body.

They cremated Koki’s body the next day with haste. I was the only one who attended, as if a walking dead myself. I closed my eyes and could see how he smiled at me. I shut my ears and could still hear his Eiji resonating within my very being. That evening, I returned to my room to be greeted by a vision that would bind me to my future. Chitose stood in the middle of my bedroom dressed in a velvet black kimono. The color only accentuated the fair skin and the golden curls. I did not know what to say or how to react.

“Bakusui-san.” It was he who started, and I couldn’t help but note the tremor in his voice and the way his nails dug into his hands. “The owner wanted to apologize to you for what happened with Koki-san. He understands that you two were very close and he hopes that I will be enough to calm your anger.”

So this was another boy whom Konbayoshi Atsushi had no problems discarding? Looking at him reminded me of when Koki first entered the club; it was undeniable, that they shared the same sort of beauty.

“So, to Bakusui-san’s liking… whatever… is fine...”

Even if I killed him, no one will care, right? That was the message that Konbayoshi Atsushi implicitly delivered to both of us. At the same time, Koki’s death was worth nothing more than another’s whore’s body. I stepped forward and pushed him back, I watched as his lips parted in surprise and he fell back on the bed with a huff. I gave him no room to protest when I braced a knee on the mattress beside his hips as my hand pushed down on his chest.

This was someone Konbayoshi Atsushi’s touched, this was his property. If I could damage a little of his property, will it bring Koki back to me?

My fingers touched the tiny expanse of skin available right above the folds of his kimono before roughly shoving the material aside to offer me direct access to his chest. I think he whimpered but made no protest. Beneath my palm, I felt the erratic beating of his heart and the rapid rising and falling of his chest.

This child was scared.

I let my hand move from his chest up to his neck. Such a delicate neck. My fingers curled around the circumference of that column of flesh and watched as his eyes widened and his lips parted to gasp for breath. Harder, my fingers dug into his skin and I was sure marks would remain. Beneath me, I saw his struggles and his tears.

At those dying seconds, did Koki look like this as well?

My fingers loosened and he immediately turned his head aside to gasp for breath. “You.” I addressed him numbly. “Why are you with that man?”

“Because…” He gasped, panted, wheezed, but still remembered to answer me. “… my family… cannot afford to pay him back…”

So he was given to Konbayoshi Atsushi. I knew the end of that story well; I heard the same tune from Koki.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

Not even legal! I could not help let the shock slip into my eyes as I watched this boy gather his kimono, holding it close but could not hide the marks that my fingers left behind on his neck.

“Stay for a while longer.”

One death is enough, there needn’t be another innocent life sacrificed.

He made no objections, he protested none, and he remained motionless on the bed while I took my shower, brushed my hair, changed into my bathrobe and distracted myself with everything possible. Late into the evening, he finally rose from the bed and looked over at me.

“Thank you, Bakusui-san.”

“I did nothing.”

His lips moved but nothing came out. Instead, he bowed deeply to me and rose slowly. When he looked up at me again, it was with such determination that I forgot the cigarette that was between my lips. “I promise you Bakusui-san, one day, I will avenge Koki-san for you.”

“You…”

But he had already turned and was heading for the door. I remained stapled to where I stood and only when the cigarette burnt my lips did I remember to toss it away. Over at the windows, I parted the curtain and saw Chitose’s figure exiting the club. Across the road, someone ran towards him. It was with the aid of car lights passing by that I was able to note the face of Konbayoshi Takahiro.

So maybe Chitose has someone to work for as well.

Work became a dreaded chore for me, and I avoided the owner at all costs. In such a position, how long can I continue on before I go crazy or I attempt murder? In the months that I mulled over such hurdles, fate decided to throw me a curve ball.

Konbayoshi Atsushi passed away due to a heart attack.

Those two words were like a code to me, in a moment’s time, many things flashed through my mind and I could only wonder. Even if I hold the position of a trainer, it would be impossible for me to attempt a visit to the Konbayoshi estate. So I could only wait. Two weeks later, Konbayoshi Takahiro knocked open my door.

“As with my uncle, I’d like to ask you for your continued position here as a trainer.”

“If I refuse?”

He pursed his lips but could not find a word of rejection. The previous owner is dead; there was no need for me to continue the terms. Even if my debts weren’t paid in full, a new owner meant turning over a new page.

“If there is anything that Bakusui-san would like, I will work my hardest to obtain it.”

Oh? Bribing me now? Certainly, he is his uncle’s nephew. That disgusting blood must run in the veins of all Konbayoshi family members. But something about him made me reconsider; I trusted my instinct when it came to judging people.

“There is one thing.”

“Yes.”

“Your uncle’s little boy, Chitose. Since your uncle is no longer present, I’d like to take over Chitose.”

His jaw tensed and I almost wanted to smirk at such a reaction.

“May I ask your intentions with Chitose.”

“What do you think? Your uncle killed my lover; shouldn’t I get the same privilege with his lover?” It was the first time that I spoke so boldly of my relationship with Koki; it left a bitter taste in my mouth. When he was still alive, why couldn’t I have had the courage to call him my lover aloud?

“Anything else, Bakusui-san? I am hesitant about such a trade, if there is anything else…”

“There is nothing else. Don’t you think that it’s only fair for me to avenge my lover?”

I watched his young face contort into a frown. I wondered how long he could keep up this front. Then he sighed and stood from the chair he was sitting on only to fall to his hands and knees in front of me. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. In front of me, the new owner of Opiate kneeled and begged.

“I understand your anger, Bakusui-san. However, Chitose bears no fault in this matter. If you please, I would gladly offer myself as a replacement.”

“You…” He rendered me speechless. “Do you love him?”

“Please reconsider your offer, Bakusui-san.”

“From here on, I want to be able to work at my own pace. All my debts are to be cancelled.”

“Of course.”

But no matter how my anger is appeased, it will never bring back Koki.

The elevator chimed and I reminded myself of my whereabouts. Stepping out, I looked towards my left at the opened door of the specialty room. It’s been almost ten years since I last saw this room. I know that both Chitose and I have the same aversion to this room. Tonight, I turned on the lights and parted the beaded curtain to look into Koki’s resting place. The sofa chair opposite the bed was untouched like always, and I found refuge in it for the time being.

Even ‘till this day, I can still clearly see the lifeless limbs of Koki’s body. The way his head tilted to the side and how his eyes pierced right into my soul. Pulling out my cell phone, I could only smile at the wallpaper that was of our fingers. Sitting in here, looking at this photo, I wondered if I could feel Koki’s presence around me. But it was Chitose who broke my silence.

“Bakusui-san is still keeping that antique with you?”

His voice was soft and playful when it reached my ears. I smiled and flipped it shut to greet him as he drew closer. Antique it may be, but I refused to let it fall prey to the hands of time.

“Ren was worried that the Konbayoshi kid is going to scold you.”

He laughed and stopped in front of me, I wondered if I could find Koki’s smile within his smile. No, impossible. No matter how sweet Chitose’s smile is, there was always that tinge of calculating evil behind it.

“Ren-kun worries too much.” He took a step closer and I uncrossed my legs to let him step in between. “But I wanted to tell Bakusui-san that there is no need to thank me. I promised you that I’d avenge Koki-san. Besides… you spared my life that evening.”

“You did that yourself.”

“Ah, is Bakusui-san calling me unappealing?” He tilted his head and sighed in feigned sadness. “I feel as if I should prove Bakusui-san wrong.”

“If I touched you, the owner will have my ass.”

Such a sentence slipped out of my lips without the usual guard and knew instantly that I hit a sore spot. Chitose’s eye flashed that split second before he would offer me a curious smile. “Whatever are you speaking about, Bakusui-san? We both know that the owner feels no such inclinations.”

You will never know how Konbayoshi had begged on his knees for you. I wanted to say but this time, it did not slip unnecessarily. “I see that Ren delivered my message, but it is only appropriate that I express my gratitude as well.” My fingers touched the side of his neck and he needed no more encouragement to meet me half way.

In this room, where we both lost our love, perhaps we managed to find each other that evening.

To be continued...