THERE'S NOTHING BEYOND THIS POINT

Ugar ate his ostrich stew and mused.  Today was the day...he would travel to the Land of the Legendary Penis Men and steal what he could find. He was poor and weary, his woman was a bitch and that was being nice. He put on his sword and helmet and thick leather vest. He took up his bow and arrows and his sling shot. His two best friends had agreed to go with him...Tok, the one eyed one...and Larbak the Lard ass. Larbak was very skinny but had been a very fat baby...nicknames did not die easily among the Swamp People.

They walked all day and part of the night because the moon was full. Crossing the desert was easier at night.  They rested a few hours just before dawn and by mid day their journey had come to the end...they saw the great ancient towers that signaled the trio had at last entered the Land of the Legendary Penis Men. We are being followed Larbak said.

They lay in ambush until a lone figure emerged. It was Sobod the Silly. They called him that because he smoked to much Atokok weed.  It made him laugh a lot and get frequent erections that he didn't bother to hide.  He was fond of saying the thing in his loincloth always led the way. "Brothers, why did you leave me?"

We cannot afford to have clouded minds...there may be much danger in yon ancient ruins.

Sobod frowned. It is true I enjoy a good buzz from time to time...but no one can doubt the strength in my sword arm!!

YOu reekof Atokok said Tok...but I will keep my eye on you!  

The foursome proceeded cautiously into the great ruined city.  I named this place Ugar City said Ugar.

Tok nodded, it is well Ugar!

Afterwards the four kept silent, they treaded softly and their eyes were wide with wonder...none realized they were in the long dead city of New York...long since bombed into a shell of its former wonder by a madman named Putin(meaning He Who Farts)

Suddenly they were confronted by a horrible sight...a thing a bit like a man stepped out from the shadows...he was tall and his skin was a horrible shade of gray. He wore strange clothing and there was a huge bulge in the crotch of his pants. His eyes were huge and bloodshot and he had fangs.  HIs skin was leathery and wrinkled like that of a rhino. He stared at the four warriors and his voice was deep and ominous. "Who are these fools that dare invade the Land of the Legendary Penis Men?!"

"Speak fools or I will blast you to atoms with my ray gun,"  The creature had a strange shiny device in his hand...he waved it about.  Ugar did not like the looks of this.  He notched and arrow and sent it straight into the chest of the Monster.  The thing gasped and stared at the blood gushing from the wound.  "What the fuck??"  Where did this stick come from???   Then he fell and died.  The poison tipped arrow worked fast.  Ugar had often been tempted to shoot his woman in the ass with one of the deadly missiles.  yet he had shown restraint...besides, his father in law owned him money and had borrowed his milk goat.

That fucked him up said Tok...Sobod and Larbak nodded approvingly.

Tok picked up the shiny thing...what is this?  Its a ray gun Sobod said.  I saw a picture of one in an old comic book stuffed in our ancient family bible.  Sobod was a member of the faithful ones...they could read ancient text, including old comic books.

What does it do asked Ugar.  I think it turns people into ash replied Sobod the Silly.

Ugar snatched it from Tok's hand...I killed him, this is mine.

Tok did not protest, this was law. You break its yours, you kill him, you cash in and so forth.  Despite his one eye, Tok usually saw things the right way.  Some called him Tok the timid but one cannot be to bold with no eyes to spare...this is wisdom.

Ugar took the  things helmet and gave it to Tok in compensation.  Then they pulled the pants off the creature and admired his legendary Penis.  

The ancient tales are true said Larbak.  He took his knife and severed the lengthy appendage and stuffed it into his pouch.  Did you not pack food?  Sobod queried.

No you fool, growled Larbak, as one of the faithful you should know that artifacts such as this prove the stories the elders told. Sobod shrugged, all I know is women here must have very sore pussys.  That is wisdom agreed Ugar.

They took shelter in an old building to observe in case of further danger. Despite looks of disapproval from the others Sobod the Silly fired upsome Atokok.  After some hesitation the others joined him in smoking the smelly herb. This tastes like shit said Ugar. I grew it myself said Sobod. They smoked and Tok was seized by a fit of coughing.

What a bogart, said Larbak the Lard ass.

They heard the screams of a female...at first they thought it was a hallucination but Sobod who was hardcore jumped to his feet and exclaimed..."I hear a woman!"

They rushed to a broken window and looked out. A beautiful woman with long black hair raced down a weed strewn street with two of the rhino men close at her heels. Ugar grasped his bow and the other followed suit. They leaped from a doorway and surprised the Rhino men. "What the hell?" Was all they said before arrows struck them and knocked them down. The poison acted quickly.  The woman stopped and stood trembling...her yes shifted

from the dead Rhino men to the fur clad Swamp Men. She was about to run again when Ugar snatched her by the wrist.  "What are you doing here woman?"

Those things came in the night and kidnapped me from my lodge. They brought me here, one tried to put his huge thing in me.  I hit him with a rock and ran...these two pursued me and now they seem to be dead.  They are very dead, said Ugar. Tok And Sobod took the ray guns off the dead monsters, and Larbak took two more trophy penises. Your bag will soon be full observed Sobod. True, said Larbak, this is a fine day for collecting huge dicks.

Ugar took the woman, literally.  He pulled her behind a wall and coupled with her. Her pussy was good. Much satisfied he let Tok and Sobod take a turn. Larbak was faithful to his girlfriend Wilma and would not touch the strange woman despite her beauty. He was happy with his bag full of huge dicks.

My name is Suks. SAid the woman. You are like the men from my village and your penises are small.  Quickly she added, but very nice little dicks I meant to say.

Silence woman, said Ugar.  We will hide and sleep now...come with me, I like to squeeze

titties while I slumber.

The next morning they all got up much rested and ate some jerky.  Then they smoked some more Atokok.  I have plenty said Sobod and he showed them his stash. Tentatively they set out to continue their explorations.  Have you seen any gold, Ugar asked Suks. No, only silver and diamonds said Suks.  That will work, lead us to where you saw this treasure. I will try said Suks but im a little confused after all that running I did after escaping the horrible men with Legendary Penises. You have penis on the brain woman, growled Larbak...show us to the treasure or I will ass your boobs to my bag.

Suddenly from nowhere a huge scaly reptile thing launched itself from behind a boulder. With one snap of its might jaws it chomped off Larbak's head.  Its huge teeth crunched the head like a nut and sucked out Larbak's brains. The monster hesitated for a moment, licking its lips and savoring the tasty snack.  The humans lost no time running like hell.  What was that Sobod squealed. "A big ass nasty purple people eater you doped up idiot" shouted Tok. The four kept running.  At last they ran into a dark tunnel. Ugar, always prepared, lit a candle and they cautiously moved underground.  "This place reeks of vampires," complained Sobod.  Ugar shrugged, better to get bit on he neck by some hit

vampire babe than get your head chomped off by a purple people eater...here was wisdom.

They moved deeper into the tunnel, only stopping so Tok could take a shit. Fuck, I forgot to bring toilet tissue he whined. Tough shit said Ugar.  Use your hand said Sobod.

You bastard, I should wipe my ass with your Atokok leaves...and then make you smoke the damned shit. "Shut the fuck up, both of your...just rub your ass on the ground like a dog does and lets keep moving"  Suks look at Ugar, she was beginning to admire his wise ways. She wished she could remember where the silver was but she had been under a lot of stress lately and it was hard to focus.  They traveled for another good half hour into the tunnel when they came out in a huge cavern like area. Oddly enough it was partially lighted by huge glowing stones. They were covered in green moss like vegetation that gave off considerable light. Quickly their eyes became adjusted to this new light and the candle was no longer necessary. Ugar pulled Suks into a hidden nook and used her again.

She was very beautiful with large breast and long sexy legs. Her full lips and huge dark eyes drove Ugar mad with desire. He wondered what his wife would say if he brought Suks home...can you cook? He asked.  No, she replied, but I am great at mixing drinks and finding the remote.  What is a remote.  She scratched her head for a moment before replying...I don't know but I bet I can find it if you lose it.

There was no wisdom here Ugar thought silently. But she was hot and he kissed her with lots of tongue.  Ummmmm, Suks moaned.

the end of part one