August

April 23: Sunday

The week had disappeared, even more quickly since he'd come to Henrik's house earlier in the week than usual. Standing in the utility nook adjacent to the kitchen, waiting for the washing machine to finish with the first of the laundry, Phidias frowned and tried to remember what he'd done since last Saturday. In his old life, he would have written proposals and edited papers and finished up compliance reports and fixed up the house - his heart panged as he thought of the house; his house, the one he'd shared with Emily. The pang grew, and Phidias determinedly rubbed his chest, as if he could scrub out the ache with his bare hands. Then he took his hand away and set his jaw. Today was not a day for heartache. Henrik's house was not a place for heartache. It was a place for something new, and there were new things to think about in it.

The wedding was one of them. Henrik had set the date for their wedding - May 1, next Monday, which would be a holiday. Mayday, Phidias thought idly as he chewed on gummy nub of the eraser end of the pencil he'd stuck in his mouth, trying to keep himself from grinding his jaw. He took it out and made several more corrections to the sheet in front of him: Henrik should wear a blue suit, not black; this wasn't a funeral after all, and Alan Long should be invited. Phidias had wavered on that particular point - Alan was a dear friend, but he belonged to a part of his life that Phidias had categorized as away, done, over. If he shut it out, he could pretend it had never existed. He could move on. And besides, he didn't know if he wanted Alan to see him like this.

Phidias shut the notebook and stuck the sharp end of the pencil in his hair, which had been tied up at the back of his head in a half-hearted knot. It wasn't unbrushed - Caddy's nagging saw to that - but neither was it neatly tended, and Phidias found it had grown uncomfortably long since he'd been at the Centre. He'd never worn it short to begin with, but now it felt like too much; perhaps it was because now, without the angular planes that marked his skinnier years in the field, and also without shadow of facial hair, it felt too feminine - too loose and playful and inviting. Too much.

Phidias looked down at himself. His bare feet were dirty from spending the morning shoeless, including the time just after sunrise when he couldn't help himself and had wandered outside for a half a minute before he felt too guilty, thought he saw a face at the window, and scampered back inside. His natori was one of the longer kind - Henrik seemed to like those better - and the dark blue, printed fabric covered his knees with some kind of starburst pattern. Caddy had picked this one out. Briefly, Phidias felt a pang of longing for his old clothes - his favorite pair of jeans, in particular, which had seen him through long hot days in the Pacific sunshine and cold winters when he'd lived back home. They had been unwearable when the CEC had confiscated them, worn through at the knees and seams, but he'd wanted to keep them anyway. They had been one of the hardest things to lose.

Slow footsteps on the stairs alerted him to the fact that Henrik was awake. Phidias felt the surge of emotion that he always did - excitement, fear, irritation, and undirected anger - and felt it slowly ebb into neutrality. Henrik yawned and scratched his belly as he wandered past Phidias towards the kitchen. He kissed his cheek on the way, and Phidias noted that Henrik must have already brushed his teeth - his face smelled minty.
"Any breakfast?" he asked, and Phidias found it curious how much more pronounced Henrik's accent seemed to be in the morning - as if he'd spent all night speaking it and had to re-accustom himself to English in the morning. Then he processed the question he'd been asked, and worry jolted through him. Was he supposed to make breakfast? Had Henrik said that? Had he said that? Why should Henrik expect him to make breakfast, anyway? Why couldn't they share? Plenty of other societies had learned how to share responsibilities. Why did Henrik have to be so backwards? Phidias looked up at his fiancé, prepared to say all this, but Henrik's expression was so innocent that it suddenly seemed wrong. Henrik was waiting patiently for his response.
"No. Coffee, but no breakfast."
"OK." Henrik kissed him again, on the lips this time, and went towards the kitchen. "I will make some."
As soon as Henrik was gone, Phidias wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. Moments later, Henrik reappeared, a mug of coffee steaming in his hand. He leaned against the counter opposite Phidias.
"You've been thinking again."
Henrik put special emphasis on the word thinking, making it sound almost naughty, and Phidias glanced up at him and grinned.
"Sorry. I can't help it."
Henrik nodded his concession on this point.
"So. What have you been thinking today?"
Phidias shrugged; Henrik waited, but no further answer was forthcoming.
"Alright. Have you been thinking about the pregnancy?"
Phidias felt his stomach drop out and his heart jump into his throat. He glanced at the entrance to the nook, hoping to see Anders or Caddy or Mr. Paul there - any excuse not to have this conversation right now.
"I - I haven't."
Henrik sipped his coffee.
"You should. It will be soon."
Phidias bit his lip.
"I'll be fine."
Henrik looked him over with an expression that was not skeptical, but didn't look entirely convinced, either.
"Of course you will be fine. But I want you to be good."
Phidias swallowed and rubbed one foot on the opposite calf, leaving a gray mark.
"I will be. Emily did it. I can do it." he paused. "And besides, it's not the pregnancy that - " he cut himself off, bit his lip again. Henrik leaned forward, wanting to probe.
"It's not the pregnancy that...what?"
Phidias shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. The window held a sudden interest for him.
"That...scares you?" Henrik pressed.
Phidias met his eyes and nodded.
"It's the birth. When Caddy was born...Emily's time...it was horrible." he answered, frankly, fear slipping into his voice.
Henrik took another sip of the coffee and then set it down on the counter.
"Do you feel you will be unable to do it, Phidias?"
Phidias shot a look up at him and looked away. Henrik continued. "Do you feel you will be unable to fulfill our terms?"
A meaningful silence hung between them, and images of all Phidias would sacrifice if he said yes flashed through his mind. He only had a few weeks left before his deadline. There was no way he could back out now. He felt annoyance with Henrik, suddenly, for even asking him that. As if he had a choice.
"No. I can do it. I just..."
Henrik smiled gently and moved forward to place both hands on Phidias' shoulders.
"I will do everything in my power to make it easier for you. I don't want you to be in pain, even to give us a child. I believe in you, Phidias, and I believe you can do this."
Henrik tried to get Phidias to meet his eyes, but his fiancée refused to look up at him.
"Hey. Come. Look at me."
Phidias did, but only for a second before returning his gaze to the window. Henrik pulled him into a hug and kissed the side of his head.
"You will be wonderful."

~:~

Adrian stepped carefully over the piles of lumber and tools strewn about the worksite, carrying a basket of food. Ren followed closely behind him with two baskets, and Kylie tagged along after, bringing up the rear with two jugs of water. The men had been at work since sunrise, wanting to get as much done as possible before the heat of midday overwhelmed them or they had to leave for their daily jobs.
"Be sure to thank everyone." Ren reminded him as they picked a clear, flat spot in the grass and began to lay out the breakfast they'd brought. Adrian nodded.
William Mackenzie looked up, smiled, and waved from the top of a scaffold, where he was hammering a beam into place. Sean noticed and did the same, then handed off his drill to a nearby worker and began to climb down his side of the house. Ren nudged Adrian and he set his basket down and went over to meet his husband.

Sean dropped the last eight feet to the ground gracefully, and Adrian was suddenly reminded of their youth, of retrieving balls from roofs and climbing trees by the pond and the half-elegant, half-insane dives that Sean used to make from the short cliffs on the lower part of the bluffs. Sean pulled off his gloves and rubbed the back of his left hand across his sweaty face. He looked tired, but blissfully happy. He kissed Adrian, then put both hands on his stomach.
"Hey." Sean said, gently. Adrian grinned down at him.
"Hey yourself." he looked over Sean's shoulder. The men were slowly coming down from the scaffolding to make their way over to breakfast. "Our house looks good."
Sean beamed.
"You think so?"
Adrian smiled back.
"Yeah. You hungry? I made cinnamon toast for you."
Sean moved his hands off of Adrian to adjust the collar of his shirt.
"Yes! I love you. Hey, did you talk to the CEC yet?"
Adrian shook his head.
"Later." he mumbled. Sean frowned.
"Later? Well, you've got to talk to them soon, don't you? Give them time to find a new group leader for your kids."
Adrian shrugged and looked away. Sean frowned.
"Adie, we talked about this. You won't have time to - "
"I know." Adrian cut him off. "I know what we talked about, Sean. I was there. Anyway, I said I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do it. Just leave it alone already."
Sean stared at his wife.
"Are you sure that's the way you want to speak to me, Adrian?"
Adrian hated it when Sean's voice took on that superior tone, and he'd spent the morning alternately having morning sickness and making breakfast for the men, and so was very much not in the mood to hear it. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Sean a sulky glare.
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes." Adrian put as much annoyance as he could into the single syllable.
Sean nodded and tucked his gloves into his pocket.
"Alright. That's one. You get your punishment when I get home tonight."
Adrian shook his hair back, out of his face.
"You're being annoying, Sean. It's too early in the morning for that."
Sean shrugged.
"That's two. I've told you before about your attitude."
"I - "
"Three makes your punishment public."
Adrian shut up immediately. Sean turned to look at him placidly.
"Do you want to make your punishment public, Adrian?"
Adrian just stared at his husband, trying to gauge how serious Sean was. His husband's face was stoic, and his eyes were distant - their wedding night came rushing back, and Adrian had to take a breath and look away from him.
"I wasn't...this is stupid, Sean."
Sean shook his head.
"It's not stupid. I am not your father, and you are not a child. You don't get to run wild like you used to."
Adrian was about to react to that, but the idea of Sean punishing him here, in front of people, was enough to deter him to silence. Sean was looking past him now, towards the breakfast spread.
"You'll learn better behavior, Adrian." Sean looked back at him, affection in his eyes that seemed at odds with his words. "But don't worry, baby - I'll teach you."
Adrian didn't like his husband's tone, but felt it would be in his best interest to keep quiet just now. Sean glanced once at the breakfast, then smiled and took Adrian's hand.
"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get something to eat."

~:~

It was afternoon, and Phidias and Henrik sat patiently in the sunroom on the far side of the house, where they had all agreed they'd like to eat lunch. The boys were in the kitchen; Anders had volunteered to make sandwiches, and Caddy had volunteered to help him. Henrik had given Caddy a skeptical eye and sent Mr. Paul to oversee.

Now, he and Phidias were alone in the sunroom, facing each other across the low coffee table. Phidias was busy reading pages of the local paper which Henrik had bought in town the day before, and when he looked up from an article on new legislation regarding emigration, Henrik was unabashedly watching him. Phidias felt his face heat immediately, and he cleared his throat and sat back in his chair.
"I - um."
Henrik moved the rest of the paper from its place beside him and indicated the seat.
"Come. Sit beside me, Phidias."
Phidias hesitated, but came to the other side of the table without protest. Henrik smiled at him and carded his fingers through Phidias' hair.
"You look beautiful today."
Phidias turned his head to look at Henrik's face. Compliments like that still surpised him; Henrik seemed so exceedingly handsome that he couldn't imagine being considered beautiful in comparison.
"Thank you." he mumbled.
Henrik used the hand that was in Phidias' hair to turn his head for a kiss. It was gentle but sexual - undemanding, but definitely asking. Phidias pulled back from it and touched his hand to his mouth.
"Um."
It had been a week since he and Henrik had had their first...encounter, and although Henrik had not pressured him to go further since then, he had also been sure to maintain the new degree of sexuality in their relationship. Kisses that were chaste before had turned inquiring, and Henrik made no effort to disguise his desire for Phidias. Although he had made no demands of Phidias, and didn't even seem annoyed when Phidias stopped him or pulled away, the air seemed to sing with a sort of expectation that Phidias knew he had not yet fulfilled. The conversation this morning about pregnancy - the inevitable end - had made the tension thicker.
"I have a surprise for you." Henrik suddenly said, looking off through the glass of the sunroom. Phidias raised both eyebrows.
"Oh?"
"Yes. You'll get it after dinner tonight."
At Phidias' skeptical look, Henrik laughed and squeezed his shoulder.
"An actual gift, Phidias. And a good one. I assure you you'll like it."
"Like what?" Anders was in the doorway, carrying a silver tray in one hand and a stack of plates in the other.
Henrik released Phidias and leaned forward to move the newspaper from the table, out of Anders' way.
"His gift."
Anders glanced at his dad, but didn't press.
"Oh. Caddy, set that here and grab a seat."
Cadmus was trailing behind Anders, carrying a jug of what looked to be lemonade and four cups. He placed them down on the table and took the chair beside Anders.
"Well, you have here, straight from our very own kitchen, courtesy of Chef Anders and his loyal assistant, Cadmus (Caddy grinned even wider) - a lunch of curried goat sandwiches and a salad of garden greens, accompanied by fresh lemonade."
With a flourish, Anders removed the lid from the tray and set it to the side. Henrik grinned a little at his son's performance.
"Well, dig in."

Over lunch, they talked about a variety of topics - Anders told them about his studies and training; he was best in biology, he said, and crap at chemistry, which made Henrik frown in annoyance. Caddy shrugged over this.
"That's OK. I'd be bad at it, too. Chemistry sucks. I'm just glad I don't have to learn it."
Henrik looked at Cadmus directly.
"I'm sorry, Cadmus?"
Caddy looked up at his dad, unsure if he'd said something wrong. Phidias' face held annoyance, but gave no other clues.
"Just...that we don't have to learn that stuff."
"We?" Anders asked, interested as well.
"Carriers." Caddy said, sheepishly. "Carriers don't have to learn stuff like that."
Henrik blinked at Cadmus for a moment.
"I see."

Afterwards, they went into the kitchen to clean up, but Mr. Paul, who was seated at the counter in a worn blue robe, reading, stopped them with a smile.
"Please. I've made no other contribution today, and must earn my keep in some small way. Let me do them."
They conceded, and wandered out onto the back patio, where Anders suggested the four of them take a walk around the grounds.
"Caddy and Phidias haven't seen the place yet, have they?" he asked his father. "Hey! Maybe we could take the horses."
Caddy's face lit up. Phidias hesitated.
"Caddy and I can't ride."
Henrik looked over at them.
"That's OK. You and Cadmus can learn. And don't worry - we'll put you on the slow mares. No one is going to get hurt."
Phidias nodded.
"Alright. Which way to the stables?"
Just then, the phone rang and Henrik glanced at his watch. After a moment, Mr. Paul appeared, poking his head out of the back door.
"Dr. Alexander? Telephone call for you."
Four surprised faces met this news. Phidias glanced at Henrik, who shrugged.
"I'll be right there."

A few minutes later, Phidias reappeared, his face looking pinched. Henrik frowned. Caddy and Anders
"Everything all right, Phidias?
Phidias managed a strained smile at the three of them.
"Yeah, just the CEC checking in. No problem."
There was a curious silence for a few seconds, then Phidias clapped his hands together.
"So! Who's ready to ride?"

~:~

Sheridan stood in the kitchen, shoulder to shoulder with Aaron, who was stirring the sauce in the pan on the stove. Across the kitchen island, James was chopping vegetables and Harley was doing nothing discernibly useful. Theoretically, he was reading over a case file, but to Sheridan, it looked a lot more like he was polishing off his third martini.
"Here." James said, handing a chopped plate over to Sheridan. "All done."
Sher took it and for a minute their hands brushed; James smiled up at him, shyly, and Sheridan gave him a quick grin back. Aaron didn't notice - he was busy keeping the sauce from burning. But when Sheridan looked back up again, Harley was watching him.
Sheridan did his best not to react and went back to seasoning the steaks. James didn't notice.

~:~

"No, I can't tell him that. He'll think I - "
"Caddy?"
Cadmus jumped and stopped speaking abruptly, turning quickly towards the door. Phidias stuck his head in first, then entered and looked around.
"Who were you talking to?"
Cadmus looked nervous, then interlocked his fingers and looked down at his hands, fidgeting in place.
"Nobody." he paused, then said more quietly, "Mom."
Phidias felt his heart pang again, but resisted it. He couldn't get emotional now - this was not the time to reminisce.
"Well, we need to talk now."
Caddy looked up at him, curious.
"The CEC called today."
Caddy didn't react.
"You weren't in class Thursday or Friday."
Now Cadmus looked caught out.
"I - "
"Explain."
Caddy paused and looked down at his hands, then began to speak hurriedly.
"Look, it's not as bad as you think, I didn't skip a whole lot because Adrian wasn't even mostly there anyway and it's not like we did real stuff, it's just like if you missed a free class, I just didn't check in, that's all, and I wasn't just not going, I just did other stuff, I was learning and at the library and stuff like that."
Phidias blinked at his son. Cadmus didn't even look like he'd convinced himself. Phidias felt anger rising in him.
"Caddy, where were you? Did you leave the CEC?! Have you been sneaking out?! I've told you a thousand times about telling someone where you are going! You're not a little boy anymore, you can't just - "
"DAD! I didn't sneak out. I was in the CEC. I was just...busy."
Phidias looked confounded.
"Busy doing what?!"
Caddy looked uncomfortable, crossing his arms over his chest and turning away from Phidias.
"I was with Ashby."
Phidias frowned.
"He...he said he didn't feel good, and I didn't want to leave him. I was worried about him."
OK, so that wasn't entirely the truth, but Caddy figured it was close enough to count. Ashby had had a little bit of a headache on Thursday, and they had figured that catalog shopping would be good medicine for that. Besides, the stupid substitute had been teaching that day and he had already sent Cadmus two notes home about poor performance on his work. Going in would have just given the jerk another reason to complain.
Phidias frowned as he considered this.
"I thought you didn't even like Ashby."
Caddy shrugged.
"He's OK when he doesn't take some of his meds."
Phidias shook his head to try to remove this fact from his mind.
"OK. Fine. I appreciate your concern for somebody else, but why didn't you at least let your teacher know? Why not check in?"
Cadmus shrugged.
"I forgot."
"You for - Caddy!" Phidias hissed. "You cannot just forget something like that. The CEC could have thought you were missing! You could have gotten in a lot of trouble!"
"I checked in for meals."
"Caddy! I left you alone for those two days with the understanding that you would do everything expected of you, including go to class!"
"But I did want to, I just had to help Ashby!"
Phidias rubbed his hand over his face in frustration. He exhaled.
"Listen, I can't deal with this right now. Henrik and I have plans for the evening. I need to shower and get ready. But rest assured: you and I will discuss this further."
Phidias turned to go.
"Dad, wait!!" Caddy's voice sounded panicked, desperate. Phidias turned around. "You won't...you won't tell Henrik, will you? Please? He'll be so mad. He'll - he'll hit me."
Caddy's lower lip trembled and his eyes looked so wide and brown. Phidias hated this - he hated letting his son live in fear of being beaten like he was the victim of some kind of fairytale villain stepparent.
"Look, I - I won't tell him, OK." Caddy relaxed. "This time." Phidias stressed. He paused, one hand on the doorknob. "It'll just be our secret. But don't do it again."
Caddy nodded seriously.
"I won't."

~

Henrik looked up from his book with a weird expression when Phidias walked in, and for a single panicked moment, he thought he and Caddy had been overheard. But then the expression disappeared, replaced with a happy calm.
"Everything alright?"
Phidias nodded.
"Yes. Just fine. You're sure Caddy will be OK for the night?"
Henrik laughed.
"It's only a few hours, Mr. Paul is here, Anders is not, and I had the CEC send over a chaperone just in case. We're not even going off the property. I am sure he'll be OK."
Phidias bit his lip and nodded.
"I'll just hop in the shower, and then we can go, OK?"
Henrik inclined his head.
"OK."

Presently, Phidias was washed, dressed, and ready to go. Henrik, who had used the time to gather some last minute details, smiled up at his fiancé as he entered the room.
"You look fantastic, Phidias."
Phidias colored and smoothed down the edges of the new natori Henrik had given him - it was a dark red color, woven in with gold thread in a complex, pretty pattern. Golden elephants decorated each corner.
"The natori suits you."
Phidias grinned ruefully.
"Thanks to your good taste. I can't pick out these things."
Henrik smiled and reached out a hand to lead Phidias out of the room. He held his hand as he led him downstairs and through the hall, through the kitchen and out onto the back patio. Phidias stopped at the edge of the brick.
"Where are we going?"
Henrik smiled.
"Trust me?"
Phidias hesitated, but squeezed Henrik's hand to tell him to go on. Henrik squeezed back his appreciation.
"We are going to the greenhouse."
Phidias raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask any more questions. They walked out into the grass, damp in the night time, and the house sparkled its lights behind them. Phidias figured at least, if anything went really horribly wrong, he could find his way back by those lights.
Then Henrik turned towards the left side of the house, and Phidias saw the building he hadn't noticed before, sparkling a little in the moonlight. It surprised him that he hadn't seen it - it was large and relatively close to the house; they were almost there already. Henrik glanced back over his shoulder. Phidias had his brow deeply furrowed - the adorable expression he usually wore when he was thinking hard about something. Henrik guessed he must be puzzling through some particularly difficult problem - what the surprise was, most likely - and grinned to himself. His fiancée was so endearing.

As soon as he stepped inside, Phidias felt the change of atmosphere. Where the night outside was cool and brisk, the air inside the greenhouse was warm and humid, almost tropical. Henrik came in after Phidias, gently closing the glass door behind himself while Phidias looked around in awe. The place was huge and so...green. It was practically a rainforest - trees and flowers and large green leaves sprung out of everywhere. Henrik kissed Phidias's hand and pulled him along.
"Come on. The place for us is at the back."
Phidias followed, looking up above them to where he could see the stars twinkle through the glass roof, and allowed himself to be led by the hand. When he looked back down from the stars again, it was because Henrik had come to a stop. In front of them, complete and perfect as if it had been blinked into place by a genie, was a beautiful Moroccan tent, nestled in a clear space between two small palm trees, its cloth trappings stirring gently in the breeze from the overhead fans. A soft glow lit it from the inside. Phidias looked up at Henrik, who smiled and stepped forward to open the flap, welcoming him in.

Inside was like a room transformed. The soft glow came from a small battery light, fashioned in the style of an antique oil lamp and set in the middle of a carpeting of blankets and rugs so thick it must have been four inches off the floor. Pillows lined the wall of the tent, marking a circular boundary, and a glittering golden elephant dangled from the center of the tent's roof. Three silver trays sat covered on short-legged folding tables, and a bottle of wine was cooling in ice, off to the side. Phidias felt his heart pound. No one had gone to such lengths for him in so long...
"This is...this is amazing, Henrik."
Henrik smiled, coming to stand behind him.
"I did this for you." he kissed Phidias' cheek. "I told you: I am a businessman, but also a romantic."
Henrik kicked off his shoes and padded over to find a good spot to recline on the blankets.
"Come. Dinner will get cold. Let's eat."

~

Phidias knew it was coming. He wasn't some oblivious teenager, and he wasn't some naive ingenue. He knew what was happening. It wasn't a surprise, and it didn't catch him off-guard. But it was still startling. Henrik kissed him over their second glass of wine (well, his second - Henrik was still on his first) and when Phidias tried to pull away, he didn't let go. He kept his hand where it was, on the back of Phidias' neck, caressing his skin in nice even strokes, looking seriously into his eyes. Phidias did his calming breaths and didn't move. He sat frozen, waiting, anticipating the move that would push the scene over the edge, take it from possibility to certainty. He felt like a mouse in the paws of a cat. Abruptly, Henrik released him and turned away.
"I almost forgot. Your gift. You haven't gotten it yet."
Phidias blinked in surprise.
"I thought this was my gift." he looked around himself at the lush surroundings once again. "It's more than enough gift for me."
Henrik was rifling through his jacket pockets.
"No, this is more. This is special. This..." he turned back, presenting a small black box to Phidias, which he flicked open with one hand. Inside was a thin platinum band, decorated along the outside with a smooth inscription. "...is for you."
Phidias stared at the ring. Henrik suddenly didn't look himself - he seemed discomfited. He fidgeted in his seat, looked up at Phidias with an expression that seemed almost...anxious. Henrik offered the ring up to Phidias.
"I never asked you properly. Marry me?"
Phidias bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something snarky. He took the ring from its casing and put it on his finger.
"OK. Yes. Thank you, Henrik. I'll marry you."
Henrik seemed relieved, which perplexed Phidias, but he didn't have time to further consider it, because then his now-official fiancé dived down to capture his mouth in a kiss. After a few seconds, he pulled back and looked Phidias in the eye, then reached up to stroke his hair.
"I don't want to stop tonight, OK?"
Phidias tried to keep every emotion off of his face. The wine seemed like it might help with that, so he leaned away from Henrik and took another sip.
"OK."
Henrik smiled and kissed him, shifting them slightly so that he had a bit more leverage. He slid one hand under Phidias' shirt, lifting it from the flushed skin. That hand stayed there, making firm strokes on the skin as he nipped his way down Phidias' neck before returning to his mouth for a kiss. Phidias suddenly felt awkward, unsure what do with his hands or his body. Henrik moved the hand up so that his fingers feathered across Phidias' chest, brushing a nipple in passing.
"It's just the first time." he soothed, speaking directly into Phidias' ear.
"It doesn't have to be perfect."
Phidias nodded. Henrik frowned, looking away, to the side. He retrieved something from his jacket pocket, then held it up for Phidias to see.
"I'm going to use a condom tonight."
Phidias blinked at him, grasping the significance of this act immediately. Henrik was giving him a chance to change his mind, a last opportunity to back out. The condom disappeared from Phidias' sight, and Henrik looked him squarely in the eyes.
"I won't do this again."
Phidias swallowed thickly and nodded. He understood.

Henrik wanted Phidias to relax, and so he laid him out on his back to pleasure him with his mouth first, hiking up Phidias' natori and rubbing his thumbs in soothing circles on his hips. After Phidi had cum, Henrik rubbed his belly while he rode his afterglow out, then gently began to untie the knots that held Phidias' natori in place and unwrapping it from his body, helping Phidias to lift his hips each time. Phidias was grateful for the dim light of the lamp - naked from the waist down, he felt exposed. Only the low light preserved some of his modesty. Seeing him this way, however, seemed to incite Henrik; his breathing quickened and he stared down at Phidias. If Phidias could have been in Henrik's place, he would have known why - stretched out as he was, laid on his own natori, in their secret tent bedroom of maroons and dark golds, with the lamplight licking across his skin and the humid air bringing little beads of sweat to bear in the crevices of his body, Phidias was beautiful, and Henrik was enthralled.
Rapidly, he stripped off his own shirt and began to tug upwards on Phidias' top, needing to see and touch more bare skin.
Phidias tried to be active, to participate. The counselor had advised him to at least do that much, so he put his hands nervously to Henrik's belt, then wasn't quite sure what to do and stopped. Above him, a small noise escaped his fiancé before Henrik cleared his throat.
"It's OK, Phidias." he soothed. "I won't bite. I promise." for emphasis, he leaned down to kiss the side of the younger man's head. Phidias bit his lip and focused; with great effort, his fingers managed to get the buckle undone and the pants unbuttoned, and then Henrik was kicking them off and Phidias was impressed all over again by the way the muscles worked in his arms and his back as he lifted himself.
Nude, Henrik outfitted himself with the condom, and then his attention was back on Phidias. He reached forward and grasped his fiancée about the hips, pulling him backwards and lifting Phidias' legs around his waist.
It wasn't the closeness that did it - it was the lack thereof. The space between their chests suddenly felt like miles, and Henrik's face floated in front of him disconnected; he had no sense of place suddenly, no idea where he was or who this man was on top of him. Phidias suddenly felt terrified, like this had all been some bad idea or a bad dream or just an awfully unfunny joke, and he wanted it all to stop.
"Stop!"
Henrik obligingly took both hands off of Phidias and raised them in front of his face.
"Stopping. Are you OK?"
Phidias propped himself up on his elbows and shook his head frantically; his head felt like it was swimming, and he wondered if passing out would be a worse or better way to end the evening.
Henrik was looking at him strangely, a mix of lust, concern, and something else in his eyes.
"Are you sure you're going to be able to do this, Phidias?"
There it was again - the undercurrent, the subtle question. Of course he was going to be able to do it - he had to do it, didn't he?
Phidias took a slow breath and nodded his head.
"Yeah, I'm - I'm fine. I just...I'm fine."
Henrik looked unconvinced, and his hands were still raised in the air, so Phidias reached out and took each of them in his own, placing them back on his hips.
"I'll be fine." he repeated.
Henrik's face relaxed, and he leaned down to nuzzle the skin at the base of Phidias' neck.
"Should I be quick?" he asked quietly.
Phidias nodded vigorously, and Henrik offered him half a strained smile before resuming his position between Phidias' legs. The transformation was instantaneous - suddenly, Henrik was all business about it, no longer caressing, only moving irrevocably forward towards his goal.
Phidias didn't say anything else during that time, only bit his lip and made a little noise of complaint as Henrik's cock penetrated him for the first time. Henrik was more impressive in thickness than length, and for a minute, Phidias felt overfull and didn't know if he would, in fact, be able to do this. Henrik felt the tension, waited patiently for a moment, his dick throbbing uncomfortably inside of Phidias until a squeeze of the legs around his back gave him the go-ahead. He let himself farther down, closing the space between them so that they were pressed skin to skin, chest to chest; for some inexplicable reason, Phidias suddenly felt safe. He looked up at Henrik, then at the ceiling of the tent, where the golden elephant jiggled in the breeze, and tried his best to be present, to stay alert in his experience. There was pain, yes, but also some strange feeling of rightness and the undeniably arousing feeling that the sensation of penetration brought.

Phidias tightened his grip on Henrik's back as his partner, enticed by the warmth and tightness of his channel, began to quicken his thrusts, pulling out and back in, plunging deeper than before. Phidias cried out when he bumped a spot very deep within him that seemed to amplify both his discomfort and his arousal. He could feel himself getting wet, the weight changing in his groin. Henrik nipped his shoulder, began thrusting harder.
"Hen - Henrik." Phidias put one hand to his chest, tried to push him away a bit. He just needed a minute, needed to regain some control, over his breathing or his body or his something...Henrik spared him one look, flashed eyes dark with lust and the tiniest fringe of rage.
"Please, Phidias. Don't stop me. Let me have this. Do this for me." Something in Henrik's voice made his plea compelling, and Phidias' face burned immediately with guilt; he took his hand away. Henrik's thrusts began to speed up, and he lifted one of Phidias' legs to his shoulder for better leverage. Phidias shifted to get comfortable, and the movement made his muscles clench around Henrik's cock, causing them both to groan.

Henrik didn't take long after that, and he came hard, pressing deep into Phidias' body before collapsing onto him. He lay still on top of Phidias for a minute, panting against his chest before raising himself and rolling over to lay on his back, releasing his mate. Quietly, he removed the condom and dropped it into a napkin on the tray. Then there was silence between them, Phidias staring blankly up at the tent over their bed, wishing he could catch, through the fabric, at least little glimpses of the stars, and Henrik just beginning to feel guilt through the haze of his buzz. He hadn't meant to rush this. And he hadn't meant to frighten Phidias. This whole thing was never going to work if his husband was scared of him. Henrik was just rolling over to speak, to say something, to try to fix the situation when Phidias spoke.
"Do you think Cadmus will be OK? I'd rather sleep here, if that's OK with you."
Relief flowed through Henrik. Phidias seemed fine.
"It's fine, Phidias." Henrik replied, sitting up and reaching for his shirt to wipe them both down. Phidias flinched at that, but Henrik kept his touch consistent - he would have to become accustomed to it sometime, anyway.
"Are you fine? Have I hurt you?"
Phidias thought through this, trying to catalogue all the feelings in his body.
"No. You haven't hurt me. I'm OK."
Henrik nodded and stretched up to kiss him.
"More than OK, Phidias. You are perfect."
Phidias shook his head; his face had a nice flush already from the sex, but it deepened at the compliment. Henrik turned away, reaching out to drag over some of the blankets and cover them both, then turned out the lamp. To his surprise, Phidias nestled up immediately to his side, and drifted off quickly. Henrik, however, lay awake for almost an hour more, contemplating his current life.