The House that I Grew up In

It had been one hell of a morning.

Sitting on the wooden piping surrounding the sand box, Christy buried one hand in the cool sand and felt it spilling through her fingers as she lifted it. She looked around the playground, her eyes wandering from jungle gym to slide to playhouse, wondering why she had come there. But as she looked over towards the swing set, she remembered, suddenly and with surprising vividness, being there with Annabelle as small children.

As soon as they were old enough to leave the neighborhood alone, the two girls had regularly come to the playground as they were growing up. While they were too young to realize it at the time, they both considered it a ‘safe’ place, away from the rest of the world, alone with just each other – their best friend. They would push each other on the swings for hours, always convinced that one good push could send the swing all the way around. Of course, that never happened, but the time they had spent there trying hadn’t been a waste. In fact, those naïve, youthful, secure moments had been some of the best times of Christy’s life, she realized now with surprise.

Christy’s life had seemed so simple then. Annabelle had actually been the one of them with problems – losing her father when she was so young, and having Julia be so sad. Christy’s life, with her loving parents, her comfortable house, her best friend… everything had seemed perfect, aside from her friend’s grief. Back then, Christy was the one who was there for her friend, holding Annabelle when she cried and acting goofy to distract her. But Christy wanted to help Annabelle, because – well – that’s what best friends did.

Almost as if watching an old movie, Christy looked towards where she and Annabelle had played as children and could see their younger selves, hear their innocent laughter. “Higher, higher!” she could almost hear Annabelle begging, her young voice accented with giggles. How Christy wished she could go back to that place…

Tears filled Christy’s eyes, blurring her imagined vision. She rose from where she was sitting and walked over towards the blacktop, to the area where kids excitedly played basketball during recess. Leaning against the wall, she slid down until she was seated with her knees drawn up. “But I can’t go back,” she whispered softly to herself. “I can’t change anything that’s happened…”

Squeezing her eyes shut in the hopes of stemming the flow of tears, Christy thought about the morning. She was so lucky to have Josh. She had been so afraid to tell him the truth, but knew she had to. So, after the cops left, after she attended to his cuts and bruises – and her own – she finally told him what she’d been petrified to since she had started dating him.

And Josh had been wonderful. He had held her as she cried, choking out the whole story. He wasn’t angry at her for lying to him, not at all; in fact, he kept apologizing to her, telling her he was sorry he hadn’t been there for her enough for her or been trustworthy enough to tell him earlier.

“Are you crazy?” Christy had pulled her head back from Josh’s chest and looked up into his eyes in shock. “Not here for me? Josh, you are the best boyfriend anyone’s ever had. You’re so good to me. I SHOULD have told you; you deserved that. Jesus, you at least deserved to not have me lie about being a virgin when you first wanted to-”

“You didn’t lie to me,” Josh’s voice was stern as he interrupted and looked into Christy’s eyes, but his expression was soft and concerned. “In more ways than one. First, you never said you were a virgin. You just said you weren’t ready. And you weren’t.” He bit his lip nervously as he reached up to cup Christy’s face in his hands, and when he spoke again, his voice was much more gentle. “And second… our first time together? That was BOTH of our first times. I don’t want you to think about it any other way. What happened to you… that didn’t count. I mean, it happened, and it’s terrible, I’m not discounting that… but it wasn’t what we’re talking about. To me, our first time was OUR first times. And it was amazing, and beautiful, and… and innocent, and… and I really hope you feel that way, too”.

Back in the present, Christy wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her chin on top of them. It had been exhausting to tell Josh the truth, physically and emotionally. And giving up that part of herself – being Christy, not Christine, by choice – had been scary. But in the end, she couldn’t have hoped for a kinder response from Josh.

Taking a deep breath, Christy thought about the difficult hours that followed her admission. Josh had brought her to the police station, where the compassionate older officer that had been at her house that morning had taken statements from both of them. He had encouraged Christy to call her parents, as she was under eighteen, but since she was not being charged with anything, he couldn’t force her to. He just explained that her statement could not be put on record until her parents had approved it.

Christy told the officer that she would prefer to tell her parents in person. That was a lie. Just the thought of telling her mother – her fear that she would either be disbelieved or that her mother would blame Christy for what had happened – made her skin crawl. But she certainly wasn’t going to have the nice officer call her parents to the station and WATCH them as they made those accusations.

On the ride back to her house, Josh had encouraged Christy to talk to her parents, telling her that she’d been wrong about his reaction, so she could be wrong about theirs. By then, Christy was just too exhausted to argue with Josh; besides, he deserved better. So she agreed to talk to her parents, but asked that before she did, that he drop her off at home and return to the hospital, to check on Annabelle, and to explain what had happened that morning. Josh was a little confused by this, as Annabelle was being released soon. But he agreed – the sweet guy that he was – to do as she asked and give her time to think.

Christy hadn’t felt guilty as she watched Josh’s truck turn out of her cul-de-sac, even though she wasn’t doing exactly as she had told him she would. She wasn’t going in the house to clean up and prepare for her parents to come home. Instead, she was going to take a walk and think about things. She hadn’t realized she was going to go to the playground, but it’s where she had ended up without thinking.

That had been hours ago, and Christy was finally beginning to feel a little guilty, as the length of her disappearance would now constitute lying to Josh about where she was going earlier. But each time she tried to gather the courage to rise and begin the walk home, she just couldn’t find the strength.

The strength to tell her parents. The strength to face Annabelle. The strength to accept that everything she had worked so hard for… the perfect life she had built… the image, the persona, the reputation… she didn’t have the strength to accept that she was essentially throwing it all away.

“This spot taken?”

Christy jumped at the voice beside her and looked up, shading her eyes from the sun with her hand. “Quinn, what the hell are you doing here?” her pulse began to slow down from its initial increase from surprise. “How did you know where to find me?”

“Annabelle,” Quinn replied simply, taking a seat beside Christy and studying the girl’s profile quietly for a moment. Her face was tearstained and blotchy, but that was to be expected after what Josh had told them at the hospital. What he hadn’t expected, however, were her injuries. Her cheek was pink and swollen, and there was minor bruising on the outer corner of her eye. His eyes drew from her face, and he could see bruising on her arms, particularly around her wrists. His blood began to boil as he took it all in, and it took him a moment to regain his composure.

“Annabelle knew you’d be here,” Quinn forced himself to look into her eyes and try to ignore Christy’s injuries, as not to make her self-conscious. “Do you come here a lot?”

Smiling a little, Christy shook her head. “I haven’t come here since Annabelle moved,” she replied, not quite meeting Quinn’s eyes, but also not unhappy he was there. “I didn’t even realize I was going to come here. I don’t know how she knew I’d be here. But I guess that’s Annabelle, with her intuition and empathy and...”

“And her love… for you,” Quinn finished Christy’s sentence for her, his voice sincere. “She loves you a lot, Christy.”

Hearing the words coming out of Quinn’s mouth, Christy’s face just crumbled. As she sobbed softly, burying her face in her hands, Quinn wasn’t sure what to do. He awkwardly reached over and patted her shoulder. “Hey,” he said after a minute. “That wasn’t supposed to make you upset. I’m sorry… I guess I suck at this stuff.”

Still crying, Christy let out a little chuckle at Quinn’s embarrassment and looked over at him. “You didn’t make me upset,” she said softly, sniffling. “It’s just… I know you and Annabelle know what really happened now, so… I can’t believe that she’s still so concerned about me. And you… why are you being so nice to me?”

Quinn couldn’t help but laugh in response to Christy’s inquiry. “Despite what you thought previously,” he gave the blond a small grin. “I’m not a terrible person.”

Shaking her head, Christy returned Quinn’s grin. “That’s not what I meant when I asked that,” her voice was soft and nervous as her smile began to fade, until finally she was frowning. “I just meant… now that you know what happened… you have to realize that, if I had been honest sooner about what had happened to me, then what went down last night with Annabelle wouldn’t have ever come about.”

Taking a deep breath, Quinn thought for a moment about what Christy had just said. And, in truth, a few years ago he might have seen things that way. Back then, he was ready to blame the first available person for the woes in his life. It was only recently that he had come to terms with some truths, thanks to Annabelle…

“Bad things happen to good people,” Quinn said softly, tilting his head slightly as he looked at Christy beside him and tried to figure out the best way to explain what he meant. “Not because they did anything to deserve them, or because it’s a test of some kind. Sometimes there’s someone who consciously causes harm, and in this case there was. But it wasn’t you, Christy. You were just… trying to deal with your own issues.” Quinn paused then, remembering earlier that summer when Annabelle had said something very similar to him about Jason.

“Still,” Christy shook her head, appreciating what Quinn was saying but still overwhelmed with guilt. “If I had been… stronger, if I had told the truth earlier, The… The…” she inhaled deeply. “HE wouldn’t have been able to roofie Annabelle last night. She wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital. I wouldn’t be causing all these problems now…”

This time, when Christy began to break down in tears again, Quinn didn’t stop to think before he slid his arm around her shoulders. In response, Christy didn’t think either. She rested her head on the boy’s shoulder and cried. She cried for what had happened to her years ago, and also for what had happened to her that morning. She cried for what Annabelle had gone through. She cried for the time she had lost with Josh being completely honest, and for giving up on who she used to be, and for pushing true friends away out of fear, and for not having enough of a relationship with her mother to tell her what had happened. She wept for a long time, leaning into Quinn and not questioning why she felt completely safe with someone she had, until recently, considered an enemy.

“So Annabelle’s really not mad at me?” Christy finally spoke, after catching her breath and sitting up a bit. “She’s not mad at me… and you’re not?”

Feeling like Christy might finally be getting it, Quinn shook his head and pulled back his arm. “We’re not mad at you,” he replied simply. “You never wanted to see anyone hurt. Almost too much…”

“What does that mean?” Christy suddenly became a bit defensive.

Biting his lip, Quinn sighed. “We’re really alike,” he said out of nowhere. “Did you know that?”

Crinkling her eyebrows, Christy’s big blue eyes studied Quinn guardedly. “What would make you say that?” she asked, distrustful of where this conversation was headed but too curious to ignore the boy’s statement.

A big part of Quinn wanted to stop this conversation immediately, but he forced himself to think of Annabelle, and then he continued. “So, you don’t know much about me, really…” he began. And then he proceeded to tell – to the biggest gossip in his high school, he couldn’t help but sarcastically think – about the most painful thing that he had ever gone through.

As Quinn finished his long story – having taken several breaks to try to control his own emotional state – with complete honesty, Christy looked at him with wide eyes. “Wow,” she said softly. “That’s a lot to deal with.”

“It is,” Quinn agreed solemnly, trying to shake the image of Jason’s face from his mind. His heart always ached to the point of physical pain when he thought of his lost friend. “But what I realized this summer – thanks to Annabelle – is that, while I definitely wasn’t a positive influence in Jason’s life, I wasn’t the reason he did what he did. I’m not to blame for his death… and you’re not to blame for what happened to Annabelle last night.”

Trying to digest all that Quinn had just told her, Christy sat silently. Of course, she agreed with Annabelle’s assessment. Quinn hadn’t forced his friend to take drugs – quite the opposite – and he hadn’t wanted him to get on his bike with him. But his friend had. And Quinn had to live with that for the rest of his life.

“Is Annabelle feeling okay now?” Christy’s voice was small, but her question was a bit reassuring to Quinn. He felt like he’d gotten through, at least a little.

“She’s fine,” Quinn replied honestly. “I kept asking her and asking her. It’s almost like I was trying to force her to say she wasn’t okay. I just couldn’t believe that she’d be so okay, but then, on the drive back to your place, she finally convinced me.”

“How?”

“She said something,” Quinn smiled at the memory. “A quote, actually…”

“Gandhi?” Christy smirked knowingly.

“Yeah,” Quinn laughed, surprised that Christy had known about that part of Annabelle – and then surprised at himself for thinking that his open, honest girlfriend was anything but with everyone else in the world beside him. “I was almost getting frustrated that she wasn’t more upset because I was so upset for her, but then she said, ‘Nobody can hurt me without my permission.’”

The words struck Christy as harsh when she first heard them. “That’s not true,” she immediately disputed the quote. “The Wiz did hurt me… he wanted to hurt Annabelle…”

“That’s not what Annabelle meant – or what Gandhi meant – I don’t think,” Quinn quickly replied in a soothing voice. “And I know I can’t possibly understand all you’ve been through, but I think that applies to you. I mean, you can’t change what happened, but you can change how you let it affect who you are today. You’ve already started to overcome it, by telling Josh and giving the police a statement… “

Quinn paused, wishing he was more eloquent but accepting that he wasn’t and, therefore, the best idea was for him to speak from the heart. “I think, when she recited that quote, Annabelle was just telling me that, no matter how last night turned out, she wouldn’t have let it change who she is, and despite everything that’s happened, neither should you… ”

Taking this all in, Christy chewed on her lip as she thought. “Well, I guess that’s true…” she paused for a moment. “I mean… for Annabelle. She’s so good. And sure. And strong.”

“So are you,” Quinn said quietly, unsure how Christy would react. When the girl just looked at him with shocked confusion, he pushed on. “You… you went through so much, and you went through it alone. And, yes, I’ll admit… you were a bitch for a while.” Both teens chuckled at this statement, but then Quinn turned serious again. “But, despite that – and I promise you, this is as strange for me to say as it is for you to hear me say it – you really are a GOOD person deep down. Annabelle helped me see that, Christine, but it was there whether or not I ever realized it.”

“Christy,” the blond responded a bit shyly. “Don’t, um… don’t call me Christine. My real friends call me Christy.” Seeing a blush rise on Quinn’s cheeks, she laughed. “That girl causes nothing but trouble,” one corner of Christy’s mouth turned up as she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and giggled. “I had this, like, perfect balance going for a while…”

“You can’t balance on a high wire forever,” Quinn interjected. “At least, you can’t do it alone.”

Rolling her eyes, Christy chuckled good-naturedly. “You are going to confuse a LOT of people when school starts up again,” she began to rise to her feet, and watched Quinn scramble to do the same. “Everyone thinks you’re this badass, but now, you’re like this nice guy…”

“Yeah,” Quinn agreed with a teasing grin. “You, too. Everyone thought you were the bitchy Queen Bee extraordinaire.”

Pretending to be offended, Christy punched Quinn’s shoulder lightly. “You know what’s really going to freak people out?” she asked as the two of them started walking back towards the trail that led to their neighborhood.

“What’s that?”

Smiling a bit to herself, Christy bumped shoulders with Quinn. “People aren’t going to believe that The Badass and The Queen Bee are friends.”

Despite a few teasing comebacks that came to mind, Quinn didn’t say anything else. He just threw a friendly arm over Christy’s shoulder, and they walked home in companionable silence after that.

-----

“Where have you been?”

Christy shrunk back as she entered her house, not stunned to hear her mother yelling at her. After all, she had just disappeared for hours, with no explanation, while all this awful stuff had happened to Annabelle…

“Are you okay, honey?” Christy’s mother’s gentle voice took the girl by surprise, and she finally looked up into the older woman’s face. It was wet with tears, which shocked Christy. “Quinn, thank you so much for finding her…”

Still in shock, Christy looked at Quinn hoping he knew what was going on. He just shrugged, but he had a small smile on his face, like he was watching something he had expected unfold. “I’m okay,” Christy said nervously as her mother pulled her into an embrace; she tried to remember the last time her mother had hugger her that closely, but she drew a blank. “I’m sorry I worried you-”

“Of course I was worried,” Christy’s mother immediately replied, but then her face began to crumble as she pulled her daughter towards the couch and both women sat down. “Baby,” she soothed her hand over Christy’s hair and looked at her with remorse. “Josh and Annabelle told us everything… when you weren’t here, I mean… Josh went looking for you, but he couldn’t find you-”

“Wait,” Christy shook her head in confusion. “Josh and Annabelle… they told you?”

Biting her lip, the older woman nodded. “Yes, honey. I mean, they wanted to wait until you told me, but you’ve been gone for hours…”

“But,” Christy shook her head in confusion, trying to understand exactly what was going on around her. “But… so you know? Everything? And you’re not mad at me?” Her eyes were wide with distress.

Her eyes filling with tears once more, Christy’s mother shook her head emphatically. “Mad?” she asked in wonder, studying her daughter and feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt fill her chest. “Honey, after everything that happened to you… I’m just so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” With that, she began sobbing openly.

“This is, um…” Quinn felt very embarrassed interrupting, but didn’t want to just walk out of the room without saying anything and appear rude. “This seems like a conversation you need to have alone with your mom, Christine- sorry, Christy.” He shrugged and continued. “I’ll leave you guys alone, and go check on Annabelle… if that’s okay with you, ma’am.”

“Of course,” Christy’s mom choked out as she waved Quinn towards the stairs. “Go ahead. And… and thank you again.”

Shaking his head at the thanks, Quinn began heading upstairs. Only when he reached the landing did he look back, and was heartened to see mother and daughter holding hands, both crying and speaking in hushed tones, but with expressions of trust on each other’s faces.

Quinn would feel really good about how things were turning out, except for one thing. Julia was due to arrive within hours, and shortly after that, Annabelle was most likely going to be leaving him…

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AAHHHH… IT FEELS SO GOOD TO FINALLY BE BACK IN THE GROOVE TO – AND HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO – WRITE. I JUST NEED TO SAY THAT I REALLY APPRECIATE THE REVIEWERS THAT HAVE STUCK BY ME SINCE I FIRST STARTED POSTING ON AFF WHAT’S GOT TO BE ALMOST FIVE YEARS AGO. IN REGARDS TO THIS STORY, THERE ARE TWO CHAPTERS LEFT. AFTER THAT, I’M PLANNING ON STARTING A NEW STORY, BUT (IF I HAVE TIME, MIND YOU) ALSO TRYING TO FINISH ANY UNFINISHED WORKS I HAVE. JUST AN FYI.

JOEE : THANKS FOR BEING SO PATIENT!

CU-KID: THANKS FOR THE LONG REVIEW! HOPE THE QUINN/CHRISTY INTERACTION WAS UP TO YOUR LIKING. AND SORRY, BUT YOU HAVE TO WAIT AT LEAST ONE MORE CHAPTER TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN JULIA FINALLY ARRIVES!

PIKACHEESE: I REPEAT, YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE REVIEWER! YOU GIVE IN-DEPTH REVIEWS OF THE CHAPTERS, BOTH CRITICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. AND YOU ARE SO KIND ABOUT MY SPORADIC WRITING OVER THE PAST COUPLE YEARS. YOU ARE WONDERFUL, AND I HOPE YOU KEEP READING AND REVIEWING FOR A LONG TIME TO COME!!!

LOVELYL, CUTEGIRL12356 AND GIRLFIXER: THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING LOYAL READERS AND REVIEWERS, EVEN THOUGH I DON’T REALLY BELIEVE I DESERVE IT 

AND TO NESL: YOU CAN BE A BIT DEMANDING, AND YOU ALWAYS CALL ME ON MY CRAP , BUT YOU ARE STILL MY FAAAAAAVORITE! ALWAYS! WRITE ME.