Snowfall

The short nights were giving us very little travel time. It was strange, I did not yet understand that in this time of year in the far northern hemisphere the sun doesn\'t fully drop below the horizon until much later. The famous \"White Nights\" of Russia. Amar was leading us straight into the mountains.

Thus it was we were out in the middle of no where when Keenan found us. We were passing through small villages at night, that caused a stir in those days. We couldn\'t afford to avoid them because we needed to hunt, while we tried to go unnoticed no doubt here and there we were seen. A blonde English youth and a Frenchman. We avoided speaking where possible but we still did not appear local. It couldn\'t be helped and now, it did not matter.

\"Interesting choice, Damien.\" Keenan\'s voice cut through our silent ascent into the mountains. \"I would have thought you would go back to France, perhaps England but after a bit more thought it seemed too obvious. You\'re smarter than that my barbarian friend. I\'ll give you that. Very cunning, and as a Sun Worshiper you would know that the days grow long here in the north this time of year. It would seem to the last place one of our kind would want to be. Not much time to hunt, not much time to travel, but you wouldn\'t have to stay here forever. Just long enough for me to be well on my way elsewhere. So while I thought of the ways you could have gone from Ireland. South to France? East to England? West was out of the question a boat ride into the middle of nowhere would do you no good. North,yes. Where you had no reason to go.\"

I looked to Amar and saw that this had indeed been his plan, to hide us away in the short nights until he felt it was safe to emerge. Keenan had three men with him. They did not appear to be our kind, I could hear their hearts beating. We were outnumbered but three were mere humans. Still it did not look good for us.

\"Keenan, Let the past die on its own. We are brothers as you say. \" Amar spoke calmly pushing me behind him.

\"Well Brother, you are as Caine was to Able. There is no mercy save death left for you.\"

\"What if he converted?\" I spoke up finally. If that would stop this feud would it not be worth it?

The Irishman laughed. \"Convert, Damien? I do not believe you know him very well, young one.\" He looked at me curiously for a moment before continueing \" He harbors those of the old religions and actively opposes the spread of Christianity. Convert? No, I do not think so.\"

I held on to Amar\'s arm, silently pleading with him to take this choice. He turned to regard me, sadness, pain, fear and pride in his eyes. I knew his answer then before he spoke. He would not claim the Christian faith, not even to avoid this fight.

\"He is correct, Albin. I cannot abandon my beliefs in order to save my life. If I compromise them then I become something less and it would not be worth living. I would not be worthy of my own afterlife nor you, Albin. I cannot be a coward and continue to face you.\"

\"Such brave words. Foolish stubborness. You cannot change him, boy.\"

\"What of God\'s mercy? There is always hope for change.\" I tried to step forward but Amar put his arm in my way. \" Father John always taught me that God\'s mercy and patience were infinite.\" I was pleading, perhaps Amar had pride but I was willing to put my own aside to save him.

Drefan smiled somewhat sadly and shook his head. \" At one time I might have believed that too. God\'s patience is not infinite. Sodom and Gemorah, the plagues of Egypt; He is a vengeful Lord. I was not made to show God\'s mercy but to bring about his justice. He wasted no more words after that and lunged at Amar.

His three companions came after me. I could not get away from all of them. I, Albin, who did not fight in all my life for myself raged against my assailants for the sake of Amar. My father\'s teaching came back to me in a strange flash of memory and combined with my inhuman strength I managed to knock one of my attackers unconscious. The other two became more wary and I had a harder time getting within range. I could not afford to take my eyes off of them long enough to see my love. I lept for one man and we toppled together, I used what gifts I had and bit him.

\"Albin!\" I pulled away and looked upwards. The last man had a wooden stake and was nearly on top of me. Amar rushed past me then, knocking this last man to the ground. I looked back for Keenan and found him pulling himself up. The man beneath me began to struggle and I glanced down at him. In that moment, Keenan resumed his attack on Amar, who was distracted.

It happened slowly as if in years and not seconds. I can recall ever detail in horrifying clarity. Amar breaking the human\'s neck. Keenan grabbing the stake as the body fell, Amar turning to face his enemy and... then.. the end of my innocence, the stake plunged into his heart and he fell. All the earth seemed still as Amar crumpled to the ground.

Rage like I had never experienced before tore through me and I lept for Keenan. If he had not been watching Amar I am sure I would have soon joined my love. My teeth found his neck. I felt his shock and confusion. This was the Lord\'s work, how could he fail? His blood, so much richer than a human\'s flowed into my veins. I felt its power but it could not fill the chasm that Amar\'s death had opened in my soul. I killed Keenan Drefan. The first life I had ever took. His companions were the second and the third.

The dawn would be soon, I could not let it claim Amar. With a crazed fervor, I began to dig with my bare hands in order to hide him from the light. I barely had time to place him into the ground and cover him before needing to find shelter for myself. A nearby cave, barely more than a crack in the side of the mountain served to hide me well enough from the sun.

The next night I trudged upwards hoping that Amar was leading us to a village. In truth I was not thinking much at all, we were headed north and so north I continued to go. Now I would like to give it a reason but I remember my aimless walking. I was blind to everything around me. My mind showed me Amar falling endlessly before me.
I was so caught up in my misery that I almost did not notice the sounds of speaking. Had it not been familiar I probably would have ignored it all together but I knew the language. It was the one that Amar would murmur soothing words to me in. For a moment my spirits rose. He was not dead! Somehow he survived and managed to pass me while I was stumbling along.

\"Amar?\" I ran forward towards the sound, pushing through the trees. I came upon two men with a bundle of wood each. They regarded me with question in their eyes. \"Amar?\" I called again, my hopes dying, I sank to my knees.

\"Parlez-vous français ?\" One of the men had come to stand in front of me. \"Englishman. Do you speak French?\"

\"Oui.\" I answered dully.

\"Amar, who is this?\"

He wanted me to explain Amar to him? I could not begin to, not now. \" He was the most unselfish man I had ever met and my reason for living.\"

The man regarded me with kind eyes but continued to question. \"A frenchman?\"

\"Yes, what does it matter, He\'s gone.\" I stared blankly at the ground, not caring to move any further.

\"You are a companion? You are like him, yes?\" I nodded slowly.

They helped me to my feet then. It seemed they were going to lead me onward whether I had the will to move or not. Soon they guided me to a large cave complex. It was remarkable though I did not care to look around at it that first time I entered. The area was neatly organized into various living and working spaces. A mix of cultures could be seen amongst the artwork on pottery, cloth and sculpture in the cave. Various different languages were spoken as I passed.

The priests, for priests they all were, fed and cared for me. They explained to me that they had been brought here by Amar. It was his dream to perserve the old religions. He was their protector and sometimes teacher. Amar remembered much that he wanted the priests to preserve, in return they fed him while he was here. To them he was not an abomination but a guardian of their ways. They fed me in those first days after Amar\'s death though I had no knowledge to share with them, save the demise of my lover and their benefactor. It took me a month or more to get up the courage to leave the cave but I could not stay there much longer. Amar\'s teachings, his language, everything there reminded me of him. It was driving me slowly insane, I was becoming more short with the priests and that frightened me as well. Their hospitality did not deserve to be returned with my anger and despair. So I left.
I wandered southward but randomly, stopping only to hunt. No more the embrace of desire for me, I fed quickly and my prey feared me. It gave me no joy, it was as tasteless as water to me but it kept me going. What is it that keeps us moving when all we wish to do is lay down and die? I would have joined Amar in the blink of an eye and yet I continued going through the motions of survival. It was thoughtless animal instinct. Push onward, feed, hide from the day.