Passion, Proof, Power
Chapter 18
Passion, Proof, Power
Chapter 18
I woke up Tuesday morning already dressed.
My bad. I woke up mardi. Mars' day. Hey, I gotta learn the name of the days somehow.
Of course, I had a meeting, so the next thing to do was to take a shower and change clothes. I kept on my mental promise of last night and left the TV on. I watched game show reruns, local news, then took some time to check up on Finnish news on the web.
And through all that, a part of me wouldn't stop fanboying. After all, I get to see Ryan again!
It almost felt like another date, and that may have gotten me a bit more excited than usual. So when I hit the shower, I decided to have some quality time on my own. Masturbation is sex with someone you love, right?
The shower was nice and hot. I closed my eyes and let my imagination run wild. My hand dove right for my erection.
I was in my bathroom, thank you imagination, but not alone anymore. Ryan stood in front of me, naked, a predatory smirk on his face. He pinned me to the wall and roughly brought his lips to mine. He invaded my mouth, and damnit, it felt fucking good. His hands ran up my torso, then back down. They rested at the base of my hips. A nice, strong and firm grip. Slowly, he pulled away from the kiss, and he looked me over as he took a step back.
He took his sweet time to get on his knees, but the wait was completely worth it – at least, in my head it was. He wrapped his hand around my shaft and gave it a few lazy, teasing tugs.
Or was it me tugging at myself? I thought I was supposed to let my mind trick me into this? Damnit brain.
Ryan. Right. I could picture him, on his knees, in my shower. He wrapped his lips around my cock. I took a sharp breath and latched onto his head. He hadn't shaved recently; it felt oh so manly. As far as I remember, I've dated men with long hair, and it kinda felt awkward at the same time that I didn't have anything to cling to. But hey, I like different.
I relaxed against the wall. I could feel Ryan's tongue and lips up and down my shaft, soft, rugged and wet at the same time. And his smell. Refreshing and musky, like a rainy day. A very manly rainy day.
I bucked against his head, part of me tempted to shove deeper inside of him. I didn't need to, because he nearly swallowed me down to the balls. Deep throat. God. He then withdrew, gave me a long, dirty look before he did it again. And again.
Fuck. Ryan.
I shivered; I wanted more. Him inside of me. I sped up. I just wanted him to fuck me hard, right here, but he kept on with deep throating, and I was sure I'd come soon enough. But I didn't want it to end, not now.
My body, however, won against my mind. My back arched. I moaned loudly, then yelped. My vision went white and faded to black.
The echo brought me back to reality.
I was, once again, alone in my shower, my own essence flowing down with the water. Damn fantasy didn't last long enough. So I just stood there, pouting like a child. My fingers were pruny, and that was what got me outta the shower. I hate that feeling.
~
I know, I know. My date is with Logan, not Ryan, but who knows what's gonna happen? If anything, I'll just cancel... but who knows what's gonna happen with Ryan too? I had no damn clue, and I mentally prepared myself for just about anything. Ryan bringing me back to his house? Check. Not bringing me over? Check. Earthquake? Check. Zombies? Check.
I parked the car outside the Italian restaurant we were supposed to meet. I tried real hard not to think about this as a date, down to the point where I'm sure I muttered that as I walked inside, like some sorta mantra. Did he make a reservation for two? What if he hadn't? He could be late, or just sitting somewhere waiting.
A waitress greeted me. I could barely manage to ask if a certain Ryan Stevens had reservations in French, but she confirmed that no, there wasn't. So I took the opportunity of securing a table.
I didn't wait too long, maybe five or ten minutes, before he showed up.
"Sorry for being late, Sammi," he apologized as he shed his coat and took the seat in front of mine. "Ran into some minor issues with the other band."
I gave him a reassuring smile. "Not a problem, I can keep myself busy." See, I'm patient when it comes to a few things, like waiting on dates- I really gotta stop thinking that. "Everything okay?"
Ryan nodded. "Yeah, we just tried to apply some setting to the keyboards and it didn't work as well as we had thought it would. They got it fixed though."
Good to know they did, because when shit doesn't go your way, it sucks. It's like making popcorn with a microwave. You have a default setting, which isn't enough, but you go a split second over that default and it's done for. Too much reverb, not enough reverb, way too much... Guitars are too loud, then they're too muffled, then the drums take over and drown out the bass. Takes forever to end up with a healthy middle, then you realize the original was the best and you just wanna stab the console.
"I'll let you know when their album comes out, it might be something you'd be interested in hearing," he mentioned. I know he wasn't trying to push them out on me. And well, if it's produced by him, it's most likely worth it. Can't go wrong with his work after Predator Kills.
"Sure, I'll check them out." I could use some new music too.
"Anyways, I didn't bring you here to talk about other bands, but about yours."
Aw, too bad, I thought this was a date.
No, bad Sammi. Bad.
He continued. "You mentioned brass the last time we met, and I've got good news. If the rest of your band is fine with it, that is."
I nodded. "Go on."
"Two sax players, two trumpets, a trombone and even a bassoon is we have something for that." He leaned back in his chair with a smile. "If the partitions are easy, they can do it in a session or so, and bettert: they're locals and free to record."
"Damn! That's nice. I'll talk about it with my guys but they were originally up for it, so I guess they still are." My smile grew. That's a pretty amazing feat. "Thank you, I appreciate this."
"You're welcome," he replied, satisfied. "You'll have to let us know soon though, so we can make sure they're scheduled in the studio and so on. Hopefully the timing will work."
"I'll text them after this-." I stopped myself before I could have said date. Almost. God... it's still in my mind. "I can provide basic partitions in the next few days, Antero had them written somewhere because it's useful to have anyways. In case. I don't know if they're finished, I think so... but we can always go over it with them."
Ryan gave the table a short tap as to settle the deal. "Perfect, I think they'll appreciate. So long as they get credit."
"Of course, it's not a problem with us." We're not jerks – we know what it feels like since we're in a band on our own... obviously. "Would also be nice to have them for a possible tour... but we might have to settle with backing tracks."
Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "Not easy, huh? It's something to be discussed with the label, if they're interested in funding their tour too. And with the players themselves. Though playing with backing tracks isn't the easiest thing in the world if you're too used to it either..." He ran his right hand over his goatee. "No loss in trying either."
I was about to agree when the waitress came with menus and glasses of water. I took a quick look at the menu, and decided to settle for the seafood fettuccine. I lifted my eyes from the menu, at the same time as Ryan.
"I'm having the spaghetti and garlic bread. What about you?"
"Fettuccine." Man, I'm hungry. "I haven't had that in a while. Hope the seafood one has a lot of shrimp."
Ryan chuckled and leaned over. "Yes, and it gets better. Lobster."
I gave him an appreciative smile. "That's perfect." Almost sounds romantic.
I also let out a short chuckle – more like a giggle, really. I even blushed a bit. A schoolgirl with a crush on her teacher. If he noticed, he didn't say anything about it.
I wasn't shy when it came to Kevin, or when it came to Darren. Or Pekka, the guy before Darren. So what was stopping me with Ryan? Was it because he's intimidating? Not physically though. Kevin's a lot more intimidating than Ryan. I'm not sure how to explain, something with Ryan being an idol of mine.
Anyways... back to being professional. Or at least, an attempt to going back to that.
"I wanted to mention something," I started off. "We were thinking of including a cover or two as bonus tracks, possibly for the Japanese market... We want to make something different than the original, obviously. Would that be possible?"
"The guys suggested a Predator Kills song, but we had other things in mind too. Remember Tom's Dinner from Suzane Vega? Perttu thought about it and we came up with a faster-paced, punk-ish arrangement that sounds really nice. Less keyboards, but more guitar."
A grin tugged at his lips. "Sounds interesting. Let's see what you guys have, and if the label gives the go, we'll have that ready."
I'd love covering Predator Kills, but I got a feeling it'll sound less of a cover. Covering songs that aren't metal is fun anyways, you get to work with crazy, unusual arrangements. It's a good way to break from a certain sound – in our case, from something dark.
"If all else fails, I think there's other cool songs we can do. Label's dealing with the royalties as long as it's worth it." And who knows, it might change on our own end. We're more resourceful than some people think. If I really needed to, I can bullshit some lyrics on the spot or just growl something. I may not speak German or Swedish, but I can definitely sing in those languages.
Ryan was about to answer back when the waitress showed up again. She took our orders and shuffled back to the kitchen, leaving us on our own again.
I looked away and thought of a plan to get Ryan. Maybe I'd have to make the first move. Of course, in the middle of a restaurant while in a supposedly professional meeting wasn't the best place ever. He did leave me his phone number last time, so maybe... maybe after my date with Logan, I'll give it a shot. I say maybe because I don't wanna be an ass with Logan either. I don't wanna be that jerk who goes on a date and has to back off because he had another... well you get the deal.
"I'm not sure if I should assume," Ryan said, "that you and your band are probably more willing to record in the evening and at night, than in daytime. Just a feeling, you know? I've dealt with bands who had this habit of starting to record around ten at night... so it doesn't bother me."
I sighed in relief. "Whew. They most likely won't mind adjusting to another schedule, but yeah... we're night owls. I'm not sure how it'll play with the jet lag and so on. For most of us, it'll be our first time outside of Europe. I just hope they won't decide that they don't like it..."
If you want my honest opinion on that, recording outside of Europe and possible touring scare me. Not because I'm scared of touring myself, hell I wanna see the world, but... I say that, and I could very well hate it and decide I want out of the band in the middle of Australia. I don't think it'll happen, we're all super excited about everything that's happening to the band.
Except shit happens, and you can't always prevent it. But I'll stop being a wuss right now.
Ryan leaned back in his chair. I felt his eyes on me, but it wasn't a bad feeling, mind you. I didn't feel judged. "It happens. But don't knock it until you try. I'm pretty sure most bands that form nowadays expect to tour if they become popular, and for some it's what drives them to pump new material up. You get used to that stuff too."
He's never been in bands, anyways not that I know of, but I'll accept his advice nonetheless. He was in the industry before I was born. He's worked with so many bands, so it's not like he doesn't know his shit. Over the years, he's had plenty of time to get to know all those people and speaking with them about so many topics.
"Did you start talking about tours with the label?"
I nodded. "The topic's brought up from time to time, from both sides. Ieva is really looking forward to seeing us tour, so she's trying to find a tour manager somewhere. Someone who can connect to us... so she has a hard time finding someone willing to deal with the little gay dude."
I couldn't help rolling my eyes when I said that. That's a legit answer I personally got from someone who had been very willing at first. You really really wanna tour with a band, but you let that detail get in your way? Right. It's not like I was gonna start humping him in the tour bus, or anywhere for that matter. Another guy who missed the memo stating that gay men aren't attracted to every single man ever.
He sighed and frowned. "If I wasn't so busy, I'd do it. I've been offered by other bands, "Oh Ryan you should become our tour manager, it'd be fun." But I don't have the time. Though it would be fun," he stated with a smile. "I talk with all these guys who do go on tour and they recall where they've been, how the crowds were, how the countries were, all the things that happen on buses and at venues... But I'm the producer. And I love this job."
That makes sense though. We can't all be in bands, just like we can't all produce or manage businesses.
"As long as you like it, that's what matters." I paused to grab my glass of water. "Before being in this band full-time, I used to be a freelance graphic designer. I touched websites, magazines and so on – I was creating textures for a mobile game application. I still like playing music more, so when the project ended, I decided not to renew my own contract. Did some short things in-between, then this opportunity came up."
No way I was gonna waste it. As long as my band tagged along envetually. Which they will.
The waitress came back with our food. It smelled good and looked good too. The shrimp, oh wow. The shrimp. Big ones, and a lot of them. And lobster too, Ryan was right. It also came with a small salad... delicious.
I like Ryan's restaurant choices. Now if I can snag him as a boyfriend , if this thing with Logan doesn't work out, I'm set for life.
~
This time, Ryan walked me to my car. I was a bit uncomfortable – less than last time, where I was downright hard.
"Let's keep in touch, and don't forget about the brass partitions," he reminded with a warm smile. "Send them by email, or you can print them and meet me at the studio if I'm around, if that's better for you. Some like doing it the direct way."
Which is more or less my case right now. If I had to be direct, we wouldn't be outside a car, but inside, on the backseat.
"I'll call you when I get them, and we can see from there."
The next thing I knew, he pressed me against himself, but it didn't last long enough for me to react. I was too stunned. It was more of a hearty, manly hug than something out of a chick flick.
"Have a good night, Sammi."
"You too," I replied, trying to contain my giggling. It was hard, but I did it. I went to my car, started it with the remote... and just sat in it. My mind was going miles an hour, but the rest of my body refused to move.