BioRisk

BioRisk

Chapter warning(s): Language, M/M, Some angst/dark themes, MPREG, Mentions of MPREG

 A/N: I apologize for the unexpectedly long hiatus. Thank you all for your lovely reviews, ratings, and for reading. I will try to update this more often.

 

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CH18: “Born Into This”

 

“He’s…what?” I ask in disbelief even though I had clearly heard him the first time. I just don’t want to believe that such a thing is true, yet I know something about it makes sense. Thinking back to what Zayas had said to me and how none of my semen had leaked out of his body, it shouldn’t strike me as surprising at all. But it still does.

Dhrele frowned. “I said, he is with child.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t know what to say. What can I say? I’m going to be a father. Something I had never anticipated or even wanted for myself. I don’t know how I should feel about it right now and I don’t care to know. Right now, all I feel is a numbing sensation that somewhat reminds me of that time I had found out I had to leave my family behind.

Ugh, no, I will not think about that. I will not think about them.

My lover’s frown deepens as if he’s sensing my inner turmoil, which wouldn’t surprise me in the least if he did. “Is something wrong, Ergo?”

“No, I’m just shocked. That’s all. Don’t worry about it,” I partially lie because I don’t have the heart to disappoint him in any way. If I tell him that I don’t want kids, how would he feel about it? If Zayas can conceive, then it’s highly probable that Dhrele can, too. And if so…then that means he may already be…

I feel cold now as if every bit of warmth has surged right out of my body. I feel arctic even as I feel Dhrele’s long, strong arms envelop my body.

Nothing else is said for the rest of the day, but not because of my aloof behavior. Of many things that I love about Dhrele, one of the things I absolutely adore is his inherent ability to be silent. He only talks when he feels the need to and not to fill the silence. Unlike a lot of people, he knows that there is a time for speech and a time for silence.

And the truly remarkable thing about our communication is the fact that we both seem to speak better with our hands than with our vocal cords.

 

 

[:+ + + + +:]

 

 

 

Just a little over a month has passed since the two murders, Zayas’ impregnation, Filia’s disappearance, and Xevos’ escape. It all seems like a wild blur, a smudge over time itself. It spanned so quickly, yet crept so slowly that before I knew it, a month has gone by.

How long have I known Dhrele? I don’t even remember anymore. A couple of months, perhaps? Less, or more. I never did quite keep track of time before and ever since I met Dhrele, time has been a fleeting, slippery thing. It doesn’t seem to matter to me all that much anymore. In fact, nothing seems to matter except for what is now my life.

These Xevdren have taken over me in such a way that all I can really think about is their plight. I’ve met about three of them now and however brief or rare the visits were, I still find myself caring about them all in some special way.

But of course, of all three of the Xevdren hybrids, Dhrele is the one I care about the most. His safety and happiness are top priority to me.  Without him, I would probably be lost--

And suddenly, I find myself mulling over those Latin words that the scientist woman had uttered:

You are lost, lost in this dark hell. Wake up before they take you down with them.

Maybe I am asleep and if so, maybe I am dreaming up all of this. If this is but a dream, then should I wake up? Can I? And do I even want to? No, if this is just a dream, then I don’t want to wake up. I won’t wake up. Because…sometimes, sometimes the real nightmare is not in the dream, but in the reality.

I was actually lost before. I remember it all too vividly as if it had happened yesterday and a hundred years ago at the same time. Before Dhrele, I was already dead and hopelessly lost. I was drowning alone in a dark hell that was drenched in maddening darkness that consumed all of me.

I don’t know who they are, but if they are the Xevdren, and they want to take me down with them, then I cannot fight them. I do not want to fight them. I will not fight them.

As long as Dhrele is with me, safe and happy, there can be no hell for me.

 

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“Filia?”

“…how do you know my name?” Filia asks me with a blank, yet puzzled look on her face. It is as if this was her first time meeting me.

She doesn’t recognize me at all. But how can that be? Maybe she is suffering from some form of amnesia. Or maybe…and I shudder to think of this, but just maybe that bastard Vorago did something to her. It was possible, right? But why would he?

“You don’t remember me,” I state in a deadpanned sort of voice as if I don’t believe her.

“No, sorry, I do not. I have never seen you until now,” she replies uneasily as if my presence makes her feel uncomfortable. Brushing some of her hair out of her face, she then takes a closer look at me as if I am a lab specimen. In a cold, standoffish kind of voice, she asks, “What is your name?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I mumble more to myself than to her. I don’t bother to look at her or say anything more as I abruptly walk away from her.

I can’t put my finger on it, but something about her unsettles me. The memory loss does bother me, but that’s not what is crawling under my skin. There’s something…off about her. The Filia I know isn’t anything like this girl at all. Sure, they look the same, but their personalities don’t match at all. I know for a fact that Filia tends to fidget with anything she has her hands on, be it a pen, an eraser, or her silver ring...

And then it hits me. The ring. That silver ring. Filia always, always wears that ring no matter what. I have never seen her take it off. She always plays with it, yes, but she’s never actually removed it from her finger.

I wonder…

 

[:+ + + + +:]

 

 

 

Thirty-five minutes later, I find myself right outside Vex’s door. Before I can even knock, the kid opens the door and hastily jerks me inside. The door closes abruptly behind me as soon as every part of my body is safely inside of the room.

Vex doesn’t look too pleased to see me. “What are you doing here?!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had office hours,” I drawl sarcastically as I roll my eyes.

“You have no idea how much danger you’re in right now, sexy,” quietly speaks the blond as if he’s paranoid that someone might overhear him.

“Then enlighten me, Vex. No one is telling me shit. All I hear lately are damn riddles and bullshit, I gripe as I glance around his office. Nothing appears out of the ordinary. My eyes spot the stapler I had once jokingly threatened Vex with. Sighing, I stare at the ground and mutter, “Nothing makes sense anymore. Everyone is acting weird. Hell, even Filia is acting like a damn robot.”

The blond’s brown eyes narrow dangerously. From what, I don’t know. “That’s because that is not Filia. The real Filia died years ago. The one you knew before and the one you met today are…”

“Are what?” I snap impatiently.

“Clones.”

My jaw drops open. “C…Clones? What do you mean clones?” awry

“The original Filia was Vorago’s daughter, Ergo. I don’t know all of the details, but apparently she died during an experiment that went awry. The details about what actually happened in that room are fuzzy and no one seems to know what exactly went wrong. No one seems to know who screwed up the procedure or if it even was anyone’s fault. All that is known, as far as I know, is that Filia and some of the other lab techs died,” patiently explained Vex in a calm tone that was rare for someone as hyperactive as him. He looks like he wants to say something more; but instead, he pauses as if to gather his thoughts or to let me absorb the information. “Vorago has been trying to bring her back ever since the accident. The clones never live longer than a few years at most. There is always something wrong with them, too. They may look just like his daughter, but their personalities always differ.”

I gawk at Vex like an open-mouthed idiot. I don’t know what to say, really. Filia…was Vorago’s daughter? That explains a few things, actually. But clones? Really? I had expected a lot of sick shit from Vorago, but not this. I should have suspected as much since he and his lab rats specialize in genetic research. After all, they have successfully created alien/human hybrids.

The Xevdren…

“Lover boy is in danger, too, Ergo. You should be with him now and not here with me,” somberly warns Vex as he stares at me. From the moment he had pulled me into the room, he hadn’t moved a muscle. He just stands there stock still like some kind of mannequin. The only thing that seems to move is his mouth and sometimes his eyes.

“What if I need to talk to you? I can’t guard his cell 24/7, Vex.”

Vex suddenly appears thoughtful and less grave as he gazes at me. “You’re not alone in this, sexy. You are being watched by some…friends. I will help you when I can,” promises the blond as he finally moves from his spot. He scurries around the room looking for something specific. He tosses papers and random objects around as he nearly frantically searches for something. I know he’s found it when he yells, “Aha! Gotcha!”

Then Vex turns back to me and places a rectangular shaped, metallic silver object in my hand. It’s very small and when I close my hand around it, it’s hidden from view. It is also very light in weight and feels like cool, smooth metal. Something about it reminds me distinctly of a cell phone. “Vex…what is this?”

“A communicator. I made it myself. No one else should be able to intercept my messages unless you change the frequency on it,” clarifies Vex as he shows me how to open it and work it. It’s relatively easy to operate even though it looks more complicated than it really is.

“Thanks,” I mumble quietly and suddenly feel very much like an ass.

“If you need me, call me. I may not always answer you right away, but I will always get back to you. I know you have more questions, but now isn’t the time. For now you must protect yourself and your man, but don’t forget to be careful, Ergo. Now go.”

 

 

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“Dhrele?” I call out as soon as I enter his cell, or should I say, our cell.

I see him lying on the bed on his side with his back facing me. He doesn’t answer me, which scares me as I approach him. Afraid that he may have been killed, I nearly sprint frantically over to him.

Please, God, let him be alive. I shouldn’t have left him alone. Why did the hell did I leave him alone? Fuck, fuck, fuck…

My fear is short-lived though when I find him quite alive and conscious. Dhrele is gazing down at his stomach and with his long fingers, he traces arbitrary patterns over the white skin of his midsection. Seeing this makes me feel dread, but my feelings of trepidation quickly vanish as soon as I see the wistful expression on his face.

Gingerly sitting down near his head, I reach down and begin to stroke his hair. Whenever he is upset, touching him is usually the best course of action. “Dhrele…”

“How come you don’t want to give me a child?” He asks without looking at me while he continues to stroke his fingertips over his skin.

“I…I don’t…” I trail off lamely without knowing how to answer that. Having children is something I have never thought about until recently. And it’s not that I hate kids or don’t want them…it’s just that, well, things are just too complicated as it is. Children always complicate everything even though they don’t mean to.

Dhrele moves his head to look up at me. The look on his face reminds me of…no, I will not think about her. She’s gone. She’s been gone for years just like the rest of them. That’s all I have to remember. “What is it about creating life that gives you bad feelings, Ergo?”

I sigh and stare pensively down at him while I begin to trail my fingers along the outline of his pale face. He doesn’t look sad or even mad. Dhrele looks…heartbroken.

“Dhrele, it’s not as simple as what I want or what I feel about it,” I point out to him as I still try to find the right words to explain it.

The Xevdren hybrid scoffs, “Then make it simple.”

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should try to simplify it as best as I can. If he understands, then he does. If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t. As a human man, I can only do so much.

“I don’t hate children, Dhrele. I just…well, before you, I never thought about having kids of my own because back where I came from, two men can’t physically have children together. It’s just not physically possibly for two human men to conceive children together.”

Dhrele slowly sits up, his doleful face now replaced with bubbling curiosity. In a quiet, thoughtful voice, he remarks, “I find that quite sad.”

I shrug and can’t help but grin a bit cheekily as I reply, “Maybe it’s sad to you, but trust me, where I came from, most guys are grateful that they can’t bear children.”

“Are you grateful?” Dhrele asks with a inquisitive tilt of his head.

“Hell yeah. You think I want to get all hormonal and wobble around trying to devour strange food combinations? No thanks,” I laugh. I picture myself with a round belly waddling around trying to hunt down pickles and ice cream. Or worse, Buffalo wings and maple syrup. Ugh, when I was sick once, I actually had cravings for hot Buffalo wings dipped in maple syrup. It tasted like shit, of course.

Dhrele frowns at that and doesn’t seem to find it nearly as humorous as I do. He scoots away from me so that we’re not touching and then he crosses his arms over his chest in the way he always does when he sulks. “I’m not grateful about that. Unlike you, I actually want offspring.”

I swear, sometimes Dhrele is worse than a damn woman.

“Listen, Dhrele, I never said I didn’t want to have kids,” I start to say and as soon as the words left my mouth, I have his undivided attention once again. Sighing, I run my fingers through my slightly messy hair. “I told you I never thought about it before. Because I only have sex with men, I never thought I would ever have the chance to father children. Trust me, it’s a lot easier on yourself I you don’t drive yourself crazy thinking about all of the things that you can’t have.”

“Then where are these bad feelings coming from, Ergo?” Asks Dhrele as he drops his arms into his lap. I can tell that he wants to touch me.

“Everywhere, I guess. Do you see where we are? You’re in danger, Dhrele. They want to kill you. And before all that, they kept you locked in this damn room with that shit being pumped into you. You can’t even leave this room or you’ll die. And what’s more, if you have a child, Vorago and those other assholes will take the kid away from you. That’s exactly what they want from you. They’ll run tests on the baby and torture it and, and…” I trail off as I list all of the horrible scenarios that have been boiling in my mind for awhile now. The very things I fear besides Dhrele’s death.

“You won’t let them hurt our child,” Dhrele quietly states as he crawls towards me. He leans close and affectionately nuzzles my face slowly with his own. I feel his breath gently tickle my neck as he cups the side of my face in one hand. “I know you won’t let them. I know you won’t let them take him away from us.”

Him? Who is him? Who is Dhrele talking about?

Oh, no. No.

Does he mean…?

 

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