Through The Glass.

Author's Note: Big bump in the road, 2 miles.

Enjoy!
--ohxasphyxiationx.


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As I stepped onto the campus of Essex County College, I could feel the cool September breeze wrap itself around me. I was shaking, but it wasn't from nervousness. I asked for directions to the nearest restroom and as soon as I had gotten there, I locked myself into a stall, pulling out a small bag of meth Matt had given me.

I took out my compact mirror, made myself three lines, and snorted quickly. Two lines had easily ceased being enough to get me high. And I had to have meth at least four times a day every four hours or so. Any more than that and I'd start shaking and trembling like mad. I took a deep breath and felt myself calm down.

I sat through the orientation, not really listening to the speakers. I could only think about Matt, working at the boring office job he always complained about. I missed him. I wanted this to be over with so I could just go home to him.

My parents were a little suspicious as to why I was spending so much time away from home. I was almost angry that it had taken them almost four months to be concerned. It made me realize how little they cared for me. I felt almost like Matt did. Alone in the world. Because for my entire life I believed my parents feigned love for me, while everyone knew that my brother and sister were their pride and joy. Now, I was certain it was true.

So, I stopped giving them explanations and if they didn't want me to go, I left anyway. It was only a few days a week, when Matt was too tired from work to hang out, that I stood at home, and I hated those days. I hated being away from him. I hated being alone in my house. If my parents had talked to me so little before, it was as if the three of us now existed in separate universes.

I walked out of the college when the orientation had finished, and waited at the bus stop. Matt was doing two hours of overtime but he promised that as soon as he got out we'd have dinner. I smiled. He was the perfect man for me. He was the most perfect man in the entire world.

When I got home, I found myself face to face with a huge surprise. My sister, Caitlin, was seated at the table with my parents, and they seemed to be in some serious conversation until I walked into the door. My mother turned to look at me, her face lit up, with a smile planted on her face that stretched from ear to ear.

"Allison, you're just in time for lunch! Your sister Caitlin just got back from her shoot in Madrid, and she's decided to stop by before she heads home."

I forced a smile at my mother, and then at my sister. Madrid, Spain. My sister traveled all over the world. She was as beautiful as ever, and I dropped my school bag on the floor. I went over to give my sister a kiss before sitting down at the empty seat at the table.

"How was school, college girl?" My sister smiled at me.

I decided not to lie. "Lame." I saw their smiles fade as their expressions turned blank. "College was all mom and dad's idea."

My sister couldn't think of what to say, and I'm sure she wouldn't have said a thing if I hadn't started to twitch and shake at that very moment. I tried to force my body to calm down just until I could sneak up to my room and have a few lines.

Caitlin stared at me terrified, "Are you… okay?" She placed a hand on my arm. I felt as though if she kept her hand on that spot, she would not only see my trembles but she'd feel the shakes I had on the inside.

I pushed her hand off of me and stood up abruptly, pushing myself up and away from the table. My entire family stared at me with shocked eyes, completely appalled. "I'm fine!" I shouted loudly. I took a deep breath and tried to collect myself. "Now, excuse me."

I headed up the stairs to my room with my schoolbag in hand. I dug into the small front pocket and pulled out my bag of meth. I made three large lines on my vanity and snorted them all quickly, wiping my finger across the vanity, and then putting whatever was left into my mouth. I drank an entire bottle of water; it hadn't been only once that I'd underestimated how dehydrated meth can leave you. I looked at the time and began to panic.

I was almost an hour late to my dinner with Matt.


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I threw on my sweater and rushed out of the door, ignoring the protests of my family, and ran down the block. The diner where we were supposed to meet was fortunately close by, and it took me no more than 10 minutes to jog there. I flew in the door, almost tripping over my own two feet and found Matt sitting at the small booth the farthest from the door.

I ran down there, and started apologizing like crazy before even bothering to sit down, "I'm sorry, I meant to get here on time, but the orientation dragged on and then my sister was home… you know how it is with my family…" but I just stopped apologizing when I noticed him glowering at me. "What?" I asked, nervously. "What's wrong? I'm sorry."

"Just sit the fuck down," he snapped at me in so low a tone he was practically growling. I was terrified. In all the months that Matt and I had been seeing each other he'd never once been upset with me. I didn't know what to expect, and if this was how Matt acted when he was upset, I never wanted to see him upset again.

So I sat down, just like he told me to, and saw him shaking. He wasn't high, which I could see as a good cause to be upset, but not at me. I didn't say a word, and he finally spoke, "Order something and let's get out of here, I want to fucking go home."

I nodded, ordering a cheeseburger deluxe. It came, and I picked at it nervously, before asking the waitress to pack it up for me. We drove back to Matt's apartment in complete silence. He stared at the road and I stared at him. His face was so grim; I'd never seen him like that before.

When we got into his apartment, the first thing he did was dig into his drawer for the big bag of meth and snort four lines. Then he looked at me. I had a feeling similar to a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. He took a few big strides over to me, and then pushed me against the wall.

My head hit so hard that for a moment, I saw stars. I didn't know how to react, so I just looked at him with my eyes wide in fear. He lifted my head and started to attack my neck with bruising kisses. I couldn't believe what he was doing, and I just wasn't in the mood. I tried pulling away but he pushed me harder into the wall; so hard, I thought I might fall through onto the other side.

He started to work on my clothes, pulling off my shirt and unclasping my bra, fumbling with the button of my jeans, and I finally snapped out of my trance of fear and looked up at him.

He stopped what he was doing for just a moment and said, "Don't ever be late to see me again. I'm not going to fucking wait for you next time. Understood?" I nodded. He went back to fumbling with the zipper of my jeans.

"Matt, no," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "Not now Matt, I can't, I'm not in the mood."

What happened next happened so fast that I almost couldn't register it happening. Matt's big hand came at my face so fast and he smacked me so hard that my whole face was burning. I couldn't control the sobs that wracked my small body. He just glared at me before saying, "I get what I want. And I want you, now. And you always fucking want me," he sneered, speaking directly to my ear, "You always want to fuck me." He said it so crudely that I felt like some kind of worthless whore. The he returned to the task at hand, taking off my pants, sliding them and my underwear off in one swift motion.

"On the bed," he ordered, and I did as I was told, not wanting to get hit again. He took off the rest of his clothes and lay next to me, and then shoved his finger inside of me, so roughly, that I cried out in pain.

He entered me next, and I was already so sore from what he did with his fingers that I began to scream. He slapped me again, "Shut up before one of the neighbors hears you!" An hour passed with him turning and flipping me over while he got his pleasure. My body hurt and I was so tired but the meth wouldn't let him finish, and so I had to keep dealing with the torture he was dishing out. I started to squirm underneath him, trying to get away. He stopped.

"I see you won't cooperate," he said, staring at me in almost an evil way. He was like a completely different person, and I hated him so much at that moment I wished he would just disappear. "That's okay, I don't need you to."

His strong, big hands wrapped around my throat, and before I knew it everything turned black. I woke up an hour later, and saw his face contorting in pleasure as he came inside of me, before rolling over in exhaustion and falling asleep.
I spent the entire night crying.

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=O wtf???