Pain and.. pain?

Jason is one confused little guy. I just really want to hug him.

Jason's dad's mysterious trips will be explained later and so will the package, but not just yet;)

Please review and let me know what you think, as always.

GOTD: I'm not really feeling the title either, it's just something I came up with when originally posting this story here. I dont feel like it really fits the story but i dont want to change it at this point. It's hard coming up with a fitting title when the story isnät done yet:P i might change the title later, but not yet.



CHAPTER 18


I spent the first part of the night trashing around covered in cold sweat, trying to sleep and when I finally fell asleep, I was instantly engulfed in nightmares. I woke up after only a few hours sleep, panting heavily and tears streaming down my face again. All I could think of was Troy hurting me. I knew he hadn’t hurt me and he had stopped when I had pushed him away but in my dreams I had taken the memory of Jonathan raping me and replaced him with Troy. I let out a broken sob and buried my face in my blanket. No, no, no.

Troy wasn’t like that. He wouldn’t really hurt me. Would he? He wanted to fuck me. He wasn’t any different from the others. All this time he had just wanted to fuck me. No. I banged my head against the wall to get the image of Troy on top of me out of my mind and pulled on my hair to distract myself with pain. I couldn’t stop crying and my chest was aching. I couldn’t understand anything anymore. I had thought that Troy was different. I had thought that he wanted to be my friend. Stupid, stupid, stupid little whore, I told myself and banged my head against the wall again.

It took me a long time to finally manage to calm down to a level where I could at least breathe properly and by then it was almost morning. I was tired but the thought of falling back into another nightmare scared me too much to even try sleeping again. So I got up and moved to the kitchen. Everything was still clean from yesterday and I found myself shuffling around the apartment restlessly. There was nothing to do but I couldn’t make myself stay still either. If I stopped moving, my mind would go back to the nightmare and I didn’t want that. After another hour of restlessness I finally gave up to the urge and got my cleaning supplies before attacking the bathroom.

I ended up scrubbing the tiles in the bathroom for hours until my hands bled and burned from the cleaning products. My whole body was covered in sweat and my muscles ached but I didn’t want to stop. Finally I had to though and reluctantly left the bathroom. I was putting away the cleaning stuff when there was a knock on our door. My whole body tensed and I turned to stare at the door, panic rising again. Who ever was behind the door knocked again and my hands grabbed the hem of my shirt, twisting it nervously.

“Jason?” A voice asked and I paled even more. Troy. It was Troy. “Please, open the door, Jason. I want to talk with you.” He pleaded with a quiet voice and I found myself moving closer to the door. “Please? I know you’re home, please, just open the door.”

I bit my lip nervously and stilled before the door. “G-go a-away.” I said in a shaky voice and Troy sighed behind the door.

“Jason. Please open the door. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“G-Go a-away.” I mumbled again and backed away from the door. Hearing Troy’s voice made the dream come back again. There was another sigh and then Troy whispered to the door.

“I’m sorry.”

I heard his footsteps leaving and sighed from relief. He was gone. I moved closer to the door and pressed my ear against it to listen to the noises coming from the hallway. He was definitely gone. It was all quiet now and I made sure that the safety chain was on properly before going to my room and lying down. I was still sweaty and needed a shower but felt too exhausted to go and actually take one. I could do it tomorrow. I was probably going to sweat like a pig during the night again anyway.



A week later I was getting antsy. I hadn’t left the apartment once after running back from Troy’s and it made me restless. Sure I was used to spending a lot of time indoors when dad wouldn’t let me out but now that he was away, I wanted to use the opportunity to get some fresh air. The only thing standing between me and the said fresh air was Troy. I didn’t want to run into him and I had a feeling he was watching the people moving in and out of the building incase I’d come out. He had come behind our door a few times everyday, just knocking and talking, trying to get me to let him in. First I had told him to go away like the first time, but after few days I had just kept silent. If I wouldn’t talk he would have to stop coming eventually, right?

Today was a problem though. This morning I had gotten a call from dad. He had informed me that he was coming back in a few days and expected the place to be clean. Unfortunately he had also told me to do his laundry before he’d be home and that meant I had to leave the apartment sometime before he got back. I had been debating myself on the best time to go downstairs to the laundry room so I wouldn’t risk running into Troy or anyone else. I had spent the day cleaning again, scrubbing everything like a maniac even though everything was already cleaner than required for a brain surgery.

I waited until it was after midnight before taking the big basket with dad’s laundry and opening the door to the hallway carefully. I waited for a moment, listening carefully, before daring to move out. I basically ran the steps down to the laundry room and peeked through the door cautiously to see if there was anyone there. The room was empty and I let out a sigh of relief. So far so good.

I separated the darks from the whites and set too machines running before sitting down on the floor as far away from the door as possible. Instead of staring at the laundry going around in the machines, I kept my eyes fixed on the closed door, afraid that any moment now it was going to open and Troy would walk in.

It’s interesting what you notice when you stare at things for a long time. For instance, I had never noticed how the paint was chipping off from the door and under that blue paint there was a red layer. Also, there was a dint in the middle of the top half of the door. I wondered how that had gotten in there and shifted my eyes to glance at the machines quickly before turning my attention to the door again.




I was pulling the laundry out of the dryer when the door to the laundry room opened and the one person I didn’t want to see walked in.

“Jason!”

My body tensed and I just stared at the white shirt in my hand in panic.

“I’ve been looking for you.” Troy said and came closer. I backed away in the corner and kept my eyes on the floor, staring at his sneakers. They were new. New, white and soon probably stained with my blood. The sneakers moved closer and my head shot up. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.” Troy mumbled and came closer with his hands spread slightly to the sides.

“I-It’s o-o-okay.” I stuttered and looked for a way to escape. He was big enough to force me into the corner.

“No, I really mean it.” Troy said and reached out to touch me.

I winced visibly and hunched my shoulders, waiting for the hit. It didn’t come, instead Troy set his hands on my sides and pulled me closer.

“Hey, don’t be afraid of me. I’m sorry.” He said quietly and hugged me carefully. My whole body screamed panic but I didn’t struggle. He smelled nice. “I’m sorry, okay?” Troy whispered and I closed my eyes tiredly.

“I.. I’m s-sorry.” I mumbled into his shoulder and Troy loosened the hug. I turned my eyes to the floor and fumbled with the white shirt still in my hands nervously.

“Okay, so we’re both sorry. Does that mean I’m forgiven?” Troy asked and I glanced up at him carefully. He was wearing his signature grin and I managed a feeble smile back. Troy brought his hand up to brush my hair out of my eyes and this time I didn’t wince. Troy smiled and bit his lower lip for a moment before leaning closer and kissing me. I tensed again but it wasn’t like the kiss on the bed. This one wasn’t demanding, just a light kiss on the lips and it didn’t make me panic. It made me feel kind of.. good. Troy pulled away and I turned my eyes on the floor again, blushing.

“So.. does that mean that we’re okay now?” Troy asked and moved his hand to my neck where it tangled in my hair.

“I.. I g-guess.” I mumbled and looked down at the shirt in my hands. It was getting wrinkly and I quickly loosened my grip on it. “H-how d-did y-you k-now I w-was h-here?” I stuttered and turned towards the dryer again, smacking myself for sounding so pathetic.

“Well, I only usually see you in the hallway or here so I took a shot. So, you almost done?” Troy asked and leaned on the dryer casually.

“Um, yeah.” I mumbled and kept folding dad’s clothes into the basket.

“Great! I rented some movies and I really don’t want to watch them alone.” Troy grinned and I bit my lip nervously, remembering the last time we had watched a movie and how that had ended.

It didn’t matter how slowly I folded the clothes, in a few minutes I was done and had no other choice but to follow Troy out of the laundry room. I managed to stutter out that I would take the laundry upstairs and would then come down and to my relief Troy didn’t insist on following me up to our apartment.

I dropped off the laundry and then made my way back downstairs, cold nervous sweat running down my back. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do this but the kiss in the laundry room kept popping in my head. I couldn’t deny it hadn’t felt nice. But Troy still scared me.

I knocked on the door carefully, shifting my weight from foot to foot and flinched slightly when Troy opened the door. “Hey, come in.” He grinned and leaned in to kiss my cheek when I moved past him into the apartment. I didn’t flinch but moved away a bit awkwardly and looked around carefully. Benton probably wasn’t home; otherwise Troy wouldn’t have asked me over.

I saw chips and sodas on the livingroom table and glanced at Troy carefully. “Come on, sit down. I’ll put the movie on.” He smiled and ushered me towards the couch. I moved to sit down hesitantly and a moment later Troy joined me on the couch. He relaxed with a sigh and kind of pulled me on him before fixing his eyes on the TV screen. I tensed up when he grabbed me and held my breath when he pulled me close. When he didn’t do anything else, I turned my eyes on the TV and tried to calm down. It took me half the movie but in the end I managed to relax and actually felt comfortable resting against Troy. I was warm and Troy’s arm around my shoulders felt nice.

When the movie ended and Troy moved to put on the next one I was shocked to realize that I was feeling a little disappointed. A moment later Troy was back on the couch though and pulled me close again. I looked up at him with a slight blush and he grinned at me. “Comfy?”

“Y-Yeah.” I stuttered awkwardly and blushed even more when Troy leaned down to kiss me. He started out tentatively but when I didn’t pull away, deepened the kiss. His tongue demanded for entrance and I hesitated for a moment before letting him in. As soon as I submitted to his kiss, Troy moved so that he could push me down against the couch and climb on top of me. My body tensed but I didn’t push him away.

“Relax baby. Don’t freak out on me again.” Troy whispered into my neck and I felt his hands pull my shirt upwards. I tried moving but Troy’s bodyweight was holding me down and I couldn’t. Hands sneaked up my shirt and I tensed at the touch. Troy didn’t seem to notice and pulled my shirt upwards again, moving to kiss the exposed skin.

“Take your shirt off.” He mumbled with a raspy tone and I bit my lip, fighting the tears burning in my eyes when obeying and pulling my shirt off.

“Damn you’re hot.” Troy whispered into my skin and I set my hands on his shoulders, wanting to push him away but too afraid to do it. I didn’t want to make him angry, I didn’t want to get hurt, but I didn’t want to do this either.

Troy pulled his own shirt off and threw it on the floor next to mine before leaning over me to kiss me on the lips again. I submitted and closed my eyes when his hands started roaming my body. When Troy’s hands found the button of my jeans, I broke the kiss and gasped for breath.

“T-Troy?!”

“Mmm, come on baby, I want to touch you.” Troy whined softly and fumbled with the button until it popped open. I flinched and grabbed his hand to stop him.

“N-No, p-please, d-don’t.” I stuttered and Troy pulled my hands away from his.

“Come on, Jason. You’ll like it, I know you will.” He said, a bit more firmly this time and opened his own jeans before guiding my hand to slide inside his pants. “I’ll make you feel good and you’ll make me feel good, sound good, baby? Come on, rub it.” Troy demanded quietly and bucked his hips towards me.

I took a ragged breath and closed my eyes before taking a firm hold of his cock and starting to rub it slowly. Troy moaned into my neck and tugged on my opened jeans until he could touch me without restrictions.

Tears burned in my eyes but I managed to keep then in, concentrating on bringing Troy to his climax as quickly as possible. My body was responding to his touch which confused the hell out of me but my mind was screaming for him to stop.

“Aah, that feels so good baby. That’s it, rub my balls, Jason.” Troy purred into my neck and I complied with his request making Troy moan again. His hands moved to cup my balls and I couldn’t stop my hips from bucking upwards. That felt good. Troy pushed his hand lower until he could rub at my entrance and fear engulfed me instantly. I didn’t want him in there. I didn’t say anything though and to my huge relief Troy’s hands moved up to circle around my cock again. It seemed that he was going to be please with a hand job for now.

Troy’s breathing was getting more and more labored and his touch getting rougher. I wasn’t aroused anymore and knew that I wouldn’t be either. So I tightened my hold on Troy and pushed him over the edge by brushing my thumb over the sensitive tip.

Troy groaned and shot his load over my bare belly before slumping down next to me on the couch, half on top of me but careful not to get his cum over himself. His hand left my groin and he just panted heavily into my neck, not seeming to realize that I hadn’t come. I turned my face towards the back of the couch and closed my eyes to keep the tears in. I felt dirty and just wanted to go home now.

When Troy finally caught his breath and found the energy to move, he pecked my cheek gently.

“That was amazing, thanks.”

He got up and closed his pants before disappearing into the bathroom. I moved to sit up stiffly and pulled my own jeans up and closing them before he re-appeared with a towel. Troy dropped it on me and I used it to wipe his cum off of me, rubbing until I was sure that it was all gone and wishing I could go take a shower.

Troy was already dressed and sitting back on the couch, watching the movie again like nothing had happened. I picked up my own shirt from the floor and put it on before moving to sit in the far corner of the couch, away from Troy. He wasn’t having any of that though and pulled me close again, making me rest against his chest like before, only this time I didn’t feel comfortable.

A hand entwined in my hair and Troy let out a contempt sigh. “This is nice. Just you and me.” He said and I stared at the floor numbly. Troy’s hand moved to rub my lower back and I closed my eyes, forcing my body to relax. I had been with enough men to know that tenseness when touched wasn’t appreciated and often lead to pain.

I rested my head against his chest and tried to concentrate on the steady thumping of Troy’s heart. It was relaxing and I found myself getting comfortable against him again. Even his hand rubbing on my back was starting to feel nice and confused me big time. There was just something about Troy that made me feel safe.

Safe?

He just forced me to give him a hand job.

I frowned at myself and twisted my neck to look at Troy. He was watching the movie. He noticed me looking at him and smiled slightly while leaning down to kiss me. The kiss was gentle and when he pulled away again, I licked my lips tentatively. He tasted nice.

He didn’t really force me. I mean, it did feel good, until I panicked again and ruined everything. I bit my lip nervously and cursed at myself for being such a looser. Troy had just wanted to make me feel good and I had to ruin it. For once someone had cared how I felt and I just had to freak out and spoil everything.

I let out a low sigh and turned my eyes to the TV. The movie was almost finished and I had no clue what had happened in it.



When the movie ended, we lounged on the couch for a while until Troy yawned widely. I moved to get off of him and sat up carefully.

“Um… I think I should go. It’s.. It’s getting.. um, early.” I said and Troy nodded slightly.

“Hmm, it’s almost morning. Want to do something later? Ben is home all day but he goes to work again at six.”

“Um.. I.. I d-don’t know.”

“Oh.” Troy said, sounding disappointed and I looked up at him quickly.

“No! I.. I mean, I w-want to. It’s just.. I.. I d-don’t k-know if I c-can.”

“Oh, okay. Don’t worry baby. We’ll see tomorrow, okay?” Troy said and leaned in to kiss me. I kissed him back hesitantly and closed my eyes when Troy’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me close. We kissed until it was necessary to breath and I felt a deep blush cover my cheeks. I couldn’t believe how nice that had felt.

“You’re cute when you blush.” Troy grinned and brushed my hair out of my eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Come over when ever you can and we’ll go somewhere. I’ll be home all day.” He said and I nodded quickly. If dad would be gone for another day there would be no problem going out with Troy and I really wanted to go.

I got up from the couch and straightened my clothes quickly before heading for the door.

“Good night… or morning I guess.” Troy said to my back and my lips curved into a smile when I opened the door.

“Good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”




I went home and bounced around the apartment for a moment, feeling happier than in a long time. I had forgotten all about the need to shower and undressed until I was only wearing boxers and a T-shirt before curling up on my mattress and pulling the blanket over myself. I fell asleep with a smile on my face and slept soundly until late the next day.