One Step at a Time

It\'s not the fact that the site was down that bothered me, it\'s the fact the the upgrading didn\'t take place during that long hiatus of mine. Just another example of poor timing on my part. This chapter has been finished for over a month, I\'m just glad I can finally post it.

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It was a dead feeling. That was the only way Liz could describe it to herself. Just completely void of emotion inside her that seemed to sap her energy more every day. She had only cried once after catching Jake in the act with Linda, and then she was even able to hold it off until she got home and in bed where she cried herself to sleep. She told herself that she wasn’t going to cry over him after that and so far she was able to keep the promise to herself, though the constant reminders of him weren’t making it easy. It was amazing to her how many simple, stupid things would automatically cause Jake to spring back into her thoughts.

All she had planned on doing that night was returning the favor that he did for her. She knew he was working late that night like she had the week before and was going to surprise him by keeping him company. When she arrived there didn’t seem to be any sign of life when she peered inside, and still none when she tapped on the window. To her surprise the door was unlocked when she tried it and hesitantly wandered inside. The last thing she wanted was someone else working there instead and catching her sneaking in after hours. Carefully looking around for Jake, or anyone else, she spotted another door open and heard voices on the other side.

That’s when her whole world crashed down on her. When she took a look outside and saw the two of them embracing each other. For a moment she couldn’t move and leaned against the door for support and ended up drawing their attention. As soon as his eyes met hers she remembered how to use her legs and was gone. She had no idea how he never managed to catch up to her, or maybe he never bothered, she thought after she ran away a couple of blocks before finally resting at a bus stop around the corner.

She could only imagine what the things he tried to say to her afterwards were. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this, but…” or “I planned say something, but…” Really, she shouldn’t be very surprised, she thought. Who was she compared to someone like Linda. She had the looks, the confidence, their history… She should have known that someone that he felt so strongly for would be able rip him away just like that. She should have known everything was too good to be true.

“You know, if you never get off that couch you’re going to be like those people you see on TV that physically meld to it.” Heather commented as she came out from Liz’s bedroom after washing her face in the bathroom. As soon as she found out what happened she had taken it upon herself to look after her until she recovered, and told Will so he could kill Jake for her.

Liz’s only reply to that was a small grunt, a trait probably picked up from Jake. At the moment she would rather be there on the couch wasting away as she stared at the TV almost absentmindedly. Her thumb flying all around the remote control as she flipped through the channels looking for anything halfway decent to watch. Half a dozen court shows, soap operas, and teen paternity tests. It was disturbing that she couldn’t remember the last time there was something worth watching during the day. Finally she just stopped at the news and stared at the flashing cartoon suns on the weather forecast.

“Come on, Lizzie.” Heather started again, pushing Liz’s legs aside to make room for herself on the couch. “You have to get out and around again. Let’s do something tonight, just the two of us. We could go to the bar and reject advances.” She suggested with a comical tone.

“Just what I’d want to do when I don’t want to do anything, do something I wouldn’t normally do in the first place.” Liz mumbled into the couch cushion.

Heather blinked silently as she deciphered Liz’s reply. “You would make a good drunk.” She commented. “But seriously, you need to stay active to keep your mind off of things.”

“No I don’t.” Liz protested. “I’m fine.”

Heather let out what was probably the millionth sigh of aggravation since the beginning of this whole ordeal. “Well you have to at least do something, ANYTHING outside of this apartment other than work.”

Liz was surprised she even went to work; of course it did bring out an actress in her she never knew existed. Mr. Edwards would have interrogated her if he noticed anything below the norm and once he started she never would have been able to hide it from him. She would hold out as long as work lasted and then she would rush home and more or less do the exact thing she was doing now. Even eating wasn’t much of a concern and she was sure she must have lost weight from it.

“How about this,” Heather started again. “You get up, take a hot shower and get dressed. Then we go out, rent a couple movies, and get some food to bring back here. It would at least be a start and…”

She was quickly cut off by the phone ringing and looked over to it before returning back to Liz. “Don’t bother. I’ll get it.” She offered partly sarcastic. “Hello? No, this is Heather. Oh, hi.” She covered the mouthpiece with her hand and turned to Liz again. “It’s your mom. What do you want me to say?”

Liz rolled over on her back tiredly. “Just tell her I’m not feeling well.”

Heather nodded her head. “No, she’s just been under the weather the last few days.” She continued the conversation. “Yeah, I’ve been checking up on her. She’ll be fine.” Liz closed her eyes as Heather continued talking to her mom. Telling her parents about Jake wasn’t something she was looking forward to. Both of them liked him so much already and they saw how much Liz cared for him that it would kill them to know what he had done. She was grateful that her best friend was there, despite just wanting to be left alone. She didn’t think she would be able to lie to her mother like that. Well, it would more be a white lie, but a lie none-the-less.

“Okay, I will. Bye.” Heather hang up and turned her attention back to Liz. “Alright, up and at’em.” She said, moving over to the couch and taking Liz by the arms, attempting to pull her up.

Liz suddenly weighed a ton and wouldn’t allow herself to get up. “I don’t feel like it.”

“I know you don’t, but you can’t bum around forever.” When pulling on her arms didn’t seem to do anything she went around and planted her hands under her shoulders, lifting her up. “I’m not leaving you alone until you decided to live again.” Surprised that Liz was actually sitting up she back tracked to attempt to pull her up again, swinging her legs around so she was in a proper sitting position and pulling at her arms again.

After more protests and motivational words Liz had finally had enough of the redhead’s pestering. “Damn it, Heather. Stop!” She screeched and the words left them both in a slight state of shock. The amount of times Heather had seen Liz shout in anger could be counted on one hand, and the number of times she had snapped at her were never until now. Even cursing wasn’t usually Liz’s style.

Now Heather was always for a good argument, but given the situation she bit her tongue. She dropped her arms and threw her hands up in defeat. “Fine. Sit there. Let him get to you all you want.” With that she spun around and headed back into the bedroom for a break.

Liz immediately laid back down and closed her eyes. She wished she didn’t have to snap at her friend like that, but all she wanted was to be left alone and that was apparently the only thing that got the message through. She decided she would apologize for it later, but for now she would take advantage of the silence. Of course with silence came thinking and every thought was about Jake. Not that it was much different from when they were together, but now Linda was in the picture. She didn’t want to think about it, but couldn’t help it. She wondered how many times they saw each other after that night. If she ever stayed the night or if he made her breakfast if she did. She ended up running every scenario that they had shared, but replaced herself with Linda. Imagining that’s what it would probably be like for Jake for now on.

She apparently fell asleep for a while because the next thing she remembered was a knock on the door and noticing that a couple hours had passed on the clock. Since there was no answer right away Liz assumed Heather wasn’t there anymore, so she lazily got up to answer it herself. What was on the other side was the very last thing she needed, though. There, standing right in front of her, was Linda.

How DARE she, Liz fumed to herself. How dare she show up here after taking the only thing that mattered away from her. Especially looking the way she did, perfect as usual while Liz was worn with her hair a complete mess and wearing her frumpy flannel pajamas. And if she knew of the sleep lines that covered a part of her face she would have added them to the list as well. “What are you doing here?” She finally managed to ask. She wanted to sound forceful, but she knew instead that it sounded like the words had to be squeezed out of her throat.

Linda shifted uncomfortably before hesitantly meeting her eyes again. “I wanted to try and explain things to you.” She explained, her voice soft and distant.

“How did you know where I live? How did you even get up here?” Liz interrogated instead to recognizing Linda’s answer.

“I guess the door isn’t locking.” She started slowly. “And I looked you up in the phone book and…”

“I don’t want you here.” Liz cut her off solemnly, but gradually growing a backbone. If she can drive her best friend away certainly she can get rid of her. She sure as heck wasn’t going to stand there and let the fact that she didn’t have Jake anymore be shoved in her face.

Linda hesitated, but started to take a step forward only to have Liz attempt to close the door on her. “Please, you don’t understand what happened.” She said, blocking the door with her arm. “You have to let me explain.” She continued with an almost pleading tone.

“What’s going on?” Both girls jumped at the third voice that suddenly popped into the conversation. Heather came strolling out from the bedroom again rubbing sleep from her eyes. Apparently she hadn’t left and just fell asleep like Liz did. “Who is this?”

The two looked back at each other expecting the other to answer, and with a sigh Liz took it upon herself. “This is Linda.”

Heather’s eyes narrowed and cut straight through her. “Oh.” She said simply, but the venom in her voice was evident. Linda took a quick mental note to keep away from that one. She feared that she was living dangerously as it was showing up at Liz’s like this. “Do you want me to get rid of her?” Linda could only image what sense she meant that.

“She was just leaving.”

“I’m not leaving until you listen to me.” She retorted. “Please.”

Liz was silent for a moment before letting out a reluctant sigh. “Can you leave us alone for a minute?” She asked Heather. She looked back as if to ask if she was sure and was answered with a reassuring nod. Liz figured whatever she had to say would be amusing at best, and after she was done she would finally leave.

“Sure.” She spoke firmly. “I’ll think I’ll go get some fresh air.” Heather brushed by Linda to leave, sending out a tense vibe that almost made her shudder.

After she left Linda turned back to Liz. “You didn’t see what you think you did.” She started, not wasting any time.

“So you’re saying I didn’t see you kissing Jake?” Liz asked sarcastically.

“Um, well yes, but that’s the thing. I was kissing him.” She began to stammer a bit, but silenced herself enough to regain her thoughts. “What I mean… Jake had nothing to do with it.” Your lips were on his, he had SOMEHING to do with it, Liz thought bitterly and Linda could tell by the expression on her face that she wasn’t beginning to buy it. Linda finally let out a sigh of her own and looked down at the floor, slumping her shoulders. “He hasn’t spoken to me since that night.” She confessed, hoping that it would help start her explanation over again.

Liz didn’t know what came over her suddenly. She had so many comments on her mind to throw into the conversation that she didn’t know what to bite with first. “Why? Because he remembered the cruel thing you did to him after waltzing back into his life and barging in between us?”

Linda swallowed a nervous lump in her throat. “So you know about us…” Liz crossed her arms and nodded her head. “I know that was horrible to do and I’m sorry for it. That’s why I was there that night. Saying sorry. And if I had gotten the chance to tell him when I saw him the week before I wouldn’t even have…”

She was cut off by another question from Liz. “You were seeing him before?”

“Yeah, just…” Linda knew what was happening now. Jake apparently never told Liz about seeing her either time after the run in at the bookstore. “It was just one other time, and he brushed me off completely.” Her words were rapid, trying to spit them out as fast as she could to repair the situation.

“So before he kissed you, he was meeting you, his old girlfriend, behind my back…”

“Oh no…” Linda gasped to herself as she covered her mouth in disbelief. She couldn’t possibly imagine the situation becoming worse than it already was, but somehow she had managed to do so. Screwing up seemed to be her specialty this week. “Liz, please, don’t think that we…”

“I want you to go.” Liz interrupted softly. “Now.”

Linda blinked back the tears that were stinging her eyes and shook her head in protest. “I can’t let you go thinking the way you are. Jake couldn’t be more happier with you. You have to trust me on that.”

If he was so happy why was he sneaking around with you? Liz wondered to herself. If he was so happy why did he kiss you? If he was so happy… why didn’t he say anything? The next short moment was a blur as she was asking herself those questions. In that time she had moved forward and pushed Linda out of the way of the door and slammed it shut in her face. Proceeding to lower to the floor against the wall. Linda wasn’t finished trying to get her point through, though. “Liz, please. Liz…” She continued on, knocking on the door until she realized that she wasn’t going to respond and forced herself to leave in defeat.

Once it was silent again the tears that Liz had done so well to hold back over the past week trickled down her cheeks. There was another knock at the door, but a different voice called out just as Liz was about to hide herself in the bedroom. “Liz? Are you okay?” Completely forgetting that Heather was waiting around somewhere she opened the door to let her back in. As soon as she saw her friend trying to bite back sobs she rushed over to her and pulled her into a hug.

We never stood a chance, Liz told herself as she rested her head against Heather’s shoulder. The disastrous first date, Halloween, and ultimately the run in with Linda, there were signs all over that she just either didn’t see or ignored. Instead, feeding her idealistic ‘first and only love’ view of the two of them. What a fool she must have been.