Starting Over

Catherine woke up in the middle of the night, and looked over at Batey. His arm was protectively wrapped around her waist, his head on her pillow instead of his own. Thinking of everything that had happened and the things he had said to her earlier, Catherine rolled over to face him. Even though she was glad to be beside him, she still had lingering doubts. It had taken so much for her to trust anyone again after everything that had happened with Marcus, and even though she had accepted Batey’s apology sincerely, she still felt a little sad deep down inside.

Part of Catherine’s sadness stemmed from fear – fear that she was once again in love with someone who did not love her as much in return. Trying to shake those thoughts from her mind, she studied Batey’s peaceful face. Tears stung her eyes as she chastised herself. Batey had never done anything but love her for all that she was. Even though she was still annoyed that he had told Ben anything, and she knew she would be for a while, she also knew that he hadn’t done it with any malice. He would never hurt her intentionally. More than that, she knew he would do anything in his power to keep her from hurting.

Smiling a little at the thought, Catherine pressed her lips softly against Batey’s and slowly moved her body on top of his. She felt him stirring, kissing her softly, running his hands over her bare back. His eyes fluttered open and he gave her a smile. “Hey,” Catherine whispered, pushing some hair off his forehead.

“Hey,” he whispered back. And that was all they said before Catherine felt Batey wrap his arms around her tightly, pulling her mouth down to kiss him. His tongue traced her lips, moistening them. He pulled her bottom lip between his own, nibbling at it, as one hand traveled up Catherine’s spine and buried into her hair. Catherine’s lips parted invitingly, and Batey slid his tongue in her mouth to gently massage her tongue. At the same time, he slowly rolled her over onto her back so he was lying on top of her.

Breathlessly, Catherine gazed down as Batey’s mouth began moving over her body. He trailed kisses down her neck to her chest, taking her nipple between his lips and teasing it with the tip of his tongue. This was the part they had skipped over earlier; they had both been so relieved to be together, they had skipped any foreplay, wanting their bodies to be as close as possible as soon as possible. But now, in the dark room in the middle of the night, Batey and Catherine moved slowly and luxuriously.

Running his hand gently over her other breast, Batey teased Catherine’s nipple with his tongue until it was achingly hard and them moved is mouth over. He felt her slide her hands into his hair, and he relished in the feeling. He had been so afraid that he would never be able to hold her again, to delight in kissing her lips, tasting her skin, breathing in her scent… He wanted to savor each moment right now. As he listened to her moan softly, his mouth moved down over her stomach, leaving a faintly damp trail of kisses all over the soft skin. He shifted his body so that his lips could trail over her hips and to her thighs. He nuzzled her with his nose, nudging her thighs apart and not caring that he had come inside her earlier.

Letting out a shallow breath, Catherine closed her eyes. She could feel Batey’s lips moving over her, his tongue tasting her. She let out a low groan as he began sucking at her clit, and she jumped just a bit when she felt him sink two fingers inside her. His touches were perfect, but Catherine knew it wasn’t just because Batey was a good lover. He now knew her body, knew just how deep and fast his hand should move, how to torment her with excruciating pleasure by moistening her clit and gently blowing on it. Her body was aching now, and she wanted to feel Batey inside her.

Batey looked up towards Catherine and saw that her eyes were now open. She was silently beckoning him to move back up her body, and he slid his fingers out of her. His body was more than ready as climbed back on top of her, kissing her lips softly. He was incredibly turned on when Catherine began slowly and deliberately licking his lips, tasting herself on his mouth, and he needed no further encouragement. His body slipped easily into hers, and Catherine gasped softly as he filled her. Her hands ran over his back, kneading the muscles as Batey planted soft kisses all over her face. Finally, they began moving together. There was no feeling Batey savored more than the warmth and pressure that surrounded him with each deep stroke.

Catherine felt Batey’s mouth move to her neck, sucking softly. She was rocking her hips to meet his thrusts, which were slow and deep, and Catherine loved nothing more than to feel him completely inside her. They were taking their time now, and Catherine ran her hands through Batey’s hair, trying to concentrate on every sensation she was experiencing. His hair was like silk in her fingers, and his breath was hot on her neck. Catherine’ chest was pressed up against Batey’s, and she could feel her hard nipples scratching against him as their bodies slid against each other. He was sliding one hand over her side, from her breast, over her waistline, down her hip, along her thigh, and then back up. But mostly, Catherine could feel Batey inside her, her wetness and warmth welcoming each thrust, his body gently rubbing over her clit and sending chills down her spine.

The slow steady movements allowed Catherine and Batey to hold off their impending orgasms for a long time. They just held each other close, moving in synch, until a thin layer of sweat covered both their bodies. Finally, Batey heard Catherine make the low, guttural sound in her throat that usually let him know when she was about to reach her climax. He leaned up on his forearms, brushing her lips lightly with his, before he began increasing the speed of his movements. Catherine’s body rose to meet the deep, hard thrusts, and she closed her eyes let out a low moan as he felt her muscles contract around him. Batey had been holding off for so long that Catherine’s tightening, along with her heat and wetness, brought on his own orgasm almost immediately. His body clenched as he filled Catherine with his hot liquid, his cock thumping quietly inside her.

As their bodies both began to relax and settle down from the aftershocks of their intense orgasms, Batey looked down at Catherine’s face. He studied her hairline and the perfect arch of her eyebrows. He took in her long eyelashes and soft, flushed skin. Then he dropped his head down enough to kiss her full, warm lips. “That was amazing,” Batey whispered. “I’ve never felt anything like that.”

“Me either,” Catherine smiled at him, looking into Batey’s eyes.

“You know how very sorry I am, don’t you?” Batey’s expression changed to concern. “You know how much I love you?”

“I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” Catherine said softly. “But I may need you to keep reminding me how much you love me for a little while, okay?”

“Okay,” Batey grinned. “I promise.”

-----

Chloe finally returned Ben’s calls the next day. “I needed some time to myself,” she said softly. “To think.”

“Could we talk?” Ben’s voice sounded urgent. “Please? I can pick you up, and we can come back here, or go somewhere… anything you want. Please?”

“I don’t know, Ben,” Chloe sounded sad. “I don’t know if we should. I mean, I leave tomorrow, and even if I didn’t live three thousand miles away…”

“Chloe, I am the world’s biggest dick, and I don’t even deserve to know you,” Ben told her. “I know all that. But please, just talk to me. Please…”

Biting her fingernail, Chloe’s eyes were filling with tears. She knew she shouldn’t see Ben again. She knew that they were like oil and water, and that they always ended up fighting and saying hurtful things. She knew that she should just go home and try to start fresh.

“Chloe, I love you,” Ben finally whispered.

He had never said that to her before, not in those exact words. A year together, and Ben had never told Chloe he loved her. But he was saying it now…

“Okay,” Chloe said softly. “I’m at the Holiday Inn. I’ll be outside in twenty minutes.”

“Thank you,” the relief was apparent in Ben’s voice. “Thank you so much, Chloe.”

“Okay,” Chloe’s voice was nervous. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

-----

Catherine walked down the stairs in Batey’s house with her cheeks scarlet. She and Batey had both accidentally slept in, and by the time he had gone downstairs, his parents were awake. Therefore, they knew that Catherine and Batey had spent the night in the guest room together. “Morning,” she said softly to them in the kitchen, staring at the floor.

“Good morning, Catherine,” Batey’s mother smiled bemusedly at the girl. She had often thought that she was glad she had had two sons and no daughters. There seemed to be an automatic desire in mothers to protect their daughters from situations like sex that wasn’t as necessary with boys. Such as this morning, when her son’s sweet girlfriend looked mortified, but her son himself was cheerful and easygoing. “Would you like something to eat?” she asked, wanting to do something to ease Catherine’s embarrassment.

“No thanks,” Catherine finally raised her eyes a little. “I should actually get going.”

“I’ll drive you home,” Batey told her, and she nodded.

“Catherine,” Batey said as they began driving to her house. “I just want to apologize again for everything that happened.”

“I know you’re sorry,” Catherine gave him a small smile, but then a worried look passed over her face. “There’s still stuff I have to deal with, though. Emma’s the only person I spoke to about everything. There were a lot of other people that heard what Ben said…”

Nodding sadly, Batey kept glancing from the road to Catherine’s face. The flush and excitement that had been in her cheeks last night was gone, and she looked pale and scared. “Our friends are good people,” he said softly. “No one’s going to judge you. And you don’t have to explain everything to everyone, you know.”

“I know,” Catherine sighed. “But there are a few people I want to talk to. Like Alanna and James.”

“They both adore you, Cath,” Batey tried to convince her. “They would never think anything bad about you.”

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to deal with your brother, either,” Catherine told him. “I’m bound to run into him at your house and stuff. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to him…”

“When you are ready to see him, then you should just tell him the truth,” Batey was supportive. “Tell him he was a prick, and that what he did was fucked up. He felt awful when I spoke to him, but he should. He had no right to treat you like that.”

Nodding, Catherine appreciated Batey’s words, but she didn’t want to cause a rift between the brothers. Still, she was filled with anger and resentment towards Ben. She guessed she would deal with it when the time came.

When they arrived at Catherine’s house, Batey turned off the car. He looked over at Catherine and slid his hand under her hair to massage her neck. “Just to remind you,” he smiled gently at her. “I love you.”

Smiling back, Catherine nodded. “I love you, too,” she replied as she felt him draw her face towards him to give her a soft kiss. “I’ll call you later,” she said as she climbed out of the car. She wasn’t looking forward to seeing her parents. Even though she had told them that she was going to Batey’s the night before, she knew they weren’t going to be pleased that she had spent the night. Still, she didn’t care. It was worth it, she thought as she watched Batey’s car back out of the driveway and drive off.

Situations shifted so quickly, Catherine thought. She had felt so happy when she had first started dating Marcus, but that quickly shifted to feeling scared, sad and hurt. She had been glad to have a fresh start when she had moved here, but now all her past was out in the open. And her relationship with Batey continued to be a roller coaster ride every day. “At least things are never boring,” Catherine grumbled to herself as she opened the front door and prepared for the lecture she was sure to receive.

-----

“Do you want something to drink?” Ben asked Chloe nervously once they had gotten back to his apartment. “Coffee or soda or something?”

Sinking into the couch, Chloe just shook her head. She watched as Ben sat down beside her, his expression anxious. He was massaging his palm, a nervous habit Chloe had gotten accustomed to in the time they had known each other. “Ben, could you just tell me what you’re thinking?” She whispered, her eyes getting glassy. “This silence is killing me.”

Nodding, Ben looked into Chloe’s eyes. Finally finding his voice, he decided to speak from the heart. “I know how badly I fucked up the other night. And I know that it was far from the first time I’ve done something like that.” His voice was getting strained, but he tried to control it. “I… I have issues. Major issues I need to get over, like drinking and controlling my anger. But I love you, Chloe. I love you, and I’ll do anything I can in order to be with you. I’ll quit drinking entirely. I’ll taker anger management classes. Please, tell me what I can do to fix things between us.’

Tears had begun rolling over Chloe’s cheeks, and Ben reached over to touch her hand, hoping to soothe her. Instead, Chloe jumped a little at his touch and pulled her hand back. She stood up and began pacing the room, her arms crossed in front of her small frame. “Ben, I love you, too,” she said. As Ben started to smile, though, she rushed to continue. “And I think you should do those things – quit drinking, talk to someone about your anger. But you need to do it for you, not for me.” Sitting down across from him again, she looked sadly into his eyes. “I can’t be with you, Ben. Something inside you can’t get past the men I’ve been with. And I deserve better.” Getting choked up, Chloe forced herself to continue. “I can’t be with someone who will always look down at me at least a little bit.”

“But I don’t look down on you Chloe,” Ben begged her to believe him. “I know I’ve fucked up. And I know I’ve said hurtful things. But-”

“There’s not ‘but’, Ben,” Chloe cut him off sadly. “There are no ‘buts’ in love.”

Shaking his head, Ben felt like his heart was breaking in his chest. He looked at Chloe’s tearstained face, her expression miserable but determined. He didn’t know what to say, and to his shock, he realized tears were coming from his own eyes as well. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he had cried. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you,” he finally said, his tone showing that he wasn’t trying to win her back anymore; he was just telling the truth.

Standing up, Chloe was now sobbing openly. Ben stood up as well, and put his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. She was so tiny in his arms, he could rest his chin on the top of her head. “I’m going to miss you,” Chloe choked out as she cried into his chest.

“I’m going to miss you, too,” Ben murmured, holding her tightly to him. “And I hope that the next guy who comes along is smart enough to know what a great thing he’s got. Because you deserve the world, Chloe. You deserve everything your heart desires.”

-----

“Hey Alanna,” Catherine said nervously into the telephone later that night. “It’s Catherine.”

”Oh, Catherine, I’m so glad you called,” Alanna told her. “I was worried about you, but I didn’t want to call if you weren’t ready to talk.” The friendly and kind tone in Alanna’s voice instantly made Catherine relax.

“Thanks. So, some party the other night, huh?” Catherine tried to joke, but the words got caught in her throat.

Alanna seemed to be trying to figure out how to respond. “Catherine, you know that I’m your friend no matter what, right?” Her voice was reassuring. “James, too. Whatever Batey’s brother said… We don’t care, and we don’t need explanations.”

Tears of appreciation were filling Catherine’s eyes. Emma and Batey had been right; her friends did love her, and they weren’t judging her. “Thank you, Alanna,” she finally said. “Really. And I will talk to you about all this one day…”

“Whenever you want,” Alanna told her. “Or never, if that’s what you choose.”

Catherine was so grateful for Alanna’s words, and she felt so lucky to have made the friends she had made since she had moved there. Unlike her old friends, these people loved her unconditionally and supported her completely. “So,” Catherine said, wanting to change the topic of conversation. “I’m going to guess Ben’s little speech and my taking off probably weren’t very conducive to what you had planned with James, huh?”

Laughing good naturedly, Alanna agreed. “Yeah, we didn’t end up… you know.” Catherine could almost here the girl on the other end of the line blush. “But… yeah. Now it’s out in the open, and I’m very happy with my decision. And James was really sweet and supportive, and he said he wants to plan something special for, you know, my first time.”

Feeling a warmth building in her chest, Catherine smiled. “I’m really happy for you two,” she said honestly. “You are both so good for each other.”

“So are you and Batey,” Alanna interjected nervously. “Have you guys… have you made up?”

“Yeah, we have,” Catherine was glad to be able to say. “We’ve got some stuff to work through, but we’re good.”

“I am so glad to hear that,” Alanna sighed in relief. “You are like the übercouple. I think I would be devastated if you broke up.”

Laughing, Catherine felt much better than she had when she had first picked up the phone to call Alanna. “Thank you,” she replied. “I’m really glad that we’re friends.”

“Me, too,” Alanna answered. “And give me a call tomorrow. Maybe we can get together this week for coffee? I wouldn’t mind getting a little more advice from you…”

“I’d love to,” Catherine grinned. “Bye, Alanna.”

“Bye, Catherine.”

------

“Hey Ben,” Batey greeted his brother as he entered his townhouse. After having dinner and good conversation with his mother, he had decided to stop by. He glanced around the room. “Chloe never came back, huh?” he asked with some sympathy in his voice. He sat down next to Ben on the couch and too in the dejected look on his brother’s face.

Swirling the soda in the can he was holding, Ben didn’t raise his eyes. “She did, but she’s staying at Eddie’s tonight and he’s driving her to the airport tomorrow.”

“What happened?” Batey asked a little nervously. “You guys didn’t get in another fight, did you?”

Giving his brother a wry smile, Ben shook his head. “Nope,” he said. “No fighting, no yelling, no insults. Just a nice quiet ending.”

“I’m sorry,” Batey replied sincerely.

“Thanks,” Ben nodded his head. “But it was my own fault. She did the right thing; I don’t deserve her. But you know, it’s kind of weird. We actually broke up a year ago. I’ve been with other girls since then. I got discharged, and I moved across the country. But somehow… It just seems more final now.”

Batey sat silently for a moment. “Not to pour salt in a wound, but I couldn’t help but notice that you’re drinking a soda instead of a beer.”

Holding the can up, Ben smiled a little. “Yeah, I think I’m going to try the sober life for a while.” He looked over at his brother. “I’m not joining AA or anything, and I’m not saying that I’m never going to drink again… But I think I’ve done enough damage for now. To Chloe, to you, to Catherine, to myself…”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Catherine and I made up,” Batey rose his eyebrows, hoping to make his brother feel a little better.

Giving his a small grin, Ben nodded. “Thanks for telling me. That does make me feel a little better.”

The two brothers sat side by side for a long time after that, not saying anything. Batey just wanted Ben to know he wasn’t alone, and Ben appreciated Batey’s support.

-----

Batey and Catherine walked into his house laughing a few days later. They had just come back from going to a movie with Emma and John, and they had had a great time. It was still early, though, so Batey had asked Catherine in to hang out for a while.

As they entered the kitchen, Catherine froze. Sitting at the table across from Batey’s mother was Ben. He looked as shocked to see her as she was to see him. “Hey,” Ben forced out. “I just dropped by to borrow a couple DVDs. Mom said you guys were out…”

Sliding his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder supportively, Batey shrugged. “We were. We just thought we’d hang out a little longer.”

“Hi Mrs. Bates,” Catherine said nervously. She looked over at Batey, and seeing the support in his eyes, she gave him a small smile. “Ben, could I talk to you alone for a minute?”

Glancing over towards his brother, Ben looked back at Catherine. “Yeah,” he rose from the chair. “Sure.”

Sitting on the couch in the living room, Ben started. “Listen, Catherine, I appreciate you even speaking to me. First off, I am so sorry about-”

“Stop talking, Ben,” Catherine said. Her voice was controlled, but she was obviously having a hard time gathering the courage to say what she wanted to say. “Listen, I know that you’re sorry. And I know that you’re trying to change your life. But what you did to me was so unfair.” Catherine’s eyes were getting glassy, and Ben felt a stab of guilt in his chest. “But I love Andy more than anything in this world, and you’re his brother. So I am going to forgive you. I’m not going to hold a grudge, and I’m not going to avoid you.”

“I appreciate that Catherine,” Ben told her sincerely.

“However,” Catherine added. “I felt like, before all this happened, you and I were getting to be friends. Now, I don’t know if that will ever be possible.”

Nodding, Ben gave her a small smile. “You are really mature for your age,” Ben said admiringly. “And I think you are so good for my brother. But I also think you’re a very good person who I would like to be friends with, one day in the future. So for now, I’m just going to try to rebuild your trust, okay? One step at a time, no strings attached. Does that sound alright?”

Shrugging her shoulder and giving Ben a small smile, Catherine agreed. “Cash gifts might help to speed up the process,” she joked.

Laughing, Ben stood up. “I’ll try to remember that,” he told her. Catherine rose as well and followed Ben into the kitchen.

“Is everything okay?” Mrs. Bates asked nervously when they returned to the kitchen.

Glancing over at Ben and then at Batey, Catherine smiled. “Everything will be,” she said.

-----

“I feel like a bad person,” Alanna was sitting on Catherine’s bed the following Sunday afternoon.

“You are not a bad person,” Catherine replied, supportively reaching over and squeezing her hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Flopping onto her back, Alanna stared at the ceiling. “But James was so wonderful. He got a hotel; he got champagne; he got me roses. And I had to ruin everything by crying afterwards.”

“You got freaked out,” Catherine said gently. “You took a really big step last night. And from what you’re saying, James wasn’t mad.”

Turning her head to look at her friend, Alanna had a crestfallen expression on her face. “I know he wasn’t,” she said, sniffling. “That only made it worse. I mean, if he had gotten mad… Or if I had cried during, you know, from it hurting or something. But no, I had to act like an emotionally-stunted idiot.”

Lying down beside Alanna, Catherine gave her a smile. “You acted like someone who just took a big step in the most serious relationship you have ever been in. Listen, why do you think you cried, really?”

“I don’t know,” Alanna said softly. “I’m not sorry we did it. And it didn’t hurt very much. And being that close to James…” Alanna blushed before continuing. “Being that close to him was really nice. I guess… I guess I just felt vulnerable. Like there’s no turning back now. Like I can no longer deny how much control James has over my heart. And that’s scary.”

“Don’t you think it’s scary for him, too?” Catherine asked.

“He’s been with a lot of girls,” Alanna furrowed her eyebrow.

”Yeah, but he’s never been in love before,” Catherine reminded her.

Grinning a little, Alanna looked like she felt better. “I hadn’t thought of that.” She sat up and Catherine did the same. “Do you mind…?”

”Go,” Catherine smiled. “Go and see James. And, if you want my opinion, I think you should tell him what you told me. He’s probably so scared that he did something wrong.”

Standing up, Alanna nodded. “I will. Thanks, Catherine.”

Catherine rose and hugged Alanna. “I’m glad I could help.”