St.Luke's

A/N: READ THIS DAMN IT! Just so you know the song Ange Tombe belongs solely to me. The rest of the lyrics belong to country music singer, Faith Hill from her album Cry. Linkin Park, My December. WARNING: this chapter is a bit on the angst side. If you are offended just skip a couple of paragraphs. This chapter is really important.

Anna tugged on Alex’s arm “Lets just go.” she murmured.

“Yeah, go.” Aaron mocked. “Run away with my wife and fuck her good. Its going to be one of the last times you ever touch her.

“I’m not going to marry you.” Anna yelled at him.

Aaron shot her a death glare and chuckled when she backed away from him. He laughed harder when Alex stepped in front of her. “You are a fool Serrano.” he laughed harder.

“And why is that?”

“She’s pregnant.”

Anna froze in horror and stared at Aaron. “How did…”

“Please,” he laughed harder “you keep rubbing your stomach like that and the entire school will know the instant you walk into a room.”

Alex turned to her and she blushed. “Is it true?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Whose is it?”

“I don’t know.” she looked up to see him looking away from her. “I honestly don’t. I would tell you if I knew.”

“But you do know.” Aaron’s sick voice filtered through the air. Anna looked up at him pleadingly. “The baby is mine, just like your little tramp is.”

“Liar.” Anna lunged at him. “You’re lying. I hate you.” she found herself once again being held back by Alex. “I hate you.” she cried. “You’re lying.” she screamed and tried desperately to reach him and beat the smirk off of his smug face.

“You know I’m right.” his grin deepened. “Why don’t you just admit that I am right and that the baby is mine?”

“You’re lying.” she screamed again and turned and hugged Alex in desperation. “He’s lying.” She whispered frantically trying to make him believe. She clung to his shirt. “You have to believe me. I know the baby belongs to you.”

“I believe you.” he said stroking her hair and staring straight at Aaron.

“You would believe a tramp like her? How long have we known each other Serrano? Five? Six years? You’ve known her a whole what is it now? Four months? Who are you going to believe?” Aaron had to suppress a cackle when Alex stepped away from her.

“I don’t know what to believe.” he said.

“No.” she let go of his shirt. Her entire body shook and tears streamed down her raw cheeks. “I. . .I know that you believe me.” she fell to her knees and looked up through a tangle of her red hair. “Its inside of you to believe me. Tell me, did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” his eyes were icy, the warm chocolaty goodness had gone stone cold.

“Nothing.” she stood on shaky legs and faced James and Aaron. She didn’t look at Aaron though. “Thanks for helping me, but I have to go.” she ran from the room and from the school. She ran into the gardens and out onto the grounds. The sun was beginning to set and she screamed at the sky as soon as she was away from the school.

“What?” she yelled at the heavens “What do you want from me? You want my sanity? Take it. Take my sanity. Take all my soul. Take my blood and spill it out into this world. You want my life? Is that it? Take it. Take everything I have. Spare me my heart. Could you not spare my pride? My heart? What is it that you want?” she was screaming at the top of her lungs. “Is it because I hate? Here’s a hint so do others? What is it about me? What do you want?”

She spun in a circle and screamed again, loud, barbaric, and angry, she screamed. “Leave me my heart, my pride. Can you not understand? You of anyone should. I thought you would at least leave me one whom I could trust.” she scraped at the tears that never stopped falling.

She felt it sting as she scarped away the skin. Her cheeks began to bleed. She stared at her hands. They were covered in specks of blood and tears. “Is this it?” she whispered, still staring at her hand. She let her head fall back. Raising her hands to the sky she screamed again. “You want my bloody tears? Take them. While you’re at it take my pain. Take it all. You don’t get part of me without getting it all.”

She ran back inside and went to the cafeteria and grabbed a knife. The students and faculty stared after her. Wise was the first to run out of the hall after her. He was followed by the rest of the staff and most of the students. They found her screaming at the sky, her tears still came down into the self inflicted wounds on her face. The blood fell lightly with the tears making it appear as if she were crying blood.

“While your at it.” she had been screaming when the people crowded around her. “Take my sugary veins too.” she cut her wrist and watched in amazement as the blood seeped to the surface. She began to laugh “It doesn’t even hurt.” she turned to the crowd as if she had just noticed them. “It doesn’t even hurt.” she said. She took the knife and cut a line up to her elbow. She turned away from them. “Is this it?” she raised her hands to the sky again and the crowd held its breath. They watched the blood seep into the t-shirt she was wearing. It dripped from her arm and onto the ground.

“Move.” some one shouted through the crowd. “Get out of my way.” Alex emerged from the crowd in time to see her staring at the sky and screaming. “Anna.” he called out to her.

She looked over at him and tilted her head as if she didn’t even know him. “It doesn’t even hurt Alex. I can’t feel anything. Is it so bad? Being numb? Is it bad that I can’t feel for you?”

“No.” he said “It hurts that much more for me.”

“But now it doesn’t hurt.” she tried to explain to him. It was as if all her memories were stolen. “Am I supposed to care that it hurts you?” she sounded so innocent.

“Yes.” it hurt him worse than being kicked in the crotch to hear her ask if she should care. “Put the knife down, please?” he begged.

“This knife?” she asked and showed it to him. “No. Red is such a pretty color.” she paused and thought a moment “And besides,” she smiled evilly “ it looks good on me.” she bragged.

“I know.”

She took the knife and pressed it against her left palm. She watched him go from on the edge to twittering on the edge of running to her. She honestly couldn’t tell if she was supposed to care. “You see?” she asked. “You see.” she began to laugh “I can’t feel it. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t bring and pain. I can’t feel. Don’t you understand? It makes me better.” she held the knife to her throat. The world was beginning to swim and spin. “I can’t hurt, love, it makes me. . .” the world was swimming. She faltered. She saw the guy who had been talking to her run towards her.

“Stay the hell away from me.” she shouted swinging the knife at him, missing by a long shot. “You’ll hurt me.” she shouted. “You want to hurt me.” she cuddled the knife to her cheek and sliced another cut. “You won’t hurt me, will you Mr. Knife?” she asked the inanimate object. She cut another mark and smiled at it. “I think red is my color.” she said to the guy standing a few feet away. “I think red would look good on you.” she walked up to him and slapped him clear across the face. Her blood rested on his cheek, it seeped into his pores and sunk deeper into his soul.

Alex blinked at her. He felt his soul being stained, guilt, hurt, and most of all shame. He was disappointed in himself. “Annabelle,” he said softly his eyes had gathered their warmth. “Put the knife down, please?” he asked again.

The world was swirling before her eyes and she staggered. He reached out to catch her but she shoved his hand away. “You’re trying to confuse me.” she screamed staggering again, trying to get away from him. From all of the people that were watching her so intently. “You want me to go back. No. I don’t want to.” she shouted at them.

“But we want you back.” someone said.

“We want you to come back.” Alex said.

“Go away.” Anna tried to run away but staggered and fell again. “Go away.” she managed to pull herself up on her knees. She covered her ears and began to scream “No. I won’t go back. I don’t want the pain. Go away.” she rocked back and forth on her knees and closed her eyes. “Go away.”

Alex put his hand on her back and pulled her to him. “You remember me don’t you?” he cuddled her “Do you remember this?” he kissed her forehead.

“You?” she asked and the world, her world, went dark.

“Alex take her to the hospital wing.” the headmaster ordered.

Alex picked her up and ran all the way. He stayed with her when he wasn’t doing homework or in class for the next few weeks. She rarely woke, but when she did she was trying to force food down. It was that or she was clawing at her arms. The nurse had to constantly cut her nails so she couldn’t scratch them. Alex never left her side during the nights. He would tell her about the school year so far.

One night when Alex thought she was sleeping, he began to sing to her.

This is my December this is my time of the year
This is my December this is all so clear
This is my December this is my snow covered home
This is my December this is me alone
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something i missed
And I
Take back all the things i said to you
And I\'d..
Give it all away just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away to have someone to come home to
This is my December these are my snow covered trees
This is me pretending this is all I need
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something i missed
And I
Take back the things I said to make you feel that
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something i missed
And I
Take back all the things i said to you
And I\'d..
Give it all away just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away to have someone to come home to
This is my December this is my time of the year
This is my December this is all so clear
Give it all away just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away to have someone to come home to
Give it all away just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away to have someone to come home to

Anna’s eyes fluttered open and she watched him. She could feel his hands on hers. She wanted to take it back, she wanted to take everything in this school year back. From the moment she had been raped to this moment. ‘Can’t I start over?’ she thought ‘Can I take it back?’

He looked up and saw her eyes half open. “Annabelle?” he whispered.

“When did you turn into such a cry baby?” she asked weakly laughing a bit.

“Oh Annabelle.” he put his head down and cried. “I’m sorry.” he said, cuddling her hand. Her bandaged hand. He kissed it sweetly. “Don’t ever do that again. Never ever ever. I love you. No matter who and or what, I will always love you. You cant leave me. ”

He sounded like a child, but he didn’t care at that moment. She was going to be okay. She wasn’t repulsed by him. She wasn’t even upset anymore. She felt hollow though, empty and devoid of emotion. She hated it.

A week later she got out of the hospital wing. Much to her dismay she had missed Thanksgiving and the feast. Classes were weird but people were happy to have her back. There was the awkward silence after her name was called during roll. Most of the students and teachers were happy to have her back and about.

She wore long sleeves the entire time, to cover the bandages that were taped to her wrist and palm. Her face had healed completely in the few weeks. The winter ball was approaching now and so was her supposed wedding. There was going to be a talent show for the ball and all the spots were filled. Anna cursed herself for not getting a spot. She kept trying to get people to trade in a spot for her, but no one would hear of it. The final person of 20, was Imani.

“No way.” she said out loud to herself. “No way in hell.”

At dinner that night she found herself watching Imani and praying to have a reason to bring up the talent show and ‘casually’ ask about it. She couldn’t find any reason. Anna was tired of being chicken. She walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. “Look we got off on the wrong foot, but I was wondering if you could give up your talent show spot for me?”

Imani and her friends cackled and Anna shrugged and walked away, her head held high. The night of the ball came and everyone was getting ready. Anna had locked herself in the bathroom and stared at her reflection. The word ‘angel’ flashed through her mind.

Her brown suede pants brought a smile to her face. They were low slung and flared out like bells at the bottom. The top didn’t look half bad either. It was a white pheasant top with lace and sleeves that were sheer but it only came to her elbows. It, too, was cut in a low v in the front. She had made sure her make up was angelic, dark eyeliner and mascara complimented the light eye shadow and glitter. Her shoes were low white heels. She stared at her reflection.

She looked down at her wrist and sighed. It would remind her the entire night. “Well,” she said shrugging “this is as good as it gets.” she walked out of the bathroom to an empty bedroom. There was no surprise, the girls in her dorm had been avoiding her since she had come back.

She walked down to the dinning hall and watched the student body have a good time. She talked to a couple of people. Almost every one she knew had brought a date. She let them wander away and for a brief moment she wished she had asked Alex if he would accompany her. Anna unconsciously ran a hand over her stomach. She knew it wasn’t showing, but it seemed the entire school knew. She wished they didn’t. they would in the spring.

The talent show was full of dancers, comedians, fire twirlers, and singers. One of Anna’s friends did a monologue that almost made her cry. There were several okay bands that played ripped off songs of Metallica and one Third Eye Blind want-to-be. When Imani finally came on Anna was about to choke. She had had enough of bad entertainment. She went to get punch during the set that combined her dancing and singing ability. She was applauded and whistled at.

James, being the gracious host he was, came back up on the stage and said “Wasn’t she wonderful?” applause and cheers echoed endlessly off of the walls. “Now before we end tonight’s performances, we have one last minute entry.” the crowd murmured and looked around anxiously. “For your entertainment, please welcome Anna Vaughn, who will be singing and playing guitar for us.” applause echoed for her and a spotlight found her in the crowd. “Come on Miss Vaughn we don’t have all night.” James called again.

Anna floated to the stage, the spotlight followed her the entire way. She stepped onto the stage and took a seat on the stool that had been set in front of the microphone. She sat and adjusted the mic to her level. The feedback came back and hit the crowd, causing them to groan. “Sorry,” she said tightening the stand “I’m just a little nervous.” the crowd laughed a bit and then quieted. James handed her a guitar. “Thanks.” she said.

“Knock them dead.” he whispered.

“I guess I’ll play a song or two. The first one I want you to hear,” she strummed the guitar absently “is by a favorite artist of mine and I’m sure I played it during the Halloween dance but I think it fits now.” she strummed and the band backed her up. Her voice carried through the hall and landed like eight feet of snow on her audience. It gave everyone in the hall chills, whether they wanted to admit it or not.

This is the window to my heart
I just want you to be free
There ain\'t no freedom where we are
Ain\'t no wishes in these stars
Ain\'t no reason to believe

The audience howled at the beginning of the verse but quieted quickly as she continued to sing and play. The band joined in and played along, all the while Anna searched the hall for Alex’s face.

But don\'t worry baby, don\'t you worry
Maybe this is what we need
A little bruising, a little bleeding
Some space that we can breathe in
Some silence in between

She almost choked on the words but held her voice steady. ‘No more tears as of now.’ she thought and prayed. ‘My eyes are dry and there’s nothing left to cry.’ the line from her diary filled her mind, but she belted out the chorus and sang from somewhere so deep that not even the ocean could touch the bottom. Her soul came out in the song and she gave it her all.

So cry for me baby and I\'ll cry for you
And we\'ll both break down and we\'ll both break through
We\'ll find our way and we\'ll face the truth
And we both will be stronger
And we\'ll lie down in our loneliness
And wake up with our sad regrets
And even though we don\'t know it yet
We both will be stronger
We both will be stronger

She found him standing in the corner and watching her like a hawk. She couldn’t read his face, but she felt like dieing all over again. Her voice didn’t falter though, she kept an even tone and continued. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the song. The song that fit her life.

I can\'t believe you\'re really gone now
But I know its for the best
And I know that we weren\'t right
But I still reach for you each night
And man that hurts like hell

There were several lighters up in the air. Whistles and cheers echoed once again through out the hall. They were encouraging and raised her spirit just a bit, before she stared the next verse.

So cry for me baby and I\'ll cry for you
And we\'ll both break down and we\'ll both break through
We\'ll find our way and we\'ll face the truth
And we both will be stronger
And we\'ll lie down in our loneliness
And wake up with our sad regrets
And even though we don\'t know it yet
We both will be stronger
We both will be stronger

She had to look at him again. Her eyes found his and she could feel him wanting to run to her and hold her. She could hear the cheers and chants and whistles. The entire scene was as she had always thought it should be if she ever performed. Lighters guided back and forth among the crowd and she continued without a single tear.

So baby
So cry for me baby and I\'ll cry for you
And we\'ll both break down and we\'ll both break though
Find out where we can face the truth
We both will be stronger
And we\'ll lie down in out loneliness
And wake up with our sad sad regrets
And even though we don\'t know it yet
We both will be stronger
We both will be stronger

This is the window to my heart
I just want us to be free
Baby I\'m sorry for the way things are
Goodbye is always hard
And we both will be stronger...

As the music concluded she sighed and sank back on the chair. The crowd cheered for an oncore. Anna blushed three shades of red and let the music die out before she said anything. “This next song is my last for the night.” the crowd booed in unison, they wanted her to continue so they quieted. “Its not one that you will ever hear outside of tonight. Its called Ange Tombe, Fallen Angel. The one I wrote it for,” she paused and strummed the guitar again. “I hope he hears the meaning of it.”

Anger and despair
Where tears are often shed
A broken heart
And a broken home
From in which I fled
Can you hear the rain
Its falling
Voices crying
Darkness calling
Breaking silence
Shattered glass
Haunting never wanted
Past

Her voice rang husky and light through the hall and besides the guitar and her voice you could have heard a ghost come through the walls.

Fallen angel
Fallen angel
Kiss me one more time
Fallen angel
Fallen angel
Please say that you are mine

She wanted to find his eyes again, but she could not locate him. Her fingers never faltered and her words rang out in truth. She didn’t want to see him any more, she knew she would cry if she did.

Crying hating loving
Every one and thing
Wishing to be left to die
And hide my pathetic being
Deeper sinking
Darkness calling
Can you feel the rain
Its falling
Ever world
Nothing nowhere
As your life
Passes by

She was tempted to scan the crowd, but she was so close to being done. She wanted this to be over, maybe then she could go back to invisibility. She wanted to just dissappear. Why did she have to sing this song. It held to much for her. This was her song, her music, her voice singing all of the pain out. It was a moment that she wanted gone.

Fallen angel
Fallen angel
Kiss me one more time
Fallen angel
Fallen angel
Please say that you are mine

Her eyes locked on him, as he stood in the back staring at her. His eyes boring into hers. She almost choked on the final verse. ‘No.’ her brain commanded. ‘Not now, you’re too close to lose it. Keep it together one more verse.’


Fearing darkness
Shattered past
Life gone by
Peace at last
Hearing screaming
In the distance
Binding me
Strangling resistance
Voices crying
Darkness calling
Can you see the rain
Its falling
Clouds gather
Lightning flash
There’s no peace
That can last

‘Just the chorus now.’ her brain registered. ‘Just a little more. Only a few lines and then you’re done.’

Fallen angel
Fallen angel
Kiss me one more time
Fallen angel
Fallen angel
Please say that you are mine

She played the last few bars of the song beautifully. They were perfect. It was her song. It was her soul on display for the entire world to see. She didn’t know how she had done it or even why, but she had. And she had done it without crying. The crowd stood in awe of her for a few brief deafening seconds before roaring applause broke out.

“Thank you.” she said into the mic.

She climbed down the stairs. She was shaken from doing what she had. Singing in front of so many. She had never thought she would sing for anyone but James, and that had been just that one day. She turned when she heard her name.

“Anna.” Alex came to stand beside her. He pulled her in and kissed her. It was soft at first, sweet, like the first time they had kissed. It grew harder, more passionate. “I heard you sing. It was beautiful, you,” he said kissing her neck “are beautiful, I love you. No one can have you.”

“The baby,” she started

“Shh.” he said putting a finger to her lips “I don’t care if its mine or not. I will take him, or her, and be the best damn father in the world.” she smiled against his finger.

“Okay.” she kissed his finger. “Alex?”

“Did you mean it?”

He had to think before he realized that she meant the night in the hospital room. “Yes. Every word and syllable.”