Passion, Proof, Power

Passion, Proof, Power

Chapter 17



Beside the phone call from Logan, Sunday was a pretty regular day. I did my groceries, came back and played guitar.

Maybe I'd get a fucking break this time around, and would enjoy a more... normally-paced week.

As normal as normal can be when you have meetings with producers, managers, the odd fuck and a strong desire to forget about your ex-boyfriend, who just so happens to be your fuck buddy's fuck buddy.

On Monday, I drove downtown for the interview Ieva had scheduled for me. The location was a cafe, all nice and warm. The walk between my parking spot and the cafe felt cruelly long, and I was quite happy to get my freezing skinny ass inside, before the latter fell off. Sheer, dry cold; the kind that goes right to your bones.

Fuck you winter, fuck you.

I ordered a large caramel latte and a piece of chocolate cake, then settled at the back of the cafe by the fireplace. Fake fireplace or not, I didn't give a fuck, it was warm.

I scanned the various people who came and went. Hipsters with Apple products, students with piles and piles of sheets, two women in their fifties quietly sipping their beverages. A young and happy couple sat a few tables ahead of me, next to another couple; the men shook hands, the girls exchanged ever-so-French greeting kisses on the cheeks. So, so French.

The interviewer showed up just about ten minutes after I came in, a good fifteen minutes before the actual interview. A guy in his late twenties with bleached-blond hair straight from the eighties – they don't call it hair metal for no reason – with a black sports jacket and acid-washed jeans. I nodded in his direction and he walked to me, hand extended.

"Simon Tremblay, nice to meet you," he said, teeth clattering a little. Poor guy.

"Hi, Samuli Holopainen." I looked at him with a goofy smile. "Guess you knew that."

"Yeah, but it's nice to see I haven't screwed up. Do you mind if I take a few minutes to grab a drink too? I'm fucking cold."

I dismissed it with a wave and a smile. "Go ahead, take your time. I've got all afternoon, evening, and a good part of the night too." Really, I was in no hurry whatsoever, what with the cold outside. I even considered sleeping in this chair. This place is open twenty-four-seven, so why the fuck not? And it has coffee too, and food. I'm happy here.

"I'll make sure you're back early enough to get some sleep," Simon stated with a quick laugh. He pointed at his jacket. "Mind if I leave this here?"

"I'll keep watch."

"Thanks. I'll be right back."

I watched as he moved to the counter, then fished my cellphone from its pocket. He came back with a hot cocoa, or so I guessed, less than ten minutes after. He sat down in the chair next to mine. "What do you want me to call you?" he asked, his eyes set on mine. Nice shade of green.

I think I blushed. "Sammi's fine."

"Sammi, alright." He wrote it down on a notepad and shot a glance around. "I spoke with the manager while I was at the counter, he's agreed to keep other people from coming around. They'll be moving chairs and tables. Cameraman's on his way, he won't be long."

He marked a pause, then sat up straight in his chair. "If there's any topic you don't wanna talk about, feel free to tell me."

I had to think about it for a few seconds. "Well... since we're on the topic, my father passed away recently, and that's something I wanna avoid talking about, yeah." Better say it now and getting teary on video. Some people want that, but most don't.

"Sorry to hear that. My condolences," he offered as he jotted that down too. "Pretty sure you wanna take your mind off that, and that's fine."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." I did, I really did. Some interviewers don't listen.

"It's gonna be pretty casual. Just relax, be yourself, don't censor yourself. If it's too much, just tell us and we'll edit it out after," he also offered as he took a sip of his drink. "No pressure."

Simon lifted a hand in the air and rose from his seat. He waved at a guy in his thirties to join us – the cameraman, because obviously. "Sammi, this is Louis, our cameraman."

Frankly, the guy was a little intimidating. Kevin's built like a fireman – this guy could have been a bodyguard. His grip was firm as well. I like those grips. Those guys know their shit. "Hey Sammi, nice meeting you." He turned to Simon. "Where do you want the cam?"

"Wherever you get a decent image, bud."

Louis – which I later learned was not "Lewis" but the French version – took a few minutes to adjust his camera, another to order something as well, a couple more to do some quick tests... and we were ready to roll.

Simon turned to me and gave me another quick rundown. "I'm gonna introduce you in French, and we'll start in English after. Most people who watch our web TV speak English also, but French's the preferred language. You know a few words in French now, right?" he asked. A smile tugged at his lips.

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. I've been learning."

 

"Wow, great. I'll let you introduce yourself then. You can keep it short if you want, like telling them your name, the band you're in and where you guys are from. Short and simple."

He gave a sign to Louis, and the camera started running.

"All yours, Sammi."

Shit. How to introduce myself in French. Oh! Okay! I got it! I turned to the camera and gave my best smile. "My name is Samuli Holopainen, I'm the lead singer and guitarist of Sudenkyösky, and we're from Helsinki, Finland. Hello, Quebec!"

Okay, maybe I overdid it on the typical opening. Eh... I guess the important thing is: I tried.

"Hey everyone, today I'm with Samuli Holopainen from Sudenkyösky." He looked in my direction and nodded. "How's it going Sammi?"

"I'm fine, thanks. What about you?"

"I'm great! Thanks for taking time off your schedule to chat with us."

I smiled. "Not a problem; I've got some free time before the recording anyways. That's a better use of free time than sleeping."

Partial lie: nothing's better than sleeping, except perhaps playing music.

Maybe I should have done a "gay agenda" pun too. I'm gonna avoid it this time around because it might look like I'm pushing the issue... but when people mention the "gay agenda", I just wanna say something like "I'm scheduled to be gay tomorrow, and the day after... Ah, on Friday though, I'm straight from nine to ten a.m."

"How's Canada treating you?"

"So far so good. It's cold though, I mean, I was expecting it. But it's like trading a pile of snow for a bigger pile of snow."

Simon chuckled and nodded slowly. "I heard you were excited about working with Ryan Stevens. Did you get the chance to meet him before?"

"Before this recording?" I shook my head. "No. Two weeks ago, my manager finally introduced me to him. I'm excited. He's a respected figure, he's worked with some big bands and I think he can bring something to our sound. He's got a knack for keeping with bands'... spirit, you know? Like he's not gonna ask us to play like some other band or whatever. It's important for us, and that's partially why we've pushed hard to get him. But hey, it worked and I'm here on some sorta recon mission."

Else I'd be freezing my balls off in Finland, instead of freezing them on Canadian grounds.

"Looks like you're used to recon missions. You game a lot?"

I laughed. "Yeah. I've been playing games since I'm a kid, but it's more of a hobby than something I wanted to make a living out of. I'm just shit at first-person shooters, but that only stops me from going on the player versus player servers. Who cares if I suck when I play alone?"

"Your favorite?"

Tough one. I blinked. "Shooter? Borderlands. Or Portal. But if you meant in general... probably Chrono Trigger. It wasn't released in Europe for a while, but I was a naughty boy and went for emulators."

"What's the worst pick-up line you've been told?"

I snorted. Easy one. "'Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Easy-Bottom?' It left me completely speechless. I just stared at the guy and walked away. What the fuck do you reply to that, especially when you do bottom a lot?"

He laughed. I hope the listeners or viewers laugh too, else it might be one of the most uncomfortable thing to watch in the history of sex questions asked to the frontman of a heavy metal band.

"Speaking of which Josh Schillinger of Glitterface Monthly stated in response of your coming-out, that being openly gay will alienate your straight fans. Do you think your heterosexual fan base will have trouble connecting to a gay frontman?"

Glitterface Monthly? That's a real magazine? Well fuck... I shook my head. "I don't think so, but that's me, y'know? We're about the music. On stage and on record, everything else is secondary. I'm not there to be liked or hated, and people can feel however the hell they want about it. It's their right, and I'm not gonna deny them that. But if they don't like the music simply because of my sexual orientation, then come on social media or whatever to troll around... well they can go fuck themselves."

Yeah, Ieva's gonna kill me. Or maybe not. It's my job to provoke, right?

"Other openly gay men, the example coming to mind being Rob Halford from Judas Priest, said they even got death threats. Did that happen to you too?"

I looked towards the ceiling. "Yeah. It happens, but it's something you either need to boost your security about, or learn to put aside. They happen when bands release bad songs or have to cancel shows and so on. What are the odds that some guy from, let's say, Panama, will take a trip to assassinate some random dude because he's gay and sings for a band in fucking Finland? But when the threat's coming from closer, like the country you're in or other bands... time to find a bodyguard."

~

The interview lasted about half an hour. Decent time, considering they'll probably do some edits and leave some questions aside. I have a feeling they're not gonna cut out much though.

So once they were gone, I finished my beverage and headed back home.

~

French is such an odd language to me.

Learning a language, even when you have knowledge of two others, means you're losing basic everyday references. I'll take the days of the week, because that's what I'm learning right now.

Here's a fun one. Wednesday.

In Finnish, it's dead simple: keskiviiko. Literally, middle-week.

Until recently, I didn't know what "Wednesday" even meant. Kinda took it as "that one English word where the D, out of all the letters, is silent" and never really fully questioned it. Figures it comes from "Woden's day", or "Odin's day" in modern English. And I was a kid when I learned English, so... yeah. It's kinda just been there, accepted as a fact: Wednesday = keskiviiko.

But I'm a grown man now, a bored grown man at that, and I question more shit. So when I came across that "Wednesday" thing, or "Mercredi" in French... it just hit me: my two references of "midweek" and "that odd word, Odin's day" are gone. Instead, they brought Mercury out, because Latin.

So most of my Monday evening was spent in deep, deep reflection trying to make sense of all those different links and references in French, English and Finnish. I say Monday, but I should say "Lundi", the day of the moon. I think I learn better when I question these things, because it forces me to remember that they're different and it just... sticks better that way. Sometimes.

And yet, it reminds me that I'm in a somewhat alien world. I don't mean it in a bad way at all, but as in a world I'm not used to. With mechanics I'm trying to grasp still, and people whose daily references tell tales of ancient Italy and naval history and damn we humans are one weird species.

~

I fell asleep at the table.

I got my ass off my chair and I honestly don't even remember hitting the pillow.