Turn Around

Chapter Seventeen

I am a dreamer

Day twenty, Monday

 

My dream was good. Full of comforting kisses that verged on being lustful. I didn't know who I was kissing – dreams were always somewhat cryptic – but I knew it felt good.



Unfortunately, something was dragging me away from it all and back to waking reality. There was a hand on my stomach that was not my own... Where was I? Who was I sleeping with? What was going on?



When I opened my eyes I was greeted with Sam's wide awake face and he was smiling softly at me, kissing me on the nose when he realised I was awake. But I still didn't understand what was happening. When I felt something shift lower down my abdomen under the sheets I shuffled, frowning, opening my mouth to ask what the hell was about to happen in my pants. But he cut me off, shaking his head. And then fingers grazed over my groin and I flipped.



“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” I had my voice down at a whisper and I wasn't sure why. Maybe I was too sleepy still. Maybe I didn't want to wake Sem. Maybe I was in shock. I really think it was a mix of all three.



“I'm giving you a nice way to wake up.” What the hell?



“Get the fuck off of me right now.” I struggled a little but only backed into the edge of the sofa bed, running out of blankets, leaving myself on show since he'd yanked my boxers down to reveal my groin.



“Aw, come on. You know you like it. No one can go an entire year like this. It's not healthy. Let me help you out like you're so willing to let Sem. I'm better at it than he is and you know it, baby.”



Pushing him away slowly was all I could do. I didn't want him to get a good grip and yank away because that would hurt like a bitch. Yes, I was hard. Who wouldn't be after a fucking year?! But that wasn't the point. I didn't want to be. I didn't want him. I didn't want him touching me. I didn't want him anywhere near me. And it got me thinking: maybe he'd made everything up? The whole fancy job and alcohol story was just that?



“Were you really an alcoholic?”



“Yeah, baby. Of course. I'd never lie to you.” But his casual drawl didn't fill me with the trust and compassion his earlier story telling had. When he wouldn't let go I did the only thing that came to mind.



“SEM!”



Sam still didn't let go, shuffling close to me even as the bedroom door was opening. And then he backed off. Only when he saw Sem's face did he let go and quickly stand up out of the bed, leaving me struggling to cover myself. I was ashamed. But why? I hadn't done anything wrong.



“What the hell is going on here? It's six in the morning.” Sem wasn't pleased about being woken up by my yelling but I think I'd gotten the worse end.



“He was.. He was...” What word was I meant to use?



“He was what, Joonas?” When I looked over to Sam, I saw that he was looking sheepish but trying to remain innocent. He couldn't pull of angelic if his life depended on it.



“He was touching me!” The way the words fell out in a sob must have been enough for Sem to fill in the gaps and he nodded, stalking his way to Sam and grabbing him by the top of his arm.



“Get your shit together, get dressed, and then you're leaving. If you refuse then I will throw you out without your pants on.” As Sam silently worked on getting himself dressed as fast as possible, Sem hovered over him, leaving me to pull my knees to my chest, trying to work out if I'd somehow encouraged him. Yes, we'd kissed, but he should have known more than anyone how I was with things like that. It didn't mean anything. Not with him, anyway.



“Can I at least say I'm sorry to him?” Sam was being dragged to the door since he'd finished getting ready and I looked up at him, snuffling stupidly. I blamed the shock of it all.



“Is it pleasant?” They eyed eachother for a long moment before Sem shrugged.



“I'm sorry, Joonas... I just thought... You'd like it, I guess. I'll be back home if you want to contact me for anything.”



I knew by how long Sem took that he'd walked all the way downstairs and out into the car park with Sam, making sure he left. When I saw him coming back into the apartment I was still huddled up, hugging my knees, sat on the sofa bed. The place beside me where Sam had previously slept was still warm. We looked at each other for a long time and then he shrugged with a sigh.



“I don't know what I'm meant to do in this type of situation with you, Joonas. He was touching you when you hadn't asked him to and didn't want you. He...” He sighed again and shook his head.



“A hug would be nice.” So long as he didn't shove his hands down my pants.



He moved over to me, crashed down on his knees and before he could get his arms around me I was throwing myself at him, clinging onto him, basking in the warmth that came from bare skin on bare skin. I wouldn't claim I hated the fact that he was topless. It was lovely.



“I just don't understand why he did it... He seemed so normal before.. Like he'd been through crap but not like he was going to molest me in my sleep...”



“We had words, Joonas. Last night, when I got back from my date.” Ugh, I'd have to ask how that went later. “When I came back I saw that you were sleeping together. You'd either fallen to sleep on him or he'd moved you there and he was stroking your hair and kissing your face like you were long term lovers. I didn't like how he was treating you when you weren't aware of it.” I couldn't recall how exactly I'd fallen to sleep.



“I told him he had to treat you well to be in your life. If he didn't, I'd make his own life difficult. I explained to him how vulnerable I think you are and he laughed at me, telling me I knew nothing. He told me he knew you better than me. He threw the kiss you two shared before in my face, saying how he got the impression you wanted more-”



“No way. It was like any other kiss for relief is. He should know the difference even if it is a long time ago. They are very different. It just felt easier with him than normal because he knows my past and he has previous experience in helping me. I never expected him to take advantage and I never gave him the idea that I wanted more.”



“I know... I tried to tell him. He wouldn't listen. So I told him we would talk about it in the morning but I wanted him out of my home. Thankfully now he's going far away so you don't have to protect your bits from random hands anymore, okay?” I nodded into his chest and closed my eyes. We stayed there for a little while, until he kissed me on the head and began to move.



“Bed time.” But it was already getting light. “It's still early, Joonas, and I think you need some more rest and my bed is more comfortable than the sofa. You should know that.” I did.

We clambered into bed and I settled into his arms and for once he didn't turn the television on. In the hazy light, I saw him looking sleepy and took the chance to kiss him lightly on the cheek. A proper kiss...



“What was that for?”



“Thank you for looking after me and kicking him out, Sem. I don't know what I’d have done if you hadn't been here.”



“Yeah you do. You'd have called Walker and he'd have come to help you. You are never alone really.”



“But I'm glad it was you. You... Understand more than he does.”



“You still want to tell him about what we do, don't you? I can understand why but.. You're going to have to be damn careful or we could both lose our jobs depending on how you word things.”



“Don't worry about it. I won't do it yet. But yes, I want to.” I also wanted to learn to fly and clamber on top of Sem and kiss him until we had to get ready for work but neither of those things were going to happen. I doubted I was mentally sane enough to fly a plane and I didn't have the balls to start kissing Sem right then. Maybe it was shock getting to me.



I hadn't really thought about what Sem was mumbling about down the phone as I finally got dressed for work but once we were pulled up in the car park and I saw Walker stood waiting by the main doors I put two and two together. He'd called my best friend and told him I needed support? That was so sweet. And as I got out of the car and Walker moved to meet me half way my emotions flooded my senses, leaving me throwing myself into his arms and sobbing, right there in the car park, into his chest. Sem kept his distance and eventually I could hear him talking to someone on the phone, mentioning a meeting later in the day.



“Right then, guys.” He'd given us a good five minutes but couldn't risk us being late. “Time to get to work. You can message each other about the recent events that have upset Joonas but only for today. Don't make a habit out of it, alright?”



And we did. We messaged each other all morning about this and that. I explained to him about what had happened and he was shocked, of course, offering to let me stay with him yet again. It was kind, as always, and I brought up the idea that he could sleepover at Sem's with me before I got my own place and then maybe he would like to assist me with moving. I'd end up needing to buy so much crap. I didn't have any furniture over here, having sold everything big back home before leaving and I had no idea where to go for such things.



When I noticed that Sem had no one else in his office, I messaged him. I had to make sure he was okay with the idea of having Walker there.



Joonas: Would it be okay if Walker stayed over?



There was no reply for a long time so I tried to get back to work without letting it bother me but it did. It really did. What was he doing in there all by himself that meant he couldn't quickly reply to a yes or no question?



Sem: Tonight?

Joonas: Yeah. Is it okay? Or do you want more notice? I can rearrange...

Sem: Could you come into my office for a moment please?



What was going on?



I got up and shuffled to his office door, knocking, expecting his usual, grumpy 'enter'. Instead, I got him opening the door and leading me inside. I sat down in front of his desk and he took his seat, frowning at his computer screen, reading something.. But I couldn't see what.



“Got an email from my boss. Your apartment is going to be ready to move into in three days from now. One of the workmen is going to be bringing me the key later today but they would prefer it if you didn't go and look around until tomorrow at the earliest because something about.. They have made a lot of mess on the floors. Everything was covered in plastic while painting and such but I think they mean it's dusty and they've been eating there and so on. I have his promise that everything will be spotless by the time the three days is up.”



What was I meant to say to this? So much had happened since I'd arrived and it wasn't meant to. Everything was meant to be clean and fresh; a new start.



“Okay.. Mm, thanks? I guess. I don't really know what I'm meant to do until those three days are up. Maybe I should look for furniture.”



“It's entirely up to you. If you need to be taken somewhere then just say.”



He was acting odd. Almost cold. Had someone mentioned something? Had someone seen us?



“So... About tonight?” I knew I was pushing it but I really wanted to spend some time with Walker. I felt like I needed a friend and for some reason I didn't want to go running to Sem. It made me feel like a dick. Like I was using him.



“Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Is he bringing himself or are we taking him back when we leave?”



“Well actually he's working late because you gave him something important to do?” Sem gave a nod. “So I thought I'd wait with him until he's done. Then we'll go quickly to his place so he can pick up some stuff and we'll come back to yours. Is that okay?”



“It's fine.”



The afternoon ticked by oh so slowly and was full of chatter between me and Walker. He was excited about staying over with me and Sem, though he didn't mention the latter so much. There were so many questions being fired my way like did he need to bring any food with him and should we pick movies out on the way to surprise Sem or would that go down badly? I tried my best to answer everything that was asked and didn't really feel anxious about the evening ahead at all. When everyone around us left I closed down my computer, tidied my area and wandered to Walker's space, settling down in an extra chair. I was trying to be helpful and gave him guidance here and there but it was some special report I had no knowledge of.



“I'll see you later, boys.” I looked over the screens to see Sem locking his office door and heading down the stairs. He'd stayed later than he usually did when he was taking me home so did that mean I was always forcing him to stop earlier than he would have liked? Well, I suppose it didn't matter. In three days I'd be moving out. Wow. Freedom. Space. A space all of my own. Exciting.



“Right. Finally. Ready to go.” We headed down to the car park and I braced myself for a car ride with a new person.. But really, he was a very good driver. None of the talking through things like Sem, just calm, easy driving through rush hour. I wandered about through his apartment as he dashed from room to room, stuffing a load of things in a bag before offering me a choice of movies. I let him pick, not recognising a single one, and he just smiled.



“You really do live under a rock, eh?”



Did I? Was it normal for people to go out to the movies all the time?



Back in the car it was only a few minutes until we were parking in the visitor spot just like Sam had previously done. I didn't have my own keys so we were stood out ringing the buzzer and then Sem let us in. He was already sat at the dining table, tapping away on his laptop and I wondered if he needed some sort of break. Maybe a holiday?



“Hello Joonas, Walker. Make yourself at home. I thought we could miss cooking for one night and order in so there are take out menus in the kitchen. I got them out for you. Whatever you want to get is fine with me. I also got some more bedding out for the sofa bed.” He didn't even look up from the screen.



“Are you going to come and watch a movie with us at least? You can't work all night, Sem. You already left work late. We saw.” I waited by him as Walker got greeted by an extra loud Mighty Pug. He was good with the dog though, crouching down and tickling his belly before the mutt wanted to play a mini game of fetch with a tennis ball.



“Joonas, I really need to get some things done for people so I should work a bit longer but I saw you have more than one movie. If you're planning on making a night of it then there is plenty of time for me to join you a bit later. Just have a nice time with Walker, hm? And order some food. I'll take a break to eat with you when it comes.”



I shrugged and nodded. Whatever. I couldn't force him to by picking up his laptop and hurling it at a wall or, better yet, out of the window. He'd come and join us when he wanted. Checking on Kitty and finding her in the sink again, I rolled my eyes and helped set up the television for the first movie. Thankfully Walker had picked something light; a comedy. Comedies were good for everyone.



As the movie started, we browsed the menus on offer and picked out what we wanted, Walker making the call as I grabbed some extra pillows. We were slumped, sat together watching the movie when the buzzer went... And finally – thank fuck finally – Sem closed his laptop and got up to answer the door to get the pizza. Walker had ordered the largest one they did with a variety of toppings so that we could all share and though I felt a tad awkward, I didn't look at the idea as if people were insane. I could share my food with these people... After all, I'd been in both of their mouths already. What was there to lose?



“Can we eat here or do you want us to come over to the table?” Walker was holding the pizza box in both hands, wondering where to go but I didn't want to answer for Sem. It was his house, not mine.



“You can eat on the sofa so long as you keep your greasy fingers to yourselves and don't wipe them on my furniture. Would anyone like a drink to go with that?”



Soon enough Sem was wandering over with glasses and he settled down on my free side. For a while it was peaceful. Sure, there were odd moments when we reached for the same slice of pizza but it was good and the movie was good. Unfortunately Sem left straight after he'd eaten his third of the pizza and went back to his laptop, leaving me to shuffle closer to Walker. The movie ended and Walker got up to put another in and, just as it was about to start I looked over to see Sem shutting down the laptop and getting himself another drink. Maybe now he would finally come over?



I was in luck. He took up his previous position on my free side and we watched the movie as a three. It was another good one but seemed to go on forever and I found my eyes becoming heavy. Nestled between two warm, trustworthy bodies, I felt safe and comfortable. The first thing that alerted me to the fact that I'd probably dozed off momentarily was Sem's arm going around my shoulder. There was something warm on one side of my face and I realised it was Sem's chest. But it was dark and Walker didn't even seem to notice. I thought about giving up the battle to stay awake again when Sem spoke up.



“Anyone fancy ice cream? It's a bit warm in here, hm?” Well yeah, perhaps with me on you, Sem. Dumbass.



“Sure, sure. But I think someone is becoming a little too sleepy to eat.” Walker eyed me carefully as I sat myself up when Sem moved into the kitchen.



“Nah. I'm fine. Just... Sleepy.”



Ice cream bowls in hand, I added sprinkles and strawberry sauce to mine while Sem and Walker went for plain chocolate plus chocolate on top. I ended up falling asleep on Walker the next time, almost as soon as we'd finished our ice cream, and they only woke me when the movie was over and Sem was about to go to bed.



“Have a nice sleep, you two. And don't make mess if you're up early in the morning with breakfast, alright?” I watched as he moved towards the bedroom, the light being turned on showing just how much I was on top of Walker.



“Do you really think Joonas will be waking up very early in the morning with how tired he is right now?”



“No. But I feel like I still need to say it.” Sem finished up in the bathroom quickly before heading to the room we generally shared, closing the door behind him. Me and Walker shared our time in the bathroom, no longer really shy about things like brushing our teeth in front of each other. Both in only underwear, we headed back to the sofa bed and sorted out the bedding and pillows before settling down for the night.



“Goodnight, Joonas. If you are ever going to be ready to tell me what is really going on, let me know. I think you're confused but I'd like to hear it from you and then we can move on and come to some sort of understanding.”



I nodded in the darkness, blushing when he kissed me on the cheek. He fell to sleep facing away from me, keeping himself to himself like a gentleman, but I tossed and turned, sleep eluding me. Finally deciding to get up, I paced silently back and forth in front of Sem's bedroom door before slowly nudging it open just a little. I couldn't knock without waking people up, but when I entered the dark room, I found Sem to be far from asleep.



“Sem?” I whispered his name, wondering what he was doing moving about in bed when he should have been sleeping. I heard him swear before sit up to see who it was. When he saw me he flopped back down into the pillow and sighed heavily.



“I... I thought you were going to be sleeping in the living room with Walker, Joonas.” Had I done something wrong?



“I couldn't sleep. Why are you... Awake...?” I saw him bring his hands out from under the bedding at groin level and I began to realise what I'd really walked in on..



“Maybe you should go back to the living room and be with Walker...” Even in the darkness I could tell he was feeling awkward beyond belief with his tense tone of voice almost to the point where he sounded angry at me. I wouldn't have interrupted, had I known what he was doing. We needed some sort of tie on the door system. I stepped into the bedroom properly, closing the door so slowly behind me, praying it would creak and groan, snapping shut. “What are you doing, Joonas?” Not even I knew the answer to that question.



I moved around the edge of the bed, clambering in at the free side; the side that was now mine and he didn't even spread out to when I was meant to be sleeping elsewhere. It was a nice thought, warming my insides. Did he think about me when I wasn't around? Slipping my legs under the sheets I was amazed by how hot his side was when I accidentally brushed against him. He remained perfectly still, watching me with a confused expression as I got myself comfortable beside him.



“I didn't mean to interrupt...”



“I know... Just... Just go to sleep.” I watched as he wriggled, no doubt trying to ease the strain in his groin. In the weeks I'd spent with him, all but glued to his side, I'd never caught him doing anything and never even thought about it due to my own situation. But people weren't naturally like me. If he needed to wank, who was I to deny him that?



“No thanks.” I caught an almost enraged expression over his features as he turned to look at me but I was yanking on his arm furthest away from me, pulling him onto his side with just a little difficulty.



The first kiss to his cheek was clumsy. The first kiss on his lips was messy and I almost missed my target as he shuffled, trying to get his legs sorted in a comfortable position. A minute into the kiss and I was moaning softly against his lips from time to time, able to hear him as he became breathless. When his arm went around me as he deepened the kiss, tongue rolling over my own, I took a hold of his hand and moved it, directing it straight to his own groin so there was no way he would misunderstand.



“But you said no.” He pulled back and gave me the saddest, most broken hearted look I'd ever seen.



“I said no to you doing things to me. Not no to you doing things to yourself while I'm around.” Was this really the first time he'd touched himself since I'd shown up?



He thought about it in silence for a while before frowning. “You're just going to kiss me?”



I shrugged. Maybe. It wasn't like I'd planned all this out or anything. I'd been expecting him to be snoring!



“If you wanna stop or leave or something, just do what you need to do.” Even with his balls on fire, he was thoughtful.



I nodded just to get him to shut up and watched the blankets move as he took a hold of himself again, his movements slow and rhythmic. Up. Down. So damn slow.



“You going to actually kiss me like you said or just watch as if you're staring at jellyfish?” Jellyfish? He was comparing his dick to a jellyfish?



Whatever. I sank back into the kiss from earlier, eyes closing as he pushed against me, tongues brushing against each other and lips. For a short time we stayed that way, everything slow but our breathing. When he started to give small, shy grunts against my mouth I thought about my options. What if I shocked him and ruined the whole situation? Another breathy grunt as he roamed down my neck and I figured I didn't give a damn about the possible problems.



Getting him back to my mouth, I moved slowly, my fingers wrapping around his own lightly at first. The kiss was paused and he opened his eyes to look at me but soon closed them again as my fingertips ran over his sticky head, index finger stroking over his slit, making him swear and attack my mouth enough to make me feel winded.



“Joonas...” At least he was aware it was me and not daydreaming of his lady friend.



“Mm?” What was his problem now?



“... Coming...” Oh.



I deepened our kiss once more, nipping faintly at his bottom lip, making him groan. My hand moved in time with his own and when he came I let him take the lead, stopping all movement when he did, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable. Movement beneath the covers may have halted but he continued with the kiss for some time and eventually eased my hand away so he could put his over me, pulling me close.



“Eugh, now I'm sticky too.”



“I really.... Don't think that should have happened with your list of things you won't do with people that help you out intimately.” He sounded sleepy as I shrugged and accepted his messy hug. I would have needed far more than just a quick hug if I was prepared to allow my mind to wander into the dark wilderness that was 'what the fuck had I just done?', but for the time being I was easily calmed and happy to let sleep consume me.



“Later. Not now. Don't ruin a perfectly good sleeping time.” I heard him stifle a laugh, no doubt trying to keep quiet all of a sudden as he remembered we had company in the next room. “Do you not realise how loud you were just before? Lucky for you, I think he's sleeping. He was when I left him anyway and you weren't yelling at the top of your voice so we should be okay.”



“In that case, I'm going to take a little trip to the bathroom if that's alright?” Why wouldn't it be? “I mean... If you don't want something... In return....” Ah. I shook my head.



“I'm okay, thanks. Just don't expect me to be awake when you get back. Is it okay if I sleep in here?”



“Of course it is.” He kissed me on the forehead, stroking my cheek. “But at some point we're going to talk about what just happened and please remember that the guy in my living room is interested in you. It's not nice to lead people on-”



“I'm not leading him on. I told him I needed time to think about it.”



He shrugged, obviously not too happy about the situation, heading out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.



 

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Author notes: Reviews would be nice.

I can be found on Facebook at Alinna Words for update notices for all stories new and current.

Thank you to my beta, MissusAnn (fp).

Eroburn: No way in hell Sam is getting in Joonas' life now :D But Sam is likely to return... At some point. Bad Sam. Thanks for reviewing!

Lisa: Sam faked good intentions well, huh? For all we know Sam was cheating on Joonas with every other guy he came across. No one knows the exact number... Probably not even Sam himself. Dirty. Thank you for reviewing ^^