Through The Glass.

Author's Note: Updating because I'm bored right now and I'd love to see more reviews. 100 hits already! Amazing! But please let me know what you think as you drop on in?

Remember, if you feel like replying, making suggestions, asking questions, spot errors, need clarification or just want to say hello, do not hesitate to email me at ohxasphyxiationx@gmail.com. This email belongs to only you guys and I will check it every day and always respond back with your needs being my number one priority.

Remember, I write to please,
--ohxasphyxiationx.


------------------

Everyday that summer, I went to Matt's house right after breakfast. As soon as I got there, he would give me a big kiss, and we'd both get so heated that we'd easily end up in his bedroom. He always had two lines waiting for me. And after we'd both snorted our lines we'd pick up where we left off, and made love well into the night. It always lasted for hours and it never got boring. It never stopped feeling good. And I never knew that I had a problem. At least, not until it was too late.

My parents had always stressed how important it was for me to go to college. I'd already been accepted into the community college. Both of my parents had wished I'd chosen a more ambitious school. But Matt had gone to the same school, and he promised it'd be fine. That years tuition was paid. My life was already all set out; at least, that's how I saw it. I'd be able to keep seeing Matt, I'd go to school, get a good job, and it would all work out fine.

It was a few weeks before I started college. I wasn't all that nervous or excited; I just saw it as one more year of school. I went over to Matt's house and dropped my purse by the door. Now that I'd had my own set of keys, I felt as though we were getting ready to bring our relationship to the next level.

"Matt?" I called out loudly. He wasn't waiting in the living room like I'd expected him to be. Had he gone out? He hadn't mentioned anything when I'd called him a half hour ago. "Matt?" I called again.

"Over here," I heard him call seductively. I smiled and kicked off my shoes, nearly running to the bedroom. Matt was sitting up in bed, and I could tell he was completely naked under his sheets. I grinned.

I crawled along the bed till our faces met and I kissed him tenderly. "What a lovely surprise," I whispered, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it aside. He began to kiss my neck. Skilled hands ran across my body, caressing me gently and bringing me to a place only Matt had ever brought me. I turned to the bedside table and looked for his mirror and the lines of meth that I knew would be waiting for me. They weren't there.

Matt saw my attention to the missing meth and said, "I want to do this sober with you this time. Is that okay?" I nodded, and he picked up where he left off, lifting my hair away from my neck and kissing it tenderly. I tried to focus but I was too distracted. My body was in search of the only other thing that brought me pleasure, meth. I tried to get back into the moment. I touched him but my hands were trembling. My head was spinning and aching. I didn't say anything.

When Matt and I were finally finished, my entire body was shaking and trembling. He looked at me nervously and stood up, rushing to the drawer and quickly forming 4 large lines of meth. I snorted mine as quickly as I could. The shaking stopped almost immediately and my high came at me full force, feeling ten times better than I had ever remembered it feeling.
It was then that I realized it. This lifestyle, I was addicted to it. I was addicted to the sex. I was addicted to Matt. But those were two things that didn't terrify me as much as the fact that had taken me this long to realize. I was addicted to meth.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Matt?" I asked while we lay naked side by side under his covers.

"Hmm?" He asked sleepily as we prepared to call it a night. He pulled me closer to him, and I buried myself in his strong embrace.

"How do you know when you're addicted?" I looked up at him to find him looking down at me with tired eyes, not from sleepiness, but from a rough life full of the same questions I had, the same problems I'm having, and I wanted to cry and touch him and love him again and again.

His answer was so simple it almost scared me. "If you're asking me, it's because you already know you are," he responded. His eyes were so dark now, he looked so sad and broken and it was then that I realized I didn't really know very much about Matt.

"Why do you look that way?" I observed him carefully, trying to find the words to describe what I saw in him at that very moment. "So… distant and sad."

He stirred slightly, turning so he could look at me better. He let out a long sigh. "I've been addicted ever since I was a teenager. Not to meth, that was something I'd only tried once before you…" He searched his mind for the words to describe what he was going to say. "To different things. My favorite was cocaine."

I shuddered at the thought of my experience with that drug, wondering how he could possibly like it.

It was almost as though he read my mind because what he said next explained everything. "The feeling was horrible at first. But I was at a point in my life where I figured I couldn't feel any worse. My mother had died. I never knew my father. I was alone in the world."

My eyes began to water. I remembered very well the day that Matt's mother died. That was about 8 years ago, when I was nine. Matt was almost nineteen. He was at our house when the police came to the door. Matt's mother was in an accident. Her new boyfriend had been driving drunk and ran off the side of the road. She died instantly. Matt had screamed in pain and heartbreak when he had heard the news, and all I could do was cry.

Even then, my heart ached for him.

It reminded me of how much time there really was between us- almost a decade. I sighed as he continued to speak. "And at least, with the drugs and the cocaine, the horrible feeling somehow transformed into feeling good. I couldn't stop." I wanted to tell him to just stop speaking because I couldn't hear anymore. He was breaking my heart into little pieces.

"And then I met you, again, and it was almost like destiny. You had transformed from this little girl that I used to play tag with into this beautiful woman. And when I made you try cocaine, and I saw you suffer, I felt like a horrible person. Pain shouldn't ever feel good. And I never wanted to hurt anyone again, especially you. So I stopped. And now I want to spend forever feeling good with you, like we do now."

I was crying silently, and he ran his fingers through my hair, the way he always did. I was so in love with Matt that his pain was my pain. Hearing about his suffering hurt. It made me suffer.

He looked at me, a soft smile across his lips. "Can you promise me that?"

I looked up at him. "Promise you what?"

"That we'll stay together. And we'll always feel good together. Just you and I. What we have now is perfect." I looked at him and could see the sincerity in his eyes and could tell how genuine his words were from his smile.

But I couldn't see that what we had was not perfect. We were addicted to drugs. That was what helped us get through our lives and what made us feel good. Everything else that seemed perfect now could change. But I was blind to all of that.

I wiped at my tears and then looked up at him smiling. I stroked his cheek. "Of course, I promise." And when I went to sleep that night, I believed it would be true.