Because the Night

Chapter 17

I sat in stunned silence for quite some time after Dr. Dumbass, Idiot Lab Guy, and Nurse Regina left me to think over my options. I had so much information to assimilate. I felt overloaded, like I just couldn’t wrap my arms around this reality. Images kept flashing: a scalpel dragging across flesh; skin peeling backwards to reveal bone; a saw cutting a hole in the skull; gray matter exposed. Except instead of gray matter, I saw a gangrene lump, and it encompassed most of the tissue.

I hadn’t realized that I’d fallen asleep until I jerked awake, my heart pounding hard against my sternum. I fought to catch my breath.

A strong hand grasped mine.

“Ma chére, you are safe. Fear not. I am with you.”

A single tear slid down my cheek. I wanted to scream. I wanted to rail against the fates cruelty at serving me such horrible circumstances. Yet, I spoke no words. I did not trust myself to speak with tears of self pity. I could not bear to see pity in his eyes.

I reached one hand to where his stroked my face. I clutched his fingers and pulled them to my lips, pressing a quick kiss to his knuckles. I met his gaze with firm determination and pushed his hand away from me.

“You should go, Lisimba. Find someone who will be a whole person for you. I am too broken to be in your life, and it will only get worse.”

His hand tightened around mine. “Nothing here scares me, Cecilia. I am bound to you already. You are my mate. I have searched over two hundred years for you. Something so petty as this will not stand in my way.”

“Petty? I have a mass growing in my brain! There is nothing petty about that! My body is as defective as they come, and chances are that whatever this is could kill me. The only way to find out is to let them cut my head open and poke around. In my brain!”

Lisimba locked his gaze to mine. As emotional as I was, I could not block him. Serene calm encompassed me. His voice washed over me, relaxing every nerve ending until I felt like I floated in the open ocean. “Make no decision yet, Cecilia. Let me take you home, give you time to think. Please, my love, do not turn me away.”

Before I could answer, a knock drew our attention to the door. Gen stood patiently, waiting for permission to enter.

Lisimba nodded to her. “Enter, Genevieve. I will leave you two alone to speak for a while.” He pressed his lips to mine briefly. Then he turned and left the room.

Gen crossed the space, pulling the single chair to sit close to me. “I am so happy to see you awake, Cici. You scared the living shit out of me. I know you said it was possible, but I never thought I would actually see it. You seem to always have everything under control.”

I watched a tear slide down her cheek and had to swallow a lump in my throat before I could speak. “It’s much worse than just the Parkinson’s Disease, Gen.” Color drained from her face as I explained the situation to her. Before I could lose my nerve, I blurted, “So I need to put in for extended medical leave. I don’t know when, or even if I will be able to come back to work.”

Silence stretched between us until I could not bear much more. Finally she spoke. “So, that’s why Lisimba said what he did? You are trying to push him away? Girl, what am I going to do with you?”

I raised one eyebrow in confusion.

“That man loves you! He only left your side long enough to get food and shower, and that was only because the doctor ordered him to leave or be escorted off the property. I’m amazed he hasn’t had a fit since the doctors refuse to tell him anything about what’s going on. He didn’t even balk when those assholes wouldn’t look him in the eye. I would have gone berserk if I’d been in his position.”

In that moment, I wanted to tell Gen why Lisimba didn’t need to react, that he could read their minds, but I knew I could never betray him that way. I would carry his secret to my grave, which wouldn’t be long the way things were going.

And that’s when it hit me. After all that time, I’d finally found someone and let them get close to me, and now I wouldn’t live long enough for it to matter.

I threw my covers back and swung my legs off the bed. Gen’s eyes widened with shock.

“I have to leave,” I said. “I can’t stay here anymore.”

Gen stood, blocking my exit.

“Move out of my way, Gen.”

“No.”

Anger rose swiftly. “Move, now.” I spoke through gritted teeth.

She stepped closer, forcing me to retreat. “No. Whether you like it or not, you are staying here until the doctor releases you.”

“Gen,” I warned. Tears streamed down my face. I felt panic closing in on me. “I can’t do this. I can’t let him watch me die. I won’t let him watch me die. I’m not strong enough for this.” As if in self-fulfilling prophecy, my legs weakened. I reached for anything to keep me from falling. Gen’s arms closed around mr, holding me tight. “I just can’t bear it, Gen.”

My friend and boss held me until I’d cried myself empty. One hand caressed my hair; the other soothed my back. “Shh, Cici. It’s okay. Let it out, baby. You don’t have to be strong all the time.”

Between sniffles, I said, “Why can’t just one thing in my life be simple, Gen. Just one. I’m not asking for a lot. Just some sense of normalcy. I’m sick of being surrounded by doctors and pills, and I just want some quiet time in my life. Why, now that I’ve found a man I want to know, to spend time with… why now, Gen? Why me?”

Despite the nearness of our ages, in that moment while Gen held me, comforting me, it truly felt as if she were my mother. She carefully helped me back into bed, tucking the covers around me. Then she sat beside me on the mattress.

“Baby, if I knew anyway to take this suffering from you, I would—in a heartbeat.”

I snatched a tissue from the bedside stand, wiping my eyes and blowing my nose. I knew she was right; I needed to wait, take time to think through my options. It was all so overwhelming.

“Promise me, baby. Give the man a chance.”

I nodded, once again not trusting my voice to work after my emotional tantrum.

Gen reached for her purse, pulling out a small stack of papers. “I had a good idea that you would need time off to get this figured out. I brought the Family Medical Leave crap with me.”

I forced my eyes to focus on the black and white she held. She’d already filled in everything for me. While I scanned for accuracy, she retrieved a pen from her handbag. I found the signature line, scribbled my name and handed it all back.

Lisimba returned. Gen hugged me, shook his hand and left. My lover stepped close and took my hands in his strong ones.

“Ma petit, may I stay?”

I nodded. He turned to move the chair even closer.

“No,” I stopped him. He turned inquisitive eyes my way. “I want you to hold me.”

As the look of relief encompassed his face, I knew he’d honored me by not searching my thoughts. I laid the mattress level and curled on my side, making room for him. Lisimba took a moment to move my tubes and wires out of the way. Then he climbed in behind me and pulled me close to him. His body heat eased my tension.

“You’ve fed recently.”

“Yes, my love.”

I snuggled tightly against him, letting the comfort wash over every inch of me. I clutched him arms.

“I’m scared, Lisimba. The life I have may such, but it’s mine. And, I really want to keep it. I want to keep us.”

I felt his lips lightly caress my neck. “Will you let me help you, my love? Let me care for you? Please.”

I know I cried again. I nodded. “I still feel like I could make you leave, but I am selfish right now. For once in my life, I don’t want to live life alone.” I carefully maneuvered my apparatus until I faced him. “I need you, Lisimba. I’ve known you only a few weeks, and already, you have invaded my senses. I can’t imagine life without you, nor do I want to.”

His fingers brushed my cheek. He spoke softly. “Then, why did you try to send me away?”

I sniffled. “Because I know it’s cruel of me to put you in this position. You deserve a woman strong enough to handle everything life throws at her.”

“My beautiful Cecilia, you are all of those and more. You have strength most people only dream of. Most importantly, though, you are the only woman I want.”

His lips descended to mine, demanding, yet so gentle. He coaxed his tongue inside to dance with mine. For that moment, my troubles faded away. Little existed outside of our personal sphere.

Someone cleared their throat. Rather than startling apart, Lisimba ended the kiss slowly before we turned our attention to the interloper. Doctor Dumbass stood at the foot of the bed.

The condescension in his voice grated my nerves. “Sorry to interrupt, but we have many things to discuss, Miss Malcolm.”

I frowned. “I find that I don’t particularly care for your tone, doctor. If you have a problem with affection, perhaps I should request a new physician.”

He scribbled on the chart. “My tone is reflective of the situation. When I find my patient with someone’s tongue stuck down their throat in a public location, I tend to react. This is a hospital, not a brothel.”

I felt my face flush with feat. “And I am a patient, not a child. A legal adult with the right to make my own decisions. I have been unconscious for a week, and you’ve told me I could possibly have cancer. And you want to dig around in my brain. Excuse me if I gon’t give a damn about your comfort while I find my own in my boyfriend.”

I pushed the call button. Nurse Regina responded quickly. “You need something, doctor?”

“No,” I said. “I called you. Disconnect me from all of this crap. I’m leaving.”

The nurse stared wide-eyed at the doctor.

Doctor Dumbass furrowed his brow. “I have not released you yet.”

I kept my voice calm. “And I don’t care. I don’t require your permission to live what little might be left of my life, doctor. If this had happened a month ago, I would not have had reason enough to care whether I lived or died. But it didn’t, and I do. Yet, you have a problem with that. If I am going to receive treatment, it will be from a doctor working to keep me alive, not some bastard more involved with his god complex than with his patient’s needs.”

I turned my attention to the nurse. “You have the choice to either help me disconnect the apparatus, or I will do it myself. Either way, I am leaving, today.”

She nodded. “I have to get release forms from the desk before I can even turn anything off. I’ll be right back.”

Doctor Dumbass followed her out. His voice echoed into the room. “If you go along with this, Regina, I’ll have your job.”

“You do that, asshole. Go right ahead and try. I’m sure administration would be overjoyed when my attorney subpoenas your personnel file during the lawsuit.”

An indignant huff followed by sputtering signaled the idiot’s departure.

Nurse Regina returned. “You need to sign here and here and initial here, admitting that you are being released against the doctor’s advice.”

I borrowed her pen and quickly scribbled. As I handed it back to her, I sighed. “I do hope you don’t lose your job over this, Regina.”

She smiled. “Don’t you worry about that. By law, once you have stated you are leaving without consent, he has no legal rights to hold you hear. If I had refused to remove your IV’s and monitors, you could sue and that would cost me my job. That jerk doesn’t have a leg to stand on.”

She finished removing the IV’s and taped over the punctures. Then she handed me a sheet of paper. “This is a list of physicians. By law, I am not allowed to recommend Dr. Eliza Bentworth for a review of your charts. Nor can I suggest that you ask for new scans because our machines are not as detailed as they should be.” She smiled. “I’ll leave you to get dressed. Send your man out when you are ready. Even if you are leaving without release, I still have to cart you out in a chair.

I nodded. “Thanks.”

Lisimba gave her one of his panty-dropping smiles and handed her a card. “Should you ever choose to work as a personal nurse instead of a ward nurse, call that number. I will gladly help you find a position suitable to your nature.”

*~~~~~*