August

April 11

Phidias sat in his room, quietly fingering the message in his hands.
Delayed.
Overseas, Henrik had been delayed. Their wedding had been delayed. Everything had been delayed. Involuntarily, Phidias glanced over at the calendar on his vanity.
One month left. Not a lot of time for delays. He folded the paper and put it back in the envelope, noticing numbly that his hands were shaking.
The word played over in his mind: Delayed.

~:~

Adrian was back in class that Monday.
When Cadmus and the other boys returned from their morning history class, he was seated in one of the comfortable chairs by the window of their main room. The boys squealed and rushed over to him, but Adrian held out his hands to stop them.
"Careful," he warned, "Adrian's just had surgery. Adrian needs to be hugged gently."
they complied, all gathering around to squeeze him lightly and ask a million questions - where had he been? Why away so long? Was he getting married? Was he having a baby? What did his fiancé look like? He was having a baby, wasn't he? Where were they going to live? What were they going to name the baby??
Adrian furrowed his brow.
"What makes you think I'm having a baby?"
Robbie, the youngest boy in Adrian's class, shrugged.
"It wasn't that hard to figure out. You went away for a really long time. And you didn't tell anyone you were going. You said you just were gone for the weekend. And that's how it happens, right? When you get pregnant? You just go away for a while, and then when you come back you're pregnant. Oh, and plus you get married, but you're already getting married, Adrian." Robbie's eyes widened as he thought about this. "But I guess you better get married soon, so that everybody doesn't know that you had your baby first."
Adrian blinked at Robbie; unexpectedly, a wave of sympathy for the life of this small boy overtook him and he started to cry. Robbie looked mortified.
"I'm sorry, Adrian! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to - to - " he looked around searchingly at the other boys for help. "I didn't mean to make you cry. We won't tell anybody if you had your baby first, really, we won't. It doesn't matter."
Adrian managed to pick himself up enough to reach out and pull Robbie into a crushing hug.
"Thanks, Robbie. It's OK."
Bewildered, Robbie just nodded and hugged Adrian back.

~:~

Phidias decided that the best way to spend some time experimenting with himself would be away from his own room. He felt too vulnerable there; Caddy could walk in at any time, not to mention the parade of counselors and friends who always came knocking in the afternoons and evening. He needed to do this somewhere private, away from people. Phidias reflected; Henrik was out of town. Phidias decided on the bedroom at his house.

And so, while Caddy was at school, Phidias found himself asking for a note from the counselor to excuse him from his last class. Then he picked up a chaperone, called for Henrik's driver, and headed out to the estate.

~

Last week, Henrik had given Phidias and Caddy keys to the house and permission to enter at any time. The two had ended up spending most of the weekend together at the house, until Monday morning came, and Caddy went back to school. When the car had pulled around, Phidias had suggested that perhaps he should go back as well, but Henrik had just shrugged and smiled at him.
"You don't have to go, you know. Not if you don't want to."
Phidias had hesitated, because he didn't like missing his commitments, even if the lunch group wouldn't be mad, and even if it was only a bunch of classes that he didn't like anyway. Henrik, seeing his hesitation, had reached for his hand and squeezed it.
"OK. It's OK. We'll take you back."
"No," Phidias had said, looking back into those eyes of Henrik's that could be so mesmerizing. "No, I'll stay."

That night, while they were in bed together, Henrik had slipped one hand around to palm Phidias' cock through the thin material of his pajamas, and Phidias had had to school himself not to move, not to pull away, not to express his discomfort. But Henrik had read him, felt the muscles tense up, and had moved his hand to a more neutral location on Phidias' stomach, causing Phidias to release the breath he hadn't known he was holding. Henrik had squeezed him and kissed the back of his neck comfortingly, and Phidias had felt stupid and guilty.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean - "
Henrik had interrupted him.
"In time." he'd said. "In time."

Henrik had not pressed him after that. But Phidias was determined not to repeat the embarrassment.

~

Phidi hardly ever wore his glasses anymore, which meant that he had to squint to make out the street names as the fat black car made its way up the roads to Henrik's house. Phidias had determined a week ago, however, that he should learn how to get here on his own, just in case, and so he did his best to memorize each turn and landmark. On the last road, they slowed, and the driver turned into Henrik's driveway.

~:~

Sean had promised he'd come for lunch, and Adrian felt an absurd amount of excitement at that prospect. It had been weird, ever since he'd been back, and he felt weird for feeling weird. He'd been back and forth from Woodacre at least ten times since he'd left for the CEC, but this time had felt different. This time, it had felt more like leaving home.

Adrian turned his book over in his hands. "The Laws of Dothan" was inscribed in gold leaf on the black leather, written again directly beneath in Aramaic, French, Spanish, and Hebrew. Adrian traced his fingers over the sinuous curve of the ancient lettering. Ren had given him this book, a birthday present for the first year after he and Adrian's dad had been married. Adrian's name was in the corner, sans last name, of course - that would have to be added after he was married. It was impolite, by the customs of Dothan, to give a young carrier a gift that had his father's last name on it.

It had been the first gift he'd opened on the day he got back from the hospital. He had still felt weak, then, and walking was difficult because of the painkillers and the muscle relaxants, and so Ren had helped him into bed and stripped him, covering him only with a sheet. It had been cool in the house, Adrian remembered, but he hadn't felt cool enough to shiver. Then the men had come; the three elders of the council entered first, as they did with every new carrier, and Ren had lifted his sheet three times to show them. Then the carriers had come - the oldest matron and two virgins with him. Ren had shown them, too. Then the oldest carrier came forward felt for his seal; Adrian cringed to have strange fingers inside of him, but it was necessary, he knew, and so he held his breath and tried to be still and then it was over and Adrian was allowed to open his gifts.


"Reading?" Adrian startled at Sean's smooth voice. His fiancé was standing behind his chair, grinning. Adrian smiled back, and Sean moved around in front of him to take up the other seat at the lunch table. He reached out one finger and tilted the cover of the book slightly to read its title.
"Studying." he observed, correcting his original assessment. He looked at Adrian. "That's good. That'll help." Sean adjusted himself in his seat, trying to get comfortable in his stiff uniform. Adrian cocked his head to the side, only just noticing what his fiancé was wearing.
"Why so formal today?'
"I had a meeting this morning. And I meet with the council today."
Adrian paused with his soup spoon halfway to his mouth.
"Our council?" Sean nodded, his expression unreadable. Then he looked intently at Adrian. "How are you feeling?"
Adrian looked down at his lap.
"Fine. I'm fine. Doctor said everything went fine. I'm fine. Kiddo's fine."
Sean seemed to relax, then gave Adrian a wry grin.
"Don't get used to calling him Kiddo. It'd make an awful first name."
Adrian grinned, but Sean suddenly looked pensive, and his gaze fell on the book.
"Maybe we can name him out of there."
Adrian shrugged.
"Maybe."
"Why are you reading it, anyway?"
Adrian shrugged again, the same weird feeling biting at him, but he recognized it now.
"Homesick."
"For Woodacre?"
"For Dothan."
Sean raised an eyebrow and looked as if he were going to say something, but then didn't.
"What?" Adrian demanded. Sean shrugged. Adrian knew he was baiting, but he didn't care. "Tell me. What were you going to say?"
"I wasn't going to say anything, Adrian."
"You were obviously going to say something. Tell me."
Sean ignored him and looked towards the food counters, then moved as if he were going to get up and go for them. Irritation overcame Adrian like a wave. He reached out and grabbed Sean's wrist.
"Don't be an ass. Just sit down. Tell me."
Sean looked pointedly at his wrist.
"Let go of me."
Adrian scoffed.
"Tell me what you were going to say."
Sean cocked his head.
"Let. Go. Of. Me."
Adrian met his gaze head on, a sudden glee arising as he realized the position they were in.
"No. Sit. Down."
Sean's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward, his voice snarling.
"I swear to God, Adrian, if you don't let go of me, I will - "
"You'll what? Hit me? While I'm pregnant? Or drag me off to your bed and fuck me instead? Waste a perfectly good surgery that you had to pay for?"
Sean stared at Adrian with a look that was pure incredulity. Whether at his fiancée's gall or at his cleverness, Adrian wasn't sure. And furthermore, he didn't care. He jerked Sean's wrist, causing his fiancé to balance himself against the table.
"For the next week at least, you're not going to do anything. So. Sit. Down."

~:~

Aaron had come home for lunch again today. He came home for lunch every day now. They ate then went upstairs, into the bedroom. It was still difficult for Sheridan to let Soyinka touch him, but Aaron never pressed. They laid together, facing each other in bed in the bright afternoon light that shined into their shared room.
Suddenly, Soyinka spoke.
"Are you afraid of me?" Aaron was stroking the thigh of Sheridan's leg idly where he could reach it with one hand. Sher hesitated before he answered, debating whether or not to answer with how much of the truth.
"Not exactly."
"Do you love me?"
"No."
"Like?"
"Not yet." Aaron's stroking slowed and the silence between them continued for a few moments.
"Do you maybe want to try to do something, today?" Aaron Soyinka waited, and felt Sheridan shift anxiously, his feet bumping against Aaron's legs.
"I - I don't know."
Aaron reached forward and smoothed Sher's brow with his fingers.
"I would like it if maybe we did try something today. Would that be OK with you?" Sheridan looked up at his husband and tried to form a brave look.
"Maybe..." he turned over so that he faced away from him now, hoping Aaron would understand.
"You want to try what we did before?" Sheridan nodded, wanting to communicate with his body what he couldn't say with his words, and Aaron understood. The larger man kissed the back of Sheridan's neck gently before reaching for his own zipper. The sound made Sheridan tense up beside him, then try to cover the action by turning to offer a kiss. Aaron obliged him this, then kicked down his pants and dropped them on the floor by the bed. His shirt unbuttoned and followed, then undershirt and pants until he was completely naked, nestling into Sheridan's back.
"Now you." Sheridan shook his head.
"Uh-uh."
"Danny."
"No." it was more a plea than a declaration, and Aaron let it ride. He kissed Sheridan's back again, awkwardly working to slide his partner's pants down his legs. Aaron settled into place nestled against Sheridan's back, his already half-hard cock rubbing against the carrier's ass and thighs, and felt the other man tense again under his touch.
"Hush. It's OK. You like this, remember?" Aaron urged Sheridan's thighs together, and encouraged Sher to hold them tight. "Just like the Greeks, remember? No penetration. Just relax. We'll stop if you want." Sheridan nodded, then did three deep breaths in and tried to exhale slowly. Autumn, his group leader, had told him it might help him relax. He was kind of right. If nothing else, it gave him something to think about besides the fact that there was a strange man ready to faux-fuck him on the other side of the bed. Sheridan shut his eyes, and behind him, he heard rustling and then felt a wet slickness between his legs, followed by the strange jolting feeling of a slick cock thrusting insistently between his thighs. His own cock hardened a little and his vagina began to match the wetness from the lube as Aaron continued to thrust between his clenched legs, taking up a lazy pattern, lightly rubbing between his labia with every push. Aaron lingered there for a moment, his cock tantalizingly close to being inside of Sheridan. He thrust experimentally towards the warmth. Sheridan tensed.
"Aaron - "
"Shh. I'm sorry." Soyinka dropped his head down to Sheridan's shoulder and went back to his between-the-thighs thrust. But the safety of it was gone now, and hen Aaron finally came, with a deep groan and making a mess of them both, it was such a relief to Sheridan that all he wanted was to get up and get clean. He laid in bed instead; it was cause for punishment for a carrier to leave his husband's bed before explicitly allowed. But then Aaron released the tight hold he'd had on him, and Sheridan was at least allowed to pull away far enough to stretch his legs and find a comfortable, dry spot to sleep. He looked over at the clock, then at his husband. Aaron's eyes were still closed. Sheridan shook him gently.
"You gotta go. You're going to be late."
Aaron cracked one eye open and looked at the clock, then closed it again.
"Mmmm."
Sheridan shrugged. If Soyinka wanted to be late, he'd let him. A weird feeling was crawling in the pit of his stomach, anyway.
"Was - was that OK?" Aaron folded one massive arm behind his head and looked over at the carrier to his side.
"Quite nice, Danny. So nice."
Aaron smiled with a dazed look and reached down to finger a curl of Sheridan's hair. Sheridan stared at the bed.
"Sorry I lost the, um - "
Aaron interrupted him.
"It's OK, babe. It's fine. Come here." he opened his arms, and Sheridan nodded.
"OK."
Sher settled himself against Aaron Soyinka's chest, hearing so close to his own ear the heartbeat - the pounding boom boom of it going. So loud, it seemed like it would break through his chest. What if it did? Sheridan wondered what he would do then. Would he get another six months after he'd been widowed to find a husband? Or would it be the end for him? He thought of the stories, the rumors of what the CEC did...James had been right to hate him for wanting that. Aaron's heart continued to pound. Sheridan felt a sudden, overwhelming wash of fear go through him - how could one heart beat so hard? It would surely have to quit, have to wear itself out. And then it would - what? Leave him? Leave them both. Sheridan reached out and wrapped both arms around Aaron Soyinka, trying desperately to hold his heart in place.

~:~

At first, Phidias wasn't sure what to think about. In the past, he'd always focused on Emily when he'd felt a need like this. Emily's body, her lips, the way she arched her back when she rode him. But he didn't want Emily to be here for this. He rubbed his pair of fingers back and forth across his wet slit; the wetness seemed to be spreading, he noticed - by now his thighs felt a little sticky as well.

He'd been at this for twenty minutes, at least, but it seemed he'd reached some sort of plateau. It wasn't that touching himself felt painful - quite the opposite, in fact. It was soothing, in a weird way, arousing but not overly so, just enough to keep his body producing more wetness. Phidias pulled his fingers back up to his face and examined them closely. The consistency was thin, slippery, and did in fact seem to be mostly water. He sniffed it, and it had an acrid smell that he couldn't place at first, then recognized as vaguely reminding him of vinegar. He worried over that for a minute, but then assured himself that if something was wrong, the doctors would have caught it. Wouldn't they? He made a mental note to ask at his next appointment anyway.

He dragged his fingers on the sheet to clean them off - he'd have to wash these before he left - then returned to his self-exploratory exercises. He closed his eyes and practiced, as the counselor had told him, writing the alphabet twice. After the first time, though, he got terribly bored and began writing out the first line of his dissertation ethnography. He was almost on to the second line when he thought he heard footsteps on the stairs. Phidias' eyes flew open and he propped himself up on his elbows in the bed, waiting with bated breath. After a few minutes, the footsteps faded, obviously turning into some other room, and Phidias shamefacedly remembered that Mr. Paul was still in the house; hopefully the old man had moved on to some other area now. Phidias decided he'd better be quiet, just in case. He shifted the angle of his hips and began to write the alphabet again. Oh. That felt different. Not that bad different, either. Phidias wriggled his toes happily. This was going better than he'd expected it to. He arched his back to see if that changed things. It didn't, much. It seemed that now once he'd found his sweet spot, the pleasure was a little easier to hang on to. Phidias hmm'd to himself. Maybe the counselor had been right. Maybe it wouldn't be so awful if -
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
Henrik was standing in the doorway. The one that led into the bathroom. He must have come in through the other door - the main one was definitely locked. Phidias cursed the builders of a house with so many doors. Henrik was staring at him. Watching his hands. Phidias yanked the sheet over himself and blinked wildly at Henrik for a minute, heart pounding, chest heaving for breath, adrenaline prickling through his veins. Then he willfully closed his eyes and opened them again, hoping the horrible visage would be gone. It wasn't. Henrik was awfully persistent. His expression had shifted a little now, from the raw lust it had been at first to something tinged with amusement. Phidias began to roll to the side to get out of bed. Henrik's voice stopped him. It was rough with something - fatigue? Lust? Phidias wasn't sure.
"No. Don't get up."
he was loosening his tie now, dropping a wrinkled suit jacket on the chair by the door, and stepping forward into the room. He threw the tie over his shoulder and got to work unfastening his shirt. Phidias couldn't look at him; he shied away, his legs pulled up to protect himself, the sheet in a vice grip in his hands. He felt like his face was on fire. This was worse than all the ketchup stains, all the teasing, all the four-eyes insults he'd suffered in his life. This was absolute humiliation. Henrik was at the edge of the bed now, looking down at Phidias with a half-smile on his face.
"Don't stop what you are doing."
Henrik reached for the sheet. Phidias' eyes widened and he clung to it tighter. Henrik laughed.
"Let go, sweetling."
"No?" Phidias realized that he sounded like a frightened mouse, but had no power to change that right now. All his energy went into keeping his sheet. Henrik raised an eyebrow.
"Phidias. Let your husband see you."
Henrik was using his calming voice. Phidias ignored it and shook his head. Henrik took this as a challenge and leaned forward, putting one knee on the bed to get more leverage. Phidias was faced with the stark reality that this thin layer of protection could be removed from him at any moment. Thoughts began swirling around his head at a maddening pace. Suddenly, he blurted out,
"I'll bite your fingers off!"
Before he'd even finished saying it, Phidias' was already embarrassed. Fuck. So that must be where Caddy got it.
Henrik had paused in his sheet- stealing and was now giving Phidias the most curious look the carrier thought he'd ever been the subject of.
"Sorry." he mumbled, and Henrik gave him an amused smile in reply.
"It's fine."
"I wouldn't really bite you, I just - "
"It's OK. I know you won't. Just let go of this sheet for me, darling."
Phidias flicked his eyes down to his hands, then to Henrik's hands. Then he ducked his head so that his hair fell into his face and calmly let go.
Henrik smiled in satisfaction and threw the sheet to the side, far enough that it fell off the bed.
"Ah," he said. "My prize."
Phidias shivered under the hungry look Henrik was giving him. "Did you plan this for me, my darling? Did Paul tell you I was coming home?" he asked, trailing one hand over Phidias' hip. Phidi snapped his legs closed involuntarily in response. Henrik calmly looked him in the eyes, put one hand in between Phidias' legs, and opened them again. Phidias tried to close them, feeling most self-conscious about being on display like this, especially after what he'd been doing; his thighs still felt sticky-wet. Henrik's voice changed tone, firmness and a little command seeping in.
"No, keep them this way."
There was also a growl underneath the words, and Phidias felt a little shiver - of what, he wasn't sure - furrow up his spine.
Henrik raised himself up onto his knees, his shirt opening wildly in all directions. For a moment, Phidias was struck by his handsomeness - strong muscles, cut jaw, an image of virile masculinity. Out of habit, Phidias picked through these thoughts, examining each one for its evolutionary advantage. Broad shoulders meant strength, and a strong mate meant -
Oh fuck again.
Henrik had dropped down, with all the grace of an athlete, and quietly swallowed his cock, simultaneously slipping one finger into his wet, pink entrance. Phidias thought his eyes were going to cross.

After Henrik had taken his pleasure for himself, handling his cock to completion before cumming across Phidias' stomach, the two of them had laid beside each other on their backs in the bed.
"Hmm." Henrik said, smiling in self-satisfaction, "I seem to have developed a taste for making you happy."
Phidias laughed at his fiancé's stupid joke.
"Well, perhaps you could find a way to keep me like that."
The light in Henrik's eyes changed ever so slightly.
"Yes," he agreed, "maybe I could."
Suddenly uncomfortable, Phidias looked away.
"So how was Qatar?"
Henrik stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes.
"A world away." he seemed to clear his mind. "It was nice. Hot. Dry. You wouldn't like it."
he turned over to push some of the strands of loose hair out of Phidias' face. Phidias wrinkled his nose.
"I might. I liked the Pacific."
"That's wet. This is dry."
"They've got beaches, don't they?"
Henrik didn't answer, too engrossed in the smoothness of Phidias' skin.
"You got back early. You didn't get delayed after all. Did you get much work done?"
Henrik took his hand away, turning back to the ceiling.
"Yes. Enough to last us through a wedding and such."
Phidias felt a relief he hadn't known he needed. They were still on. Henrik smiled and turned, reaching for Phidias' hand.
"You didn't think I had forgotten, did you? Or perhaps that I had left you?"
Phidias shrugged. It was scary sometimes, how close Henrik came to voicing his real thoughts.
"I just - I was worried."
Henrik turned his head back towards the ceiling.
"I will not leave you, Phidias. I promise I won't."

~:~