Take Me From This Pain, Brian's story

\"Well?\" Brian prodded gently.

Kevin appeared flustered and annoyed, but Jason stayed calm. While he waited he studied his brother intently. Kevin had grown his dark blonde hair longer, and it suited him well. The natural wave he\'d had straightened out and the style framed his delicate face perfectly. His silvery eyes shone with a new confidence, too. Brian knew Jason had something to do with that, a fact that scored him a couple of points in Brian\'s eyes. Still, this was his little brother they were talking about here. He\'d been protecting him for far to long to just leave his heart to fate. He had to know exactly what was going on between the two, and whether Jason was serious for the long haul. After all, they were only 17 years old, an age where settling down wasn\'t known to be a popular pastime.

Filled with a sudden resolve, apparently, Kevin looked up and directly at Brian. He seemed to be steeling himself for an argument, though Brian couldn\'t understand why. He\'d never given his brother reason to believe that he couldn\'t tell him absolutely anything in the world. Brian decided to wait and see what Kevin would say.

\"Brian, don\'t get mad,\" Kevin began slowly.

\"Why would I be mad?\"

Matt watched quietly from Brian\'s side. He could deduce what was bothering Kevin and he empathized with him. He knew the small blonde wouldn\'t welcome his input though, so he wisely decided to keep his thoughts to himself. Locking to the small boy\'s side he locked eyes with Jason and gave him a small reassuring smile. Jay smiled back gratefully. If nothing else, Matt knew he and the dark haired boy had become friends, and Matt could see that Jason was a little worried, too. Kevin may have a more independent attitude than Brian but there was no question that the older brother\'s opinion carried a lot of weight with him. Matt knew that neither of the two needed to worry, though. Brian would do anything to ensure Kevin\'s happiness, and if Jason made him happy and was serious about the relationship, Brian would never stand in their way.

\"It\'s just,\" Kevin sighed. \"It\'s just that you and I never discussed this before and I don\'t know how you\'ll react.\"

\"React to?\"

Matt smiled inwardly. He knew Brian was teasing Kevin on purpose.

\"React to me dating Jason,\" Kevin finally huffed. \"Man, why do you always DO that to me? You pick and you pull until I can\'t take it anymore!\"

\"How else do you expect me to get anything out of you?\" Brian shot back in uncharacteristic annoyance. \"I\'ve suspected something was going on for months, but every time I try to ask about it, you change the subject. Yet, every time you thought you heard me hedging, you jumped all over me. This double standard is pretty annoying, Kev.\"

Matt smiled smugly behind Brian\'s shoulder. He could read Kevin like a book, and the expressions crossing over his small, elf-like face were priceless. Kevin was only now realizing the small changes that had been taking place in his brother. He wasn\'t an idiot and knew Kevin was going to try to convince Brian to leave him. It was one of the reasons this trip worried him. But now Matt could see that Brian wouldn\'t be easily moved by his brother\'s arguments. He knew Brian hadn\'t wanted to believe that he loved him but he did. And Matt would do anything to prove that love to him, but if Brian were to choose to leave him, Matt wouldn\'t be able to stop him. And yet, there were a few times over the last two days where Brian looked at him so intently, Matt knew he was hoping the jock was serious. And Matt was serious. Brian would eventually see that, too.

\"Um . . .\" Kevin seemed to be at a loss for words, something Matt had never seen before.

\"HOW COULD YOU KEEP THAT FROM ME?\" Brian exploded. \"We\'ve never kept anything from each other before! How could you think I\'d ever hold that against you?\"

The small blonde\'s outburst startled everyone in the room, including Matt, who shrank back for a second before recovering with a smile. He saw that Jason was trying unsuccessfully to hide a smile of his own. Brian\'s brother seemed to look at him with apprehension.

\"I . . . um I\'m sorry,\" Kevin stammered.

\"About keeping this from me?\" Brian seethed. \"You SHOULD be!\"

\"Hey, you kept what happened between you and Gary from me all weekend!\" Kevin retorted. \"How do you think I feel about that?\"

But Brian wasn\'t having any of that. \"All weekend until I got here to tell you face to face and show you that I\'m fine! I would have told you over the phone if I wasn\'t coming to see you.\"

Kevin sulked after the exchange.

\"Um, are you unhappy about us?\" Jason asked Brian carefully.

The small blonde turned to him, apparently sufficiently satisfied with Kevin\'s embarrassment. He gave Jason an assessing glance and suddenly the dark haired boy question the wisdom of drawing attention to himself.

\"You\'re not playing him, are you?\" Brian finally hissed.

\"No! I love him!\"

Well, Brian could tell from the fierce look in Jason\'s dark eyes that he was dead serious about Kevin. He thought that was the case anyway. Why else would the tall dark haired teen be so determined to save Brian\'s brother. Kevin smiled triumphantly at him and Brian couldn\'t help but want to torture him a little more.

\"Well, I can see he loves you,\" he replied to Jason.

Kevin\'s face reddened and Brian knew he felt like a girl asking her father for permission to date, so he smirked back teasingly. Even though he knew Kevin would be more determined than ever to repay that kindness to Brian should the occasion ever present itself. Oh well.

\"I\'m fine with you two,\" he finally said. \"I know you\'ve both had a lot of time together and I can see that Jason takes you very seriously, which is all I wanted for you.\"

Kevin smiled at him gratefully and Jason looked immensely relieved.

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Brian and Matt got ready for bed in silence later that night. The small blonde was running through the day\'s events in his head. Maybe he was over thinking things again. While he was happy for Kevin, he couldn\'t help but feel a little envious. Yeah, Matt said he loved him, but Brian couldn\'t quite believe he was lovable at all. How could he be? He\'d spent the last two and a half years letting his stepfather rape him. No matter the circumstances behind it, it came down to that. He\'d stopped fighting back and let it happen. What kind of a sick person stops fighting that? He noticed Matt\'s quizzical gaze and quickly finished putting on his sweats for bed then climbed in beside the jock and switched off the light.

\"Bri?\" Brian didn\'t answer, afraid that the tears would fall if he did.

\"Brian, what\'s wrong?\" Matt was becoming alarmed. He didn\'t like the look on Brian\'s face just before they got into bed and was determined to get to the bottom of it.

\"Nothing,\" Brian sniffed.

Matt turned the small blonde over to face him and pulled Brian close to him, his small body still fitting perfectly into Matt\'s.

\"Tell me what you were just thinking,\" the taller boy demanded quietly.

\"No.\"

\"Why not?\"

Matt gave in to his urge and lightly pressed his lips against Brian\'s. The smaller boy gasped and pulled back, but not far enough. Matt captured Brian\'s lower lip between his teeth and slowly nibbled.

\"Matt!\"

\"Tell me what\'s wrong.\"

Brian sighed and pulled a little further back, glaring at Matt who seemed unfazed. He knew from experience that Matt wasn\'t letting this go.

\"I\'m happy for them, really I am,\" he began.

\"But?\" Matt prompted.

\"But maybe I\'m a little jealous.\"

Matt smiled when Brian bent his head to look down. He\'d been hoping for that, too. If Brian had these feelings, maybe he would be ready to start a relationship sooner rather than later. He made sure to drop the smile when Brian looked up, though. He didn\'t want to piss the kid off.

\"Why?\" Matt coaxed gently, pecking Brian\'s cheek with another kiss. \"There\'s no need to feel jealous of them.\"

\"Matt, don\'t.\"

\"What\'s really bugging you, Bri?\"

\"Matt . . .\"

\"No, don\'t \'Matt\' me,\" Matt replied. \"No avoiding me. You were pissed when Kevin did it to you and you\'re not doing it to me. I want to know right now what\'s bothering you.\"

\"But . . .\"

\"Brian.\"

\"Okay,\" the small blonde boy sighed. He knew Matt would have his way in the end anyway. He may as well give him what he wants now. \"It\'s that Jason loves Kevin so much, and Kevin deserves that.\"

\"I love you just as much,\" Matt countered. \"And you deserve that.\"

\"No I don\'t!\"

\"Why do you think that?\"

Brian squirmed against Matt\'s chest trying to pull away, but the jock wasn\'t giving an inch. They would have this conversation now and that was that.

\"I stopped fighting back, Matt! That\'s why!\" Brian finally growled. \"You have to be really sick in the head to just let that shit happen to you!\"

\"Brian, Brian, Brian,\" Matt whispered, holding on tightly to the flailing boy. \"Shh. It\'s okay. It\'s okay.\"

\"It\'s not okay,\" Brian said through his sobs. \"It\'s never going to be okay.\"

\"It is,\" Matt soothed. \"It will. You\'ll see. It just takes time.\"

\"I don\'t think any amount of time can make this okay,\" Brian choked out.

Matt held him tightly and kissed his cheek and neck. Brian finally stopped struggling and gave into the hold, melting into Matt\'s body heat. He didn\'t think he\'d ever feel okay again, but it felt good to pretend. It felt nice to listen to Matt\'s voice and feel his arms around him. He let Matt\'s gentle words soothe him to sleep.