One Step at a Time

Wasn't planning on getting this finished tonight, but I needed something to distract me. So here it is a little early.

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How annoying. The sound of bottles clanking in the refrigerator door is something Jake never paid attention too, but now it was a noise that was grating on his very last nerve. Like everything else lately it seemed. Including the fact that this was his third trip through the refrigerator in the last five minutes, checking as if something new had suddenly popped over the past sixty seconds. He was just nuts being cooped up in the house doing nothing but thinking about Liz and muttering “if onlys.”

He had only spoken to her twice since the incident. Once over the phone and another catching up to her in person. Both times were brief with only a few words spoken and no ground gained. Now he’s all but shut the world out from himself. It was only about a week and a half ago, but his thoughts were flooded with everything he had probably missed. Certainly they would have seen each other almost every day. Going out for no other reason other than being in each other’s company or staying and lounging on the couch watching TV, a normally horrible show being bearable with someone to make fun of it to.

She probably would have spent half the nights there, too. That’s what got him the most and made his nights especially unbearable. Waking up in the middle of the night and rolling over to find her there, or getting up before her to make her breakfast, waiting to see her coming down the hallway. Usually wearing the shirt he discarded the night before. Now they were only memories of times that seemed to take place a lifetime ago.

His thoughts were broken by a loud knock at the door, yet another noise that would nearly drive him to go postal. Mumbling to himself as he closed the refrigerator and reluctantly trudged over to answer, partly hoping that it was Liz, but ultimately knowing it wouldn’t be. “Oh, well, you’re not dead.” Will commented as soon as Jake opened the door. Great, he thought, the person who ultimately started this whole thing.

“What do you want?” Jake asked as Will pushed past him to get inside, not giving any mind to how rude he sounded.

Will ran his fingers through his pitch black as he absentmindedly took a look around. “Initially a came over to see if you were passed out on the bathroom floor. Now that that’s answered, I’m going to have to find out what the hell is wrong with you.”

Jake would rather be sprawled out in the bathroom right now than have to suffer from this scrutiny. Sometimes Will could be just as annoying as an older brother who thinks he knows the ways of the world just because he has a few years over him. “I’m not in the mood to deal with this. How did you find out about this anyway?”

“Through Heather.”

“Heather.” Jake repeated her name before Will finished saying it himself. Now that makes at least three people who know I’m a perfect jerk. “You’re still seeing her?”

“I never was ‘seeing’ her.” He bit back. “Regardless, you aren’t changing the subject that easily.”

“Right. I’m not in the mood. Back on subject.” Jake continued to stand by the door to usher him out, but Will remained planted in the living room. That was Will all right, Jake thought. The only other person he had ever known that could match his stubbornness. Except for possibly Liz. When he first met her he never would have guessed that she could hold her own, but when they had a small argument once on what to do over the weekend the notion hit him like a slap in the face.

“I just can’t wrap my mind around how you lost someone like that.” Will started, putting his hands up to his head as if his brain had literally been tied in a knot and he was attempting to undo it. “I mean, the stupidest person alive wouldn’t be so dumb as to loose someone as perfect for them as she was for you.”

“Well thank you for that. I feel a lot better now. Let the door hit you on the way out.”

Will let out a deep sigh and rubbed his face. “Okay, that was a little harsh of me.” He apologized and paused again to gather his thoughts. “Look, I know you’ve had it pretty bad with, well you know.” Jake replied with a sarcastic shake of the head. “But Liz was the best thing that happened to you in a long time. You liked her, she adored you…”

“Adored?” Jake raised an eyebrow at Will’s emphasis on the word.

“Please tell me you’re not completely blind to the way she looked at you.” There was that pass tense again that punished him like nothing else would ever come close to. The passed tense for them was meant to express times they’ve been together and then expecting to have them again some time. Now it was a venomous phrase that only reminded him again and again of what he didn’t have anymore. “Well she did.” Will continued when Jake didn’t say anymore. “And then you screwed it up with some old flame in a back alley.”

“Well, there’s nothing that can be done now.” Jake said solemnly.

“You win her back, somehow. That’s what can be done now.” He instructed. “Years are long when you live them as a lonely, miserable bastard.”

There was another knock at the door before Jake had a chance to reply to anything. He frowned and groaned again and headed over to answer. “The phone was invented for a reason, people.” He complained.

“Maybe they would use it if you actually picked up!” Will shouted to him when he was out of the room.

The door flew open and there was Alice standing there on the front stoop. “Oh great.” He mumbled with a roll of his eyes.

“Well hello to you too, stranger. Oh, me? I’m fine, thanks” She greeted sarcastically with her one-woman play on the porch. Jake grumbled something inaudible, probably for the better, and motioned to slam the door in her face. She quickly put her hand out to stop him. “I haven’t seen you at lunch lately. I wanted to know if anything was wrong.”

Wrong, yes. Any of your business, no, he thought bitterly. He had been avoiding her at work for the sole purpose of not having to talk about anything. He lucked out with Nick, though, he was out of town visiting family for two weeks, so all Jake had to do was avoid the sandwich shop and his workdays could go relatively undisturbed. He should have known it would catch up with him, though.

“He’s being a miserable bastard!” Will called out in response to hearing her statement, and echoing himself from just a few moments before. How he could hear things that should have been clear out of earshot was a wonder to Jake.

“Miserable bastard, huh?” Alice said, tilting her head to one side. “Yeah, I can see that. Can I come in?”

“Why not, everyone else seems to.”

Jake stalked off back to the living room and Alice was left to close the door behind her. “Wonderful host.” She commented to Will as she joined them in the living room and he nodded his head in mock agreement.

“So what IS wrong here?” She finally asked outright.

“He and Liz broke up.” Will let out without a second thought.

Alice whipped her gaze first to Will and then back to Jake. “What? Why? When?” She asked so quickly it sounded like one distorted word.

“She busted him kissing the ex.”

Jake shot a thousand daggers at Will from his eyes and never got a chance to chastise him vocally before Alice jumped on his case. “What!?” She exclaimed and shot a look of bewilderment at Jake. “Is this true?” She asked Will and he only nodded his head. Her eyes narrowed and she attacked Jake’s arm a couple times with her carrying bag. “How could you do something like that to her?”

Will stepped forward and took Alice by the shoulders, pulling her back from him. Jake had seen her get mad at Nick before, but this is the first time he had ever found himself at the receiving end of her rage. Her face would turn a dark red and she would hold her breath, taking short breathes on and off. She would look as if she was holding everything in intentionally just so the eventual outburst would be bigger. And what she just found out Jake did was far worse than anything Nick had done.

“Easy, there.” Will told Alice, trying to calm her some. He could tell she was only fueling Jake’s already agitated mood and preferred not to be the witness to a murder, whichever way it may lead. “He’ll make it right. Won’t he?”

Jake only frowned and crossed his arms at his question. “God, poor Liz.” Alice continued. “She must be crying her eyes out right now.” She was more commenting to herself, but it may as well have been direct guilt trip. “How is he going to make that right?”

“Apologize. Beg forgiveness. Something. I don’t know.”

“Lines wouldn’t win me over.” She protested. “I’m sure Liz wouldn’t let herself fall for something as lame as that.”

“Like I said, I don’t know. Maybe he would just have to…”

That was enough for Jake. He wasn’t going to stand there in his house while others talked about his problem like any of it was their business. “Okay, it’s time to go!” He announced loud enough for the neighbors to hear. “This is my problem, not yours. Talk about it all you want for all I care, you’re just not doing it here. Sure as hell not telling me what to do about it either.” Jake physically spun them around and forced them into the hallway and finally out the door. Without even a sarcastic goodbye he slammed the door behind him and made a quick effort to lock it.

Outside the two of them only exchanged glances and Will could only imagine Alice breaking down the door with her bare hands and strangling Jake to death. “God I hate men.” She grumbled through her teeth. “No offense.”

“I get it all the time.” He jested with a shrug, and then motioned to leave the porch with Alice following. Jake found comfort in the new silence that fell over the house, but not much. Ever since he inherited the place he hated the quiet that came with it, except for when Liz was there. It was a different stillness when she was around. A peaceful, enjoyable stillness that they shared and took comfort in. It came to the point that neither of them needed conversation to enjoy each other.

Damn it. It was really driving him nuts now. What he wouldn’t have given to go back in time and prevent that night from ever happening just so she could be there right now. He was feeling more alone than ever, even more so than after Linda and his parents. There was nothing in the house now that didn’t hold some sort of memory of Liz. He looked over towards the cold fireplace and instantly remembered one night in particular where they just spent hours sitting in front of a roaring fire. There were no words or actions exchanged and the first sound he heard was a small sigh she made in her sleep, long after drifting off.

He nearly cringed with annoyance with the fact that Will was right. There wasn’t any way he was going to maintain any form of normalcy if he didn’t earn her trust back, or at least try. Then Alice’s question popped into his mind. How? She was right that he couldn’t very well strut up to her and say, “I’m sorry. Take me back,” and expect her to do just that. He was at a loss for ideas, though. The number of romantic things he has done could be counted on one hand. No, he had to do something exceptionally brilliant, but he had no idea what. Jake sank down on the couch, flipped his legs up onto the arm and resting his arm over his eyes. This was going to be a thinker.