Starting Over

Catherine dropped Chloe off at a nearby hotel and drove home. She turned the radio to the maximum volume and tried to not think about anything. She knew that if she did, she would start crying again. And getting into an accident would just really be the perfect end to this night, she thought sarcastically to herself.

When Catherine pulled into her driveway, she turned off the ignition and let herself begin to cry again. She clutched the steering wheel in her hands and let her head rest on top of them as her body heaved with sobs. She couldn’t even fully comprehend everything that had happened. Batey, who she had trusted completely, had betrayed her. After spending a year letting go of the past and building up new relationships, Ben had managed to out her as a whore to all her friends in under a minute. She felt alone, completely alone, as she had at the end of her sophomore year of school. She had hoped, after meeting Batey, that she would never feel like that again. But he turned out to be the one who made all this pain possible.

A soft rapping came at the window, making Catherine jump. When she looked up, she saw Batey standing outside the car. Wiping her face with the back of her hand, Catherine tried her best to pull herself together. Then she opened the car door and got out, slamming it loudly behind her. “I don’t want to talk to you,” she said in a cold voice, walking past Batey and towards her house.

“Please,” Batey begged, reaching for her arm.

Swinging around, Catherine’s faced him. There was a mixture of hurt and anger on her tearstained and blotchy face. “Seriously, don’t touch me,” she said threateningly, in a low voice.

Pulling his hand back, Batey nodded. He ran a hand through his hair as he looked at her, trying to figure out what to say. “Catherine, I’m so sorry-” he began, but she cut him off.

“For what?” she asked with a sarcastic laugh. “For revealing my deepest, darkest secrets? For making it possible for Ben to make me out to be a no better than a junky hooker in front of all my friends?” Her eyes were filled with pain as she took a step towards Batey. Quietly, she looked up at him, her lip quivering. “Or for not telling me what you really thought of me?”

His eyes widening, Batey denied her last accusation. “Catherine, please,” he pleaded. “I swear, I swear to God, I don’t think anything bad about you. Please, Cath, I love you.” Tears were now filling his eyes, and Catherine had to look at the ground in order to will away the desire to reach for him, hold him, soothe him. “Catherine, please, I swear I love you.”

Taking a deep breath, Catherine raised her eyes to meet his. There was no longer anger in her expression. There was just hurt and confusion, which was even worse to Batey. “You also swore you would never tell anyone my secrets,” her throat caught on a sob, but she pushed on. “You swore I could trust you, and that you would never do anything to hurt me. You lied about all that. There’s no way I can believe you now.” She shook her head sadly. “I just can’t think of a single other reason you would tell Ben that stuff about me, unless it bothers you… unless you think I’m some sort of whore or something.”

Batey’s mouth opened to protest again, but Catherine turned around quickly and headed towards the house. She wanted her door to be closed before she let the ache in her heart take over her body. Sliding down the door, Catherine sat on the floor, shaking and crying silently until her body was too exhausted to continue. Then she forced herself to stand up and tiptoed upstairs to her bedroom. The last thing she needed was to have to talk to her parents tonight.

-----

Ben woke up his apartment, on the couch. He was fully dressed, and his head was pounding. Sitting up, he glanced around the room in a confused daze. How had he gotten home last night? Suddenly, he remembered that Andy’s friend, John, had driven him. After he dropped off Ben, he was planning on dropping Batey off at…

“Oh, God,” Ben dropped his head into his hands. What had he done? A flood of memories from the night before came to him: fighting with Chloe and all the terrible things he had said to her; yelling at Catherine in front of all her friends and shouting a secret Andy had only told him in confidence in a blind-drunk state; and the anger and hurt in his brother’s eyes, when Andy wouldn’t even speak to him after the girls had left. “I fucked up so bad.”

-----

By ten-thirty, Catherine had turned off her cell phone. Batey had been calling every fifteen minutes for the last hour and a half, but she had neither answered the phone nor listened to the messages. She just curled up under her comforter and wished she could stay there forever.

A knock came at the bedroom door a little while later. “If that’s him…” Catherine thought angrily as she got up and threw open the door. But it wasn’t Batey. It was Emma, standing there with a concerned and sympathetic expression.

“Oh God,” Catherine turned around, climbing back into bed and pulling the covers over her head.

“Catherine,” Emma said in a soft voice, sitting down beside her on the bed. “Cath, I just came over to see how you’re doing.” She watched as Catherine slowly pulled the blanket from her head and rolled over to face her. Catherine’s eyes were puffy and bloodshot. It was clear that she had been crying for hours and that she hadn’t gotten much sleep.

“I am so humiliated,” Catherine finally said, tears filling her eyes again. “I can’t believe you even came over here-”

“Don’t be silly,” Emma gently reprimanded her as Catherine sat up in the bed. “Cath, I’m your friend. This is what friends do – show up at each other’s houses unexpected and unwanted, and refuse to leave until the other person feels just a tiny bit better.”

This made Catherine smile just a little. “Thank you,” she said, but then her face crumbled again. “God, Emma, I don’t know what to say to you…”

“To me?” Emma sounded genuinely surprised. “Why would you have to say anything to me?”

Sniffling, Catherine stared down at her hands. “Because… because of what Ben said last night. I owe you some sort of explanation-”

“YOU don’t owe me or anyone else anything,” Emma stated firmly, reaching out to touch Catherine’s arm. “You’re the one who got unfairly attacked last night. You’re the one who got hurt.”

“I know,” Catherine bit her lip nervously. “But I never told you… I never explained about…”

Leaning over, Emma pulled Catherine into a hug. The sincerity of the action and the underlying support and love it represented sent Catherine into another set of sobs. “It’s okay,” Emma pulled her friend closer and stroked her hair. “It’s going to be alright.”

Pulling back, Catherine’s face was soaked with tears. “It’s not going to be alright,” she said softly. “Everyone… everyone heard Ben. And Andy…” She stared down at the comforter, willing herself to calm down a bit.

“Listen,” Emma put her arm around Catherine’s shoulder supportively. “I don’t know what your friends were like in New York, but I promise you that no one at the party last night is going to think anything bad about you. We love you - we all do.” At this, Catherine looked up and gave Emma a small grin of appreciation. “And as for Andy… I’m sorry; I don’t know what to say. I don’t know the whole situation, or almost any of it for that matter, but I do know that after you left, he was a wreck. He looked wretched and heartbroken. He even asked John to drive his brother home and bring him by here. Did you see him…?”

Nodding, Catherine let out a small sigh. “Just for a minute. I couldn’t talk to him. Not after…” Her voice was very small now. “I know you don’t know exactly what’s going on, Emma, and I’m sorry. But from my side of things, Andy betrayed me and looked down on me. I trusted him, and he…” Unable to stop the tears from flowing, Catherine’s sentence dissolved into sobs once more.

Emma let her friend cry for several minutes without saying anything. When Catherine finally calmed down a bit, Emma gave her a small smile. “Okay, now,” she told Catherine. “Now that you’ve gotten that out of your system, I want you to go take a shower and get dressed.” Catherine tried to object, but Emma wouldn’t hear of it. “No, I am not going to leave you here all day to mope. You’re getting up, I’m buying you a cup of coffee, and we’ll go to a park or something and talk more.”

As she rose from the bed, Catherine nodded her head. “Thanks, Emma,” she said softly. “You’re an amazing friend.”

“I know,” Emma said matter-of-factly as she stood and began making Catherine’s bed. “Now, go!” she insisted. “I don’t want to be waiting all day.”

-----

“Catherine still won’t answer your calls?” Batey’s mother asked him gently. He was pacing through the kitchen.

“She won’t even turn her damn phone on!” Batey said with frustration. “And I don’t want to show up at her house again. I did that last night…”

“Sit down,” Batey’s mother motioned for him to take a seat at the table as she sat across from him. “Now, I know you don’t want to tell me exactly what this is about, and that’s fine. But Andy, honey, maybe you should just give her some time.” She reached for her son’s hand before she continued. “If she’s upset, maybe she just needs some time to think things over…”

Letting out a disgruntled sigh, Batey begrudgingly agreed. “You’re probably right,” he said softly, giving his mother a small, appreciative grin. “I’ll let her be for a while.”

Patting his hand, Batey’s mother smiled. “That’s good, honey,” she told him. “In the meantime, you should probably get out of this house. Go see James, or stop by your brother’s place.”

At the mention of Ben, Andy’s jaw clenched. “Yeah,” he said firmly. “That’s what I’ll do. I’ll go see Ben.”

With a perplexed expression, Batey’s mother took in her normally relaxed son’s tense demeanor. “What happened with you and Catherine last night,” she said softly. “Did it have anything to do with your brother?”

Looking at his mother as he rose, Batey didn’t know how to respond. “Sort of,” he said finally. “But I need to talk to Ben now.”

Nervously, Batey’s mother watched him grab his car keys and head out the door. “I hope this situation isn’t irreversible,” she said to herself sadly. “I don’t want something else tearing my boys apart.”

-----

A knock came at the door, and Ben rushed to it, hoping it was Chloe. He had left several messages on her cell phone, but she hadn’t called back so far. When he opened the door to see his brother standing there instead, Ben was shocked. “Andy… um, come in.” Not saying anything, Batey entered the house and turned around to face him, but Ben couldn’t read the expression on his face. “So, you come over here to hit me?” he tried to joke.

Giving his brother a disgusted look, Batey sat down on the couch. “Why would I even try?” he said sarcastically. “You’re the big, tough, macho Army guy. You would kick my ass. I just never realized that in order to be big and tough and macho, you also had to be an asshole.”

“Andy, I’m really sorry about last night,” Ben rushed to apologize, taking a seat on the chair across from Andy. “I am so sorry. And I want to apologize to Catherine-”

“Catherine won’t even speak to me,” Batey replied in a cold tone. “I really doubt she would be up for coffee and apologies from you.”

Feeling helpless, Ben rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. “Andy, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am,” he whispered.

“Why didn’t you tell me what I had said to you before last night?” Batey asked in a dejected voice, causing Ben to look up at him. “That night we went out for dinner and I asked you – I asked you outright – what I had said to you. Why didn’t you tell me then? Were you just saving it so you could use it as a weapon later?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Ben pleaded for his brother to understand. “When you told me about Catherine, you weren’t putting her down at all. It was when I was telling you about my issues with Chloe, and you wanted me to understand that the fact that Chloe had a past with some of the other guys on the base before she met me shouldn’t matter. As soon as the words came out of your mouth, you begged me never to tell anyone. You were so distraught. So the next morning, when you didn’t remember telling me, I decided that I would pretend it had never happened.”

“But you thought it was okay to yell it at Catherine in the middle of a party filled with her friends?” Ben asked, anger rising in his voice. “God, she must feel so alone right now. She thinks I broke her trust and that I told you because I’m embarrassed or bothered or something about her past. And you did it in front of everyone she cares about at our school! You might as well have announced it at my graduation!”

“Andy, I don’t know what to say,” Ben looked at his brother, who was filled with confusion and pain. “I drink too much. I know that – that’s what originally started the fight with Chloe last night – and when I get drunk and agitated, I can be unbelievably cruel to anyone around me. I am so sorry that I took out my anger on Catherine.” When his brother didn’t respond, Ben continued. “Listen, I will do anything to make this up to you. Andy, I can’t lose you, not again. Please…”

Looking at his brother’s earnest expression, Batey didn’t know how to respond. “I don’t know if I’m going to ever be able to get Catherine back,” he said finally, his voice tight. “But I guess I don’t want to lose you at the same time. That does not mean that I’m not pissed off beyond belief at you right now, or that things are cool between us.”

“I understand,” Ben sounded a bit relieved. “And that’s fine, really. But if there’s anything I can do to help you…”

Standing up, Batey shook his head. “I can’t think of anything right now,” he said truthfully. “But believe me, you owe me big.”

“Huge,” Ben agreed, rising next to Batey. “Listen, Andy, I really am sorry…”

“I know,” Batey sounded resigned. “Unfortunately, that’s not really a help to me right now.” With that, he gave his brother a little wave and headed out the door.

-----

Catherine and Emma were sitting in a secluded area of a local park, under the shade from an old tree. “I had no idea you had been through so much,” Emma told her friend as Catherine finished telling her everything about her relationship with Marcus.

Looking up, grateful that Emma’s voice was sympathetic and not judgmental, Catherine gave her a small smile. “Well, that’s the whole sordid story,” she said. “And I really thought… I really though Andy was okay…” For what must have been the tenth time that day, Catherine dissolved into sobs. “I’m sorry,” she choked out as Emma reached over to pat her soothingly. “I don’t mean to be such a basket case.”

Letting out a little laugh, Emma shook her head. “With all you’ve been through, I think you’re incredibly strong. But,” her voice changed slightly, causing Catherine to look up at her. “I do think you should talk to Andy.”

“But if he told Ben, then he must not have been as okay with everything as he said he was,” Catherine insisted. “He must be embarrassed… or resentful.”

Shaking her head, Emma looked at her friend with kindness. “You have always been blind when it comes to Andy,” she said softly.

“What do you mean?” Catherine asked in honest uncertainty.

“I mean that you were completely unaware when he was first falling in love with you,” Emma explained. “Even though people living in China could see it, you couldn’t. And you had the hardest time accepting your own feelings for him. It was a miracle you two even got together.” As Catherine let out a small laugh, Emma continued. “Actually, it was a miracle. Catherine, you and Andy are meant to be together. When he looks at you, there’s no embarrassment or resentment in his eyes. He just looks… well, amazed. Amazed that you’re there. Amazed that you are with him. Amazed that he was lucky enough to find that part of him that he had been searching for.”

Tears were filling Catherine’s eyes again. “But why would he have told Ben…?”

“I can’t answer that,” Emma told her gently. “But I would bet anything Andy can. Cath, after everything you’ve been through, don’t deprive yourself of this. Don’t lose the chance of having someone that loves you as much as Andy obviously does over a misunderstanding.”

Not knowing what to say, Catherine leaned over to hug Emma. “I love you, Emma,” Catherine told her. “You are such a wonderful friend.”

“So I hear,” Emma grinned, hugging Catherine back. “So are you going to take my advice then? Are you going to talk to him?”

Thinking for a moment first, Catherine finally nodded. “Yeah,” she gave Emma a crooked smile. “After all, I wouldn’t want to do anything to piss you off. You can be scary when you want to be.”

“Smart girl,” Emma raised her eyebrows and smiled.

-----

As Batey headed back towards the visitors’ parking lot of Ben’s development, he ran into Eddie. They greeted each other in a sociable manner. “How you doing, Eddie?”

“Apparently better than you,” Eddie joked. “You look like shit, Andy. Everything okay?”

Batey didn’t know Eddie very well, but he could tell that he was a good guy. “I just had a rough night,” he admitted.

“Was it Ben and Chloe?” Eddie asked, motioning towards Ben’s door.

“Somewhat,” Batey shrugged. “There was some shit between me and my girlfriend that went down, too.”

“You know,” Eddie gave Batey a friendly smile. “Sometimes, when my life seems to be spinning out of control, I like to talk to someone who’s not right there in the middle of things.”

Understanding what Eddie meant, Batey smiled appreciatively. “So you willing to listen to me bitch for a while? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Absolutely,” Eddie grinned. He motioned towards the steps that led to Ben’s townhouse, and they both took a seat. “You smoke right? Give me a cigarette.”

“I thought you said you quit…”

“Listen, I’m like a foot taller than you and five years older,” Eddie joked. “Just give me a fucking cigarette.”

Batey laughed as he handed Eddie a smoke and lit one for himself. Even though he had only spent one night hanging out with Eddie, he liked him. From what he knew, Eddie had been through some very serious situations in the military. Additionally, he had a great sense of humor and was easy to talk to.

“So are you going to tell me what’s up, or do I have to beat it out of you?” Eddie asked.

Sighing deeply, Batey tried to figure out where to begin. “Well, Chloe’s here, as you know…”

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “That’s why I came by. To say hello.”

“Well, she’s not here right now,” Ben explained. “Actually, she stayed at a hotel last night.” Seeing Eddie tense, Batey pushed forward. “She and Ben came with me and Catherine – my girlfriend – to a party at my friend’s house last night. Well, Ben got wasted, and started spouting off some shit…” Suddenly, Batey got quiet. Despite what Ben had done to him the night before, he didn’t want to break any confidences.

Eddie and Batey sat on the steps in silence for a minute before Eddie finally said anything. “Has Ben ever told you about the time I beat the shit out of him?” Seeing the surprised look on Batey’s face, Eddie knew the answer without Batey saying anything. “It was about four months after we met. Your brother and I, we’d gotten pretty close, and he was dating Chloe the whole time. She’s a great girl, really.” Eddie paused momentarily. “And she and your brother had their shit, but they usually worked it out. But one night, we were all out at a bar, and Ben got shit-faced. And he and Chloe started fighting, so I led them out to the parking lot, you know, to a less populated place. But the shit your brother was saying,” Eddie shook his head in anger. “Chloe ended up taking off, and I ended up punching Ben in the face. But he was too drunk, or too stupid, or something, to let it go, so he kept trying to fight me. So I ended up kicking his ass all over the parking lot. The next morning, he apologized to Chloe and thanked me. In that order.”

Batey couldn’t help but laugh at the story Eddie told. “Well then, maybe I wish you were there last night.”

“So what happened?” Eddie asked non-intrusively.

Shaking his head, Batey tried to figure out what he wanted to say. Finally, he decided to go with the truth. “What happened was that Ben got piss-ass drunk, started a fight with Chloe, and then proceeded to yell at my girlfriend, in front of all of our friends, about a secret she had told me that I had told him about when I was so drunk, I couldn’t stand up.”

“So, you and your girlfriend…?”

“Not so hot,” Ben admitted. “She won’t even return my phone calls.”

Nodding for a moment, Eddie looked at Batey. “You want me to kick his ass?”

Laughing, Batey shook his head. “I appreciate the offer, Eddie,” he grinned. “But no, I think this is something I have to deal with on my own.”

“Fair enough,” Eddie said. “But I may still kick Ben’s ass. Depends on what happened between him and Chloe last night. Between you and me,” he leaned in conspiratorially. “If he doesn’t come to his senses soon, he’s going to lose the best thing that ever happened to him.”

“I know the feeling,” Batey said sadly.

“Then stop sitting around here with me, you pussy,” Eddie chided. “And go to her, and tell her how you feel.”

Feeling a rush of adrenaline, Batey stood up. “You know what? You’re right, Eddie. Thanks. Really.”

Standing up and giving Batey a handshake, Eddie smiled. “No problem,” he grinned. “Apparently, I was put on this earth to fix the relationships of the stupid-as-shit Bates men.”

“Does that make you’re our guardian angel?” Batey asked jokingly.

“Seriously,” Eddie said. “Don’t make me kick your ass. Just go find this Catherine chick and tell her how much you love her. Okay?”

“Okay,” Batey replied, smiling widely. “And thanks, Eddie.”

“Whatever,” Eddie grinned, walking towards Ben’s townhouse.

------

Batey had been standing at Catherine’s front door for easily twenty minutes. Every time he lifted his hand to press the doorbell, he pulled back. What could he say? He had broken a silent pact. He had basically killed the trust they shared. He had…

Suddenly, the door swung open. Catherine stood there, purse over her shoulder, keys in her hand, determined expression on her face. As soon as she saw Batey, though, her face fell. “What… what are you doing here?”

“Catherine,” Batey’s voice was pleading. “I just came to talk. To explain. To say anything.” He paused when he saw tears well up in her eyes. “I know that I fucked up, saying anything to Ben. But please believe me, there is nothing about you that I wish were different – nothing. If anything, I wish every day that I could be more of the type of person I think is deserving of someone so pure, and strong, and wonderful as you.” He took a deep breath before finishing. “Catherine, I love you more than I ever knew possible. I just want another chance to prove to you how much I love you.”

Catherine’s eyes were welled with tears, but her body was tense and unresponsive. Batey honestly couldn’t tell what she was thinking at the moment, but he was willing to stand there all night until he got a response. Even if that response was to tell him to fuck off.

“Why did you tell Ben?” Catherine finally asked in a small voice.

Shaking his head, Batey didn’t know how to respond. “It was wrong for me to say anything,” he admitted immediately. “But I was more drunk than I had ever been. And, apparently, he had been talking about how much he loved Chloe, but how he couldn’t get beyond her past.” He sighed before continuing. “And so, in my drunken state, I tried to explain how a person who had been through shit could be someone you could learn from, and someone who could teach you so much, and someone…” His eyes filled with tears. “Someone you could love forever.”

Catherine stood quietly for a minute, although tears were filling her eyes. “So you mean it?” She finally asked quietly. “My past… my mistakes… they’re not going to affect us?”

Taking a chance and throwing his arms around Catherine, Batey pulled her to him. “Since the day I met you,” he began. “When we became friends. And then, when we got closer, and you told me about your past…” He pulled Catherine far enough away from him to look her in the eyes. “From day one, I knew you were too good for someone like me, and I still know it now. But I’m too desperately, completely, foolishly in love with you to consider what should or should not happen.”

“You’re an asshole,” Catherine said affectionately, from behind tear-laced lashes.

“Are your parents home?” he asked hopefully.

“They are,” Catherine said in a determined voice.

“So where were you headed, then?” Ben asked softly.

“I was headed to your house,” Catherine gave him a small grin. “To tell you what a dick you are.”

Pulling Catherine to him with his full force, Batey buried her head under his chin. “I love you, Catherine,” he said. “And I am so sorry for any pain I’ve caused you. But…” He couldn’t find the final words to say what he meant.

“Let’s go to your house,” Catherine smiled at him gently. “We can talk more there.”

-----

Thankfully, Batey’s parents weren’t awake when they got back to his house. Knowing Catherine, he led them upstairs to the guest room, instead of to his bedroom, which was just two doors away from his parents’ room. Closing the door, he watched as Catherine sat nervously on the bed.

“I just want to talk,” he said softly.

”Good,” Catherine gave him a small grin. “Because you\'re going to have to do some major league groveling if you have any chance of seeing me naked ever again.”

Laughing, Batey sat beside Catherine. Quickly, though, he became somber. “What can I say to you?” he begged. “How can I apologize? How can I make you believe that I love you for everything that you are?”

Catherine began sobbing immediately, taking Batey by surprise. He touched her arm, unsure how much affection he was allowed to show at this moment, but to his pleasure, Catherine threw herself into his embrace. “I love you so much,” she choked out. “But… but you had no right… no right to tell Ben...”

“I know,” Batey admitted. “But just know, I was never judging you.”

“I know that now,” Catherine pulled back to look Batey in the eyes. “And you owe Emma a really big, really expensive bouquet for that.”

Nodding without question, Batey searched Catherine’s face.. He couldn’t believe it fully, but it seemed like he was getting a second chance. “Catherine, you are my everything,” he said softly. “And I am throwing myself at your mercy. I’ll do whatever it takes rebuild the trust we shared.”

“You are a very dumb boy,” Catherine grinned begrudgingly. “But, unfortunately for me, I am completely in love with you. Still annoyed,” she reminded him sternly. “But still in love.”

“Then… can we lie together tonight?” Batey asked uncertainly. “I’ll just hold you…”

“As I said,” Catherine smiled. “You are a very dumb boy. But by your luck, I am a very dumb girl.”

Catherine had to say no more; Batey knew what she meant. He quickly pulled her into his arms, smothering her face with kisses as she giggled. They took only moments to undress each other, tossing their clothes aside carelessly. Even though it had only been a couple days, the moment that Batey sank inside Catherine felt like a moment that been held off for ages.

“Oh, God,” Batey immediately lifted his head. “I didn’t put on a condom.”

Giving him a wry grin, Catherine shook her head. “I’m on the pill, remember?” she teased.

Sighing in relief, Batey nodded. “This won’t happen often,” he promised.

“I know,” Catherine sighed, willing Batey to begin moving. He picked up on the hint, kissing her lips softly before moving gently above her. Catherine was warm around him, and the feeling of penetrating her was unbelievably pleasurable, but this was something more… Their movements were more fluid than ever, more in synch, deeper. Batey spent more time concentrating on kissing Catherine’s mouth than he did on any other part of their bodies. Catherine’s sudden orgasm came as a surprise, as he felt her body tighten around him and a moan escape from her lips. He began pressing deeply inside her, needing only a few thrust before he came himself.

Each panting, Batey and Catherine held each other closely. “You still owe me,” Catherine whispered in his ear.

“I’ll spend a lifetime making this up to you, if you let me,” Batey promised, pulling her as close as possible.