One Journey Ends

The morning sun blazed into the bedroom waking Justin up first. He still had his arms wrapped around Svesleesleeping form. The blonde man had turned over in the middle of the night and now his head rested on Justin's shoulder. The darker man grinned and tightened his hold. He hoped Sven meant what he'd said last night about there being no going back to their former state. He didn't even want to think about what he'd be feeling if the Scandinavian man decided things should remain platonic. He placed a kiss on his sleeping lover's brow settled back in not wanting to wake him just yet. But Sven was uncooperative as usual.

"I do not regret a thing about last night, you know," his light accent danced over Justin's ear and sent a small shiver of awareness down his spine.

"I do not either," he replied looking down into a pair of sleep-filled yet content aqua blue eyes.

"I also meant it when I said that I loved you," Sven clarified with a serious and nervous expression.

"I meant it as well, love," he smiled with relief. He hadn't wanted to tempt fate by exploring the possibility that Sven's feelings would change in the morning. This confirmation was exactly what he'd needed to hear. He still marveled at how easy it was for his partner to discern his feelings.

"I am glad," Sven admitted softening his features. "I feared you might change your mind after we had our first encounter. I stayed awake for a long time after you fell asleep worrying."

"I am so sorry you felt that way," Justin said with a pang of regret forming in the pit of his stomach. "I never want you to doubt me, Sven. I will not change my mind."

"Ever?"

"Ever," he replied kissing Sven softly. "I mean to be with you forever."

"You may tire of me eventually," the blonde man said with a furrowing brow. "This is new now, but how can you know you will never want something else."

"Because I have never wanted anything like this," Justin said firmly. He needed to erase Sven's fears now before they grew like a weed and choked out the love that was growing. "I can guarantee you that I will never leave you. You are my mate and we belong together."

"Your mate?" Sven seemed to be turning the phrase over in his mind. He smiled as he considered it. "And you are my mate, as well."

"I never doubted it."

"I will never leave you, Justin."

"I know, baby," he said kissing his lover again. "And from now on we share this bed."

"Agreed," Sven said smiling.

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Tara smiled at the officer as she hurried out the door. She's missed her daily outing to the cemetery today because she'd overslept. Now she just wanted to get to work on time. It had taken a very long time for her to get to sleep lately but last night had been the worst. The nightmares were so intense she woke up screaming and sweating to a concerned officer and a startled Seka. She felt even guiltier for waking the poor girl as Seka had a test today and Tara hoped she hadn't thrown the girl off her schedule. It had taken a few tense moments to explain to the officer what had woken her, but he seemed to understand. Thankfully, he'd gone home before she woke so she didn't have to face him.

She was able to catch the bus before it left the stop and slumped into a seat. She got off two stops later and breezed into the store punching her card with a minute to spare. That was close, she thought, as she shoved her coat and purse into her locker, replied her lipstick and hurried out to her station in the show department. There was a customer waiting for her when she slipped behind the registPastPasting the familiar 'Can I help you' smile in place Tara went about her shift automatically grateful she had something to dwell on besides her nightmares.

"Sweet! I did not expect to find you here," Sven's voice reached her just as she handed a bag containing a shoebox over to an elderly lady.

"Sven?" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I am here to look for a new pair of shoes," he smiled. "I did not know you work here."

"Yes," she returned his smile with a genuine one of her own. "It's one of my two jobs. Let me help you."

"That would be kind of you."

She led him to the men's area and he chose two styles for her to bring out. She motioned him to one of the chairs and went into the back to find the styles in his size. He tried both on and then had to decide between them.

"Which do you think, sweet?" he asked as he eyed the shoes in their boxes. "The black or the brown?"

"Well, the black will probably go with all of your wardrobe," she reasoned.

"This is true," he said. "The black it is."

"Great," she smiled and took the box containing the black pair to the register.

"I looked for you today at the cemetery," he said as he dug his wallet out of his back pocket.

"I overslept this morning," she sighed scanning in the bar code. "I felt guilty for not seeing Ben, though."

"I am sure he understands," the Scandinavian man said handing her some bills from his wallet. "He is with you wherever you go, in here." He pointed to her heart.

Tara smiled and nodded trying to keep the tears from falling. She couldn't afford to lose this position now and crying on the floor would prompt the supervisor to remove her.

"I did not mean to upset you," he said noting her expression.

"It's okay," she said taking a deep breath. "I know you didn't. I just can't cry here. The management's already removed me once for that. I can't afford to lose any more days."

"They reprimanded you for crying?"

"After Ben died, I tried to get through by working as many shifts as I could. But I would break down while helping customers. They sent me home but had to fill my slot, so when I was better I had to wait until they found a place for me before I could go back to work."

"That does not sound very caring of them."

"They have a business to run," she sighed.

"I suppose, but it does not sit well with me."

Tara grinned at his reaction. He was indignant on her behalf and she thought it was sweet of him. But she had to keep things in perspective and the store was only doing what it had to do.

"I'm back now, so everything's okay," she said brightly handing him his sack.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked taking it from her.

"Yes," she said firmly. "I'll set my alarm this time."

"Goodbye for now then, sweet," he nodded walking away smiling.

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Sven returned to the apartment more worried than ever. He'd followed Tara all day from her department store shift, back home and then to her supermarket shift. She seemed to walk through her day mechanically. He knew she hadn't overslept due to not setting her alarm. He could see the black rings developing under her eyes. She was plagued by nightmares. He supposed it was only natural considerihat hat she'd been through. But she wouldn't admit it to him. He knew her well enough by now to suppose she would never let anyone see her pain if she could help it. He wondered more about her upbringing. That had to be the key to her phobias. It couldn't have been easy growing up in so many foster homes.

"You are back," Justin said from his chair in front of the computer. "How is she?"

"She is not well," he sighed dropping his sack and hanging up his coat.

"What is that?" Justin asked curiously.

"A pair of shoes," the blonde man replied sinking down onto the couch. "Tara did not come to the cemetery today so I had to go to the department store to make sure she was okay. When I saw her I could not just hide as usual. Her face looked bleak. So I decided to find an excuse to engage her in conversation. She works in the shoe department so I now have a new pair of shoes."

Justin gave a low laugh and joined Sven on the couch.

"Well, at least you can remain stylish."

"Yes," Sven chuckled. "Her eyes are growing more hollow by the day. And she said she overslept this morning, but I know the truth."

"The truth?"

"I have seen that look before."

"You have?" Justin asked. "Where?"

"In the mirror," he replied sadly.

"I do not wish to push you, love," Justin said putting his hand on Sven's thigh.

"You are not," Sven said, placing his own hand over the darker man's. "I need to tell you."

"If you feel that way."

Sven nodded then took a deep breath.

"When Ragna and Eirik were killed, I had the same thoughts I expect Tara is having," he began. He felt Justin's hand tense but remain in place beneath his own. "I did not know what to do or believe. I felt that every day I lived was an insult to their memory."

"Sven . . ."

"Allow me to finish," the blonde man sighed. "I wanted to die, very badly. But I did not want to actually take my own life. So I just stopped."

"Stopped?"

"Stopped," Sven confirmed turning his face to Justin. "I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped eating and drinking. I just sat in a chair and waited to die."

"What happened?" Justin asked, his voice cracking slightly.

"Baiko Hiraki happened."

"Your Japanese friend."

"Yes," Sven said not taking his eyes off his mate's. "He knocked on my door and told me he could help me find the people who murdered my family."

"Why?"

"I had wondered that myself," the blonde man admitted. "But I decided to just punish them before I let myself die. He led me to them and we ambushed them, beating them mercilessly."

"I know."

"You do?" Sven asked in confusion. "How?"

"Remember, I had checked you out when I found out you were the mysterious Andre."

"But I made sure to 'leave' the country before we did anything. There could be no record of my involvement."

"There was none," Justin confirmed. "But I know you well, my love."

"You do not seem disappointed in me."

"Why should I be?" Justin asked. "You only did what any man would have done."

"I do not know," Sven shrugged looking away. Justin used his free hand to guide Sven's gaze back to him.

"Were you disappointed in me when I killed the man that attacked Tara?"

"No."

"Well?"

"I suppose," Sven acquiesced. "Anyway, after we took care of those men, Baiko convinced me that my wife and son would not find my death honorable. So I took it day by day and managed to survive."

"Tara will come to the same conclusion."

"Not on her own," Sven said sadly. "She had no base before Ben and now that he is gone she feels emptier than ever. I think the only thing keeping her from completely giving up is Seka's presence, and that is only temporary."

"But we are not temporary, my heart," Justin returned. "And we will see her through this."

Sven nodded as Justin leaned in to kiss him.