Gravity of Love

I must have the worst fucking luck in the whole damn world. I did go to Ren's little meeting and spent it sitting down bored out of my skull while Ren and Trent spent the whole afternoon discussing business and joking around. In addition, if that wasn't bad enough, I got stuck with one of Trent's people—Lance—who seemed to have a problem with keeping his hands to himself. The afternoon was filled with 'no, I don't think so' and 'thanks anyway' and 'I don't want your hand there." I think Ren finally caught on to what was going on and had called me over to him and I spent the rest of the meeting by his side like the obedient dog. Not that it really bothered me since being close to Ren was nothing compared to being pawed over by Lance. I got through the whole thing without slipping up once; I kept my head down, smiled and laughed when I was supposed to and didn't do anything that could possibly piss Ren off. I was very proud of myself.

The ride home was the same as usual, Ren going on about business ventures and new ideas and, as always, I was on that dangerous line of barely paying attention and daydreaming. It was when he mentioned more clients at the Freaky Coffin that I sat up in my seat and turned to face him a bit.

"Ren?" I asked softly, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," he said as he watched the road and took the exit on the right to get back on the main road. "I need a good laugh."

I bit my lip at that, the pain from that little insult worse than I thought it would be. I couldn't let it get to me. I couldn't.

"I was just thinking---"

Ren spared me a glance and then looked back to the road. "Not something you should do very often."

I sighed and continued. "Instead of having a heavier workload at the Coffin maybe it could be at On The Lash instead?"

I waited for his response, probably a snide remark or insult at the rate this conversation was going.

"You losing your taste for fucking?" He said with a laugh. "I heard that about some whores; they have sex so much that they have trouble getting it up. Is that it, love? Do I need to get some Enzyte for you?"

I swallowed the rising anger down along with the pain that he was going out of his way to be so hurtful today.

"I'm just fine in that department," I say quietly, "I can show you when we get home if you want."

Ren laughed. "Oh, now you wanna fuck? Before you were too busy talking about feelings and love. You want to get off? When we get home just go in the bathroom and discuss love with your hands. I promise I won't watch."

"Have I done something?" I blurt out, my voice cracking just a little.

"What are you mumbling about now?"

"Have I done something to upset you?" Usually I could take Ren when he was in one of his pissy moods, take the verbal hits but today was a fucking boxing match.

"You usually do," was the short reply.

"Today? I just did what you told me to; all I've ever done was what you told me to. Why punish me for that?"

"You think this is punishment?" Ren glanced at me again and the look in his bright green eyes was frightening. "I'll be more than happy to show you punishment, Gavin."

Ren slammed on the breaks in front of the house and I jerked forward, the seatbelt digging into my shoulder. He got out of the car and slammed it shut and walked over to my side and yanked it open. I barely had enough time to undo my seatbelt when he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and dragged me out of the car. I stumbled; nearly falling to the ground and half walked, half crawled behind him as he continued to pull me to the house. Now I was really starting to get worried. Normally there was a reason why Ren did what he did. I know, I know, there is never a reason to abuse someone but in the world I live in with Ren it was the only thing that kept me from going crazy. I knew he was still pissed about the whole thing with Mannix and probably saw me as the culprit in some of it but this morning had gone fairly well. We didn't exactly kiss and make up but he didn't beat me to a pulp either. I lost my footing as we went up the steps and went to my knees, crying out because he still had his grip on my shirt and I choked from the sudden tightness around my throat. Ren turned back to pull at my shirt, lifting me from the ground by the collar.

"Get up!" he shouted at me. "GET UP!"

I tried to tell him that I was but all that came out was a garbled mess. I pushed myself off the steps as quickly as I could since he started walking again and didn't have any concern that he'd be dragging me along rough stone. With his free hand he unlocked the door and pushed the door open. At once a few maids appeared to see if Ren wanted anything but they stopped in their tracks when they saw us. They covered their mouths with shock but knew better to say or do anything. That's what it took to live in the Halenfield household; you made good money, hardly had to do anything but you had to know when to walk away even from the worst of things. That part wasn't too hard, it was human nature to turn away from things you didn't want to see and pretend they don't exist. So the two maids did what they were happily paid to do, they walked away. There was no trace of them by the time Ren dragged me down the hallway and into the living room. He tossed me to the floor and I crumbled like a deflated balloon, trying to make myself as small as I could on the floor as I prepared my body for what might come. I could hear the first faint hisses of white noise as I retreated further into myself, my static escape had missed me so.

I stayed like that for a while, with my eyes shut tight and curled up on the floor as I heard him move around the room. I soon heard the stereo turn on and a song I didn't recognize flooded the room and I felt the slight hum of bass vibrate through the floor.

"Get up or I'll make you," Ren's said. I sat up and opened my eyes slowly to see where he was. He already had his shoes off and had his shirt unbuttoned and he was stretched out lazily on the leather corner section couch. He had his feet propped up on the marble coffee table and he shook his leg as if patiently waiting for something.

"Stand up," he ordered.

I did, ignoring the sharp jolt of pain shooting up my leg when I fell on the step earlier. I'd feel that and worse if I didn't make Ren happy. He reached up to the left so he could reach the light controls and slowly turned the knob to dim the lights. He played with them until the room had a soft feel to it and enough light to see where you were going but too dark to read or anything like that.

"Well, lights are down," Ren said softly as he settled back into the cushions, "music is playing…you're on."

I looked at him confused. "W-what?"

He sighed as if I should know what he was talking about. "You want to dance more than fuck, isn't that right?"

Oh, God is that what upset him? "I only thought…I'm sorry if I—"

"Shut up," he interrupted. "Like I was saying, you want to dance more and fuck less and since I haven't seen you dance in awhile you'll have to convince me."

"C-convince you?"

Ren made a loud groan of frustration. "Did the little tussle from the car suddenly make you stupid? Dance for me, Gavin, show me—convince me—why I should let you."

I swallowed hard and fought back the wave of emotion threatening to overwhelm me. Has it come down to this? Where Ren is just another customer to perform for? To pay for what I want? No, this was his punishment. To give me what I wanted, or at least a chance to get what I wanted, but I had to humiliate myself first.

Become the good boy Gavin.

Become the no good whore.

Become exactly what he wanted me to be.

I always knew what I was, what I had become over these years under Ren's 'guidance' and I had come to terms with it as best as I could. Whenever things hit too close to home I was able to push it away and hide from it just so I could face another day. It's not like I haven't been called every name in the book and few new ones coming from Ren, his friends or clients. I know who I am, what I am and what I do and just how dirty I really am, but never---

I hugged at myself as if cold squirming as Ren's eyes basically undressed me.

Never has it been---

I blinked as I fought to keep tears back and I chewed on my lip to keep it from trembling.

Never has it been pushed in my face so cruelly and with such a force that I couldn't turn away. Every dirty, filthy part about me was there and staring me in the face with my soul bare and laid out and I couldn't look away.

God, I couldn't look away.

"I'm still waiting," Ren said coldly.

I sniffed and choked on a sob as I started to move my hips, swaying with the music he had put on. I kept my eyes down, unable to meet his but now it wasn't out of fear, but shame. For the first in a long time I felt ashamed and hated myself for it.

Ren had just found a new way to punish me. This hurt more than any hit ever could.

"At this rate I'm going to pull you from On The Lash altogether and just have you fuck all day," Ren said with a yawn.

No! That'd be even worse. Focus, Gavin, concentrate. He did this on purpose just to unnerve you, just to kill your confidence. I began to move my body a bit more, but I couldn't shake how awful and cheap I felt. I tried to lose myself in the music, but couldn't and my head was terribly silent and static free. My vision was getting a bit blurry and rolled my shoulders to the heavy beats of the song and pushed a few strands of my think black hair away from my face. I could do this. I could do this.

"You're a bit overdressed, aren't you?" Ren said loudly.

God, I couldn't do this.

I slowly pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the side, feeling even more naked than before. I pretended I was on stage and it helped some as I concentrated on snaking my body to the beat and making my moves as seductive as I possibly could. I unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down my legs and kicked them off along with my shoes.

"Undo your hair," Ren whispered.

I reached back and ran my fingers through the braid until my hair fell around my face in thick waves like an orca black curtain. I heard Ren moan softly.

"Mmmm, much better, heart."
I ran my fingers through my hair and continued to move in a rocking motion and gyrated my hips to every beat and break of the song. My chest tightened when I heard the soft sound of a zipper and the deep moan that followed. Now he was getting off on me doing this? Could it get any worse?

"Come closer, Gavin."

Goddamnit it could.

I did as he ordered and walked forward until I was an arms length away. I wanted to cover my crotch all of the sudden although it wasn't anything new to him but I still felt so embarrassed, so filthy…so violated and he hadn't even touched me.

"I had forgotten how beautiful you were when you danced," he muttered and I felt a warm hand touch my stomach and tickle its way along my side and to my hip. He didn't pull me forward like I thought he was going to but he pushed me so I turned around, my back facing him.

"I want to see that cute ass of yours while you work."

I took a deep sigh as I fought to control myself and went back to my pathetic dancing. I jumped every time I felt his hands caress an ass cheek or play along one of my thighs and when I felt a few fingers ease between my ass cheeks I couldn't hold back a sob.

Ren laughed softly. "Being such a special customer I think I earn a special lap dance. What do you think, love?"

"Ren…I..—"

"I said what do you think? Give me the right answer."

So it was to the final blow, was it? He had already pushed me down this far what was a few more feet into the dirt?

"Whatever you want me to," I whispered softly.

"Exactly," he said. One of Ren's hands held me by the hip and he was pulling me back and down against him. As I sat down on his lap I felt the tip of his cock jab at me and I stopped.

"I thought you wanted a lap dance," I said meekly.

"Oh, that's where the special part comes in, Gavin," Ren said with a chuckle and before I could do anything else he pulled me so hard I basically fell on him and impaled myself on his cock. My cry echoed through the living room and down the hall, hell, through the whole fucking house. I was making small choking gasps as my body adjusted and I fought to ignore the searing pain of being torn into over and over again with each thrust. It was incredibly deep and not in a good way.

I tried my best to keep up with his thrusts, to try and control them to make it less painful for myself but Ren wouldn't have it. He took me tightly by the hips and pulled me down on him with every upward thrust, forcing cry after cry from my throat as I bounced on his lap. After what seemed like forever I finally heard Ren's breathing change and his panting soon became moaning gasps that got higher in pitch and with fewer inhales of air in-between. His thrusting turned wild and I felt him come inside me only for him to push me to the floor moments later. I felt the sickening trickle of his cum run down my thigh and I was officially everything that he ever wanted me to be. Why was the room getting so fucking blurry?

Ren stood up behind me and walked around me, fixing his pants before he kneeled in front of me.

"Not exactly your best, but you performed well under pressure," he said nonchalantly. He narrowed his eyes at me and then reached forward, caressing my cheek with a few fingers. "Didn't think I'd make you cry but you've been under a lot of stress lately haven't you, love?"

"Yes, Ren," I mumbled weakly.

"You want me to make you feel better?" Ren hand touched my stomach and then to my penis. I jumped and scooted away.

"No."

Ren only laughed and stood back up. "Didn't expect you to. Well, you still managed to convince me, Gavin. Starting next week you'll have more sets at On The Lash with the occasional special lap dance and your room at The Freaky Coffin will get a tad dusty, but not too dusty. Fair enough?"

"Yes, Ren."

"Ugh, those two word answers again," he mumbled with disgust. He went over to the stereo and turned it off, the silence that settled was unnerving.

"Wash up and come to bed," Ren said. He shrugged out of his shirt and dropped it to the floor before heading out of the living room and down the hallway to our bedroom.

I sat there in the dark for a few moments and tried to will my body to move. I breathed deep and slow as I stared at the far wall, hardly blinking as I waited for my body to respond—or any part of me— and to show that it was still alive. Slowly I pushed myself off the floor and stood up, searching for my pants that I had tossed aside and slipped back into them. I shuffled down the hallway like a zombie, staring forward with eyes unfocused as I made my way to the bedroom.

"G-Gavin?"

It was like everything was in delayed time. I heard the voice, recognized it but it seemed to take forever to stop walking and turn around to face him. I looked at Marcus with my blank eyes and he backed up a little.

"I heard all the screa—" he stopped himself and shook his head a little as if the very thought was too much to bear. "I just wanted to make you sure you were..y'know, alright."

I gave him a soft smile and my voice was a bit raspy from the screaming. "Do I fucking look alright?"

Marcus winced and looked at everything in the hallway except me. "I guess not; I was just--."

"Fuck off," I snapped and turned back around, stumbling a bit from the sudden movement and I had to reach out to the wall to steady myself. Jeez, Gavin, be an ass to the only person that actually gave a damn. Positively genius idea. Ren was just slipping under the covers when I entered the room and I walked past him softly to the bathroom. I washed up quickly, avoiding the mirrors at all cost and got into bed.

I laid there for some time; my mind unable to let go of everything that had just happened. I still felt like shit, even more so with Ren sleeping right next to me. I listened to his deep breathing and for a moment I wondered what it would be like if it just suddenly stopped. For there to finally be an end to it all. No more beatings, no more whoring, no more private sessions like the one we had tonight—just an end to everything. Especially him. I sat up in the bed and looked down at his sleeping face and he still looked irresistible as always. His eyes fluttered with REM sleep and his full lips were slightly parted, giving his face a soft and peaceful look. Ren? Soft and peaceful? Yeah, right. I wondered if the person to match that face even existed. If Ren was ever that type of person. Sure he talks about love but can he talk about it so easily simply because he doesn't even know what it is? I felt the pain from tonight wash over me—the emotional and physical kind—and just wanted to reach out to him and….and just…..

"What the fuck are you doing staring at me like that?" Ren's eyes flew open and they focused on me.

"Just watching you sleep," I said softly. Not to mention having a thought or two about how nice it would be to kill you.

"Well stop it," he muttered and turned over so his back was facing me, "I can't sleep with you doing that."

"Sorry."

"I don't care if you're sorry or not," he snapped. "Just stop it and take your ass to sleep."

"Yes, Ren," I mumble and settled underneath the sheets.

"Give me that answer one more time tonight and I swear I'll bash your fucking face in!"

I didn't see that worthy of a reply and just pulled the sheets up to my chin while the cool satin sheets on my skin making me shiver just a little. A few moments passed and Ren's breathing became deep and steady again and I was left alone with my thoughts once more. Considering how my mind was drifting last time I don't think that's a good thing. I closed my eyes and tried not to think of tonight anymore or anything else and my body slowly began to drift to the sound of Ren's breathing. I don't know what would come next but I knew that whatever happened I'd survive and adjust to it. Not because I wanted to. I simply had no fucking choice.