Only the Heart Knows Why

Sixteen: Roommates

(Characters belong to me and Azathoia… Have a nice day.)

By the end of the school day, everything starts feeling numb again. I don’t even feel like I should be alive… Fuck… I can’t be alone today.

I end up walking home with Hikari and Bianca. They had said that Quax needed to run to work, since his shift was going to be starting pretty soon. Apparently they knew his whole work schedule just as well as he did.

I listen to the two girls chat for awhile, hear Hikari’s mom saying farewell as she leaves for work, watch her father come home and go to bed… I wish my life was this routine and simple.

I boredly look around. I’m not interested in the girls’ conversations about guys. Looks like nothing changed since the last time I was here… The same pictures are still in the same places, the familiar, comfortable feeling is still around; I feel like I’ve gone back in time a couple years.

After another hour or so, they turn their attention onto me, and then comes their questions. “So, are you really into Quax or what?” asks Bianca.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I wonder.

“Well,” Hikari starts saying, “we’ve seen the way you sometimes look at him when you’re ‘awake’.”

I just roll my eyes. “You’re both crazy…”

“Maybe, but you got the hots for Quax,” Bianca teases me, giggling at my glare.

“I do not,” I try to tell them, but they just grin. “Look, even if I did, nothing would happen.”

“Oh, come on! Quax even asked you out today. You think nothing is gonna happen?” The black-haired girl grins a bit more. “Maybe you should confess with a kiss!”

“There’s nothing to confess, though.”

“Kanauuu,” I hear Hikari say. “At least just go on one date with him.”

“No.” I cross my arms. “I don’t want a relationship with him.”

The two girls start to pout a little, but then Bianca seems to come up with something. “I bet you’re just scared.”

I lightly glare at her. Scared? “You have got to be kidding…”

“Hey, we all know by now that your last relationship ended horribly. Maybe you’re scared to get that close to someone again.”

“Oh, that makes a ton of sense,” agrees the pink-haired girl, looking down at me. “Don’t worry, Kanau, I’m sure Quax won’t betray your trust.”

This is getting too ridiculous. “Forget it, girls, I’m not gonna go out with him.”

They really do pout this time, but after awhile are able to change the subject to something else, throwing the spotlight onto Bianca this time. Once again, I just tune them out. After awhile, Bianca leaves the room, taking something with her. Then it’s just me and Hikari.

The silence is uncomfortable. She’s just sitting there, staring at me. It’s like a freaky girl version of Quax. “I get it! Blue!”

What?? “Blue??” I ask, a bit confused now.

“Well, yeah. You can dye your hair blue! It’d be perfect, I think. Hehe, ah yes, so very perfect.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not dying my hair anytime soon.”

“Aww, you’re no fun, Kanau.”

“You’re just insane. Both of you are. And where is Bianca?”

She blinks at me. “You really weren’t listening, huh? She’s taking a pregnancy test.”

…

“That… could be a bit hectic.”

“Maybe, yeah… but, I could help her out. I wouldn’t mind at all. We’re like sister, you know?”

I stare at her. “A lot of people would think you already were sisters.”

“Hehe, yeah, but we aren’t!”

Some more time passes. Some more… uncomfortable… time passes. Eventually, Bianca returns… looking a bit shaken. Fuck, I already know what she’s going to say.

***

I stare at the apartment door. This door is the only barrier now between me and him. I don’t want to knock, but I also don’t want to be home alone. I need distractions… I need cash for some cigarettes.

No, I tell myself. Don’t start that up again… As far as I knew, I hadn’t smoked in a long while. That’s good, right? Because drugs are bad, right? That’s what people always want to say, while they turn around and use them anyway.

I check my watch. Eight at night. Well. Maybe I’ll just go home…

“Kanau?” I turn around and see Quax in his work uniform. “What are you doing out here?”

I look down, and softly say, “I don’t know.”

“Oh… well, do you wanna come in?” He smiles as he walks closer, putting the key into the lock and turning it.

All I can do is repeat, “I don’t know.”

He looks at me again, a concerned look on his face. “I think I’ll just take that a yes…” he says, pulling me inside.

Apparently he’s gotten some more furniture in here since the last time I saw the place. It’s looking a lot better now. I glance up at the ceiling. The paint job is still my messy, crappy work.

I go and sit down on one of his chairs, as he pulls over a pink bean-bag chair and sits down. “So… what happened?” he asks, watching me.

I wonder about that myself. “I just can’t be alone right now,” I tell him. “I’m afraid that I might end up in the hospital myself, like you had, and I know I would not be able to handle that.”

He frowns, lightly placing his hands on my own. “Good thing you came here then, huh?”

I look down. Neither of us says anything for awhile. The silence is so thick, it’s nearly suffocating me. “Hey…” I say after a long while. He looks up at me, waiting for me to say more. I’m not really sure what to say now, but I try to think of something.

Eventually he realizes that I have nothing more to add, so he says something instead. “I’m thinking about quitting school.”

I blink at him. “Why?”

“Well… because I need more hours at work to be able to keep paying rent here,” he explains. “If I drop out, then I can pick up some more hours.”

I just stare at him for a little while. “Stay in school, Quax…”

“Why should I?”

“Well, people always say that those that had more education make more money overall, right?”

He pouts. “Yeah, but I need more money now, or I have to go back to my parents again…”

… That would definitely be like a worst-case scenario. “What if I help you pay for it?”

Quax is surprised to hear that. “But, you don’t even have a job.”

“Starting tomorrow I’ll look for one.”

“Why, though? You don’t even live here.”

I think for a moment. “I’ll be your unofficial roommate, how ‘bout that? I’ll be staying here while Aledren is in town, and while he’s away, I’ll be at my place.”

“B-but…”

“Also… if you stay in school, and at least try to get into a college… I’ll never touch another cigarette for the rest of my life.” He stares at me, wide-eyed. “Deal?”

He thinks about it for a while. I start to finally find my appetite, feeling hungry now. When was the last time I ate again?

After a few more minutes, he says, “If I have to stay in school, then you should too.”

“Alright.” He looks pretty happy. “Now, sorry, but do you have any food here, Quax?”

He laughs a bit. “Of course I do, silly. I gotta eat too, you know.”

“Yeah, but how much food do you have? I don’t want to eat too much of it.”

“Oh, it’ll be alright. I have plenty, so eat what you want.” He takes me into his little kitchen area. What are you hungry for tonight?”

“Just about anything,” I tell him.

“Okay!”

He goes about the kitchen, getting things out, and then I remember. “Oh yeah, and Bianca’s pregnant.”
Quax freezes. “Wait.. She’s what?!”

“Yup, pregnant.”

After a moment of silence, the only word out of Quax’s mouth is, “Wow…”