Un musicien parmi tant d`autre

AH! Here I am! Somehow, I just handed in two majors essays today and I got two of them to hand in next week. So, ya, I'm sorry about that. I wanted to update at least two days ago but work as been a little too overwhelming lately. After next Thursday I will be able to finalize the next chapter, so my next update should be around next weekend, if everything goes well.

Lisa-Makes me laugh when you get so angry! I'm not being very nice teasing you like that. But I promise I'll clear things up next chapter. I'll be good now! Or not. I might just decide to bring out another crisis that will keep you up thinking at night! Healing power? Not quite, but according to the other character he's somebody that but others at ease since he's calm and calculating. He his said to be a very smoothing person to be around. And I also believe it's the first time I hear you use things like 'burn balls off' and 'fucktard.' I really am making you angry! I also realized when I read you're corrections over I did some bad mistake like 'head' instead of 'head' my head was really far gone when I wrote that. -Sorry about that.

kylee-Okay, seems like last chapter made everybody upset. I'm really not being nice with you guys. Sadly, I really can't say it's over with the heartache. I hope i won't leave you too heart broken in the end. On they other hand I'm glad I can make you guys all emotional! I also love my characters dearly so it makes me sad too when I put them through hard stuff! Most of the time I just want to hug Yuuri or Kuro to death.-Thanks for reading so faithfully.

littleonelost- Yay! New reader! I'm glad you enjoyed it! And if you are curious I am coming up with a few answers in the next chapter, Yuuri might hate me for this! Not that he doesn't for just about everything in this story. I'm really making a point of teasing the poor sucker! Sorry about making you cry like that! I wish I could be there to offer a hug! Now about Kuro acting this unexpectedly, Yuuri did strike a sensitive subject, I can't wait to make the two of them make up!-Thanks for reviewing, it made me very happy!

Now here goes-Chapter 16

After spending the night at the King place, he drove me back to my place after breakfast. I think their little family was going to some family meeting. Ren showed up at my front door about eleven, so I never had the chance to be bored.

“Good morning?” I questioned. He crossed him arms and gave me an annoyed look. I couldn’t help it; at first I didn’t even recognize him. Our usual long haired and feminine Ren now had hair just about ear length and he was dressed like a male. He had black slacks under his long, expensive looking, suede coat. I couldn’t help but stare; he looked so different.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t remember you were going out for lunch with me?” He asked putting a hand on his hip. His usual manners didn’t disappear.

“No, it’s not that. I’m just surprised about how you look.” I said in disbelief. This was in fact our café owner!

“What wrong with the way I look? I’m a guy after all.” He said pouting.

“No it’s all right, it’s just unusual.” I said moving away from the door to let him in.

“Let’s just say, my parents wouldn’t be too proud to know that their son is a transvestite.” He said walking in. He leaves his coat on the back of a chair and a large bag on it. So he does have some issues with his parents about the way he looks. I remember his brother Kouji and how he was repulsed at Ren’s appearance. Also, Ren told me it took a while for him to get used to the idea that a man could wear women’s clothes. He’s still very feminine as a male though. He’s got pale skin and delicate features.

“So, what do you plan on wearing?” He asked. I looked at myself. I was wearing a pair of dark jeans and Kuro’s sweater. I forgot to give it to him again and it’s quite comfortable so I always end up wearing it.

“Well, this.” I said nonchalantly. Ren’s glare managed to send shivers down my spine. “What? I don’t really have anything better you know.” I said almost nervously.

“You’re getting changed.” He said pointing my bedroom door.

“Into what?” I asked. He lifted the bag up.

“I brought you some clothes.” He looked down almost sadly.

“What the hell is wrong with the clothes I’m wearing?” I asked with a growl. Personally, I think my clothes are really nice. I cross my arms and glare at him.

“I don’t mind the way you look but my parents are really close minded. I wouldn’t want them to judge you just by the way you look.” He said, which sounded more like an apology. His parents, they sound like the kind of people I would really hate but I nod anyway. I know Ren is only trying to make my holiday a little more fun so I’ll try to ignore his parents.

“It’s fine than, do with me as you please.” I said raising my arms in defeat. Ren’s face brightened. He pushed me into my room and made me change into something more formal. He made me wear a pair of black slacks along with a black silk shirt. The material was soft against my skin, I never got to wear such an expensive shirt and the only time I got to touch silk was on Haruka sama’s kimono as well as on the kimono he gave me. However, it’s something I never dared put on before. It felt nice.

“I think the white necktie will fit better.” Ren said looking at various neckties sitting on his lap.

“What, a necktie too?” I whined.

“Don’t be a baby; we’re going out to the restaurant.” He said putting away all the ties except the white one.

“The restaurant! But I thought we were just going to your place!” I exclaimed. I’m not fit to go to some kind of expensive restaurant with Ren’s parents. I will totally embarrass Ren! “How will that look anyways? You should take a girl along in that case.” I noted. If Ren’s parents would freak out seeing him in a girl’s outfit, what are they going to say if they see him bring a dude along?

“Don’t worry, I told them your family was back in Japan and that you would be spending Christmas alone. They won’t think anything don’t worry.” He said standing up. “Can you tie this?” He asked.

“Of course not. I never wear those.” I said crossing my arms.

“You’re so whiny.” Ren said shaking his head. He pulled my arm a little so I would bend to give him a chance to wrap the silk tie around my neck. He tied it with skilful ease. “There you go. It fits you like a glove.” He said patting my chest. “If only your hair wasn’t blue. What a waste.” He said.

“I’m a delinquent, what can I do?” I asked shrugging.

“I wish you would stop trying to hold up that reputation of yours.” He said. I grabbed my coat on top of my drawer, as I pulled it down, an old cap fell to the floor.

“I almost forgot about that.” I said picking up the discarded cap. I looked at it for a moment; it’s nothing but an old gray cap with the number ‘96’ in big writing on the side. I found it among my old things. I think Nestley might have been the one who gave it to me. “I thought I could give this to Kuro, I mean, he’s been super nice to me and everything.” I said, I’m still mad at him for last time but I can’t forget all he did for me and all the patience he has shown.

“You can give him anything you want.” He looked at the old cap, almost biting his lip not to say something bad about it. It wasn’t in bad shape but it was a really plain and thoughtless gift. “It’s not very special.” He finally added.

“I guess so, I should fine something better.” I looked at it one last time, then turned it to show Ren the number. “I just thought of him when I saw it since if you read the number in Japanese. It’s pronounced ’ku’ and ’ro’” I explained. His eyes widened.

“You’re right, that’s actually a nice way to look at it. Maybe you should give it to him after all.” He said with a smile this time. I grinned at this.

“See, it was thoughtful!” I exclaimed proudly. “In fact, I wish I could give him something worth a lot more. He’s done a lot for me and I feel like I gave nothing back, but I’m just so poor.” I said thoughtfully. Ren gave out a little laugh. “What are you laughing for?” I asked with a glare. “Every time I try to be a little nicer you guys make fun of me.” I complained.

“That’s not it; I just thought that eventually you might just find the right thing to give him.” He said with a smile. I was a little confused; I frowned at him. What was he talking about?

“What could I give him?” I asked. He shook his head.

“For now this is great. You’ll find out what I’m talking about later.” He said smiling brightly. I growled at him; I hate when they look at me with that knowing smile when I have no clue what they’re talking about!

“Let’s go.” I said grumpily putting on my coat.

“What a flashy coat.” He said.

“What are you going to complain about my coat now?” I growled. It was the same long one I was wearing last night.

“It’s fine, it suits you but you look like a gangster.” He said. I grinned.

“It was a gift from aniki.(older brother)” I said. It’s my favourite coat so I only wear it on special occasions. I don’t think Ren’s parents will be too happy about it but Ren seemed to have thought it would be fine. With that settled we jumped into Ren’s car. It was a big black car with tainted windows and his own personal chauffeur.

“And I look like a gangster!” I exclaimed looking around the impossibly clean car. “When we saw black cars like these in Japan let me tell you we didn’t hang around!” I said. So I knew Ren was rich but now I’m just flipping out! He’s more like a millionaire. He’s got his own car and chauffeur and when I saw the place he was taking me to, that’s when I really freaked out.

“Can I really go into this place?” I asked. It looked like the kind of place where I couldn’t even afford a glass of water!

“Of course; you’re with me.” He said.

“If you give me a minute maybe I could at least shave my head. It would probably pass better than blue.” I said. I was really starting to flip out; I was nervous just looking at the place!

“I’m sorry.” He said looking up at me. “This isn’t really your scene. However, I really wanted to make your Christmas a little less lonely.” He said biting his bottom lip. Of course Ren is full of good intentions, he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable, but this is natural for him.

“It’s going to be fine right? What’s the worst that could happen?” I asked shrugging it off like it was nothing, but I really felt like nothing good could come out of this place. I was just trying not to make Ren feel too bad, but I was already making a mental list of what could go wrong once I’d step in the restaurant.

“There you are Ren.” A woman said standing up when we walked in. She was a woman in her forties, dressed in expensive clothes and heavy jewelry. Her hair was up in a fancy bun, but her skin was much too pale for her heavy make-up and she was almost disgustingly thin. I assumed she was Ren’s mother since she was with a man in a suit that looked somewhat like Ren.

Kouji was also sitting at the table glaring at his brother and I. He’s in the same grade as Nomi but far from being as adorable! Sitting with them on one side, were a set of elders dressed up clean and rich, while on the other side, there was only one old woman. She didn’t look as fancy, however she wore nice clothes a commoner would wear. Unlike the others, she was the only one that bore a smile in the whole family!

“Mother, I apologize for being so tardy. This is Inoue Yuuri whom I’ve spoken to you about.” He said mentioning me. The woman looked me over up and down, her eyes stopped on my hair for a moment. I knew they wouldn’t like that. I was already starting to get nervous. Thankfully we had left our coats in the lobby so at least Ren’s family wouldn’t say anything bad about my coat.

“Inoue kun was part of a play at school so he had to dye his hair blue.” Ren said hurriedly to force her eyes away from my hair. She nodded in understanding.

“I think that’s a funky colour. Maybe I should dye my hair that colour too. What do you think dear?” The cheerful old woman asked looking at Ren’s father.

“Please mother.” The man said. The lady pouted.

“You used to call me mama.” She said. I smiled a little towards her; she didn’t seem all too comfortable with the atmosphere either. I instantly felt closer to her.

“Please excuse my mother.” The man said standing up. “My name is Shindou Jirou, I am glad you could join us for lunch.” He said, extending his hand. I shook it politely. The woman also came to meet me. They were so polite it seemed forced, but from the way Ren had described them, it’s a little bit what I expected. I’m glad Ren isn’t like that; even though he might nag me sometimes, he has a nice personality.

Ren made me sit next to the funny grandmother; he figured I’d be more comfortable. The old lady is nice; she’s friendly and talkative, compared to the rest of the family. Even at a Christmas lunch the parents were talking about business and their high class friends. There was nothing I understood, so I kept conversing with the old lady. This restaurant was an expensive sushi place. It was at least something I knew how to eat, so I wouldn’t make too much of a fool of myself.

“At least that I’m familiar with.” I said with a sigh of relief.

“Do you enjoy sushi Inoue kun?” Lady Shindou asked. I nodded. Although, I never get to eat any since I’m so poor. However, I did get to have some a few times when I lived in Japan. I smiled to myself; in my head I could see my Aniki’smiling face. ‘Look at what the boss gave us this time’ he would say happily. ‘What are you getting so happy about?’ another, deeper voice would ask, sounding annoyed. ‘Don’t be such a bad sport Sei chan, it’s the first time Yuuri has sushi.’ a third voice would say, the most cheerful of them all, and I would smile at him.

“You know boy, before my sons and I moved to Canada my son used to be a fisherman. We might have been poor but we always had good fish.” The grandmother said proudly. “I told Ji-chan I would make his sushi then he wouldn’t have to spend that much money in restaurants, but he’s such a stubborn boy.” She said with a laugh.

“Mother, please don’t bring that up again. We are not poor anymore so you don’t have to waste your time cooking.” The man said. I was trying to hold back a laugh at the Ji-chan nickname. The old lady pouted. I could tell that she didn’t grow up in luxury, like me, she seemed to think that this is way too much.

“May I take your orders?” The waiter came up behind the father with his French accent. I instantly recognised him and it seemed that Ren did too.

“Fiori.” Ren said, a blush appeared across his face.

“Is that you Ren chan?” He asked. A smile appeared on Ren’s face. “I almost didn’t recognize you like that.” He said, his eyes lighting up. I raised an eyebrow; the way that they were looking at each other was a little unusual. They seemed to be really happy to see each other, but Ren met Fiori the same night as I met him so I knew that they weren’t good friends.

“You work here Fiori?” I asked, I stood up and shook his hand in a friendly manner.

“Only during the holidays when they need more staff. My dad got me that job.” Kishimoto’s step brother explained.

“Ren, is that a friend of your’s?” His mother asked.

“Yes, this is Fiori Deschamps, he is Seshiru kun’s step brother.” Ren said smiling brightly. His mother nodded.

“If he is Kishimoto’s kun step brother, he must me the son of Julia.” Ren’s mother leaned towards her mother to tell her.

“That poor kid is the son of a lesbian too.” The old woman answered.

“What a shame, these people do not think about their children.” The old father said. I glared at them; they were speaking to Fiori’s back but loud enough for everyone to hear. Ren sent a worried glance towards Fiori, then my way. He was afraid I might blut out something. He was right to be afraid. I managed to suppress the urge to hit someone by clenching my fists under the table. Who the hell do they think they are talking like that about Kishimoto’s family? I know Kishimoto and I know he’s very happy with his mother and Julia; even happier then when he was with his father! These rich snobs.

“It’s alright Yuuri.” Fiori whispered to me patting my shoulder. My eyes widened; I just couldn’t believe he was going to let this pass. “I’m sorry I’ve caused a disturbance, please let me take your orders.” He said forcing a smile. Mr. Shindou began to give Fiori a long list of what he wanted and especially how he wanted the food to be cooked. While we were waiting for our orders, they were trying to make polite conversation with me. I answered the best I could since Fiori asked me not to make any comments. But I was boiling inside.

“Inoue kun, what do your parents do? They must make a lot of money to send you abroad to study.” Lady Shindou asked. This time I slammed my fist down on the table.

“Is money the only thing that can come out of your mouth?” I asked. Ren gave that ‘God no!’ look. “No, my parents don’t make a lot of money, I sent myself abroad on my own. My mother was a whore and I don’t even have a clue whom my dad could be! Can you conceive that in your head?” I barked standing up.

“That explains the rude attitude.” Lady Shindou’s mother said.

“So it explains my attitude now does it? What about yours? What explains your stinking attitude?” I asked. The whole family gasped at this, except for the funny old lady who was just staring at me, looking like she was trying to hold back a laugh.

“Yuuri, please stop; it’s enough.” Ren said grabbing my arm.

“Why don’t you say anything about this Ren? Did you hear what they said about Fiori? Who the hell do they think they are judging people like that?” I asked throwing my arms in the air. “I’m leaving!” I barked dashing out of the rich restaurant. Soon, I found myself sitting on the front steps ,my head in my hands. Great! Now I’ve just embarrassed Ren in front of his whole family, the one thing I didn’t want to do!

“You did a nice one in there!” I turned my head as I heard the Quebecois’ voice. He squatted beside me. “That old harpy is throwing a fit in there.” He said.

“Is Ren all right?” I asked.

“He’s trying to calm her down.” He said. I pulled at my hair. Why did I have to open my big mouth? “By the way, thanks for what you said for me. She said that about Seshiru too once. It’s frustrating because they don’t know how happy we are.” He said. As expected, Fiori didn’t find her funny at all either. It was in his interests to keep his mouth shut, since it could have cost him his job.

“Do you work all day?” I asked.

“Nope, only until three. Then I go back home to celebrate Christmas. I heard they filled out your entire holiday. Are you going anywhere after this?” He asked.

“To Kuro’s place.” I said. “Ren was so glad to bring me along though, I feel terrible.” I added.

“You probably do, but that bitch got what she deserved. You’ve gone through some hard times and she had no right to judge you for it.” He said patting my back.

“I don’t regret the words I said; I regret causing Ren trouble.” I said. Fiori gave me a sympathetic smile, knowing exactly what I meant.

“I feel bad for Ren. He’s such a nice person; he doesn’t deserve that.” He said, his smile was saddening a little.

“About you and Ren?” I started but I didn’t quite know how to finish that sentence.

“We’ve been seeing each other since the party.” He said with a grin. I blushed a little. So that’s what the smiles they were giving each other were about! “I found him cute in the girl outfit but he’s also very adorable like that!” He said. He sounded happy and infatuated with the okama. It made me smile.

“I’m glad you think that.” We both spun around to look up at Ren. To my surprise he wasn’t glaring like I thought he would.

“Ren.” He stood up.

“I’m so sorry for what my mother said; I don’t agree with any of this.” He said with a troubled frown.

“I know Ren, I never thought you would agree with her.” Fiori said. He seemed like he was about to grab his arm but refrained since there was a chance his mother might come outside and see them.

“I’m sorry about that Yuuri.” He said turning to me.

“I should be the one apologizing.” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

“You’re right; you are rude to boot.” He said. “But I’m glad you didn’t let her walk all over you; I’m glad I brought you over. For once somebody was able to make her eat those words. It really takes a reckless guy like you to insult her without hesitation.” He said with a smile.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?” I asked with a frown.

“Take it as a compliment buddy. She really got what she deserved!” Fiori said wrapping an arm around my neck.

“Let’s go eat somewhere else Yuuri; my mom is too upset and she’s going home. I might not want to be there until she calms down.” Ren said cheerfully. I smiled back. I was glad he wasn’t too angry. I can tell he’s got some resentment towards his mother. After all, she won’t let him be who he really wants to be. Ren doesn’t have the chance to be himself around his family. Although he could have all the money he wanted, I don’t feel like Ren is more fortunate than I am.

“Sure.” I said with my trademark smirk. Fiori held his hand out for me.

“I’ll wish you merry Christmas and Happy New Year in case we don’t see during the holidays.” He said. I took his hand and gave him a manly hug.

“Yeah, happy holiday to you too, man.” I said. Ren shook hands with him quickly and Fiori whispered something in his ear. It might have been a promise for a future meeting. Then Ren and I headed for the car. We ended up having coffee, soup and sandwiches in a Tim Horton after I insisted that Ren didn’t take me to another chic restaurant. We were given funny looks since we were dressed up but we shrugged them off. It was an enjoyable lunch. It was funny; it’s the first time Ren went into a Tim Horton but he really liked it. The cashier liked him too after the tip he gave her!

Afterwards, Ren dropped me at Kuro’s place and came in for a few minutes to wish the boys good holidays. When the door opened, I was tackled hugged by a hyperactive Nomi. I believe I could blame a good dose of Christmas candy for that. I found it strange that he didn’t even turn to Ren though. Kuro came up to us to grab our coats; he looked me up and down for a few moments. We haven’t spoken since we had our fight, so I only glared at him.

“What wrong?” I asked, trying my best not to sound too grumpy. After all, I was the one that pushed the question the other day.

“It looks good.” He simply said mentioning the clothes Ren had loaned me. I blushed a little.

“Didn’t I tell you, you look good once you’re all fixed up!” Ren said, cheerfully patting my back Why did it feel different when it was Ren complimenting me then when it was Kuro? My heart didn’t speed up like this when it was Ren complimenting me. Kuro’s searching gaze made me too nervous ,so I look away. At that moment Jordan’s head poked out of the kitchen.

“That punk’s here and he’s with Ren chan.” He said.

“I’m coming!” Amy said, she sounded cheerful as always.

“I won’t be staying for too long.” Ren said.

“You can at least stay for a snack right?” She asked, the okama nodded with a smile. “Ah, you’re dressed like a boy today; it suits you too!” She noticed.

“Yeah, I was going to the restaurant with my parents.” He explained.

“How are you Yuukun? I know this isn’t like home, but I hope it makes you feel a little better.” She said with a worried pout. I smiled.

“Don’t worry, I come here so often it’s beginning to feel like a second home.” I said, her face brightening up.

“Then come, don’t be shy. I made some snacks.” She said, clapping her hands and we followed her into the kitchen. Ren stayed for a good part of the afternoon. I found it funny how Nomi always avoided talking to him; I wonder what’s going on between these two. He’s the only person Nomi doesn’t get hyper around. We ended up playing Risk; it was a fun game.

Some family came by for the Christmas supper. Kuro’s grandparents were there as well as Amy’s aunt, two of her cousins and her brother. Now Kuro’s parents, Lyne and Ronald were some nice folks. They both spoke French but could manage English pretty well.

Also, they both still looked pretty active. Amy looked a lot like Ronald with her blue eyes; Nomi also held a resemblance to him. The old man was funny, quick with a joke and very jolly. Even at his age he was practicing karate. Same with Lyne. Her face resembled Amy’s and the kids, but her skin tone was darker and she had brown eyes. Amy’s brother looked like her. Dark eyes and hair, and even though he was younger than Amy he was quite a handful. Let’s just say he had a lot of energy to spare and quite set on teasing me as much as he could.

Also, Amy’s parents were quite the drinkers. The whole bunch were a fun gang to drink with! I could converse with them easily since we could speak about karate or about Japan. Amy shook her head at this, saying something along the lines of ‘still all about karate.’ Suggesting that her parents had been into that for a while now.

I didn’t feel like my idea of a gift was so bad after all. Kuro took it in his hand and looked at the cap for a moment before a small smile appeared on his lips. Not the same melancholy smile like I first saw, but a content and peaceful smile. When he saw the cap he instantly understood what I thought behind it. For a moment, we just looked at each other, smiling.

“What’s up with you?” Asked Kuro’s mom, since we suddenly became very lost in our moment, then she turned to look at her son and gasp.

“Kuro you’re smiling!” She explained in disbelief. His whole family was now fussing around us. Apparently, they had not seen the boy’s smile for a year! I felt myself warm up inside. I felt touched that his smile was just for me. It’s the second time too. I wonder what kept the boy from smiling more. I felt privileged.

By the time the guests were gone, if I wasn’t drunk I was pretty damn close. It was a comfortable kind of drunk too; not the kind that will make me sick tomorrow morning. I let myself fall lazily on Kuro’s double bed with a happy sigh. I rubbed my belly, it’s nice and full, it makes me think that Christmas is not so bad. I got to eat so much good food! For a long moment I lay on my back with my eyes closed. I’m tired from the last two days but I enjoyed myself a lot. I never thought I’d enjoy myself so much in a family environment. In Japan, we didn’t celebrate these holidays that much. I did have something similar to a family but it wasn’t that warm. It was in an environment where I always had to watch my back.

I opened my eyes to see Kuro walking around the room. I rolled on to my side to follow him with my eyes. His back was facing me as he changed. He kept his underwear on and slipped on a black loose sweater to sleep. Unlike him I only sleep in my underwear. It’s warm enough under the covers, especially if we sleep in the same bed, but I think he gets cold easier than I do. At school he often wears his sweater over his uniform jacket.

He sits on the edge of the bed but he doesn’t say anything even though I’m laying across the bed. I finally decide to get up and remove my clothes before I lay down on the right side of the bed. I sneak in under the blankets but I don’t say anything either. After our fight the other day it’s still uncomfortable between us. He doesn’t talk to me unless he has to and I won’t apologize. It seems like we’re both waiting for the other to drop their pride and confront the problem.

Well, he was the one that told me to mind my own business so he’s the one that should apologize! Without saying a word, I lay facing away from him as he shuts the lights off. We lay in the dark just listening to the other’s breathing. I can’t get to sleep; I feel uneasy when something is not right between us. I don’t think he’s sleeping either. I try to think about something other than the fight we had, like how he smiled at me this evening as he received my gift. This time his smile was a happy smile rather than a melancholy one. My heart flutters just thinking about it!

When I finally doze off with his smile in my mind, my sleep is not as peaceful as I would have liked. I can’t keep my body from tossing restlessly or the fear that crept up my chest. The place I see in my dream is cold and dark; it doesn’t feel safe, it’s as if I wasn’t laying next to Kuro anymore. I’m overwhelmed by fear and my sleep is plagued by nightmares. Just like when I used to be a kid my trembling body curled up on itself as if to protect myself from my imaginary monster. I just want to make myself as small as possible!

If I would have been awake, I would have been ashamed to be so weak in front of Kuro. I would be ashamed to be whimpering and sobbing like a child. As my nightmare progressed, my tremor only grew stronger and I failed to cover my screams. Nomi would have probably been able to hear from the next room. My body tensed up when I felt a hand on my back. I almost screamed. I was just about to slap it away, when even in my dreams I identifed the touch as soothing and comforting.

“Yuuri.” He murmured gently. He’s really close since I can feel his breath on my ear. My eyes snapped open as I recognized Kuro’s voice. His calm voice that pulled me out of my dream.

“Kuro!” I exclaimed breathlessly. Even though my eyes were open, I still felt like I’m lost in my nightmare; the fear didn’t subside in the least. I was drenched in a cold sweat, curled up on my side and hugging my arms with so much force they were becoming numb. Since I was laying with my back to Kuro, he couldn’t see the crystal tears running down my face.

“Yuuri,” He murmurs again, this time a shaky hand reaches into my hair. Long fingers were running through my scalp in a comforting manner. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in order to regain control over my body. I didn’t succeed; I shook even more and a little sob escaped my lips. I’m so pathetic! I can’t believe that at my age I’m reduced to crying like that in front of him.

“Turn around Yuuri.” He said gently. I clasped my hands over my ears and shook my head frantically.

“It’s fine, it was just a dream. Go back to sleep.” I managed to choke out but my voice was weak and racked with sobs, I wondered if he even understood anything. I hadn’t realised I had slipped back into Japanese. It had been a really long time since I used my native tongue, but it was still what was most natural for me.

“It’s not fine.” He said putting a hand on top of my clenched fist. His own hand was trembling slightly; he’s especially sensitive to other people’s emotions so I can’t imagine how scared he must be as he sees me in this state. He’s the only person I’m not able to lie to.

“I can take care of myself.” I barked. I took care of myself before. I’ve curled up on myself until morning before. I can tough this out as well. But my fist unconsciously loosened under his large hand and I slowly allowed him to guide me into a sitting position. We sat face to face on the bed and just when I thought I regained some kind of composure, I saw his concerned eyes on me. My fear only came back tenfold. I all but threw myself in his awaiting arms.

He didn’t say anything as I clung to the cotton of his shirt and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He didn’t say anything but wrapped his arm around my back and used the other one to hold the back of my head again himself. I felt how tense he was through the tight hold he had on me. He laid his chin on my shoulder and began to rock me gently, whispering comforting words in my ear.

The worst part about this stupid dream was that although the fear seemed so real I can never remember anything from it except for Haruka sama’s smiling face in my mind. Haruka sama was with me one morning and just like that we were grieving his loss. No one quite knew what happened to him and I felt that if I could remember this stupid dream I could find out what really happened to him.

“I can’t remember, why can’t I remember?” I sobbed almost begging Kuro.

“Shh, don’t hurt yourself Yuuri. You don’t have to remember. It’s fine; it’s safe here.” He said squeezing me even tighter.

“So many people were hurt by this, so why can’t I remember?” I asked.

“You don’t have to remember. Just stay right here with me and I’ll keep you safe.” He said. This time he is really getting to me. The Japanese he spoke was a little broken but he seemed to know the language quite well. It was comforting to hear it in my own language. I clung to him for the longest time, for me it’s as if time had stopped. Even when my crying subsided I still hung to him. Just as if I was scared he would leave me.

By the time I was able to pull away from his warm embrace I could already see the sun rising behind the houses. I slowly pulled away from him and sat crossed legged in from of him. He picked up a corner of a blanket and wiped away the stains on my face left by the long since dried tears.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked, his hand lingering on my face longer than needed, but I just leaned into his touch. I nodded silently. My trembling had stopped and my chest didn’t feel as heavy anymore. Kuro was right; I shouldn’t try to remember anymore. Trying to find out what happened to Haruka sama was only bringing me these awful dreams. If I forgot about it there must be a good reason behind it. The life I had in Japan is over; I should just put it behind me and start over here. I’ve got plenty of people that care for me here and I care for them back. This should become my new life, a safe life with Kuro and Kishimoto and all my other friends. A life that won’t put me on edge as much. Besides, I should be dead to those who knew me in Japan. I yawned loudly, it was almost morning and we didn’t get that much sleep.

“Try to sleep a little.” He said pulling me against him. I didn’t resist and let him guide me in a lying position. My head was lying on his chest and he patted my hair tenderly. I kept my arms around him and dozed off into a calm sleep with no dreams. When I woke up again the sun should have been high in the sky, but it was too cloudy to see it. It looked as though it might snow soon.

I groaned and shifted in an attempt to find some heat. I snuck under a pile of covers. When did it get so cold? With Kuro there I barely needed any blankets. Where did he go anyway? I opened a lazy eye to realise he’s not it the room anymore. He must have gotten up already. I rolled around to form a cocoon with the mass of blankets. If I listened to myself, I could stay here all day. I glanced at his clock; it’s already almost noon. I dozed off for a little while but no more than ten minutes later I’m stirred awake again by Kuro walking into the room.

Seems like he just came out of the shower since his hair was dripping and he’s dressed only in a long plaid shirt. He still has his towel around his shoulders to catch any of the dripping water. Without a sound he dropped his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Then he sat on the edge of the bed, right by my head.

“Did I wake you up?” He asked. I noticed his voice was a little softer than usual; he must be very tired. The dark rings under his eyes were more pronounced than usual; my guess is that he hadn’t slept at all.

“You didn’t sleep did you?” I asked, putting a hand on his cheek. I tilt his head gently to get a better look at his face. He didn’t reply and barely reacted. “Is there something bothering you? You can tell me you know.” I said.

“Are you hungry?” He asked looking away, something was obviously bothering him; he was avoiding the question.

“Yeah.” I said with a sigh. I knew I couldn’t force the answer out of him and getting angry would only make it worse.

“It’s fine, it’s about time I woke up anyways.” I said with a yawn. We headed downstairs.He started looking through the fridge. I watched him silently, biting my bottom lip, I didn’t quite know what to say. His movements were sluggish, almost as if he were pushing himself to keep moving. He looked too tired, but I couldn’t do anything. With the way he answered me earlier I could tell he really didn’t want to talk about it.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked. I wanted to ask that about him.

“I…” I started, I couldn’t believe Kuro saw me like that last night; I always try to hide emotions like that. But where did it get me the first time? I thought, as I pressed a hand against my wrist. “It’s… I don’t have dreams like that as often as I used too.” I said hoping this would reassure him.

“I’ve seen, and lived things, back in Japan that no one should have to in their lives.” I said slowly, looking away when he turned to look at me.

“Yuuri,” He said softy.

“I told you, it’s better now. Ever since I started living here and I met you guys, I feel safe here.” I said gripping the side of the table. I could feel his concerned gaze on me.

“You’re strong Yuuri.” He said.

“Don’t say that; you saw how pathetic I was.” I said. He was standing in front of me and I was looking down at his bare feet. “You know I tried to kill myself.” I added shakily.

“But you still smile and you get angry, you care for people and you let them care for you. You’re not dead inside.” He said. I looked up at him. How is it that he always says the things I want to hear?

“I don’t feel like I have the right to be sad; I’ve seen so many people who had it much harder than I did. After all, I wasn’t alone. After all they did for me, I had no reason to want to die.” I said bowing in shame. Kuro gets a little closer so my forehead is pressed against his shirt.

“You can’t help how you felt back then, seems like you’ve been through a lot.” He said placing his hands on my shoulders joining at the back of my neck.

“When I tried to kill myself I thought about this place. Haruka sama told me about this country, with a long winter but when the spring came along everything was brought to life again. I wanted to see it, that’s why I stopped. I wanted to see it, the country Haruka sama talked about.” I said, letting my head rest against his chest. I took a shaky breath.

“That person?” Kuro asked? He was shaking slightly.

“Haruka sama? He was great, he was a yakuza leader with fiery red hair.” I said looking up, I can’t help getting excited when I talk about Haruka sama. He was somewhat of my childhood hero. “Even though I was nothing more than a stray, he was caring towards me and even allowed me to sleep on his lap. He was gentle and caring for a yakuza boss but he had an aura that made everybody respect him!” I said. Kuro cocked his head to the side slightly, he seemed reassured that I was back to my usual self. He sighed deeply before taking his hands off my shoulders.

“Thank God you had someone like that.” He said, sounding relieved. “Do you mind having leftovers from last night?” He asked.

“No, I don’t, what we had last night was delicious.” I said with a smile. Turkey, ham, salads, bread, cheese; there was everything I could dream of having, it was really a feast! He pulled out a plate with turkey on it and I frowned, the plate was shaking in his hand. I quickly stood up and grabbed his wrist, I could feel his whole body trembling, it didn’t seem to be from the cold but from pure exhaustion.

“Go sit down, I’ll do it.” I commanded. He looked up at me in question.

“You don’t have to, you’re a guest after all.” He said. He was being very obstinate, like usual.

“Kuro, I’m here almost as often as I’m at my place so I’m practically not a guest anymore. Let me work for my food.” I said with a laugh but I didn’t find this funny at all; the colour on his face was not reassuring at all.

“Alright.” He said finally giving up and sitting down with a sigh. He pressed a hand against his temple. I’m getting worried. He had to stay up with me all night; it’s my fault he couldn’t sleep at all. When I put the food down on the table he ate with his usual appetite, and by that I meant filling that black hole of a stomach of his. Even I couldn’t eat as much as him. He finally laid his head against the table and sighed.

“Too full.” He said.

“Moron, do you really need to eat until you feel sick?” I asked in half anger. He just groaned.

“But it was good.” He argued.

“Is your mom gone?” I asked.

“Yeah, she’s gone to Hawkesbury with Nomi. She came to my room earlier and saw that we were nowhere near going out, so I told her I’d stay here with you.” He explained.

“It doesn’t look like we’ll have good weather today.” I noticed.

“You work at five, right?” He asked. I nodded.

“I don’t think anybody will hold it against us if we just chill today.” I said.

“You got your guitar right?” He asked.

“Want me to play?” I asked. He nodded. “Let’s go up to your room then.” I said.

“I’ll make some tea and I’ll join you.” He said.

“Sure.” I said sending another glance at him, I headed up. I wanted to offer him some help but that would sound a little odd since he’s just making tea but still. I tuned my guitar, played a little while I waited. I found that he took a lot of time to come back and I was debating if it was just me being paranoid. When he came in with two mugs I quickly stood up to grab them from his shaking hands.

“Kuro, you look awful. Are you alright?” I asked. He looked worse than a few moments ago in the kitchen; he looked slightly breathless too.

“I’m fine.” He said.

“That’s enough, I don’t buy that.” I said glaring severely at him. He grabbed his cup from my hand and sat by his short table. So he was just going to be stubborn. I stomped all the way to the table and sat in front of him angrily slamming my cup. “Why can’t you be a little more honest with me, or with yourself!” I shouted.

“I told you it’s fine.” He said coldly. He refused to meet my eyes. He sipped at his tea slowly.

“Kuro!” I growled, but what could I say. He seemed so dead set on not telling me what’s going on. But why, didn’t he trust me? I just glared at him when I took a sip of my own tea. My eyes widened, it wasn’t the usual green tea that Kuro serves me. This was only hot water with lemon, honey and… the strong taste of vodka. “You should lay down if you’re feeling sick, your stomach hurts right?” I asked. His eyes widened a little.

“How did you know?” He asked finally looking up at me.

“That’s the drink Ohba made for you when your stomach was hurting really bad.” I said. He blushed a little at this.

“Did he tell you this?” He asked playing with the rim of his cup.

“Yeah, the other night while I was staying over at his place.” I explained.

“Senpai would always do this for me.” Kuro said sipping at his drink.

“Are you in pain right now?” I asked biting my bottom lip.

“It’s not that bad right now; it’s going to be better when I finish this.” He said. That at least seemed honest.

“Kuro,” I paused, I grabbed the side of the table with shaky hands. “Are you ill?” I finally asked.

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The tittle for this chapter struck at about two in the morning while I was righting essays and partly drunk, how lovely. Other than that, I'm sorry for cliff hanger-ing you guys to the other hand of the universe! This chapter was getting long and the next one not quite long enough and it might have been another drunkness induced decision. Again sorry guys but I do promise that the next chapter will start with want you guys have been wanting to hear for the what? last six chapter? Don't hate me too much!

Now wish me good luck, I need to go back on writing my essays. It will probably take more determination than luck. I've got three of them for next week! And like I said I'll try not to make the next update lag to much cause I have a feeling that you guys will find my house in the middle of nowhere in the country of Canada to murder me in the middle of the nice. Or at least shake me and harass me until I spite the answers out!

Anyhow, until next weekend- Love Clolymy